#primarch post

hehe... this is all written from the perspective of a modern au, so it's much sillier + gentler.

good at + likes cooking

sang + vulkan + russ + khan + magnus.

i honestly think they're all really good at cooking, but they all have different things they like eating, of course. i can only imagine sang and russ like their steaks practically raw. i think magnus is also very good at cooking the largest variety of meals, since he's such a glutton for knowledge.

plus, imagine sang serving dinner in an apron? so cute~ or vulkan in a kiss the cook apron? he's the best...

good at + doesn't like cooking

perty + the twins + morty + fulgrim.

perty is, mechanically, able to do anything he wants to with utmost perfection. all the boys suffer from good at everything, but perty truly will learn and interact with anything (he learned xenos languages, y'know!) so i can only imagine he picked up cooking, but not out of a love or enjoyment.

the twins, i mean, having two pairs of hands that are perfectly in sync means they're good at it, even great, but i think they eat pretty horribly, because... like, in the modern au, i place them as teenagers in their last year of highschool or first years in college/university, so they're still in that eats like trash, still growing despite it phase.

if anything, they just mooch off their brothers and steal from the corner store.

for morty, i actually think he doesn't mind cooking if he was on his own, but since i like him having a delicate stomach (not as in he can't handle gore/violence/etc, just that he can only eat certain things + allergies) i think he struggles to enjoy cooking if he lives with his brothers, or anyone else, because cross contamination could upset his highly specific stomach.

fulgrim could cook whatever anyone requests, but he's constantly locked in that nothing i do is ever enough cycle, so i think even if he makes something for ferrus and gets a grunt and a thumbs up (equivalent to a standing ovation) he just despairs and suffers and crashes out internally.

okay at + likes cooking

angron + horus.

im gonna swerve and say angron likes and can cook, but he's not stunning or anything. i made a joke in private once how i think angron eats a lot of bulking food, but i also think he likes it because its something that takes all of his focus, so it helps with his chronic head pains/headaches (or however you wanna talk about the nails in a modern au)

horus, very similar. he's not amazing at cooking, but he can, and if he's ever on dinner duty (which, what a nightmare chore?) everyone is pretty okay with his dishes. i think, if he manages to drag himself out of his intense mental illnesses (depression, mild psychosis, whatever else you think he has) he could get really good at it, but... it's hard. very hard.

okay at + doesn't like cooking

dorn + ferrus.

similar to perty where he's mechanically incredibly proficient, but i think he's more focused on his own interests and professions rather than learning cooking/advancing his skills in cooking, and dorn has a specific diet he likes. bro is eating military rations even when given the chance to not, or cooking simple meals.

ferrus truly doesn't care. he's teased by fulgrim for not enjoying artistic pursuits, and cooking is creative in a lot of aspects. i think he eats a lot of sandwiches, or whatever fulgrim puts in front of him for a taste test. he eats deli meat sandwiches for lunch at his job, and then comes home to his brother serving him truffle + caviar salmon sashimi.

bad at + likes cooking

blonde white men shouldn't be allowed to cook (joke).

for guilliman, he's so stressed! so busy! so caught up in doing everything and handling everything, i barely think he has time to indulge in hobbies he actually likes and has been doing since a wee teenager, much less learning or practicing a new skill. the years where he had to cook for the boys were very short and limited, for everyones continued survival.

lion doesn't care. at all. he could survive off park fountain water and squirrels he caught in the trees. do not let him cook. do not.

bad at + doesn't like cooking

corvus + konrad.

corvus is my loser babygirl who burns water because he never practices (depression) and doesn't eat a lot anyways (also depression) bro eats a lot of toast and instant noodles at 4 am, or just raw cheese out of the fridge.

i love when the primarchs are a bit gross with their lovers. they aren’t human after all, so, sometimes they will be a bit gross or do some inhuman things.

for konrad, he’s… pretty nasty in canon, no? all i can picture is his lover has to be a bit cracked and gross themselves because healing power of love, sure, but, he’s canonly eaten childrens eyeballs (and some of his brothers have eaten human flesh as well, this isn’t me saying they aren’t also totally fucked) and i always picture getting with him to be super intense, and painful, and traumatizing. honestly, all the traitor boys, and some of the loyalists, could have moments of traumatizing their lovers though.

i can only picture him with a mouthful of blood, having messily ripped something apart for dinner, crouched over a corpse, teeth stripping meat from the bones with practiced brutality. it’s warm, warmer than anything he’s tasted in a while, and sweet. mortals are always sweet, like overripe fruit. there’s a step behind him, clumsy, unpracticed, and familiar, not intending to be heard or draw attention, but the primarch still lifts his head and looks at them. nothing really gets past him, or his brothers, sometimes to agonizing lengths.

that tiny little human hovers, frozen like an animal trembling in an accidentally stepped in, but not triggered, bear trap, too afraid to jump out for fear of it snapping shut around them. their breathing comes quick, and sharp, and konrad can smell the sourness of fear, and hunger. oh, yes, they also need to eat tonight.

he tilts his head at them, looking over wounds left by him, wounds left from living in his world, even shallowly, and knows that they really are struggling without his help. intentionally so, cruelly so, but, that’s what he wanted, codependency. no, for them to be dependent on him, surely.

the primarch straightens up from the hunched position, still crouched, and crooks a finger at them, the talons of his gauntlets wet with viscera, inviting them to step out of the trap. come here, listen to me, i demand it.

and they do, a twitchy, jerky step forward. he could cross the room easily, and far faster, but this is nice. this fills him with a deep seated pleasure, a pleasing squeeze low in him, and so curze waits for them to draw closer. they smell good, not clean, but human, and terrified, and somehow aroused. disgusting, his brain thinks, but he likes that just fine. he wonders if they can even smell it.

they get within arms reach, and his hand seizes their arm, wrenching them forward to look down at the… meat on the floor. it was something, once, but now it is a quickly cooling pile of meat and shattered bones, broken beyond any recognition. it’s steaming in the cool air, though, for a little longer, and his lover just stares at it with a blank expression.

the primarch almost coos at them and asks what’s wrong, wants to make them explain, in detail, how they feel staring at something that once shared their shape, but he just grips their chin, forces them to look up, and slots his gore caked mouth over theirs.

and dumps a mouthful of blood into their wanting, and eager mouth. choked, gurgling noises rise up, and they grasp his wrist with both hands, tugging to absolutely no avail. they shouldn’t even try, but it’s nice to see something kick back, at little. he keeps them there, kissing for a few seconds longer, pleased at their twitching, hammering heartbeat, and finally pulls away, forcing their mouth shut, covering their nose.

he is so close that strings of saliva could still connect them if not for his hand. another time, maybe, but konrad finally speaks, voice wet, and low, and demanding.

swallow.

awh, this is cute lol~ you can always ask about primarchs, or nudge me with something you’d like to discuss/see my thoughts on with them, or even just dm me questions. i love all the primarchs at least a little (yes… even khan and russ…) but i do tend to think about sanguinius, corvus, fulgrim the most, with morty, konrad, and the twins following them.

which, hm, 4 traitors to 2 loyalists.

overall, something i’ve been picking at the past few days has been if the boys didn’t end up in their respective planets/homeworlds and were instead raised together, by the emperor, coupled with how a lot of the boys are products of their environment, in many ways. this ask is a bit ramble-y, since it’s mostly me nailing down some thoughts.

oh 100%…

i always think morty is really into things like medical play, sweat, the smell of his mortal, syringes, bloodletting, things like that. while there can be cute, non-violent medical play, i think morty kinda gets divided.

because, well, he was a freedom fighter who rose up against people who abused others, and that was his mission even during the great crusade, to destroy tyrants like that, and to protect the weak.

but, some of his childhood and defining moments were being raised by someone who did abuse others, who did experiment and do heinous things, and he in part does that to his sons with his toxin hardening, and him offering them his special “drinks.” mortarion is like both his fathers in many ways, his adopted one and his genetic one.

one of my favorite sort of things is morty getting with a mortal who has an unnatural or innate resistance to toxins, or perhaps just has an excellent way of bouncing back, maybe from a mutation. so he experiments, and tests things on them, while also nursing them back to health afterwards in a sick, twisted expression of love.

is it healthy? not particularly.

is he sometimes put off by the way he’s acting, and ghosts them? yes.

does he still keep coming back to them? yes.

i always like to picture his lover giggling and absolutely drugged out of their mind, rambling about how much they love him while he leans over them and orders them to open their mouth, which they obediently do, before dumping a new toxin down their throat to test their reaction to it, greedily drinking in every reaction, be it hysteria, bleeding and coughing, attempted self harm, all of that.

how dare they deliver 19 hot men with various babygirl issues and traumas (and so many war crimes under their belts) and try to tell us they can’t fuck, but also give them deep characterization, and also love to emphasize how hot and attractive even the “ugly” ones are.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but even angron, who is probably tied with konrad for having the most marred appearance, has some gorgeous descriptions post nails:

'I want you to leave me alone, captain.’ Angron turned back to face her, his left eye twitching tightly closed in response to the spasms tugging at the corner of his lips. His unwilling smile bared one side of his implanted iron teeth. 'Shoot whatever you wish, but cease whining to me about it.'

Distance did nothing to steal any of the primarch's blunt, savage grandeur. He was a ruined, towering thing of pain-spasms and sutured flesh. Lotara had only ever seen two primarchs, but despite the legend that each was cast in the Emperor's image, Lorgar and Angron couldn't have looked less alike. The former had a face that belonged on antique coins, and a voice that made her think of warm honey. The latter was an angel's statue, desecrated by a hundred blades and left in the rain. Angron was ripped skin and roared oaths over a core of thick blood vessels and muscle meat.

Whatever aesthetic intention there'd been in his creation was long lost; time and war had seen to that. [Betrayer, 2012, pg. 45]

i do joke that ferrus is ugly, but he’s only “ugly” because he’s not classically beautiful like fulgrim, who he gets compared to the most, someone whos beauty is like a bolt of lightning through you, the type of appearance that takes your breath away and makes you realize that some people are built to be looked at, and adored, from every angle.

many of fulgrims good qualities/humanizing moments are ignored in favor of making the same three jokes about orgies, snakes, and "femboys."

don't get me worked up about how they should be making eel jokes since his first touch of corruption was on a planet with aquatic, eel-like creatures + he's TEN FUCKING FEET TALL-

but yes, he canonly did love his wives, for a while...

She nodded slowly. The primarchs were not human, she reminded herself. They were both more and less than that. But, like humans, they had their foibles. Fulgrim was arrogant, but it was an assumed arrogance. It was a mask he wore, a part he played. Soon enough, it might become the real thing. For now, it was simply another piece of armour. A way to protect himself from a galaxy all too quick to take advantage of his flaws. She smiled. 'My late husband - one of them, I forget which - had a saying. Forgiveness is unnecessary between friends.' Fulgrim chuckled. 'And are we friends then?' 'If you like.' She took a chance and patted his knee. Fulgrim laid his hand over hers. 'A wise man, your husband.' Fulgrim sat back. 'I was betrothed, once,' he continued idly. 'Several times, actually. Political marriages, of course. Made to seal binding agreements, or open negotiations with certain executive dynasties.' Pyke didn't reply. His tone had become sombre. A rare thing, for Fulgrim. The Phoenician seemed to always be smiling, laughing at some joke only he understood. But now, he seemed tired. He rubbed his face. 'I outlived them all, one way or another.' 'Did you love them?' Fulgrim smiled slowly. 'Some. I think. At first. After a time, I stopped. Love was a weakness I could ill afford in those days. A billion lives rested on my shoulders, and any hesitation on my part would have doomed them all irrevocably.' He laughed softly. 'Or so I told myself then.' 'And now?' 'Now, I know it would have. There is no room for weakness in this galaxy. No room for imperfection.' He set the cup aside and grimaced. (Fulgrim: The Palatine Phoenix, 2017)

of course, i think there is also something to be said about how while capable of love, it would be interesting, and horrifying, if the emperor just never allowed the primarchs proper ways to blow off steam except for violence, in order to steer them more towards the great crusade.

Corvus mimicking the emperor: uh yes my children can have a tub of ice cream each before bed and dont need to attend lessons for the week

OHHHHH MY GOSH…

sanguinius standing with corvus on his shoulders so the voice sounds like it’s coming from a bit higher up than their usual height, both of them with cheeky little grins while horus smothers his giggles while looking at them.

or corvus getting konrad in trouble for breaking one of his toys via mimicking his voice saying swears, meanwhile it was actually the twins that broke it (via arguing over who gets to play with it) but, fulgrim probably notices and reams corvus out for it.

or he does that awful shitty little kid thing where he repeats guillimans argument back to him in a nasally, higher pitched version of guillimans own voice, while vulkan laughs silently before trying to calm guilliman down, the little blueberry getting all huffy and turning to tell an attendant or guardian.

it’s sooooo cute, he’s just a bit mortified whenever he’s not the Raspy (Totally Sexy) Grumpy and Intimidating Raven Lord, and instead the cute raven that lets out warbles and tries to feed and gift his lover food/things they like, complete with trilling and preening.

but if his lover reaches for him that night and compliments on this type of behaviour, i think he turns a very deep pink/red, those big void eyes looking away, and presses their hands firmly against his cheeks. it’s, i… he doesn’t mean to do it, it just feels good to do it, even if it’s embarrassing. some worthless quirk Big Emps implanted in him, or a mutation, or something.

and yet they just giggle and wiggle their hands out of his to stroke his hair, talking about how much they like his trilling and sometimes undignified warbly noises, and corvus sort of. relaxes. they’re in private, it’s dark, nobody can see or hear them, so he tilts and hunches down for easier access, and starts letting out pleased little trills and noises at the caring touches.

he locks in the next time to show off, and his lover just smiles at him, but gives him lots of compliments and physical touches when they’re in private and alone, much to the delight of his birdlike qualities. maybe he even starts reaching out to preen them too, even if they can’t replicate his trilling one to one, surely they can make similar noises.