#prettytownrpg

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ACCESSIBILITY :

the very first suggestion i have to make here is — call a plot, a plot. calling it a preface really only confuses people. my first instinct as i look at any rp is to look for the plot/the about, and, for a moment, i was stranded, trying to find out where it was located. in general, i would advise you to pick link titles that are as simple and self-explanatory as possible (’preface’ can be plot, for example and ‘plot essentials’ can be ‘the world of pretty town’ or ‘background info’ or something else). 

also, I believe that the PREFACE & PLOT ESSENTIALS should be next to each other. Right now, you have them in the same section, but a few links apart. This doesn’t make sense logically to me. if i had to change it, it would go preface > plot essentials > laws > …etc.

I advise that you format all your links the same way in your Navigation page. some of them have all words capitalized and some only have the first. I would personally prefer to see every word capitalized, but i think consistency is the best here (ex. Plot Essentials; App Form & Submit;  Accepted Applications)

as a whole though, i think the theme fits with the atmosphere of your rp, that you’ve included the right links and that everything is fairly accessible. good job!

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PLOT:

—– SIDEBAR PLOT DESCRIPTIONS

can you break free? is SUCH a good attention-grabber. I also really enjoy that there is an OOC description of the plot in the sidebar as it always helps me understand what type of RP this is. .

however, i’m not too keen on the 2 descriptions surrounding the plots. for example, the description beginning with ‘Pretty Town…’ has quite a few grammatical errors in it and is awkwardly phrased, while the description beginning with ‘in a world…’ is a run-on sentence. in my opinion, these two blurbs are the most important things that should be changed in your entire rp. 

as they are, they confuse me and really do send me the message that this rp worked on a little hastily, which i know is not the case. i want your front page to reflect the hard work and effort put into this rp and, thus, i want to see something a little more intriguing, better put together and more fleshed-out. I am not saying that it is better or that your writing is not Amazing (bc I firmly believe that it is), but I want to address the problems i see.

i’ve taken the liberty of revising both of them (using your words) so that they make more sense to me, so they feel more cohesive and a tad bit more dramatic. 

i. 

Pretty Town is a city full of young adults caught up in the hype of fitting in with the popular cliques, playing pranks on unsuspecting people, and attending the absolutely legendary parties. There’s always something to do and something to catch your eye, whether it be flashing tattoos or new party outfits. But most importantly, there’s no reason to wonder what goes on outside the city’s borders.

ii. 

In a world where looking average is considered being ugly, you’ve spent your whole life dreaming of turning eighteen and finally being old enough to get the surgery that will turn you into one of the ‘Pretties’.  

At first glance, life is just one big party here in Pretty Town. But is it really all it seems? As the dark secrets about the surgery and about what goes on beyond the city’s borders threaten to come to the surface, everyone is forced to face the ugly truth. 

PRETTYTOWN is a dystopian AU skeleton roleplay based on Scott Westerfeld’s Uglies series.

* I like seeing the name of RPs be stylized differently (all in CAPS, because it marks that this is the name of the RP and not just some random noun)

if you want to use any of my revisions in any way, feel free to take them. i would prefer a message saying that you have, but it is not necessary. 

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—– PREFACE or PLOT

I mentioned before that you should change all mentions of PREFACE to PLOT and I stand by that. 

Most importantly though, it seems like it has even confused you. Your link is broken as it redirects to /preface, when the actual thing is on /plot. 

Much like your sidebar blurbs, I’m not completely sold on the plot. It is a lot of exposition and it can be hard-to-read at times. To fix this, I would erase the exact descriptions of the Surge, where everyone lives and more. This is a general plot and including all these descriptions can just make things more convoluted than they need to be. As a whole though, I like this page a lot better than the plot blurbs on the sidebar. If you would like additional advice on how I would change this plot, please get back in contact with me and I’ll happily explain.

I’ve just noticed that you’ve included links within the plot description. I would have never known had I not copied and pasted the text of your plot into another page. If you’re going to include links in your Plot, you have to let people know that they are there– either by making them bold, italic or even changing the color. 

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AESTHETIC/GRAPHICS:.

—– GRAPHICS

I have nothing bad to say about your graphics. They’re cute and I like them a lot. They fit in nicely with your RP and I like the silhouette/not-quite-silhouette aspect of them. Good job!

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SKELETONS:.

Once again, the graphics are great. I love the diversity in your skeletons and, though none of the skeletons speak to me in particular, I think they are very clear and easy-to-read. Though they don’t really add to the skeleton, the quotes are fun and visually engaging, and each skeleton feels like its own unique character. 

If I had to change anything, I would move the positive and negative qualities below the bullet pointed bio, because it makes them stand out more and provides a good summary of what your expectations of the character are.

I did catch more than a few spelling and grammatical errors within the bios I looked at. For an example, I’m going to point out the errors in Dee’s bio. 

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MORE

I’m not a big fan of the tagline WHERE THE PRICE OF BEAUTY IS YOUR PERSONALITY AND EVERYTHING YOU ARE. it is very wordy and a little bit on the nose. i suggest ‘WHAT’S THE PRICE OF PRETTY’ or ‘HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO TO BE BEAUTIFUL?’ 

i like a question for this part, because it immediately grabs the viewer’s attention and makes them interested in what is going on.

Occasionally I will see information that doesn’t quite align. For example, you just answered an ask saying 19-26 is the preferred age range and, in another section of the rp, you say 18-24. This is not a big problem, but I want to warn you to be more consistent in the future. 

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GRAMMAR

i advise you to proofread your work. there are quite a few run-on sentences across your plot/bio…etc. that require a second reading before they really can be put together. 

here are some general grammar tips that i saw be a recurring issue:

+ the use of it’s instead of its. as a rule: if a possessive then it is its; if it’s a contraction (stands for it is) then use an apostrophe. i know that it’s confusing. however, just that simple change really does make things look so much more professional. 

+ capitalization must be standardized. it is highly recommended that you capitalize all slang/lingo, so people can identify it as such. for example, the surge is a specialized term for this rp and should be stylized as The Surge (same with Uglies, Pretties, Pretty Town, The Smoke…etc.)

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TLDR; what i would like to see changed

fix your link to the plot 

on your navigation (and everywhere else), change ‘Preface’ to ‘Plot’ and ‘Plot Essential’ to ‘The Universe’ or ‘More About Pretty Town’ or…etc. 

edit your plot(s) a bit so it can be more attention-grabbing, concise and easier to read

examples have been given and i will be happy to provide more. in general, leave out the detailed information to focus on more general concepts. this will entice potential applicants that are unfamiliar to the universe. 

i also suggested a change for your tagline (where the price of beauty…) but you do not have to take it

proofread your grammar

remove run-on sentences and check apostrophes to be in the correct places as it gives an air of professionalism to your rp

I really wanted to help you so that your rp experience can be the best it can be. there is no harm intended with any of my suggestions and i really do think you have the potential to have a cool place on your hands.

as a last note and reminder, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE ANY OF MY SUGGESTIONS. There is no ill-will from me to you. As always, this is not intended to be hate and I genuinely want the best for you guys. However, I am terminally cursed to be nitpicky. I’ve done my very best to make sure my advice is constructive, but please call me out if you find any of this offensive or crude.