ok Transformers fandom you need to educate yourselves about what “abuse” means because ya’ll use it to mean everything from systematic and purposeful degradation of worth, to “one time, this person hurt my feelings a lot”.
“An abuser doesn’t punish themselves for their mistakes, or constantly question and blame themselves when they are in an irrational state.“ ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME OF COURSE THEY DO. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NARCISSISM AND ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR OH MY GOD READ SOME FUCKING CASE STUDIES
And for the record? People who have been abused in the past can absolutely become abusers themselves. In fact it’s more likely.
- Using emotional manipulation to induce guilt in a partner over minor things
- Crippling fear of abandonment
- Reacting violently/irrationally when partner tries to leave, using blackmail and guilt to get them to stay
- Expressing regret when partner returns/forgives them, promising to be better, punishing themselves to such extremes that partner/friends feel they MUST step in to prevent further harm, thus ensuring that they won’t be left.
- “I wasn’t in control of my own actions and shouldn’t be held responsible for them... and anyway I apologized for them, so I don’t know why you’re still upset”
And the things is, this is not some kind of “cackling evilly while rubbing hands” kind of evil thing. This is a thing that normal people do. It’s wrong, and people need to be trained out of it, but engaging in those behaviors does not make a person aware of the dangers of them. People are not self-aware, generally. We don’t always realize when we’re engaging in destructive behavior, we don’t always realize that what we’re doing has consequences or what those may be. Most often what happens is that we react defensively to situations with whatever we can - and for people who are abusive and/or manipulative, that’s what they’re doing. They feel constantly backed into a corner, and they lash out irrationally with whatever gets them results, and damn the consequences.
So I’d appreciate it if 30-something-year-olds and whoever else should already know better could take a minute to absorb that, sit in their adult quiet corners, and behave like - oh my god - adults.
