#prettymuch fics

It wasn’t that they weren’t spending time together.  If anything they were spending more time with one another, but he couldn’t ignore how she never seemed to be fully with him.  He tried his best to put it to the back of his mind, convincing himself that he was just making things up.  

He’d asked once if she was okay and she assured him she was okay, just a little tired.  He’d smiled and nodded in reply but he could sense something was wrong.  He knew her too well not to.

Their anniversary had been the last time he’d felt like she was fully with him.  Zion had booked them a weekend away, a short road trip a couple hours north of the city with hopes it would properly reconnect them.  

She’d gifted him with a key to her place and explained that it was somewhat of a promise that sooner, rather than later, they’d be living together as they’d talked of several times before.  Till then, she wanted him to feel as if he could come over whenever and feel at home.  She was quick to note that her roommates were more than okay with it and had encouraged her when she’d brought it up to them.

For the first time in months, she joined him and had a drink or two to celebrate them.  They made love as if it was their first time all over again.  He felt as if he’d poured all his love over her and she gave him the same love back, seeming the happiest she had in a little.  

When he’d laid next to her that night, she was quick to climb on top of him.  She kissed all over his torso, she loved him, she said over and over again, she loved him so much.

The following week after they’d gotten back was when everything felt like it had gone back to normal.  It was as if they were in a bubble, floating on cloud 9, completely separated from the realities of the world around them.  They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other and with it finally being fully out on social media, all Zion wanted to do was share photos of her.

He wished it could’ve stayed that way forever.  He even asked a shooting star to help make that happen.  But it didn’t.

Within a week, she seemed to close off to him, her mind and heart always seeming to be elsewhere when they were together.  Simba had picked up on it and was again choosing to lie with his head in her lap over Zion’s.  He’d been more protective and cuddly of Meliae over the past few months and Zion had observed, even googling to see why.

Determined to fix things, Zion did the only thing he could think to do.  He spent the day putting together a care package of everything he knew could help her feel better.  He went out and found all her favourite skincare products, her favourite wine, and all her favourite snacks.  He even made the trip halfway across town to her favourite Chinese bakery.  She loved the food and the people who worked there dearly, but between work and all she was silently going through she hadn’t been able to get there for a while. 

He'd picked the perfect night to plan a self-care date, even if it was a Thursday.  Meliae’s roommates were both going to be out for the entire evening attending a production someone they were friends with had put together.  She and Zion were going the following week and to stop any spoilers, they’d agreed to not speak once they arrived home.

Entering Meliae’s place without her was unsettling for Zion.  It was the first time he was using the key she’d given him the month prior and though he knew it wouldn’t be the last, a small part of him implied it.  No one else was home, the absence of the pink hue of the opposite hallway of Meliae’s room told him so.  It was a perfect situation.  He could do what he needed without the surprise being spoilt.

He was impressed with how he’d set everything up.  The vibe of the room was exactly what he wanted it to be and just standing back, looking over it, he felt serene.  The scent of lavender mixed with the gentle lighting her fairy lights and afternoon sun created a wonderful safe place that Zion just knew Meliae would love.

Right as he was sitting down in her office chair, his phone screen lit up with a text notification from her.  Her plans for the evening were to watch a movie in bed and she promised to call him once she got home, a kissy face her signature sign off.  

He was ready just in time, he realised, but his nerves were growing with each passing moment.  He was excited to see her, forever missing his girl but what-ifs swirled his mind as he read over her text again.  He knew he was being silly, that there was nothing to fear, but that didn’t exactly silence those thoughts.  Knowing himself, he set off to the bathroom to take a leak and splash some water in his face.

Ever since Zion had started staying over at the beginning of their relationship, Meliae had kept towels out for him to use.  He didn’t think to check and see if they were there until he was reaching for one, only to find it was not there.  He swore quietly as he ducked down to open the cabinet under the sink, dripping water on himself.

It was folded neatly along with his other things sitting under a label of his name.  He smiled fondly at it, remembering back to their first argument.  He’d asked why he’d need to put his name there as if anyone else was going to use her bathroom or his things.  She’d insisted, however, telling him that he was right that no one else was likely to be using her bathroom, but it was a precaution.  

He began to stand up before he’d fully pulled out the towel and that was his first mistake.  He somehow managed to knock down several things along his shelf and some spilt out onto the tile fall, the loud clatter making him cringe.  He patted his face dry and hung up his towel where it rightfully belonged, only after did he crotch down to pick up the mess he’d made.

Three white sticks he’d be able to identify anywhere laid face down on the tiles along with the shaving cream he kept at hers.  It was as if his world stopped at the sight of them, barely able to breathe as his body plopped down on the ground, his legs too weak for him to crotch.  He stared at them with a blank mind, trying to make sense of what he was looking at.

No part of him could bring himself to pick them up and look properly.  Instead, he felt the urge to look in her cabinet.  He wasn’t surprised to see several more in a slightly scattered pile at the very back.  He figured she’d hid them there knowing he never looked when he got stuff out, just reached and grabbed blindly.

He picked the three off the tiles and without looking he already knew what they said.  Slowly, he got back to his feet, his heart pounding in his ears as he made his way back to her room.  He was like a zombie, perched on the edge of her bed just staring at the wall, his thoughts wordless but deafeningly loud.

He gave himself a few moments before he turned them over in his hands and looked down at them.  The first two had two very prominent lines in the oval but the third was digital.  Never had a singular word meant so much to him.  A choked laugh fell from his lips as he grinned down at what he knew had just completely changed his life.

A year ago, the same word would’ve had him running for the hills.  It was a terrifying change and of course, he was scared, but there was an overwhelming warmth and happiness that accompanied those emotions and completely overpowered them.  Hot tears rolled down his cheeks as he again laughed, saying the word aloud as if to confirm it to himself and the universe that this was real. 

The sound of the front door closing brought him back down from the floating man he’d become.  He stood as he wiped at his cheeks, sniffing as he checked over himself in the mirror.  He was nervous again, a new wave of what-ifs hit right as Meliae pushed open her door with furrowed eyebrows.

Her closed door, Zion realised as she saw him, was a tip of his arrival.  All the same, her breath caught in her throat when she saw him, her bag dropping to the ground as she said his name.  She was happily surprised and giggled as her eyes scanned over her room at what he’d set up.

“Baby,” she said when she turned back to him with tears in her eyes as she pouted, “I love you so much.”  Her voice was more of a whisper, her bottom lip catching between her teeth as she looked up at him.  

He couldn’t speak.  Mostly because he knew if he did he would cry.  So he stood there, smiling at her as if she was the only thing in the world.  She took a few steps towards him, a tear falling down her cheek as she mirrored his love.

She stopped when her eyes trailed down his body to his right hand.  Her demeanour completely changed in a matter of moments at the sight of the three sticks he held.  It was almost unsettling how quickly her happiness disappeared, her arms crossing over her diaphragm.  

“You found them.”

“It was by accident,” he began to explain as he stepped closer to her, his eyebrows furrowed.  She didn’t look away from his hand almost as if she couldn’t, not even when he was only a few steps in front of her.  “I pulled out my towel and they-”

“-it’s okay Zi, I believe you.”  Her voice was airy in a way he’d never heard before and sent a shiver down his spine that made him straighten his posture.

He waited for her to look up at him for a few moments until it was clear she wasn’t going to.  He needed her too.  He couldn’t gauge how she was reacting.  He could barely gauge how he was reacting.  All he knew was that this was not how he expected things to go and it caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand. 

“Look at me,” his tone was quiet and kind but only seemed to make things worse.

She shook her head, “I can’t.”

“Baby,” he pressed his lips to the top of her head.  He closed his eyes as she let a sob escape her, “look at me.”

She shook her head again, “I can’t Zion.”

She was barely able to speak now.  Her voice was shaky and a stutter he’d never known echoed as she repeated that she couldn’t.  He could feel his heartbreaking with each word she spoke, the air cold around them.  He was trying his best not to cry, using every part of him to hold them together.

“Baby please,” his voice broke, “everything’s okay, I’m not upset with you.”  

She took a deep breath and blew it out in a shaky stream before she finally lifted her eyes to meet his.  Her cheeks were wet and fresh tears rolling down them when she tried to give him a small smile.  Her mind had gone from running a million miles a minute to a complete standstill.  Zion was the only thing that mattered but how could she protect him now?

She closed her eyes when he pressed another kiss to her forehead.  She took another deep breath as he cupped her face with his left hand and closed the gap between them.  Meliae gripped at the material of his shirt and their foreheads rested against one another.

“I know we haven’t been together that long but a baby’s not a bad thing.  I love you and I already want to spend the rest of my life with you-”

“-I’m not pregnant, Zion,” she cut off his blabbering in tears, her hands slipping under his shirt to rub his sides.

“Oh,” he said slowly, his lips pressing to her forehead as he tried to make sense of what was being said.

He quite suddenly lost all feeling of his body.   His chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace as his heartbeat rang throughout his entire body.  Meliae noticed what was happening before he did and guided him to sit down on the edge of her bed.  She tried to get him to steady his breathing but he wasn’t having it.

Somehow, his mind was completely blank but running a mile a minute.  He wanted to say something, needed to but he could barely make one thought make sense.  What he held in his hand still was what gave him something to say, he didn’t even realise he’d dropped them.

“But th-the tests?”

“They’re mine,” she said quietly as she nodded her head.  

“You gotta help me out here, M,” he said, looking up at her with pleading eyes.  She was crying silently but when he tried to bring her closer to him she stopped him.

“Fuck, okay,” she said quickly before turning to look away from him, patting the sides of her thighs as she often did when she was building up her confidence.  “They’re from a couple months ago.  I took one before we went back home and it was negative but I didn’t trust it.”

He nodded his head slowly, a few puzzle pieces clicking as he thought back.  “That’s why you didn’t drink while we were there.”  She agreed quickly.

“I took one or ten after I missed another period and you’ve found them, obviously.”

He smiled up at her and she just shook her head at him, chewing on her bottom lip as more tears fell from her eyes.  She rewrapped her arms as she tried to stop herself from crying anymore.  She could see the way he was feeling and it made it that much harder to speak.

This was exactly what Meliae had spent the last month or so trying to avoid.  At first, she’d wanted to tell him regardless of what happened.  But then the grieving started and endless nights of feeling guilty and un-womanly haunted her whenever she was left alone.  She was crying herself to sleep more than she wasn’t and she wanted to protect him from that.

She knew just how hard it would hit him and she wanted to protect him from that kind of heartbreak.  She was still going through it and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to see him in that kind of pain.  She’d seen him cry a few times and she never wanted to again and she really didn’t want to be the one who made him cry.  

She took another deep breath and looked across the room at the mini purple dolphin that sat on her windowsill as she tried to think of the words to speak.

“I had it all planned out, you know?” she gulped, swallowing the lump that was growing in her throat, “I wanted to tell you when you could sit down and process it all, I didn’t want to just spring it on you when you had enough stress already.  And I didn’t know for long, maybe two weeks at most.”  He nodded his head when she looked back to him, more tears falling as she took a deep shaky breath.

“Do you remember that night when Simba wouldn’t let you touch me?” Her voice broke with almost every word she spoke, her body losing itself as she moved to stand closer to him again.

“Yeah,” he nodded his head as another puzzle piece fit into place.  He’d been more protective, more cuddly with Meliae since they’d gotten back from the Big Island.  The night she was referring too was the only time Simba had ever been outrightly aggressive with Zion.  It now all made sense.

“I wasn’t exactly in pain but I was uncomfortable.  Cramps, you know?  The fun stuff.”

His eyes didn’t leave hers as she came to her knees in front of him, her hands shaking as they reached for his.  He clasped them between his own, pressing kisses to her fingertips.  She let silent tears fall down her cheeks and took another deep breath.

“I woke up early and there was blood, not a lot but I knew something wasn’t right,” she paused as Zion’s eyes closed.  He leant his forehead against their entwined hands and she let him take a few breaths before she kept talking.  “Then later there was more and Lacey took me to the hospital and I just.”

She was fully crying now, unable to finish her sentence.  He didn’t care, either way, he knew what she was going to say and chose to pull her into his lap instead.  She wrapped herself around him, feeling the smallest she ever had as she cried into his chest, apologising over and over again.

 “I wanted to tell you but I didn’t want you to hurt and I didn’t want it to be because of me.  I’m just so sorry, Z, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay M,” he whispered as he stroked his hand over her hair, “you did nothing wrong.”

She shook her head again, her words muffled as she held him that much tighter, her sobs only getting worse.

“I love you so much,” his words were broken and his eyes closed in an attempt to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.

There’s no saying how long they sat there, wrapped up in one another.  Meliae cried till she couldn’t anymore and Zion spoke nothing by sweet things to her.  His lips pressed feather-light kisses wherever he saw fit and each time he told her that he loved her, it was as if he never had before.  

To be in his arms and to have everything out in the open again was exactly what she needed.  For so long she’d felt undeserving of his love and affection and had curved a lot of it.  She just wanted to feel one with him again and it seemed as if he knew as she cried into him.  She’d wanted to feel safe and okay again and she always felt that in his arms. 

She unwrapped herself from around him and slipped off his lap once she felt as if she had nothing more to give of herself.  She kissed him gently, cupping his face in her hands as she told him she loved him with each kiss they shared.  Their eyes were both puffy and red but they managed to smile at one another and have it reach their souls.

“I have something I saved for you,” she whispered to him, leaving one last kiss on his nose before she crossed the room to her desk.  In its drawer, she pulled out a yellow envelope and handed it to him with glass eyes.

On the top left corner, she’d written ‘for zion’ and on the bottom right, she left a proper note: ‘my love for you is never-ending.  this doesn’t prove that, it’s just a tiny, strawberry-sized reminder’.

He opened it carefully and pulled out a set of 3 ultrasound photos and a hard drive he recognised from her bedside table.  He ignored it, for the time being, placing it on the bed beside him and directed all his attention to the scan.  

It was as if he held his world in his hands and he couldn't pull himself away from it.  They were perfect.  It was the only thing he could think as he stared at what was his first child.  They were barely a human, yet they filled him with such love, such warmth that it almost scared him.  He smiled and Meliae giggled a little as she swept his dreads out of his face.

“They were the size of a strawberry?” he asked, his eyes not leaving the scan.

She hummed and watched as his smile grew, “he was the size of a strawberry,” she confirmed.

He.

His heart took a minor dive at what she’d said and just for a moment, Zion stared up at Meliae, letting the warmth flood his chest.  He didn’t want to think past that moment.  All that mattered right then was that he was looking at his son, their son.  

“He was perfect.”  

It was so hard for him to say and it came out rather choked but he had to because he knew if he didn’t, he’d regret it.

“The drive has a video of the ultrasound and audio of his heartbeat,” Meliae explained, “I knew you’d want it but if you don’t now, I understand.”

“No, I want it,” he said quickly as he stood up, placing the sonogram on her bed.  

He stepped closer to Meliae and took her hands in his, bending down to kiss her.  “I brought all this stuff to help you feel better,” he spoke gently as their noses rubbed together in an Eskimo kiss, “I still have every intention of doing that, my love.”

She smiled weakly, “okay.”  Her tone mirrored his before she leant up to kiss him softly.

♡

Zion got home late that night to a silent household, just past two am.  He’d originally planned on spending the night at Meliae’s but after she’d fallen asleep beside him, he realised he needed to be in his own space.  He left her with a kiss on her forehead and a note explaining why.  

He spent their time together with a smile on his face and in high spirits as they practised self-care and watched one of her favourite movies.  He wanted their time together to be about her when he’d first planned everything out and after all that he’d found out, it was even more important that that night was spent with her wellbeing his top priority.  

Now that he was home alone, he felt exhausted.  He was barely able to gather the energy to walk from his car to his bed, he was just completely drained.  

As ways would have it, once he was in bed and comfortable, he couldn’t sleep.  His mind was elsewhere as he stared up at the ceiling, only able to think of the scan that was sitting on his desk.

He let himself get lost in the thought of their little boy.  If all had gone well, Meliae would’ve been 5 months in and in four months, he would’ve been physically with them.  He’d have Zion’s hair but Meliae’s smile and the most beautiful brown eyes.  

They’d lay with him fast asleep between them, simply admiring the little human their love had created.  No matter what, he’d always keep him safe and do whatever was needed for him to laugh.  He’d be completely wrapped around his finger and though Meliae would give him shit for it, he wouldn’t want it any other way.  

A split-second decision had Zion getting out of bed, turning his bedside lamp on and grabbing his laptop to take to his desk.  It couldn’t turn on fast enough as he sat at his chair, staring at the blank screen with his knee bouncing.  In his hand, he held the drive she’d given him, his brain replaying the moment she told him.

He was quick to plug the drive in once his laptop had loaded and turned the volume all the way up in anticipation.  His heart swelled in his chest as the video began and like a young child, he moved as close to the screen as he could.  He smiled through tears and laughed a little as he commented on their big head, “just like his daddy.”

He couldn’t identify much more than his head and limbs as the video went on but it all felt so important.  Towards the end of the video, audio began as they searched for a heartbeat.  That was what truly broke him, hearing his heartbeat for the very first time.

Meliae had told him that she’d made sure to get an extended audio recording of the heartbeat for him and though it had confused him at first, it was now obvious why.  Music was his outlet.  His craft where he expressed his true emotions whatever they might be.  The heartbeat to him was music and all he really wanted to do was sing to his son.

His guitar was kept handy to the right of his desk and after checking over some chord on his phone, he picked it up.  Small Bump was one of Meliae’s favourite Ed Sheeran songs.  She’d confessed it to him one night when neither of them could sleep and were just kind of aimlessly talking.  He’d never really thought much of it but now, it was the only song that felt right.

To begin with, it was easy to sing and play but eventually, his tears came in steady streams and made things harder.  He kept singing only pausing the few times he messed up the chords.  Though he’d cried most of the song, it was the final four lines that had him properly choked up.  He was barely able to get them out as he just let himself go. 

With his head in his hands, he sobbed.  He let his pain out and his anger disappear.  

“This is a part of life,” Meliae had said sadly to him when they’d first gotten into bed.  His hand rested on her belly as they cuddled, keeping her warm under his large hand.  “It sucks, but it’s just another part of life we all go through.”

He let it echo through his head as he cried.  He knew she’d said it to try and help him and that suggested it had helped her.  So he tried to get himself to say the words.  And he managed to choke them out, feeling as if Meliae was right there with him.

There was no reason why this happened, they both knew that.  But like most things that hurt in life, there didn’t need to be a reason for it.  

Simba joined Zion once he’d tucked himself back into bed.  They curled up together and when he checked his phone one last time before he let everything go for the night, he saw Meliae had texted him no more than 10 minutes prior.

i don’t think i said this but however you need to get through this, i’m gonna be right here for you.  i love you more than anything, z and there’s no one else i’d rather go through this with.  i got you baby.  always.

•••

Though now and then, there were times when you couldn’t help but be in your head.  You rarely ever brought him home and though he’d questioned it a couple times, you weren’t ready to have him in your bed.  The thought of being intimate with someone else in your bed always sent the worst kind of shivers down your spine.  

Zion had been with you when you bought it and he’d made it quite an event.  He knew you were nervous about committing to such a big purchase and did everything he could to make it easier for you, fun even.  He insisted you not only sat but lay down on all the beds to see if they were right for you.  It was difficult, to say the least, they were all comfortable and anywhere you laid with him felt right.  

The only reason you’d been so sure of picking your bed was that he’d told you he loved you for the first time while you were laying on it.  The sentimental part of you wasn’t ready to replace that memory with another man’s body.  Not yet.

This particular Saturday night had been mostly uneventful and in turn, you were struggling to fall asleep.  Your bed had never felt more uncomfortable than it did at that moment.

The phone call from Nick came sometime past 2 am.  It was all up to luck that you’d even heard it.  After breaking up with Zion, you’d gotten into the habit of leaving your phone on silent overnight to avoid his calls, not that you’d received many in recent weeks.  

You must’ve forgotten to put it on silent that night and you were somewhat thankful.  You knew if Nick was calling you that it’d be important.

“Is everything okay?” you asked after quickly answering the call.  You tried your best to fight off the thought that something bad had happened to Zion and the nauseating feeling it brought with it.  

“I know I’m not ‘posed to be calling you ma, but we’ve tried everythin’ and you’re the only person we know who can actually help.” Nick’s worry was clear in his voice in a way you’d never heard before. 

“What’s going on Nick?”

“It’s Zion,” he paused to clear his throat and you took a moment to look around your room for something to put on.  “Ed and him went to a party with this other guy that got busted.  They got separated when they gaped it and now he’s not answering any of our calls.”

“Maybe his phone died?” you suggested after putting your phone on speaker, “or he’s ‘sleep at that guy’s place?  He could be perfectly fine Nick.”  

As you spoke you pulled on a pair of sweats on over the pj shorts you were already wearing.  Despite what you were saying, you were fully ready to make a trip to the prettymuch house.  

You knew you shouldn’t, that you should just get back into bed and go back to trying to sleep.  But your heart was telling you to go, to help find Zion.  You hated that your heart was still calling him yours, but you had to do this.  

“He’s lettin’ it ring a few then declining, he accidentally answered one of Austin’s calls before hanging up,” Nick explained to you.  “You don’t have to help, I just thought I’d try-”

“I’ll be there in 20,” you cut him off as you took him off speaker, fully ready to leave the house, “keep trying him, yeah?” 

“We will, drive safe.”

Pulling into their driveway was a bittersweet feeling.  It had been a minute since you’d last been there and it was bringing up a lot of memories you’d done your best to avoid.

Before you could knock, Edwin had opened the door and pulled you into a tight hug.  You couldn’t help but giggle with tears welling in your eyes.  It wasn’t just Zion you missed during your time apart, you’d truly missed them all.  They were a package deal from the beginning to the end.

“Hi Eddie.”

“Hi y/n,” he said as you stepped apart.  He gave you a quick smile before taking your hand and dragging you inside to the living room where everyone was set up.

Nick got up when he saw you, phone pressed to his ear as he embraced you.  “He’s still not answering calls but I got a good feelin’ he’ll answer yours.”

“God I hope so,” you mumbled as you pulled your phone out of your pocket.

Opening Zion’s text thread to call him hurt more than you cared to admit.  You’d managed to successfully ignore all his messages which meant you’d never actually seen all of what he’d been saying.  Nick not so subtly looked over your shoulder to see them, the both of you reading the last one that had been sent two weeks prior at 2 am.

even if you dont see this or whatever know im still thinkin bout you and that i dont regret anything. i want you to be happy even if its not with me

You took a deep breath and pressed the call button.  It rang till the very last ring, only then did he answer.  You reached out your hand to Nick while you waited for him to answer and speak and when he did, you squeezed his hand.

“Y/n?” his voice rang clear through the phone.

“Hey Zi,” you said quietly.  Nick gave your hand a little squeeze as you spoke and you smiled at him weakly in response, a silent thank you for his support.

“Why are you callin’ me?”  his words were slightly slurred and his voice was a little raspier than usual. 

“You ain’t returned my calls in months, you wanna do this now?”  His tone became more aggressive with each word he spoke but really, you couldn’t blame him.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“I know you don’t mean to hurt me but fuck y/n,” he paused and you heard some kind of echo in the background that you couldn’t place, “you can’t kiss me like that and just say you with someone else.”

“I know Zi,” you said as you turned your gaze to your feet, “I wasn’t thinkin’.”

“Yea, you wasn’t thinkin’.”

There was a brief moment of silence as you closed your eyes, willing yourself not to cry.  He was quiet too and again you heard the echo in the background.  It was almost like a click but still, you couldn’t place it.

“I miss you,” he said as he voice broke, “I fuckin’ miss you.”

“Tell me where you are Zion,” you sniffed, “let me come get you.”  The last part you had to whisper, a singular tear trailing down your cheek.

“I don’t know where I am.”

“Share your location with me and I’ll come find you.”

“This doesn’t feel real, you never seem real anymore.”

He hung up before you could reply but no more than a minute passed and he’d sent you his location.  It was a forty-minute drive from their place but pretty close to yours so you told them you’d get him and just take him to yours.  Nick asked you if that was the best idea but you shook it off, not wanting to think about that for the time being.  

Your nerves were similar to those that came with the first day of school.  It was an uncomfortable feeling you tried to drown out with the sounds of BROCKHAMPTON player through your speakers, occasionally being interrupted by your GPS telling you you were going the wrong way.

The street Zion had found himself lost on was fairly short and had only two streetlights.  He was sat on the curb dead in the middle of them, staring up at the moon.  Approaching him, you noticed he was wearing one of your favourite button-up shirts of his, one you always told him to wear more, and his signature pair of ripped jeans.  In his left hand, he held a half-empty bottle of liquor that he took a drink from when you stepped out of your car.

You hugged your arms around yourself as you made your way to him, trying your best to ignore the swell of pressure that was growing in your chest.  You followed his gaze and looked up at the moon.  She was full that night and seemed brighter than usual, her silver beams lighting where the amber streetlights didn’t.

When you reached him you chose to sit on the curb beside him.  He’d yet to acknowledge your presence and in some ways, you were okay with it.  You didn’t know what to say at that moment and it was rather nice just sitting next to him.  It wasn’t a given but things could so easily hit the fan.  It felt like the calm before the storm even if you weren’t sure what the storm was to bring yet.

He was silent for a little before he tilted his head towards you, his eyes not leaving the moon.  “When I miss you most, I look to the moon and sometimes she’ll talk to me like you do.”

“Is she talking tonight?” you asked in return as you looked at him.

He shook his head and almost smiled, his gaze still directed upwards.  You took it as an opportunity to fully take in his face.  He was clearly intoxicated, his eyes were hooded, cheeks flushed and his expression was on the verge of doppy.  He always looked angelic to you but even more so when he was under a full moon and that night was no different.

Finally, he turned to face you, “she doesn’t talk to me when you’re so close.”  His eyes didn’t leave yours when he found them, even when silence fell over you both.  His usually kind and warm eyes were seemingly empty of any emotion.  

“Can I take you home, Zi?” 

“You can take me anywhere you want,” he replied without missing a beat.

You helped him up and supported him to your car as best you could.  He didn’t protest your help, he accepted it willingly actually, which somewhat surprised you.  Usually, when he was off his face, he refused any help and insisted he’d be perfectly fine walking by himself.  You always got a good giggle out of it, watching him trip over himself while he still tried to maintain the idea that he was perfectly fine. 

He was quick to connect his phone to your car once he was inside and you let him.  Your lack of sleep was beginning to catch up with you and you were in no mood to argue.  So you let him play you a song, one of his you’d never heard before.  As you listened, you couldn’t help but notice how familiar it sounded.  You could’ve sworn he’d said some of the lyrics to you before.

It was only when the chorus hit that he chose to comment on it, “wrote this after the moon told me you weren’t mine anymore.”  His voice was flat as if the words he spoke weren’t completely soul-shatter.  

You couldn’t reply no matter how much you wanted to.  Your brain had stopped working.  The only thought circling were the words he’d said over and over again in the same flat tone he’d spoken them in.  Even if you could formulate a reply, you knew you wouldn’t be able to get through it without choking up.  A part of you knew it was a bad thing he could say something like that as if it was nothing and that hurt just as much as what he’d said.

The next time either of you spoke was when you pulled into your driveway and started to get out.

“Thought you were taking me home?” he asked as you undid his seatbelt.

“You said I could take you anywhere I wanted.”  You got out of the car and walked around to help him out.  

“Anyone else home?”

“No.”

It was a good thing no one was home too.  His balance was completely off and he managed to make a mess of your room when he walked inside.  Everything had changed since he’d last been around and he was completely thrown off by it.  He did try and clean up after himself but you just excused him and told him to sit down.

He did as he was told and watched you cross the room to your dresser where you pulled out his pair of grey sweatpants he’d left behind.  When you’d broken up with him he didn’t take any of his clothes with him so his drawer had remained untouched for several months. 

You placed the pants on the bed beside him and began to undress him, starting at his shoes.  You could feel his eyes drilling into you but you didn’t dare look up at him.  The last time you’d been in this position you’d done things you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t and had spent the last month questioning every decision you’d made involving Zion.

When you stood up to unbutton his shirt for him, you made the mistake of glancing up at him.  Once you’d made eye contact with him, you couldn’t bring yourself to turn away.

“You’ll sleep with me?” he asked, his voice innocent and needy.

You nodded your head to him as you brushed his dreads out of his eyeline, “yes,” you whispered, “I’ll sleep with you.”

You dropped your gaze back to his shirt and blinked away the tears that threatened to spill.  You finished unbuttoning his shirt and helped him out of it.  It was all too familiar, except that now, you were turning away to give him privacy while he changed his pants rather than continuing to help him.  

You stripped yourself of the clothes you’d pulled on over what you usually slept in while Zion did more or less the same.  When you turned back to him he was standing looking at you wearing just his sweats.  

He looked as beautiful as the day you’d first met him in the dim moonlight that filtered in through the gaps of your curtains.  It was too easy at that moment to question all your decisions that led to that moment.  You were tired and stuck on it all.  Had you truly made the right decision by breaking up with him?  

Your love for him had never left your heart and every part of you wanted to tell him right then.  You’d made a terrible mistake.  That you wanted him so much more than you needed him and that no matter what you did or who you were with, you couldn’t forget him.

He crossed the room to stand in front of you, his movements suddenly appearing sober.  Shakily, his thumb raised and delicately brushed at your wet cheeks.  You closed your eyes when he tilted your chin up and softly, his lips pressed to each cheek where your tears had fallen.

No words were spoken as he stepped away from you and your eyes opened again.  He walked to his side of the bed and you followed to yours, both of you climbing in in silence.  You laid with your back to him, silent tears spilling from your eyes as you pulled the duvet up to your chest.  You could feel him moving around beside you and you knew he was facing you, his warm breath fanning over your exposed shoulder.

“Can I hold you?” he asked after he’d settled for a few minutes.

You squeezed your eyes shut and swallowed the sob that was threatening to spill, “please,” you whispered back to him.

He moved closer to you and wrapped his arm around you, his front pressed to your back.  It felt so natural to have him around you again as if nothing had changed.  And you let yourself believe it.  ‘Just for the night,’ you thought, ‘just so I can sleep.‘ 

The next morning, you woke up to an empty bed but the smell of Zion still lingered.  You chose to lay there for a few minutes, trying to figure out what was real and what had been a dream.  Nothing seemed real and it wasn’t till you sat up that you realised that none of it had been a well thought out dream.  

When you sat up in bed, you were quick to see his clothes and shoes still in the same place you’d put him last night, confirming some reality as things started to become clearer.  You were secretly thankful he hadn’t left yet.  If he had, you would have been able to convince yourself everything was a dream.

Once you’d gathered yourself, you made your way out to the main area where you found Zion in the kitchen.  He was at the stove flipping pancakes with a bowl of batter beside him.  His back was to you and clearly, he hadn’t heard you come in as he continued to sing quietly to himself.  You watched for a moment, admiring the contours of his back, another thing you’d missed more than you cared to admit.

“Morning,” you said quietly but it was enough to disturb him.  

He turned to face you with a smile on his face and spatula in hand.  “Morning,” he responded with a slight wave of the spatula.

You returned his smile before your eyes travelled down his neck.  You hadn’t seen them the night before.  Maybe it was the bad lighting or just your emotions clouding your vision, but clear on his neck were two purple marks.  You tried your best to not let it bother you despite the breath that caught in your throat.  They looked no more than a day old and simply put, it made you feel weird.

“They’re in the wrong place,” you said as you crossed the room to the coffee pot that was to the left of him.  It was a fresh pot, you could tell from the smell in the air and it was exactly what you needed.

You avoided his eyes as you pulled out a coffee mug but still his eyes burned into you.  

“What’s in the wrong place?” 

With a now full mug of coffee, you turned to face him and very gently tapped at the marks on his neck before repeating yourself, “they’re in the wrong place.”

When you pulled your hand away he was quick to cover them, his eyes dropping from your face to the ground, “shit.” he mumbled as he turned back to the stove, “forgot ‘bout them.”

“You don’t have to cover them, Zion,” you shrugged as you leant back against the counter.  You took a sip of your coffee before placing it down beside you, “I don’t care.”

You crossed your arms over your chest as your eyes met his again.  You were sure it’d just be a glance over his shoulder and he’d be back to the pancakes but he decided that wasn’t enough.  He moved smoothly across the room and stopped in front of you, making it so he was surrounding you almost completely.  He dipped his head down and your eyes met in a much more intense gaze.

“Sounds like you do care,” he said, his voice raspier and deeper than before.

Your eyes flickered between his lips and his eyes quickly and he did the same thing, “if you’re going to indulge, may as well have it done right.”  You shrugged your shoulders and continued to keep your nonchalant front up.  He looked at you for a moment more before standing up straight and going back to the stovetop.

“We need-” you both started saying at the same time and both pausing in sync as well.

“You go first,” you said as you gestured to him and he nodded his head.

“I can’t remember what happened last night,” he said as he took the now cooked pancakes out of the pan.  

“I can’t remember if I called you or how I got here or who gave me these,” he said as he gestured at his neck.  “I can’t remember anything.”

You nodded your head and offered him a sympathetic smile.  A sudden feeling of vulnerability had hit you and you wrapped your arms around yourself again.  He was looking at you with eyes full of confusion and trust.  You understood why.  He wanted you to fill in the blanks, he trusted you to do so.  Why you were hesitant to, you weren’t sure.  

“Um,” you began after clearing your throat, “I guess you were at some party with Edwin and when it got busted you got separated and you weren’t answering anyone’s calls.”  

You paused to watch him, a deep breath needed as he twirled the same dread he always did when he was thinking.  He nodded his head to you and you started talking again, briefly averting your gaze from his.

“Nick called me and I called you.  When I found you I brought you back here.”

“And did we, you know?” he trailed off, the sense of hope clear in his voice that tugged at your heartstrings just for a moment.

“No,” you whispered shaking your head, “we just shared a bed, that’s all.”

“Okay.”  He nodded his head and presented you with an over-exaggerated smile which made you smile genuinely for the first time that morning.

It was silent as he turned back to the stovetop to cook some more pancakes and you again began to drink your coffee.  It was a strange silence, the type that could last forever but blink by in a millisecond.  You were unsure how to feel about it, something that seemed to be the theme of the day.  

“Did I say somethin’ ‘bout the moon?” he asked as he began to flip the pancakes.

You watched him in his concentration for a moment and contemplated telling him the truth.  You knew as well as anyone that Zion didn’t love having his much softer side exposed, even more so when he’s not completely there.  It was only when he turned to look at you in your silence that you knew you had to do exactly what he’d do for you, the right thing.

“You mentioned a few things about the moon.”  He nodded his head simply in reply before turning back to his pancakes.  His focus returned to them and he poked gently around the edge of each pancake with the spatula, something you knew as a nervous habit.

“What did you wanna say?” His voice was gentle and warm, a switch up from moments prior.  

“I um, I think I’ll wait till you’re done with pancakes,” you said, nervously fiddling with your coffee mug.

“Okay,” he nodded his head and again, silence settled between the two of you.  

He served up the cooked pancakes on a plate in the dining room and you helped him bring out all the condiments you could possibly desire whilst dressing your pancakes.  It all felt very familiar and when you finally sat down across from one another, you were taken back to all the times you’d done this with him.

You treasured the mornings when you’d have the house to yourselves and you could both just be with one another.  He always made the best pancakes and you’d dance and sing around the kitchen while he cooked them.  Some of your happiest memories with him started in the kitchen and ended at the dining room table eating, just as you were now.  

Except now your eyes couldn’t meet and instead of laughter and smiles, the air was oddly still and the only sounds came from the taps of the utensils on your plates.

You were on the verge of tears and you willed yourself to try and speak to him.  The courage you were trying to muster up had apparently taken an unplanned vacation from your person, no part of you could find it anywhere.  

“Are you still seeing that guy?” Zion asked, breaking the silence and your train of thought as your phone buzzed beside you.  

His tone felt bored and petty, though you had no doubt he fully intended it too.  He wasn’t a stranger to your body language and he knew more than he led on.  It was as if he was daring you to admit the truth so he could throw it at you that he’d taken someone else’s place.  But you knew him just as well as he did you, and his attitude was to protect himself and hide his hurting.

“I am,” you said after a moment of staring at him.  

He nodded his head without breaking eye contact and stabbed at a piece of pancake to shove in his mouth.  

“Sort of, I guess,” you added on once he’d finished his mouthful.  His tongue darted out over his bottom lip to collect the syrup that hadn’t made it in his mouth.  You watched, not so subtly biting down on your bottom lip as you did.

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear you spent the night cuddled up with your ex, huh?” he asked before shoving another forkful of pancake into his mouth.

“I doubt he’d care,” you shook your head and sipped on your orange juice.

“That’s not what you wanted to tell me ‘bout?” he asked, sounding surprised with raised eyebrows.   Again, you shook your head.

“Then what is it?” Again, he was gentle and warm and it almost melted you.

“Not yet,” you said quietly, the hem of your shirt suddenly becoming very interesting, “I haven’t figured it out yet.”

So you continued to eat and clean up in silence.  The two of you worked as one, never needing to speak to assist the other while cleaning up.  Your bodies were still very much in sync.  Never once as you moved around one another did you even come close to bumping into one another.  It was nice to know that some things never change.

Once you’d finished cleaning, Zion excused himself to get dressed and left you in the kitchen to think.  

You sat on the countertop and looked after him as he walked down the hallway to your bedroom.  The second you were sure he was out of earshot, you started coaching yourself out loud with hopes that would pump you up enough to finally tell him what you needed to say. 

When he ambled back out, he was holding his clothes from the night before in a bundled heap and had put on a hoodie he’d left in his drawer. 

“Been lookin’ for this for months,” he said, though you weren’t sure if he was talking to you or just thinking out loud.

He stationed himself across from you after placing his clothes on the countertop.  He crossed his arms over his chest as he leant back against it, his eyes finding yours again.  

He looked annoyed, fed up truly but his eyes told different tales.  They were glass-like, a look you’d recognise anywhere, even in a million years.  It was the same way his eyes looked when you’d first told him you wanted to break up and the same way his eyes had been when you told him you were seeing someone else at that party.

With one final deep breath, you cleared your throat.  “I wanna talk and I just need you to listen.”  He nodded his head and pulled his hood down, a sign he was truly listening to you.

“I um, I’ve been trying to work this out but I-I just wanna start by sayin’ that last night was an impulse decision and that I don’t miss you, I’m doing better now.  Your texts and calls, I ignore all of them and I don’t even think of calling.  And, and I don’t even think about you, reminisce about everything.  I don’t, I don’t need you.”

You had to pause to take a breath and wipe the tears from your cheeks.  You hadn’t been looking directly at him while you spoke, your eyes had fallen to his chest after you’d told him that you didn’t miss him.  

The pain that spread through your chest was quick to fully overwhelmed you and compelled you to follow his breathing patterns.  He’s always been so good at breathing, even when he was upset.  He was truly your lifesaver.  He didn’t even have a clue of how much he’d protected you from.

When you looked back to his face, his expression was stone cold, but his cheeks were wet with a few tears that had fallen.  It pushed you to continue with your speech, to round the corner and take the final sprint to the finish line.

“I don’t even get jealous when you mention other women,” you gestured to his neck, a broken chuckle that could have been mistaken as a sob leaving your lips after you’d spoken.

“Truth is,” you shook your head and tried to hold back more tears with a snuffle, “I’m dishonest.  I tell myself all these things so that it’s easier to be without you.  I don’t sleep good no more ‘cause I always see you in my sleep and fuck, that’s so hard to deal with and turn off.  Maybe even more so because that’s the only time I get to see you and I can’t help but treasure it.”

The look of Zion’s face was completely expressionless and unreadable but his eyes stayed on you.  He couldn’t bring himself to pull away.

“Truth is that I want this,” you gestured with your hand between the two of you before letting out another shaky breath.  

You’d both surrendered to the silver streams that flowed from your tear ducts with open arms.  Some things were meant to be expressed without judgement.

“Truth is that I love you, even when I’m trying not to.” You couldn’t muster up any more words and fell silent as he crossed the room slowly to be with you.  He stood in front of you, hands on either side of your body as he leant his head close to yours, naturally accepting and welcoming your delicate touch on his face.

You wiped his tears away before brushing some of his dreads out of his face.  You let out a few unstoppable cries that you’d been holding back since you’d first heard his voice over the phone the night prior.  You felt safe being this close to him, your vulnerability no longer feeling like a weakness but a gift, something you should cherish.  

“I can’t forget you,” you whispered as you leant your forehead against his and squeezed your eyes shut, “I need you.”

As you whispered the final statement, his lips brushed against yours.  You were still crying as you just stayed with your foreheads pressed against one another.  His lips so close and familiar, yet they felt so taboo.

“The moon lied to you,” you said as he nudged his nose against yours, “I’m still yours Zion.” 

He smiled as he stood up a little straighter, his hand cupping your face as he again nudged his nose against yours.  “Say it again,” he said quietly as he purposely pulled away so he could look you in your eyes.  

He traced his thumb over your bottom lip as you smiled up at him.  “I'm yours, Zion.”

He couldn’t hide the uncontrollable smile that pulled at his lips.  He tilted your chin up to him and let his lips hover over your again.

“I’ll always be yours,” he said and your smile mirrored his, more tears spilling from your eyes.  

His lips continued to hover close to yours as you pulled him closer.  He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in for a tight embrace, one you accepted with beaming smile.  

“Zi?” you inquired quietly as your hand played unconsciously with the hair on the back of his neck.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Kiss me.”

He didn’t need to be told twice and his lips met yours in a soft, warm kiss.  

You’d forgotten how soft his lips were and how perfectly you fit together.  He held you tight in his arms and kissed you nice and slow and it was there that you felt as if you’d reached heaven's gate.  You were magical in his arms, completely and utterly weak in the best way, like a beam of golden light had hit you directly in your chest and filled you with a joy that could only be heaven-sent.

You couldn’t help but let out a soft moan against his lips as his tongue dipped into your mouth and it only made him pull you closer.  Your tongues dances as they had a million times before but there was something that was so brilliantly sweet about it all that made it feel like it was the very first time.

Zion pulled away and you almost spoke to stop him but he started to speak before you could.

“When did I tell you the moon said you wasn’t mine?” he asked, his burrow slightly furrowed and his lips decently swollen.

“Last night you played me that song-”

Before you could finish your sentence he groaned loudly and cussed himself as he tucked his head into the crook of your neck.  You giggled as you rubbed your hands over his and pressed kisses to his cheek.  

“It was a good song,” you said truthfully, “I liked it.”  

He started kissing and nipping at your neck as you finished your feedback, “fuck I’ve missed you.” he said against your neck.  He located your sweet spot shortly after with ease.  

He sucked and you moaned, unable to stop yourself.  “Show me how much you missed me, baby,” you said as you brought his face back to your with your hand, “words aren’t doing it.”

He picked you up from the counter and wrapped your legs around his waist, “oh I’ll show you’,” he smirked as he began the short journey to your bedroom.

“Till we both can’t get enough, makin’ love like we used to.”

•••

Ever since that day, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from reliving that day over and over again.  He was mad at himself for letting you go so easy and not trying harder to keep you in his life, even if it was only as friends.

You told him that you needed time away from him to know what was right for you and he said he understood, even if he didn’t properly.  He was so sure time would pass by quickly and in a few weeks, you’d be back to loving on one another like you always had.

When you’d said a clean break would be best, he didn’t take you seriously.  Now, he hadn’t seen you since that day and no one around him had heard from you.  The friends you’d made through Zion were too much of a reminder and though they were a little confused, they understood that to take a break from him, you needed to take a break from them too.

It was Nick he was always going to, to ask about you.  He knew you’d grown very close over the past two years and he was so sure he was the one you’d cave and message first. 

It was one of those nights where Zion had sent you a text asking if you could talk before making his way across the hall to Nick’s room.  It wasn’t the first time and it most definitely wasn’t the last time either.

“Hey man,” Zion had mumbled as he flopped down on Nick’s bed, Simba not too far behind him.

“How you doin’ tonight?”

Nick knew well that he was there to ask if he’d heard from you and to maybe talk a little about what was going on in his head.  Some nights, he’d talk honestly about how he was feeling but other nights he just didn’t want to be alone and he knew Nick would listen if he needed someone to.

Nick hadn’t heard from you since the day things ended, just like everyone else.  You’d called him after Zion left your apartment and through silent tears, you told him what had happened.  You explained you wouldn’t be seeing any of them for a while and told him that you loved him and wished them all well.  You’d made him promise to keep an eye on Zion and once he had, you’d big him a farewell quickly, your tears now evident in your voice as you said goodbye.

After informing Zion that he still hadn’t heard from you, there was a time of silence where the only sounds in the room came from his speaker.  Nick was perched on the bed next to the tall Canadian waiting for him to speak.

“I’m a mess,” Zion said with his eyes closed, “I keep textin’ her knowin’ she’s not gonna reply.”

His voice was airy and Nick could sense what was behind his carefully chosen words.  He was a mess, no one could argue with him there but he also didn’t seem to want to take a step towards cleaning himself up.  

Zion hadn’t had a good sleep since you broke up with him.  If he was being honest, the two weeks before your breakup, he wasn’t sleeping so well either.  Every time he closed his eyes he could see your smiling face, hear your laugh and feel your warmth around him.  Nothing he did took that away, everything instead reminded him of you.  Things you’d never even shown interest in brought him back to you.  He felt like he was stuck in a ‘you asylum.’

There had been a few girls since you.  He would go to them to try and find the missing parts of himself he felt you’d taken when you left.  He always felt so lost afterwards, disappointed they weren’t you and almost bitter that they were laying in his bed next to him exactly where you used to sleep.  It was all wrong, he knew that, but it didn’t stop him.

Austin had sat him down after bumping into one of the girls who had asked if Zion had a girlfriend and if that was why he was so quick to kick her out and told him he needed to stop behaving the way he was.  He couldn’t use people like that and explained to him that it wasn’t fair on them and that it wasn’t helping him.  If anything, it was only making him worse.  

There were days where his head would get so full and heavy, all he wanted to do was scream and cry and yell into the abyss.  It was reflecting in most aspects of his life too.  He was beginning to act more violent when he was angry, especially while he was drinking.  Things he used to be able to handle with a slightly raised voice had turned to ways of starting a fight.

Each time after, Edwin would play nurse and patch him up while giving him a talking-to, trying to get him to understand that behaving recklessly was doing nothing but hurting himself.

It was one drunken night where he’d admitted to Edwin that he wanted to hurt.

“I hurt her, I fucked up, I deserve to hurt too.”  Tears fell down his cheeks as he spoke but his expression stayed flat as if he was numb to all he was saying.

Edwin didn’t really know how to respond but that was the first night he tried to contact you since the split.  He’d left you a voicemail but instead of telling you what had happened, he apologised for calling, saying that it wasn’t an emergency and that Zion was doing okay.

“I don’t know why I was so quick to call you,” he glanced at the clock as he spoke, suddenly being very aware of how late it was, “I miss you, y/n and we all really hope you’re doin’ well.”  He didn’t expect a reply but the next morning he woke up to a heart-emoji from you.  

Zion had seemed to have forgotten what he’d said to Edwin as well so he let it go, though he continued to keep a close eye on him.

Three months exactly to the date you split, Zion had found himself at a party in a house the guys had never been to before.  Brandon knew the guy who was hosting the party through Maggie and had managed to get them all invited.  

It was a good party.  There were a fair amount of drinks, good snacks and the LED lights that lined each room set the mood perfectly.  It was clear whoever lived there was extra as hell and Zion had an appreciation for it.  

He talked with his friends, danced a little to try and get back to who he used to be.  But still, he stayed quieter than usual.  He was more okay with just observing than partaking at that moment and no one dared to comment on it.  He was out of his comfort zone for the first time in months and wasn’t being a sad moppy mess.  Everyone was happy he was out.

And he was happy to be out.  He was sick of being sad and was really hoping he’d be able to have a good night without too much alcohol so he wouldn’t call or text you again.

But then he heard a laugh he knew all too well and upon turning his head, he saw you in the kitchen talking with a girl he didn’t know.  His knees almost gave out when he saw you and he had to grab onto Nick for support.

You weren’t dressed up like most other people, simply wearing your favourite comfy jeans, a shirt he’d never seen before and a zip-up hoodie.  You looked very much like yourself but at the same time, something seemed different.  

He couldn’t take his eyes off of you after seeing you again.  All he could hear was his heart beating in his ears.  His mind was foggy, the only clear thought at the moment was you and every single time he’d heard the exact laugh you’d just let out.  

It didn’t even register to him that Nick was asking him if he was okay and since he was so caught up in his own world, Nick decided to follow his gaze for himself.  He found where you were standing in the kitchen and it was as a puzzle piece clicked in his head.  He knew why Zion was lost and he understood completely.  

Nick couldn’t stop the desire to go and talk to you that grew in his chest but he knew in his heart that he needed to protect Zion more than he wanted to talk to you.  

“Let’s go, bro,” Nick had said as he patted Zion on the arm, his back now to you.

It was only then that Zion’s eyes dropped from you to Nick, “what?”

“We should go, there’s gotta be another party we can pull up on,” Nick said whilst gesturing over his shoulder.  

“No, I’m fine here,” Zion was stern with his words but Nick was so certain, it made it hard to disagree.

“I know you think you are but trust me, we shouldn’t be here anymore.”  

They exchanged words quietly and quickly, both of them trying to prove their point.  

The only reason Zion shut up was that he felt the sudden need to look back at you and when he did he saw a guy he did know talking to you.  He was unable to pull his gaze away after noticing how uncomfortable you looked.  He felt it in his gut that something bad was going to happen and he was proven right when the guy started getting awfully close to you and touching on you.  You had your hand on his chest, pushing him away while trying to get your face away from him.

In a flash of red, Zion had crossed the room and pulled the guy off of you, not thinking before throwing a punch.  Before anything settled in about what he’d done, the guy was hitting Zion back, landing a punch right to his jaw and then another to his lip.  More punches were thrown, some hitting, some missing until someone was pulling Zion away while someone else threw the guy out of the house, threatening to call the police if he came back.  

Everything was blurry for Zion.  He wasn’t sure who was holding him and he was still seeing red, adrenaline pumping through him.  

Someone was telling him to take deep breaths, the one thing he did not want to do.  Not ‘til he felt their hand pressed to his chest.  His eyes found yours while you continued to tell him to take a deep breath, coaching him through it till he was able to hear and see properly again.

Brandon was holding him, he realised, just as he began to register the pain that was searing through his face and arm at that very moment.  

“Where’s your first aid kit?” you asked the girl you’d been talking to earlier, the one Zion didn’t know.

“Upstairs bathroom.”  You and Brandon shared a look before you started leading the way upstairs.  

Nothing was said ‘til Brandon had got Zion inside the bathroom, “I’ll um, leave you guys to it.”  He left and you shut the door behind him, locking it so you were not disturbed by any drunks that happened to wander up.

“Sit down Zi,” you said as you crossed the bathroom to the cabinet.

Zion listened to what you’d said though his eyes never left your person as he lowered himself to sit on top of the toilet lid.  The nickname you’d called him was a force of habit and had hit him incredibly hard, last time you’d talked you’d only called him Caleb.  

“I can’t believe you’re actually here,” he said quietly, more to himself than you.  

You smiled weakly at him as you came to stand in front of him, balancing the now open first aid kit on the sink.  You didn’t speak as you prepared a damp towel and turned to face Zion properly, coming face-to-face with him for the first time in months.

“This might sting a little,” you warned and he nodded his head a little, groaning as pain shot through his head.

Gently, you began to dab the damp towel to his split lip and bloody nose, doing your best to remove all the blood so you could continue to disinfect the cuts on his face and judge if he needed stitches or not.  You stayed completely silent as you did all this and it left Zion conflicted. 

So much of him wanted you to speak.  He wanted to hear your voice again, to hear your laugh and see the way you used to smile for him, but you never did.  You tended to him as if he was a complete stranger.  As if he wasn’t someone you’d shared your life with, someone you’d loved with every part of you.  As if you didn’t know everything about one another.  How could you treat him like nobody? 

“Did I hurt you?” you asked, suddenly pulling your hands away from his face, a look of fear clouding your eyes.

He furrowed his eyebrows, only to wince in pain.  It was only then he realised his cheeks were wet.  He’d let a few tears slip without even realising it.

“Yeah, nah,” he said as he hurriedly wiped them away, “I’m fine.”  

He sniffed a few times and offered you a smile that was less than convincing.  You stayed looking at him, unconvinced he was telling the truth.  He knew you knew when he lied and you’d never not called his bluff before.

“I don’t think you’ll need stitches or anything,” you said finally breaking the silence and letting some weight fall off of Zion’s shoulders.  “Your lip just bled a lot, it’s not that bad at all, just a little cut.”

“Right, thanks,” he spoke softly, his eyes looking away from you.  His left hand raised to brush his dreads out of his face until he stopped himself, another jolt of pain surging through his body as he yelped out. 

His knuckles were badly cut and already his fingers had begun to bruise.  It looked bad and it felt worse.

“You’re okay,” you said calmly as you took his hand in your own, “I got you, you’re okay.”  You focused on his hand and cleaned him up before checking to make sure he hadn’t broken any fingers.

He watched you the entire time with more tears spilling down his face.  You were being so kind and gentle towards him, just like you always had and the words you were saying, ones that once made him feel so safe, were now just cutting deep into his heart. 

But he couldn’t stop you.  As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to ask you to find Edwin and send him up instead.  He couldn’t help but think this could be the closest you’d be to him for a very long time, possibly ever and he just wanted to savour every last second of it.  

“Your fingers aren’t broken,” you said as you stepped away to get a bandage from the kit.

“They feel it,” he commented, his eyes still not leaving your person.  

You smiled a little at his words, though he noticed you tried to hide it from him.  You stood in front of him again now holding a flesh coloured bandage that matched him perfectly.  

“Make your hand into a fist,” you instructed and he listened.  

He bit down on his bottom lip and tilted his head back, letting out a groan of pain before relaxing his hand again.  “If your hand or fingers were broken, you wouldn’t have been able to do that.”

He gave you a little smile and you moved a little closer to him, settling back into your professional role.  “I’m going to wrap your hand.  I know Eddie knows how to so just get him to do it for the next week or so.  If your hand is still swollen or hurting in a week, go see a doctor to make sure you really are okay.”

He nodded his head to your words and watched you as you carefully picked up his hand and began to wrap the bandage around him.

He couldn’t help but recall when you’d first started learning how to wrap injured wrists and ankles.  You’d forced him to be your dummy and had spent hours wrapping and unwrapping his limbs till you felt you’d perfected the art of it.  

However, instead of standing in front of him, you’d be sat in his lap.  And each time you’d got it right, he rewarded you with as many kisses as he pleased, some that had led the two of you to your bed or the closest comfortable surface.  

Zion was so lost in his head that he’d missed that you had finished wrapping his hand.

“Does that feel okay?” you asked for the second time, though it was only the first time he’d heard.

“Yeah, thank you,” he looked up at you as he spoke and again, you saw the wetness that had fallen to his cheeks.

Without thinking, you’d gently wiped the tears away with your thumbs, “don’t cry,” you said, barely above a whisper.  

Your voice cracked as you’d said cry and Zion had wrapped his arms around you, pulling you a little closer to his person.  You let him, so he didn’t think twice above nuzzling his head into your chest, fiending for the comfort and warmth he’d once taken for granted.  You wrapped your arms fully around him and held him as he let out built up sobs that had been on the verge of escaping since he’d first seen you that night.

He felt safe again in your arms and it opened every wound he’d kept hidden for the past few months.  The thoughts that once made no sense suddenly seemed so clear and the repressed feelings he’d been avoiding with alcohol and video games came out against you.

You let him cry and he was thankful.  The nights he spent crying into your chest were some of the most intimate moments you’d shared.  You always knew what to do to help bring him peace.  

You rubbed his back and gently dragged your nails over the back of his neck while quietly encouraging him to let it out and telling him that he was safe.  

After a good cry, he pulled his face away from your chest and found your eyes, noticing the tears on your cheeks. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologised through broken cries as he reached up to wipe your tears away with his good hand.  He hoped you knew how much he was sorry for.

You brought your forehead to his and coached you both through your breathing to try and calm down.  You calmed before him as expected as you weren’t sobbing like he was.  Better judgment would’ve warned you otherwise but it was like a habit when you covered his lips with your own.  

He held you in a tight embrace, hoping and praying that this kiss was real and not another dream.  He felt lightheaded when you pulled away, the pounding and tightness of his chest not going unnoticed as he looked up at you.

“I’m so sorry,” you said as you stepped away from him, your hand covering your mouth.  “I didn’t mean to kiss you, I just wanted you to, I just wanted you to be able to stop crying.”  You’d backed almost to the other side of the room from where Zion sat.  He stood up to protest, to tell you it was okay but you cut him off.

“I really shouldn’t have.  I shouldn’t’ve come up here with you either, Edwin should’ve-” your words were cut short when his lips met yours again.  His large hands delicately cupped your face, caressing your cheeks to get you to calm down again.

He stopped kissing you but rested his forehead against yours to stay close to you.  You were fully against the wall now, your hands slowly dragging their way up his chest.

“Please,” you barely whispered before bringing his lips back to yours again.

It was as if no time had passed between the two of you.  Your lips felt so familiar and soft to one another it was hard to stop once you’d started.  He wrapped himself fully around you and you did the same, both of you needing to feel the warmth of the other more than you needed oxygen to survive.  

Zion was in complete bliss, making sure to kiss you nice and slow, just how you liked it.  He knew you always melted when he was tender and he just wanted to please you, to make you feel good again.  It was only when he tasted salt that he stopped him and pulled away from you.  You tried to reconnect your lips again but he stopped you.

“Why are you crying?” he asked quietly before pressing his lips to your cheeks, kissing the tears away.

“We shouldn’t be doing this, we broke up,” your voice was weak and he could tell you were trying to convince yourself just as much as you were trying to convince him.  

So he stepped away from you, much to both your dismays and tried to ignore the fact that you reached out for him before stopping yourself.

This was the moment he’d been waiting for, the one where he could finally tell you what he’d wanted to tell you when you first broke up.

“I don’t think we should’ve broken up,” he said lowly from across the room, his eyes staying with yours no matter how hard you tried to avoid it.  

“I didn’t want to break up,” he declared, his height growing slightly.  

“I know I did wrong by you but my distrust wasn’t because of you.  You know what happened before and I thought it was happening again.  And I wasn’t honest, I wasn’t straight forward but right now, I’m telling you right now that we shouldn’t’ve broken up.  We never stopped loving each other, why did we stop trying?”

He noticed when he finished speaking that you had tears welling in your eyes.  He went to step closer to you, to hold you but you stopped him with a single raised hand.  

“Let me show you that I could love you more, give me another chance, I know you need some time but baby I’ve given you time.  You my shawty, you’re my girl, you always have been.  Please, can we get back to lovin' like we used to?”

Tears were falling down your cheeks now and again he moved to step closer to you, to wipe them away.  But you shook your head and wrapped your arms around yourself.

“I’m seeing someone else, Zion.”  Though your voice was barely above a whisper, it was as if you’d yelled each word at him, hitting him directly in the chest.

“Oh.”

It was quiet as he slid down the wall so he was sitting on the ground.  “But we,” he trailed off, no longer looking at you.

“We’re not exclusive or anything and it’s only new but I like them, genuinely.”

You watched as he just stared at the wall directly across from him while tears continued to fall down your cheeks.  You thought he was done and he thought so too.

In his head, all he could think of was that this was what was best for you.  That maybe you just needed to be with someone else to come back to him.  Or to be the best version of yourself, he wasn’t sure which was better to think of at that moment. 

His eyes burned as he forced himself to look at you again, “you the only one I want,” he said, fully stopping you from leaving the room.  

You walked over to him and delicately placed your lips on his forehead, “I know.”

You made your way out of the bathroom, wiping your tears of the sleeve of your hoodie before rushing downstairs.  You just wanted to leave the stupid party and go home where you felt safe.

“Can’t nobody do it like me,” Zion said to himself but more to you as he let his head hit the wall so he could stare up at the ceiling.  

He blinked tears away right as the door opened and his heart almost stopped in his chest.  Maybe you’d come back to tell him that you knew what was right for you and that you still wanted him too.

But it wasn’t.  It was Nick and Brandon.

“What happened?”

Zion shook his head to them, “we can’t get back to the way we used to be.”

The boys shared a look before walking over to their much taller friend and slid down the wall so they could sit next to him. 

“We’ve got you, man.  For however long this takes, whatever you need, we’re right here for you.”

•••

Unfortunately, being so caught up in her own feelings, Meliae almost didn’t notice Zion’s nerves.  It wasn’t till they were shopping for his suit that how he really felt began to show.

Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of him as he stepped out of the dressing room.  He’d picked out a classic suit to try on and she’d never seen him so handsome, though something was obviously off with him.

He stood in front of her and let her adjust the suit jacket and collar, “what do you think mamas?”

“You look dashing,” she said proudly but matched his quiet tone before pecking his cheek.  He was getting more fiddly and it only became more obvious to her when she took a step back to fully take him in.  “What do you think?”

He shook his head as he looked over himself in the wall-length mirror in front of him.  He tilted his chin up and fiddled some more with the collar before brushing the jacket down again.

“Are you comfortable?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled as he squared his face to his reflection.

His uncertainty and distrust was painted over his face and it was one of those times she was thankful he was so expressive of his emotions. 

“Zion,” she spoke softly to bring him out of his head.  He hummed in reply and though his eyes didn’t leave his reflection, his head moved in her direction, “where’s your head right now?”

He let out a deep breath and turned to face her fully, stepping closer so they were in their own safe bubble.

“What if they don’t like me?” he asked timidly, his eyes to the ground.  At his words, her lips ghosted over his forehead and her hands cupped his face, raising his head back up once again.  “This is real fuckin’ important to me and what if I do everything right and they still don’t-”

“-hey,” she cut him off, her voice still calm and her smile warm enough to melt his worries away, “that’s not going to happen.”

“You don’t know that,” he argued with raised eyebrows.

“I do, Zion,” she reassured him.  “I know my folks, they’re gonna like you.”

“How can you be so sure?” he asked with pleading eyes and though she stayed smiling up at him, it was as if he could hear the pang in her chest his voice created.

“Well,” she began as she brushed his hair out of his eyes, “you’re fine as fuck and taller than me so that basically does it.”  He’d playfully rolled his eyes with a scoff at her words, his posture adjusting a little too.  

“And on top of that, you’re a good man and I’m so fuckin’ in love with you.  It would actually be stupid if they didn’t recognise that.”  He smiled down at her finally, his arms wrapping around her waist as he pulled her even closer to him.

“I’m so fuckin’ in love with you too.”

It wasn’t till the night before they were leaving that things had finally fully settled.  With the boy’s house being closer to the airport, they’d agree to spend the night there.  Their original plan had been to go to bed early but instead they ended up staying up late laying in the cool lighting of Zion’s blue LED lights with Simba asleep between them.

There was a sense of calmness that hadn’t been present in their lives much recently.  They each provided the other with warmth.  They spoke in hush voices and occasionally, she’d get him to sing to her.  There was so much they’d missed out on in the chaos of their lives and they were feeding one another’s souls in the orbit they’d created.  Their connection was growing as they talked about everything and nothing, somehow always finding a way to touch one another.

Barely 18 hours later, they were pulling up to Meliae’s childhood home some 2500 miles away from where they first met.  The house was something out of a movie, painted white with vines climbing up the sides and surrounded by well-kept flower beds of various colours.  The front lawn was fenced off with a white gate as the only entry.  Numerous hula hoops of all different colours littered the lawn and Zion could see just how it could pull out Meliae’s competitive spirit.

In the car, they’d gone over their game plan.  Knowing his nerves would likely be up the wall, they’d said they’d go up to her room first.  She knew her family was so used to people coming and going, the front door opening and closing wouldn’t draw attention, it never did.

Meliae’s room was what he’d imagined.  Her walls were a pastel blue and her bed and desk were neatly positioned so she could see out her window from them.  There was close to nothing on her walls and a rather full bookshelf stood opposite her bed.  Picture frames and soft toys lined some shelves and he went straight to it after putting their bags down.  

The first photograph that caught his attention was one of Meliae and her siblings when they were much younger at the location of their first date.  It had been the only place he could think of that felt right and at the time, he had no idea why.  

“This is in LA,” he said as he picked up the frame and turned to face her.

She was at the window but  turned to face him.  She nodded her head after she took a moment to figure out what photo he was talking about, “it was my first trip and when I decided I wanted to study there.”

He just nodded and turned the frame so it was facing her, “the fuck are you wearing?” he asked, fighting back one of his loud laughs.  

“Watch yourself, Caleb,” she warned as she crossed her arms over her chest, “you seen what you were wearing 5 years ago?”  He just smiled in reply and put the picture frame back on the shelf.

With one last glance out the window, she walked back over to him.  She rose to her tippy toes as she wrapped her arms around his neck, dotting kisses to his jaw as she began to speak.

“You ready?”

“Mmhm,” he hummed as she kissed just below his ear.

Making sure they were properly looking at one another, her face became serious.  “Remember, if you need me to get us out at any point.”

“I know baby,” he said with a smile, “just kiss me for good luck.”  She mirrored his smile before kissing him, his hand cheekily smacking her butt as she parted from him.

Downstairs was filled with the familiar sounds of Kehlani, a comforting element that made Zion smile.  Her hand tightly held his as they rounded the corner to come to a standstill in the doorway of the kitchen.

Two women stood at the bench with their backs facing them.  They’d missed their arrival amidst their bickering but Meliae didn’t seem to mind.  She just waited and Zion stood behind her, his hand resting on her hip while she leant back into him.  He was unsure of himself and the situation but knew to wait it out.

“M, help me out here,” the shorter of the two women said, though neither of them turned.  Meliae, however, reacted and stood up straight.

“She’s right, Ma,” she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around who was now identified as her sister.  

“What happened to Mother knows best, huh?” their Mother asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Technically,” Meliae began as she gestured to her sister, “mother still knows best, just not our mother.”

What Zion knew of Ana was very little but he knew that she had a son who everyone adored.  Meliae had warned him that they looked alike, he was a bit taken-back by just how much they did.  The main difference was their height, one of them being significantly taller.

He watched from afar and did his best to remain confident.  He wanted them to have their moment before he introduced himself.  He was finding peace in doing so, he’d never seen Meliae smile as she was in person and it had him stuck to the ground, not paying attention to anything else around him.  

He was almost fully back in the white room again as he admired her.  Their bodies and hearts moved as one, a much deeper connection being prominent in where they stood than the last time he’d been there.  The only reason he wasn’t fully there was that at any moment, she could begin to introduce him.  

It came after her mother had scattered kisses all over her face and with Meliae reaching her hand out for Zion.  He approached nonchalantly and offered his hand to her mother, a little smile resting on his face as he did so.

“I’m Zion,” he said with Meliae’s hand resting on his back, “it’s so nice to finally meet you Mrs-”

“-oh please, none of that,” the curly-haired woman replied as she dismissed him with a singular swat of her hand, “call me Tillie, everyone else does and we don’t shake hands in this family.”

“Okay,” he chuckled as she opened her arms and embraced the young man.

“Welcome dear, we’re so happy to finally meet you and have you here.”

“I’m really happy to be here,” he replied as he stepped away from her, his hand instinctively reaching out to rest on the small of Meliae’s back.

Ana introduced herself next with a kiss and a hug.  She mentioned very quickly that Meliae had spoken very highly of him at Christmas and that he was much prettier in person.  Though Meliae was quick to cut her sister off, it didn’t seem quick enough and she was quickly sending her outside with word her son was running around naked.

Meliae turned back to Tillie once her sister was gone and voiced her inquiries about the following day.  It had been said she’d be working at the children’s do but she wanted to confirm and figure out exactly what was going on.  Her Mum, as mums often do, had all the answers.  They talked briefly about it before being cut off by the appearance of a young boy who Zion had seen many photos of.

Jacob seemed much smaller in person and made a direct beeline to where Zion and Meliae stood.  He was in his Aunty’s arms in seconds, his tiny arms wrapped around her neck with his head tucked away.  He watched, admiring the curly-haired boy and the sweet way she was talking to him. 

Jacob was quick to introduce himself and charm his way into Zion’s heart upon noticing him.  He wanted to know if he had any tattoos and when Zion crouched down to his height, he only got more excited.  The young boy talked to him until the calmness of the kitchen was interrupted by a Jersey accent that brought Zion to his full height again.

“Oh, he’s tall,” the Jersey man spoke from behind Ana.  He was looking directly at Zion and though his voice was intimidating, the man was not in appearance.  He was shorter than Meliae and had a joyous smile that he quickly placed with the little boy in front of him.

“Pretty too,” Ana added on with a nod of her head.  

“Got ears too,” Meliae said as she crossed her arms, her eyebrows raised at the two.  

The couple looked at her just for a moment and when their eyes turned back to Zion, the Jersey man stepped forward.  He dapped him up as he introduced himself as Charlie, Ana’s partner and Jacob’s dad.  Zion went to introduce himself but was cut off by an excited Jacob, who wanted the three of them to go back outside and play.  

Though there was an initial cloud of uncertainty that floated above Zion’s head, it wasn’t long till he was running around with Jacob.  The little boy was only four but had an imagination that spread wider than the seven seas.  It was second nature to play along with where his stories took them and time passed like it was nothing.  They were in some other world, prancing around the large backyard that seemingly went on forever.  

Only when they plopped down on the ground after a race did Zion notice just how much time had passed.  The sun was much lower in the sky now but still, he was covered in a layer of sweat. He peeled his shirt off, regretting his decision to wear a black long-sleeved shirt yet again and threw it off to the side.  Of course, with his shirt off, his tattoos were on full display.

Jacob was curious straight off the bat and began to ask many questions.  Zion answered his questions as best he could and let him trace them.  When he mentioned that he had tattoos for the band and his parents, he was informed that Meliae had a tattoo for her nephew, though he wouldn’t say where.  It left him searching her naked body in his mind, his silent concentration an amusement to Jacob.

“Do you love my aunty?” he asked, surprising Zion a little as it brought a blush to his cheeks.

He cleared his throat, pulled away from where his mind currently was to smile at the boy, “yeah, I uh, I really do.”

“That’s good,” Jacob replied as he touched Appa on the top of his arm, “she loves you, my Mumma said so.”

Zion smiled at him before pulling him in for a hug, the boy giggling as he fell into his lap.  He wrapped his arms around Zion and he couldn’t help but feel warm.

With the sun lowered, a golden haze shone over the family as Zion and Jacob approached in a race, both out of breath and sweaty as they arrived.  They all looked ethereal as they sat relaxed drinking their chosen cold beverages and snacking on grapes straight from the vine that wrapped around the fence of their back garden.  

Meliae stood from where she sat upon seeing the two and smiled at them.  His shoulders dropped at the way her smile seemed to reach every part of him.  She brought him peace at that moment, maybe even more so as her eyes not so subtly travelled down his bare torso.

Meliae’s dad, or Doc as everyone called him, and her younger brother Dylan greeted him much like the rest of her family, warm smiles and open arms, though they just slapped hands.  He was offered a cold beer and after accepting it, Meliae got him to sit in the chair she was in before.  She was pulled into his lap without a second thought, the two of them feeling at home with his arm around her, both with drinks in hand.

It was then Ana had stood with important news that had brought the ‘lovebirds’ as she referred to them to the big island.  She was expecting again and though everyone already knew, cheering sounded from everyone, Jacob clapping his hands together as he stared up at his parents.  A few jokes were made and after she’d hugged her parents, she’d turned to Meliae with a very serious look on her face.

“Gimme a week,” she ordered, causing Meliae to raise her eyebrows at her.

“16,” she answered without missing a beat and Zion learnt a hidden talent about his girl he wouldn’t have even thought to be a thing.   

Their evening went by without a bump.  There was laughter and jokes that made Zion feel at home.  Much like Meliae had done with his family, he fit right in.  In no way did it feel like it was the first time he was meeting them.  

And he was so glad.  With his hand on Meliae’s thigh, he accepted Tillie’s toast to new life and new family with a smile that Meliae admired.  He was finally calm again, grounded as he guided his way through a maze that had once seemed so daunting.  They were both happy as they deserved to be.

Back inside, Ana and Meliae were assigned to clean-up duty, despite being home for the first time in several months.  Zion was about to offer to help when Jacob asked if they could look at old photos.  Charlie called after him to see if he wanted to look too and he couldn’t turn the opportunity down.  Dylan was asked if he wanted to join too but he just shook his head saying he was retiring to his room for the night.  

By the time they’d finished cleaning up, they still hadn’t gotten through all of Ana’s baby photos.  Their parents had made it so each child's first four years were in their own sections and all together.  Meliae sat down next to Zion as she saw what they were doing.

“He’s your son,” she spoke to Charlie as she glanced over the photos they were looking at, “but he’s the spitting image of his Mumma.”  He agreed in silence and when the page was turned, they were greeted by a little baby Meliae.

Zion knew without being told it was her.  A beaming smile graced his face and his chest filled with a rush of warmth.  He leant forward to examine the photos better and somehow, his smile grew even more.

“You were so cute,” he said with his joy clear in his voice.

“What do you mean were?” she replied as she smiled at him hunched over photos of her.

He ignored her comment, letting it fly over his head completely.  “Your cheeks mamas, they were so big.”

She could only giggle and watch him with a smile.  They were alone now, Ana had ushered Jacob and Charlie away once she’d noticed a look on Zion’s face she knew all too well.

He continued to flick through the photos, his smile never once dropping.  Upon seeing photos of baby Meliae in her first bubble bath, her hair fashioned into a Jack-Jack-like do, he almost giggled.

“I can’t wait till we have our own,” he said with a shake of his head.  

It seemed subconscious and the way he spoke so calmly made it clear it wasn’t the first time the thought had crossed his mind.  He was so wrapped up in the photos he didn’t notice her reaction.  The swell in her chest and prickle that ignited behind her eyes was unexpected but she did her best to hide them.  She leant back against the couch and took a deep breath, focusing on him cooing over her and her baby curls.

“I love you,” she said as he sat back up, her hand placed on his back.  The sudden confession surprised him a little and when he went to say it back, she just shook her head, “just want you to know.”

“Okay,” he replied before he leant over her, his arm crossed over her body as he kissed her.  Though they’d said no kissing while being there, it felt needed at that moment, a simple peck not seeming enough to express how she felt.

It was silently decided that it was the perfect time for Meliae to take him to her favourite place.  She’d mentioned that she planned to take him that night and really, they only wanted to be with one another.  It wasn’t too far, she’d told him, so they walked hand-in-hand as a comfortable silence settled around them.

She only stopped them when they passed a minor opening.  The pathway was narrow and slightly overgrown but brought them directly to the beach right as the sky was beginning to say goodbye to the sun.  It was a sight to see, something nothing would compare to for a very long time.  

The sky was a vibrant pink with orange streaks and as the ocean was calm, it reflected beautifully on its surface.  It was no surprise to Zion that Meliae was already taking her shoes off as she spoke, he wasn’t too far behind her.  The ocean was too tempting in the warm weather.

“I used to come here a lot,” she said as she dropped her things on the ground, “people never seemed to be here.  I can’t tell you how many nights I came here to cry or just be one with the ocean.”

“You really do start and end with the moana, huh?” he asked as he took her hand again, leading her off to the water.  She just nodded her head and smiled at him.

A sense of serenity fell around them as they wadded through the water, their bodies close as they made each other laugh.  The love that was growing within Meliae and the warmth that reached every part of Zion was felt far beyond just the two of them.  So much so that the ever-changing colours of the sky were painted from their hearts.

As they danced across the sand to the sounds of the waves, he started to sing.  He didn’t need to think twice about which song, it was as if the ocean had told him and her reaction told him it was the exact song she wanted to hear.  

She sang quietly with him at first but when the chorus hit, the two were yelling it at the top of their lungs, jumping and dancing around one another.  For the rest of the song, they continued that way to one another, always making sure to stay connected in one way or another.  The bridge brought them close together, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist as she dotted kisses over his face.

The sounds of the waves meeting the sand filled the still around them as they came to lay in the sand.  They both let it wash over them as she blindly reached her hand out to find him.  She kissed his knuckles and held it to her lower stomach, a sigh of content falling from her lips.

“Thank you for doing this with me,” she said quietly after a few moments, “I’m so grateful for you.”

Though she stayed looking at the sky, Zion rolled onto his side so he was facing her.  With his head propped up in his hand, he carefully studied the sincere expression she wore.  

“You do so much for me and I don’t think I’ve ever really,” she shook her head as she choked up, unable to finish her sentence.  She groaned as she covered her face with her hands, quietly cursing herself for not being able to get what she needed out without crying.  

Zion just pressed a kiss to her tattooed wrist as he brushed some of her hair out of her face.  He waited for her to continue, knowing she’d want to be able to tell him in full without interruption.  

After letting out a shaky breath, her eyes met Zion’s again, “you’re always there when I need you and you make life so much better, in ways I would’ve never seen for me.”

They stayed silent as he laid back on his back again, still placing kisses to her arm while they watched the clouds in the sky change.  

“You’re my everything,” he said after a while, his hand rubbing her belly subconsciously.  

Heading back home that night was rather difficult.  Neither of them wanted to part ways with the ocean.  But it was starting to get cold and jet lag was getting the best of them.  Nothing sounded better than being cuddled up and sleeping at that moment.

Meliae half expected her parents to stop them from actually sleeping in her room together when they got back.  It had always been a rule in their household, not that she’d ever actually needed to obey it.  She was always the only one in her bed.  

Nothing was said, however, when they said goodnight to her parents who were sitting outside having a drink together.  Nothing, of course, if you considered her dad noting that one and a half grandchildren would be okay for the time being.  Meliae chose to ignore it and took Zion upstairs without even addressing it.

“Would you consider it?” Zion asked as they started getting changed for bed.

“Consider what?” she asked, not turning to look at him as she pulled her shirt off.

“Sex.”

He didn’t get a reply.  Instead, she threw his sweatpants at him and got into bed.  He just shook his head and got in beside her after he’d put them on.  He pulled her closer to him, wrapping his body around hers as they settled into a peaceful slumber.

Saturday morning began with Meliae painting Jacob and Zion’s faces and ended with the boys full of candy floss and her spotted with various colours.  It was news to him that she was so good at painting faces but it seemed she did it every year she was there.  She seemed to quite enjoy it, maybe even more so as she got to see her love with a dinosaur on his cheek and butterflies by his eyes.  

Jacob loved having Zion by his side throughout the carnival.  They did everything that interested the little boy and occasionally, Meliae got a glimpse of the pair.  Her brain did wander a few times, thoughts of what-if circling upon seeing her love being dragged around with the biggest smile on his face.

Late Saturday afternoon, however, was filled with nerves.  The dinner was the main event and where she’d have to greet whoever was attending and answer whatever questions they would have for her.  They arrived back home with two and a half hours until they had to leave again and she was quite looking forward to being locked away in her room with Zion.

They were halfway up the stairs when a familiar yell brought them both to a stop, Ana appearing at the bottom on the staircase in a white robe, her hair wrapped in a towel on top of her head.

“You can’t get dressed together,” she said as if it was obvious when they turned to face her.

“What are you on?” Meliae asked back while Zion just looked between the two of them.

“He can’t see you till you’re fully ready,” again, a duh look was plastered over her face.  

There was a pause of silence while Meliae just stared at her sister with no expression.  It was one of those moments where it was clear they were talking but nothing was being said aloud.  

“Why are you so dramatic?” she mumbled breaking her silence and giving in to her sister’s weird need.  She turned to Zion and kissed his cheek, “I guess I’ll see you soon.”  So they parted ways, neither of them really wanting to.

Zion came back downstairs an hour and a half later with his tie in hand.  He’d taken his time getting ready, but still, he’d beaten Meliae.  He went to the family room where he found Charlie and Jacob stood in front of the wall-length mirror beside one another.  They were doing their ties, one of them succeeding while the others looked a bit like one of Simba’s toys.

Jacob came bouncing over to where he sat on the couch once Charlie had redone his tie and plopped down beside him.  He beamed up at him and began to talk as his dad sat down too.

“Aunty looks very pretty,” he stated finally as if he’d been waiting to tell someone for the longest time.  

Zion smiled back at him, resisting the urge he had to ruffle his hair, “you seen her, huh?”

He nodded his head violently back at him and both Charlie and Zion bit back laughs, “I had to get my socks.”

For the next twenty minutes, they sat and talked waiting on everyone else.  Apparently, Ana was big on dramatic reveals when it came to these events.  She almost always insisted on picking out what Meliae was to wear which is another reason why she’d stolen her so quickly.  It was strange to Zion but from what he knew of her, it made sense.

Ana walked in fussing about things he didn’t understand and her boys stood to greet her.  They both kissed her before she checked over them.  She straightened Charlie’s tie before he checked over her quickly, both of them happy to say they were ready to go.  The dress she wore was flattering and made her seem taller.  It brought your attention to her baby bump proudly and Zion couldn’t help but stare, he hadn’t seen many baby bumps in his years.

He stayed seated, leant back as he fiddled with his tie.  He heard Meliae before he saw her, questions of if she was too tall sounding out.  He turned to where she stood at the mirror, ready to tell her there was no such thing as too tall.  But instead, fuck was the only word that fell from his mouth.  No other word seemed right as he stood up from the couch, his eyes trailing over her body.

She wore a satin gown that looked to be made just for her.  It brought attention to the beautiful curve of her hips and the champagne colour complimented her brown skin in the best way.  When she turned to face him, he caught a flash of her tattoo that wrapped around the right side of her rib cage, something he loved very much.  

Never before had he seen her in such a dress or so dressed up and he was struggling to properly process what he was seeing.  He was just hearing white noise as he crossed the room to stand with her, not sure of what else to do.

“Fuck,” he mumbled again as he stood behind her, his body pressed into the generous curve of her ass.  

He examined her body in the mirror, his right hand dragging up her thigh and over her hip before she stopped him.  He identified a Fenty Beauty product over her collar bones that naturally drew in the light and the attention up from her breasts.  The neckline of the gown made it so that her breasts would have to be very well behaved as to not make an appearance that night.

She looked so elegant and to him, like an absolute goddess.  They were much closer in height with her in heels.  Instead of having their usual 6-inch height difference, there was barely two inches between them.  

“Thoughts?” she asked him quietly as their eyes finally met in the mirror.

He shook his head and dragged his tongue over his bottom lip slowly, “you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”  She smiled as she turned to face him, her hands instantly going to adjust his suit jacket and collar.  

“How are they stayin’ like that?” he asked lowly, his eyes focused on her chest.

“Boob tape,” she replied as she tapped her index finger under his chin to get him to look up.

“Behave, my love,” she said as she took his tie from his hands, wrapping it around his wrists as she pecked his lips, “I won’t be able to sneak off and take care of you tonight, I’ll be missed.”  She smiled at him sweetly before beginning a Windsors knot, noticing his gulp at her words.

Dylan had come in just after Meliae and she quickly checked him over before it was confirmed they were all ready to go.  As if on cue, their parents came downstairs and announced that it was picture time.  

On their commute, Zion could see how her anxiety was building up.  He got her attention with his thumb rubbing soft circles over the back of her hand and when she met his eyes he mirrored her breathing.  He’d purposely learnt her breathing exercises for moments like these.

They arrived 30 minutes before guests were expected to arrive and everyone was hectic as they prepared the final things.  Meliae had separated from them almost the moment they’d stepped inside to offer help to someone.  Her dad went to yell after her but Ana stopped him and told him she wouldn’t listen either way. 

At their table, Charlie was quick to tell Zion that most of their evening would be spent there.  Drinks and food were free and endless but he was warned to pace himself, it seemed a much younger Charlie had not had a good time his first year in attendance.

While everyone was off greeting people, Jacob and Zion played around on his phone, taking silly selfies with the filters Instagram had to offer and playing a game he’d downloaded with the intent of them playing it together.  It made time pass quite quickly, though he made sure to keep an eye on Meliae so that if he was ever needed, she’d be able to catch his eye with ease.

He had a flute of champagne with her name on it for when a break in the flow of guests greeting her.  It would be a great excuse for her to have a few seconds to herself and when it came, it seemed needed.

She greeted him with a warm smile, her posture raising as he got closer.  He slipped his arm around her and got nice and close to her.

“How are you going?” he asked quietly as he dipped his head to press a quick kiss to her neck, not bothering to check if anyone was looking at them.  She didn’t mind and simply tilted her head so it was easier for him.

“Good, no one’s said anything rude yet though one old man did mention I was incredibly tall and I wasn’t sure if it was nice or not so I just said I was wearing insane heels.”  Zion smiled at that and her eyes finally fell to his hand.

“This is for you,” he said as he offered her the flute.  

She took a sharp intake of air as if she was surprised before shaking her head, “I’m too nervous to drink.”  He waited for her to explain further with squinted eyes and his head tilted.

“You’ve seen it before,” she said as she placed her hand on his chest.  He just shook his head and scrunched his nose.  “Remember when we first met, I literally left you with no way to ever find me again.” 

He stared back at her for a moment, eyebrows raised as he processed what she’d said.  Never had the thought crossed his mind that she was nervous that night.  He truly thought it was all to be mysterious or to trust fate.  She did everything with intention, he’d always assumed that night her intention was to leave a lasting impression on him.

“I was nervous too, that night,” he said after a prolonged silence.

“No shit, your hands were the worst they’ve ever been.”

“Thank you, baby,” he said sarcastically and she giggled as she cupped his chin in her hand gently.

“I guess this is mine,” he said as he looked at the flute of champagne.  He gulped it down before kissing her goodbye, winking as he left.

Back at the table, Charlie informed Zion that he had both his and Ana’s permission to post a selfie on his story that he’d just taken with Jacob.  He had melted directly after they’d taken it and saved it quickly to his phone before showing it to Charlie.  It was one of those moments he just felt the urge to share on social media which was a little odd for him.

The only reason he’d opened the app that night was to kill time.  During their time on the Big Island, he hadn’t thought about social media once.  It was rare he did when he was with Meliae.  Occasionally he’d show her a meme or a video he found funny but for the most part it never really came up in conversation, mostly because she’d gone close to two years without it.  He found it nice to go somewhere where he could forget all about it for a while.

Nick, as he so often did, had noticed Zion’s growing urge to post his girl on his socials.  He’d purposely brought up the idea of how Zion was going to go about him posting her about a week or so before and as he looked at her from their table, all he could think about was showing her off.  

They’d said that a one-year post would be a safe place to start, especially as it would come around the same time Meliae would be able to reactivate her accounts if she chose to.  Even though it was close, he was eager to see if he could post sooner.  He made a note in the back of his head to get a few more pictures that night, hoping one of them would feel right to post if Meliae gave him the okay.

Once everyone was seated at the table for dinner, time started to move by very quickly.  There was an endless supply of conversation and laughter as they talked within their immediate family.  There were stories told of previous encounters before they shared their weirdest ones from that year.  It was joyous, in the simplest of ways, not an ounce of anxiety present.

The speeches were the longest part of the night and began with Jacob climbing into Zion’s lap and cuddled into him.  At first, he didn’t know how to react but Meliae helped him by telling him to just hug him and that he’d fall asleep if he wanted to.  It didn’t take him long to fall in love with the feeling of a little human feeling safe enough to choose him over everyone else to sleep on.

The final speech came from Meliae’s Dad and Pa, the man who owned and ran the business.  He wasn’t fully ready to retire and hand the company fully down to his son so they just did it together.  The speech they did felt like the dynamic that they brought to the workplace.  A mixture of tradition and modern, her Pa choosing to speak in his native tongue while her Dad spoke in English.      

It came to an end with a toast to welcome all those who were new to the family, whether they were new employees, partners or unborn children, they were all loved and welcomed.  Doc raised his flute of champagne towards their table and caught Zion’s eye with a nod of his head as if to say ‘this one’s for you.’

Meliae’s Pa was a short, old man.  Everyone stood when they got close, Zion still holding Jacob as he watched everyone greet him.  When he turned to Zion, he smiled up at him and nodded his head to Meliae quickly.  

“It’s nice to meet you, Sir,” Zion said after clearing his throat.  He leant forward and dipped his head down so as their noses could meet.  With Pa’s hand Zion’s arm, they stayed connected, letting a moment and a breath pass before they parted.

“You do right by Talia, you will be fine,” he said with a nod of his head before he bid them all a goodbye with a simple ‘fa’ and a wave of his hand.

“Why Talia?” Zion asked as they sat back down, Jacob remaining undisturbed in his lap.

“My middle name is his Mother’s name so he just calls me that.”  

Before the night ended, they managed to slip away from the party and made their way outside to the resort’s gardens.  Fairy lights hung from invisible lines above them and lined the night sky as the stars do.  They walked together, admiring the garden and enjoying just being by themselves again.  

Zion in his slightly tipsy state was much more handsy in the privacy of the garden.  With his hands on her hips and lips to her neck, Meliae laughed, her nails dragging on the back of his neck as she accepted him into her body.  He left each kiss with a compliment on how she looked, showering her in affection that she’d been deprived of.  

“You gon’ let me take more photos of you?” he asked as he stood up straight again.  

“Don’t have enough already?” she asked back, her hands lingering over his loosened tie.

He shook his head and before she could say no, pulled out his phone and stepped away from her.  She couldn’t protest as he became her professional photographer and her hype man.  She giggled and blushed throughout their mini photoshoot before getting him to stand with her, insisting they get photos of the both of them.  

He stood behind her and leant down a little so it was easier for them to both get in frame.  She’d taken her heels off when they’d first found the garden, having left them where she took them off.  No one was going to take them and if they did and they fit them, they could have them. 

Once he’d successfully found the best lighting for them, they both smiled with their eyes closed and chins tilted up towards the camera.  The second one Zion puckered his lips and pressed them to her cheek while she giggled, the final being taken by accident on them both laughing.  They both looked over them with smiles.

“I’ma post this one,” he said as she started to kiss his neck.  

She just hummed against him as she turned more into him, her lips still on his neck.  She brought his lips to her and cut him off, the urge to feel him growing to an all-time high.  The taste of champagne on his tongue made her smile as she undid his tie and begun to unbutton his shirt.  

“What is with you and fuckin’ in public?” he asked as he picked her up.  She only giggled as she wrapped her arms fully around his neck, kissing him again, completely addicted to him.

Two days later, they were on the plane back to LA.  Meliae was asleep and cuddled into Zion’s chest while he looked through all the photos they’d taken on their trip.  They’d had a proper conversation about him posting one of the photos on his story and she gave him the all-clear, seeing nothing wrong with it.  

He wanted to post it then before he too fell asleep.  He wanted to say something on it so it didn’t seem so mysterious and there was only one caption that made sense to pair with the blurred photo of them smiling.  He pressed a kiss to the top of his girl’s head before posting it.  

Somewhere in there, a prayer and promise was made.  Meliae wouldn’t know it yet but he knew as he fell asleep that he was being truthful with his chosen words.  Much like how he saw that she began and ended with the ocean, he felt as if they did too.  

•••

Friday nights for Zion and Meliae had become very special to them.  Given their hectic schedules, they often went days without seeing each other but they always made time at the end of the week for one another.  It was something that kept them both going.

That Friday, in particular, was after a week of them being apart.  Zion had been out of town for press and had found himself missing girl much more than he anticipated and once he was home, he couldn’t wait to get to her.

Dinner and a cuppa was the way their evening started and it ended with them getting into bed to watch a film.  Meliae was dead-set on watching a Christmas movie as it was finally December but Zion was thinking something less festive.  

“I just wanna lay up with you,” Zion interjected after asking if the film even mattered.

“I want that too, just with a Christmas movie playing in the background.” Meliae was by her dresser trying to find something comfortable to wear to sleep.  The disagreement they were having wasn’t bothering her as much as it was bothering Zion.

“What if I wanna get my freak on?” Zion asked, stopping Meliae in her tracks, causing her to turn to face him.  

She simply raised her eyebrows at him, “Netflix and chill was invented for a reason.”

“Yea, but I’m not gonna be able to fuck you while a green Jim Carrey dances across the screen, naked may I add, with a dog.”  

He had a good point and she knew that but she couldn’t help the final blow.  “We’re watching The Grinch, you know that, right?”   

He watched her pull his hoodie over her bare torso while he got into her bed, the tv remote in hand, “yeah I know.” 

Halfway through the movie, she commented on how pretty the snow looked on the trees and asked if they really looked like that.  This, understandably, confused the Canadian and lead to a very judgy look being thrown Meliae’s way.

“You’ve never seen snow on trees?” She shook her head no, “like ever?”  Again, she shook her head no.

He continued to stare at her for a minute which really only made her laugh.  This wasn’t exactly the first time he’d reacted to something he’d found out about her and her upbringing this way.  

“You’ve never had a white Christmas?”

“Baby, I’m from a literal Island, I’ve never even been remotely cold on Christmas.”

The look on Zion’s face turned to disbelief as he shook his head and scrunched his nose.  He turned his attention back to the movie but not before mumbling ‘unbelievable.’  Meliae only brushed it off and cuddled back into him, pressing a few kisses to the parts of his skin that were exposed.

The next morning, she woke up to see him at her desk on his laptop with his head pretty close to the screen.  She approached him quietly and wrapped her arms around him.

“What are you doing?” she asked after kissing his bare shoulder.

“I found this website that has the top ten places in America where it’ll probably snow before Christmas,” he replied, sleep almost as obvious as the child-like excitement in his voice.  

“And why are you lookin’ at ‘em?  Pretty sure it snows in Ottawa.”  Zion snorted a little at her words as he reached an arm behind him to wrap around her.

“I’m lookin’ for you not me, dumbass,” he replied, slightly surprising both of them.

Meliae was fine with the comment, taking it with a giggle.  “Coffee?” she asked as she began to move away from him.

“Please,” he said with a smack to her behind as she walked away.  He watched, as he so often did, admiring what had become his.

She returned a few minutes later to find him even more into his laptop.  She had two Christmas-themed mugs of coffee and gave one to him as she sat in his lap.  He instinctively wrapped his arm around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he began to speak.

“I found this place that has over 5 million Christmas lights over 20 acres, you love Christmas lights right?”

“Everyone loves Christmas lights.”

“The blind don’t.”

Zion had decided before Meliae had awoken that they were going somewhere cold.  They weren’t spending Christmas together simply because they really hadn’t been together very long.  Since all of her roommates were going away before her, they’d decided to shut themselves up there to spend time together.  Their plans consisted of Christmas movies and a crap tonne of food.

5 days later, they had touched down.  The city was beautiful, they both thought so and as promised snow covered the ground and fluttered down from the sky above.  The whole drive to their hotel, Meliae was attached to the car window, drinking in her new surroundings.  The whole drive Zion had a smile stuck on his face as he watched her closely.  She held his hand in her own and squeezed it every time something spiked her interest.       

In their hotel room, they had a wonderful view of the city and Meliae couldn’t stop herself from going directly to the window, while Zion flopped down on the bed.  

“I’m so glad I fit on this bed,” he mumbled as he snuggled more into the sheets.

She turned to look at him as he spoke, fighting the little smile she always got when she saw his sleepy face.  “How can you be on the bed when you can see this beautiful view?”

“I mean,” he began, eyes open once again, “I wake up to it most mornings.”

A ‘pfft’ left her lips as she threw her head back.  She chose to ignore him and turned back to the window to take a video to send to her family back home.  

“Cmere,” Zion said after he propped himself up a little so he could see her better.

She’d finished taking photos, but didn’t bother looking over at him, “you can get your lazy ass up and come here.”  

He walked over and joined her at the window, kissing her as they wrapped their arms around one another.  The same taste of cherry greeted him, something that was beginning to feel a lot like home to him.  

“Thank you for this,” she said with her fingers dancing on his neck.

“I wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else,” he replied before kissing her again.  

They parted, both flopping down on the bed next to one another.  “So, what do you have planned for today?”

Meliae had tried to plan a few things for her and Zion to do but he hadn’t let her, insisting he had it all sorted.  He had a few different things for them to do but that day he’d decided to take her on the city’s ‘Hot Chocolate Challenge.’  He knew she’d take it very seriously and he was genuinely curious about what she would say about each Hot Chocolate.

The four cafes he'd picked out took up their day.  Meliae, as expected, talked about the different flavours and how certain things set them apart from the rest.  He listened, the urge to kiss her growing each time she spoke.  

The main event of the day was the Christmas light festival and once the sun had set, they made their way over.  Giddily, they walked around hand-in-hand, pointing out and taking pictures of almost every light they passed.  Green, red and blue lights lit their faces and though the lights were more than captivating, Zion couldn’t help but steal glances at Meliae’s smiling face.

Near the end of the lights, people were handing out free cups of Hot Chocolate.  They’d stopped with hopes of getting a little bit warmer and to watch the local school’s dance performance.

Meliae quietly sang along to the Justin Bieber Christmas carol the children were dancing to and cheered them on.  Zion had been watching too but distracted himself when he glanced at her.  He was stuck watching her, while his brain wandered off.

He was back at the prettymuch house where a week prior Nick had caught him staring at his girlfriend, just as he was now.  She was outside with Simba, running around the backyard with him and Zion was watching from their french doors, spooning cereal into his mouth.

“Have you told her yet?” Nick asked, a knowing smirk resting on his lips.

“Ion know what you’re talkin’ ‘bout,” Zion replied, not even bothering to look at his bandmate.  

“Yea you do,” Nick sassed, laughing a little as he did so.  “You can’t fake it bro, I know you know.”

“You on somethin’ else bro,” he took a moment to glance at Nick only to be met with a smile he’d grown to dislike.

“You know, you used to be pretty good at hidin’ it but now,” he paused to shake his head, “now it’s all over your face every time you look at her.  Fuck, every time someone mentions her name it shows.”

“Still lost bro,” Zion said with a shake of his head.  

“Yea,” Nick began as he started to walk away, “whatever.”

Zion began to speak as an attempt to grab her attention but before he could, a girl who wouldn’t have been older than 8 ran up to them.  She shyly asked Meliae if she would dance with her and without a second thought, she’d given Zion her cup and let the young girl drag her away.  

He laughed as he watched them dance, noticing how she was trying her best to copy each move the young girl showed her.  She was laughing too and every now and then, she’d flash a smile in his direction.  He blew her a kiss whenever she did and she’d always blow one back, giggling a little as she did.  

His heart grew two sizes when she came back to him.  She hurriedly pressed a kiss to his lips before she began to talk, “that girl, her name’s Lola, would like you to come dance with us.”

She didn’t wait for him to speak and had already taken both the empty cups and thrown them in the closest recycle bin.  Her hand grabbed his and took him to where she’d been dancing only moments before.  After a quick introduction, they began dancing and singing along to the Christmas carols that played over the speakers.  

At their hotel that night, Zion was struggling to get comfortable while he waited for Meliae to come back to him.  She was getting ready in the bathroom, the night had slipped away without them realising.  He wanted to sleep but couldn’t seem to do it without her next to him.

“Figured you’d be sleep by now,” she said to him when she walked out of the bathroom, now in a pair of pj pants and her favourite hoodie of his.  He only grunted at her words, not feeling like speaking for a moment.

“Mamas?” he asked as she placed her drink bottle down on the bedside table.  

She climbed into bed next to him, pressed a kiss to his lips and waited for him to continue talking. 

“You want kids?”

She giggled a little, loving the nerves in his voice.  They didn’t come up too often but each time they did, she wished she could hold onto them for a little longer.  

“Yeah, I do.”

“Good,” he mumbled as they both reach to turn off their lamps.

“Why? You plannin’ on impregnating me this trip?” she asked as she cuddled into his chest.

“Nah, don’t worry ‘bout that,” he answered, both of them laughing a little.  

The next day, Zion had booked them a self-guided tour of an old mansion that went all out for the holiday season.  Not only did it have 39 rooms, but also they had 25 Christmas trees and 25 hidden elves that visitors were to find while learning about the house.  He knew she would love it and he was more than right.

Upon setting eyes on it, she had to stop him to gush over it.  She made him lower the slightest bit so she could speak directly into her ear, not wanting the elderly couple in front of them to hear all she was saying.  She finished her quick gush with a peak to his cheek, something that made him blush a little as he stood up straight again.

Inside they were greeted by the smell of pine, spearmint and warmth.  They shed their coats, Zion needing some help from Meliae which only made her poke fun at him before they began their tour with their arms linked with one another. 

They marvelled and praised as they made their way through.  Meliae pointed out which tree she’d liked to recreate the following year.  Zion tried to hide his smile when she mentioned him in her future plans, saying she would need the extra few inches he had on her to successfully decorate the top.  She hadn’t needed his help this year as she was taller than the tree her roommates had picked out.  

39 rooms and 25 found elves later, they arrived back at the foyer feeling inspired and longing for something more.  They quietly talked with one another giving feedback on which tree they believed out-shined the rest.  When Zion made a less-than-holy comment about the room with the balcony, Meliae couldn’t stop herself from leaning her head back to hide the smile and blush that washed over her at his words.  It was then she saw they were standing under Mistletoe.  

“Oh,” the surprised sound left her mouth before she could stop herself, drawing a few strangers attention.  

Zion’s eyes followed to where hers had just been and repeated the same word she’d just spoken, unsure of what to do.  They’d both become red and bashful, neither knowing what the other was thinking.  It was another couple, one who they’d shared a few words with throughout the tour, who encouraged them to kiss.

“Tradition is tradition after all,” the middle-aged lady spoke, quoting something Meliae had said to her about a Christmas tree no more than 10 minutes prior.

Zion turned his head to look back at his girl, “you okay with this?” he asked and she nodded her head without a second thought.

With her consent, he cupped her face in his large hand.  His thumb ghosted the outline of her bottom lip before he dipped his head down and let their lips meet.  It was only short, but he was met with a heartwarming smile when he forced himself to stop.

“I’ve never been kissed under Mistletoe before,” she barely whispered with her eyes closed, “I’m so glad you were my first.”  

“Oh to be young and in love,” the middle-aged lady said to her husband as her arm wrapped around him.  

She hadn’t expected the two love birds to hear her as she saw just how lost in their own little world they were.  But they did and it left them awkward, blushy and ready to leave.  Their hurried exit was excused when Zion realised he had made lunch reservations for them. 

When they arrived back at their Hotel, Zion let Meliae know they were going back to the lights again that night.  It made her stop in her tracks to stare at him for a moment.  

“Real?” 

“Yea, you loved it.  We gotta go again,” he answered while shrugging his shoulders.  

She got an excited smile on her face, the one made that his knees weak, a little giggle sounding out.  She walked across the room and wrapped her arms around him.  He picked her up, wanting her closer to him as she started peppering kisses all over his face.

“You are the most wonderful man ever,” she said before kissing him and making him put her down.

The second run-through of the light show was just as magical as the first, except this time, Zion was more in his head.  He was thinking about something else Nick had said to him while Meliae gushed about her favourite lights.

“Have you come to terms with what I said yet?” Nick had asked Zion while he was packing for their trip.  

He sighed dramatically, not bothering to look back at the short Italian, “again, ion know what you on but you full of it.”

Nick watched as he continued to fold clothes to put away, “cmon, you lyin’ to me, you lyin’ to yourself, you probably lying to Meliae too.”  

His head snapped to his bandmate at his last jab, “Hey, I wouldn’t lie to her, don’t even go there.”  His voice was raised and aggressive, something Nick wasn’t expecting at all and his hands raised in surrender.

“You’re takin’ her outta town simply because she’s never been cold on Christmas, cmon bro, you know.”  

With that, he was gone out the door but his words stayed stuck inside Zion’s mind, replaying it over and over again.  

“So, I think we can both agree the Hot Chocolate last night was average at best,” Meliae began as they approached the final part.  She drew Zion out of his head and he watched her with a smile, “but I was thinking we could get some of those candy canes they’re handing out and use them to flavour the drinks and why are you staring at me like that?”

She cut herself off, smiling at him.  She stopped walking and he stepped a little closer to her, admiring her for a moment.  He pressed his lips to her forehead causing her to giggle a little.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for a proper embrace.

“Thank you,” she giggled as he rested his head in the crook of her neck, “so are you.”

He stood up properly again, his arms still wrapped tightly around her and nudged his nose against hers.  She always giggled when he did it, unable to fight the bubbly feeling it ignited.

A quick kiss later, he stepped a little bit away from her, his hands now holding hers instead of her body.

“What’s going on with you baby?” Meliae asked as she brushed some snow from his shoulder, “you’re being a little strange.”  

An uncertain laugh left her lips as she began to adjust his jacket that was coming apart, purposely bringing him closer to her again.  Whatever was going on with him putting him out of his comfort zone and she wanted to offer him the warmth of her love till he felt safe enough to speak on it.

“I need to tell you something,” he said hurriedly as his cheeks heated up.

“You sure a light show is the right place to do it?” she asked with her head tilted, a look of slight concern plastered on her face.  

“Yeah I’m sure,” he spoke again, this time a little slower, “this is the only place I could think of telling you this.”  His eyes never left hers and a cloak of serious was laid over them.  

“It’s nothing bad, I promise,” Zion assured her sincerely, noticing the way she’d begun to chew on her bottom lip.  He brought her closer to him so he could hold her face in his large hand.  

“You said that about that chicken dish Edwin made and you were all sick for several days.”  As she hoped, the memory made him laugh a little, his dimples becoming obvious again.  

“I’m gonna say something and you’re gonna shut up, okay?” he asked and she nodded her head with a smile while his thumb rubbed over her bottom lip.  

“I’ma be honest, I ah, I wanted to say this in a really poetic and heart-felt way but my brain isn’t exactly working enough to make that happen,” he paused to laugh nervously, beginning to feel giddy all over.  “You’ve been important to me since the moment I first saw you and you’re the best thing to wake up to every day and I want to do that for-”

Noticing his word vomit and the way his eyes had dropped from hers, Meliae chose to interrupt him, “hey Zi, love where you’re going with this but I also think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself.”  She stroked her thumb over his cheek and offered him an encouraging smile.  

“Right, good call,” he said with a nervous laugh.  His eyes met hers again and he took a deep breath, “I’m falling in love with you, like more than in love with you.  I really love you, Meliae, and I think I have for a very long time.”

It was his turn to chew on his bottom lip but she stopped him rather quickly, stepping up on her tippy toes with her arms wrapped around his neck so she could kiss him.  

Tilting her head back, she let her eyes meet his, “I really love you, Zion.”  He pressed his nose against hers and let a moment pass before he kissed her.

As they walked, they were offered some popcorn by a man around the same age as Zion who was dressed as an elf.  Meliae refused politely and let Zion know she was about ready to head back to their hotel.    

“You sure you don’t wanna see any more lights, mamas?” Zion had asked while looking around for a certain light, “we haven’t seen that laughing Santa you liked yesterday yet.”

Meliae took hold on his hand and pulled him closer to her.  She kissed him with her hands gripping his jacket a little.

“I think we should go back to the Hotel,” she said again and kissed him once more.  

After she looked over his face to see if he was with her.

“Got it,” he said, catching on fully to what she was getting at, “I’ll get us a lyft.”

•••

It all began the year prior during your traditional Halloween movie marathon.  After much discussion, you and Brandon had decided The Nightmare before Christmas was both a Christmas and Halloween movie, therefore it was added as the final movie on your list.

Brandon was sitting on the couch with your son in his lap fast asleep though that didn’t stop him from making quiet comments about the movie as if he’d never seen it before.  You were sitting on the opposite end of the couch, half-watching and half-online Christmas shopping for your boys.  It was the first quiet night in the Arreaga household in about a week and everyone was basking in it.

During the scene where Jack asks Sally to make him a Santa suit, an idea popped in Brandon’s head, one that he thought was beyond brilliant.

Your son Hassan was still getting used to the idea of Halloween and Christmas but it was no question that he loved the traditions that came along with it.  He was curious but at that time still not asking questions about each holiday.  

“I kinda wanna get a Santa suit,” Brandon said to you drawing you out of your phone.

“Why?”

“He’s curious,” he shrugged his shoulders as you made eye contact, “if I put out his presents wearing the suit, he’ll be safe from all the Santa rumours.”

You couldn’t help but shake your head a little with a smile tugging at your lips, “He’s two, I don’t think that’s something we have to think about right now.”

The next week, Brandon came home late from the studio with a Santa costume that included a fake belly and beard.  You were catching up on some television in the lounge when he came in with the biggest grin on his face.  

“What did you do now?” You’d asked after pausing your show, watching as your husband proudly pulled the red suit out from behind his back.  

“Oh my God,” was all you could say with your face in your hand.  

He dragged you upstairs after he’d put some of his stuff away and insisted you sat in bed.  You did as you were told, too tired to argue with him.  A few minutes passed and he came back into your room, fully decked out in his Santa drip.  

Again, you dropped your face into your hand and laughed while he strutted around your room.  

“Sexy, right?” he asked as he stopped in front of you, the cheekiest smile that your son had inherited on his face.

He looked like an idiot to you but his joy was as it always has been, incredibly sexy to you.  However, you really did not want to have to see him wear it ever again but you knew that nothing you said would stop him from wearing it on Christmas Eve.

“Please take it off and come to bed.”

Hassan didn’t make any trips downstairs that Christmas and Brandon was maybe a little disappointed about it all.  He did use the opportunity to play ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ and force you to kiss him under the mistletoe.  You only agreed to it after making him take the fake beard off.

This year, however, was a completely different story.  Hassan had completely fallen in love with the holidays and every day when he got home, he’d ask to either listen to Christmas music or watch a Christmas movie.  Bedtime had become a time when you and Brandon would make up stories about what was going on at the North Pole at that very moment.  He was completely infatuated with Santa and his elves.

One Saturday morning when Brandon was driving him and Hassan to their weekly swim lessons, his son informed him that he had something to say that he couldn’t tell his Mumma.  It was slightly concerning for Brandon to hear but he encouraged him to trust his Papa.

“In the nighttime, I saw Santa in our kitchen eating Mumma’s cookies,” Hassan said proudly, an excited giggle following.

“Did you really, buddy?” Brandon asked his son, mirroring his excitement.  

“Yes Daddy, I really did!” 

Brandon obviously knew that he had not seen Santa but someone else who happened to share his last name.  

With the growing swell of your belly and your late-night rendezvous’ in the kitchen, it was a wonder Hassan hadn’t claimed to see Santa earlier.  Especially since the two of you were so often walking about at the same time of night as Hassan was in his walk-a-bout phrase when he wakes up and you were having to get up to use the bathroom at least once a night.  

Before the month of December, you’d often awaken to your boy sleeping on the floor beside your bed but now that your Christmas tree was up, he was opting to sleep in front of the glowing lights instead.  You couldn’t blame him really, but it always sends you straight back upstairs to get Brandon.

All of this was common knowledge between you and him but your son had no clue either of his parents even knew of his late-night adventures.  The magic of falling asleep anywhere and waking up back in his bed was still very new to him.  

And the reason why he didn’t want you to know was very simple, he was eating your cookies and that would upset you if you were to find out.  It was always important to ask for permission before you ate something that wasn’t yours, Hassan knew and Santa was supposed to know all of that too.  If anything, the kid was a little disappointed in his hero, but still very giddy to have seen him with his own two eyes.  

After swimming, Hassan and Brandon returned home, both following the smell of freshly baked cookies to the kitchen where you were listening to Christmas music and preparing to ice some sugar cookies.

“Hi Mumma,” your chirpy son sang as he ran up to you for a kiss and a hug hello.  

“Hi my son,” you said as you picked him up, “how was swimming?”

“Good, daddy forgot to take his glasses off again,” he reported back to you with another kiss.  

“Did he now?” you asked as Brandon came up behind you and rested a hand on your belly.  He pressed a kiss to the side of your head and naturally you leant back into him.  

In both your hearts a sense of warmth grew while looking at the little human you’d created.  It was moments like this that reminded you of what home felt like.  Home was their smile that really was just the same.  Home was their laughs that again, was one and the same.  Home was the warmth of Brandon’s arms around you and waking up to the call of Mumma.   

“The kid saw Santa eating your cookies last night,” Brandon said quietly to you once he’d run off to his room to play before lunch.  

You raised your eyebrows at Brandon and thought over what he’d said, your hand subconsciously rubbing your belly.  

“Should I be offended he thought I was Santa Claus?” You asked as Brandon’s hand joined yours on your belly where inside, a little baby girl was growing.  

You were decently pregnant at that point, almost 30 weeks and though Hassan knew there was a baby in there, he wasn’t fully aware of your belly.  Like most young kids, he didn’t notice when your bump first became visible and when you decided to tell him he was having a baby sister, he was genuinely surprised to see it.  

You’d told him when you were 5 months, simply because you thought he might have noticed.  Even after you’d told him, he forgot about your belly, often seeming very surprised when he walked in on you putting lotion over your bump.  He’d just stop and stare in the doorway as if you were an alien.  It was quite funny and he hated touching the belly unless sissy, as he called her, would kick first.  

Both you and Brandon had had the same thought upon learning your boy thought you were Santa Claus.  You’d had the fridge open and the light from it must’ve created a silhouette.  With your Christmas-themed nightshirt, it wouldn’t have been a far stretch for him to see you as Santa.  It would’ve only been for a moment too, you weren’t down there that long.  

The week before Christmas was the week where Hassan made a very upsetting discovery.  He no longer fit comfortably on your lap and his evening cuddles weren’t the same when he wasn’t in your lap.  He loved his Dad but his cuddles weren't the same.  Given he’d always been a Mumma’s boy it was a new experience for the whole family.

Brandon had made a smart comment about it one evening once he’d fallen asleep cuddled into his Daddy.  You were sitting on the couch next to them but instead of watching the movie Hassan had chosen, you were watching your belly as baby had the hiccups.  

“If I knew this was the way to get this kid to be a daddy’s boy, I would’ve knocked you up sooner.” 

You smiled at him before standing up to get a little closer to Brandon, tilting his chin up with your index finger when you reached his side.  You pressed a small kiss to his nose and gave him a cheeky smile.

“Can’t change a Mumma’s boy, Honey.  He’ll be back to me when he can fit in my lap again,” you winked which made Brandon laugh quietly.  You kissed him and then the top of Hassan’s head, your hand gently fixing his messy curls.

“She’s gonna be a daddy’s girl,” he commented as you stepped away from him, “I can feel it.  She always kicks when I sing to her.”

“Baby she kicks whenever I see you for the exact same reason Hassan kicked whenever I saw you,” you replied smartly and exited to the kitchen.

Three nights before Christmas, you woke up with baby resting on your bladder, as she so often was.  After you’d used the bathroom, you made your way down to the kitchen to find something to satisfy your cravings.

Halfway through a warm cookie and a glass of oat milk, you heard the unmistakable pitter-patter of your son’s sleepy feet.  

“‘Zat you, Santa Claus?” His timid voice rang out as he held his plushy named Pookie to his chest.  

The sight of Pookie always made you smile, triggering one of your favourite memories from Hassan’s first year.  

Brandon had bought it for him before he left for his first tour post-baby.  Every night for two weeks straight he slept with the plush elephant, refusing to cuddle you during this time in case it compromised his scent on the toy.  He had read online that giving your child something that carried your scent while you were gone would help them remember you and could help when they were missing you. 

It worked wonders, whenever Hassan was crying or crawling around looking for his Papa, Pookie was able to calm him and put him to sleep.  

Now, he refused to sleep without it and if Pookie was ever missing, he would throw a fit.  It was the reason why your first date night when Brandon had gotten back from tour had gone so wrong.  Brandon’s sister had called you an hour into your dinner date asking about Pookie and where it could be.  It cut the date short, but seeing Brandon swoop in to save the day reminded you of why you loved him so much.

“It’s just Mama, Honey,” you said softly after placing your glass down on the bench.

“Oh I thought Santa was back for more cookies,” he walked over to you slowly, rubbing his eye with one hand while reaching up for you with the other.

“He’s probably really busy right now,” you said as you picked him up, his body wrapping around you tightly.  “In just a couple days, he’ll be flying all around the world delivering gifts to all those who have been good this year.”

“I would come here ‘fore flying all ‘round the world just for your cookies, Mummy,” he said with his hand playing with the ends of your hair, sleep dripping through every word he spoke.  “And for your kisses.  I love your kisses Mummy.”

You rubbed his back as he picked his head up and puckered his lips to you.  You kissed him and let him rest his head again before you started to put your food away.  You could feel him falling asleep in your warmth so you carefully walked back up to his room.  

When you got back to yours and Brandon’s room you broke down into tears.  Brandon woke up instantly and wrapped his arms around you, not even questioning your tears.  This wasn’t the first time you’d cried randomly and it most certainly wouldn’t be the last.  

Of course, this time was because of how sweet your boy was, not because of a photo of a kitty in a cup that had set you off the last time.  He rocked you back to sleep, pressing kisses to your forehead every now and again. 

Christmas Eve rolled around and you all spent the afternoon in the kitchen making cookies for Santa.  Hassan had insisted on a to-go bag so Santa could stock up since he obviously loved your cookies.  He asked as well if he could leave a note to ask him which milk he preferred, almond, oat or soy?  You wrote it neatly and left boxes for Santa to check.

Once Hassan was in bed and actually asleep, Brandon greeted you downstairs in his Santa costume.  

“Whatchu think baby?” he asked as he spun in a circle in front of you, giving you a few poses while you took him in.

“You honestly look more like Santa this year than last.”

He leant down over you to kiss you, but you stopped him with a hand before he could get too close, “take the beard off or I will not kiss you.”

He obeyed, pulling it down and kissing you softly.  “Get your pretty ass upstairs, I’ll meet you up there once I’m done.”  

Usually, you’d put out the presents together but since Brandon was Santa and Hassan was fully convinced he’d seen Santa a few weeks prior, it was best you weren’t involved.  

He was almost done setting up the presents when he heard the familiar footsteps of his son.  Brandon quickly prepared himself, once again going over what he’d agreed with you and Edwin was the perfect way to greet and speak to his boy.  He turned to face him and was greeted by the heart-melting grin of excitement and the giggle he’d stolen from his father.

“You’re up late,” Brandon said in his best jolly-Santa voice.  

Hassan just smiled up at him and nodded his head, the glint in his eyes not going unnoticed, “I really wanted to see you,” he whispered excitedly.

It took everything for Brandon to not crack right then and there and scoop his son up into a hug.  There had been very few times he’d seen his kid this excited and happy. 

“Well, I don’t usually meet those I deliver too but it’s really nice meeting you, Hassan,” he placed a hand on his faux belly as he crouched down so he was closer to the boy’s height.  “You’ll have to thank your Mumma for these to-go cookies for me, it’s a brilliant gift, I’m very grateful.”

Hassan was practically beaming at his words, holding Pookie tight to his chest, “I told Mumma to make more for you!  I saw you when you were here a few weeks ago.”

“Then I must thank you too, Son.”

“And don’t forget to save some for Mrs Claus too, ‘member sharing is caring, Santa.”  

Brandon could tell Hassan was done talking now, his body language unmissable to him.  He stood still for a moment, a look of thought of his face that Brandon always insisted was the exact face you made, before running up to him.  He threw his little arms around Brandon’s shoulders and hugged him tightly.  

“You have a good nights rest now, Hassan,” Brandon said after he peeled himself off of him.  They waved to one another and he began to make his way back out of the room.

He stopped and turned to look back at him, “you smell like my Daddy.”

“I gifted him his cologne many years ago and now it’s my favourite too.”  Brandon didn’t miss a beat, feeling rather proud of himself when his son accepted it and made his way back upstairs.

Brandon plopped himself down on the couch once he heard the bedroom door click shut and took a moment to breathe.  He could feel the overwhelming pressure building in his chest and the slight prickle behind his eyes.  He knew it was because of his son but he had no idea why it had come on so strong at that time.  

After 30 minutes, he made his way back up to you to find you in bed with headphones on your ears and your belly, reading.  He approached your side of the bed and leant over you for a kiss but you stopped him.

“Take the beard off,” you said not even looking up from your book.

He giggled a little as he stood back up to remove it.  Truthfully, he’d forgotten he was wearing it, it felt quite nice on his face.  He decided to strip himself of the Santa suit and fake belly before he kissed you, wanting more than anything to just get into bed beside you.

“Why have you been crying?” You asked when he rested his head in your lap, his fingers dancing over your belly.

“That kid of ours was so excited to see Santa,” he replied nonchalantly, his eyes never leaving your belly where your little girl had just started kicking.  

You started running your fingers through his hair while his lips pressed against your skin.  “You knew he would be my love.”

“You know what the one thing he chose to say at that moment was?” he asked as he sat up a bit so your eyes met.  

You shook your head, obviously having no idea though you thought it would be along the lines of ‘I love you very much.’

“He reminded Santa, or me, to share with Mrs Claus because sharing is caring.”  You giggled a little thinking about your excited kid telling a fully grown man to share cookies with his wife. 

You tapped Brandon’s chin so he’d bring his face up to meet yours as always.  You pecked his nose before kissing him, you hand cupping his face gently.

“That’s why you were crying?”

“That and he knows what I smell like,” Brandon replied as he began to get comfortable under the covers.  

You both started getting ready for bed, you put all your things away and turned out the light while Brandon took off his glasses and cleaned them as he did most nights.  It was late, past 1 at that point and you were both exhausted. 

“I’m thinkin’ a 6 am wake up call,” you said to Brandon as he wrapped his arms around you, resting his hand on your belly.  

“Yeah nah, that kid don’t know what sleep is on a normal day,” he replied with a kiss to the top of your head.

“Sounds like someone else I know.”

With one last kiss, you and Brandon went off to sleep knowing in a few short hours, you’d be waking up to a very excited baby boy. 

•••

He was met by a rather annoyed stare, one he knew all too well and he smiled at you in the exact way that always made you weak in the knees.  How was it possible he was still able to awaken butterflies in your belly after all these years?

“What?” he giggled as he pulled you closer to him.

“You know exactly why we had to buy a new one,” you replied as he wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on top of your head, tucking you into his body.  

He giggled again at your reply before beginning to scatter kisses all over your face and neck.

The reason you’d had to buy a new cot was entirely his fault.  When you’d first gone back to work, Brandon had spent the weekdays at home with Hassan and after his nap around midday, Brandon would get in and lay with him till he was fully awake and ready to get out.  

You only found this out when you were pulling apart the cot once Hassan had gotten his big-boy bed.  The bottom frame was completely bent out of shape and the screws that held the frame together were all bent out of shape.  Brandon had confessed to you about what he’d been doing and you could only laugh in return, “you let him do everything I don’t and still he’s a Mama's boy, go figure.”

The day you ordered the new cot was also the day you warned him that he couldn’t do it with baby girl and ruin another cot but a part of you knew he would be doing the same thing with her and all your future kids.

You hid a yawn as you wrapped yourself around Brandon, enjoying his warmth as you both looked at your sleeping son.  It was uncanny how much he looked like his dad when he was sleeping.  It’d been close to 4 years and you were still wrapping your head around the fact you’d given birth to a mini version of your husband.

“I’ll take him to bed,” Brandon said with his lips pressed to your forehead, “and I’ll meet you back in the room.  I know your feet are killing you, babe.”

As promised, Brandon met you back in your bedroom where you were currently rubbing lotion over your belly in your underwear.  He couldn’t help but stop and watch you from the doorway, taking in the beautiful view of his wife.  He always swore that if he could, he’d freeze every moment in time he had with you just to make it last forever.

You took another pump of lotion in your hand and without looking at him spoke, “stop staring like a creep.”  

“Sometimes you don’t look real,” he said as he walked closer to you.  He picked up the lotion bottle from in front of you and began to rub the lotion on your lower back.  Cheekily, he rubbed his hands over your butt as well, enjoying the little extra plush two babies had brought to it for a quick moment.

“I think we should start thinking about names,” you said as your eyes met.  

He leant down and kissed you before kissing your belly, “we’ve got some already, don’t we?”

He offered you a hand and helped you into bed as you shook your head to him.  He sat down where your feet rested and began to massage them.  They were beyond swollen at that point and almost every day, like the kind gentleman he was, he’d try his best to make you feel at least a little more comfortable.  

“I was looking at them earlier and I don’t think they’re right anymore.”

“You said the same last time and Hassan was in our first batch,” he shrugged his shoulders while still skillfully relieving some of the pain that had built up.

“Yeah, but that kid looks like a Hassan,” you said with a little pout, “she just feels so different to all the names we originally thought of.”  He nodded his head to you understandably before standing up to kiss you.  

He started to get ready for bed, undressing while you settled into reading your book.  By the time Brandon was in bed with you, you were completely ready to cuddle up with your baby daddy and fall asleep but baby girl seemed to have other plans.  

The second Brandon started singing her a goodnight song, the same one he used to sing Hassan, she started dancing around in your belly.  He kept his hand on your belly and followed her feet wherever they went, letting her kick against his hand.  “Daddy’s right here baby, daddy’s got you.”

A tradition you and Brandon had started for your pregnancies, one that felt a little extra, was to make a video documenting the growth of your belly week by week.  Each Thursday night he would pull out his camera and you’d show off your ever-growing belly.  The first time around with Hassan you were more nervous around the camera but now it was almost second nature, after all, you were just saying what week you were at and answering silly questions Brandon would ask.

Finally at week 37, you were standing in front of the camera in a grey nursing bra and a grey pair of sweatpants.  You did a little dance while he filmed you, laughing quietly as you moved.  You turned fully to the side and let him emphasise your belly before you started speaking.

“We’re at 37 weeks today,” you said as you rubbed over the belly, your hands stopping low, “she’s starting to drop, I can feel it.  Not too long now darling.”

You got into bed not too long after you finished filming the clip.  You were exhausted like most days but things were starting to get more uncomfortable as each day went past.  That night, you’d reached a different level of discomfort and Brandon happened to walk in right as a familiar wave of pressure pulsed through your lower stomach.

“You good, baby?” he asked as he noticed the look on your face.

“Mm,” you hummed as it eased off, “just a Braxton.”

The look of worry didn’t leave his face as he crossed the room to you in a hurry.  He kissed the top of your head and placed a hand on your belly, making sure you were looking at him properly.

“I’m okay Honey,” you said with a little giggle, raising your hand to caress his cheek.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”  You kissed his nose before pushing him away, “come to bed, I wanna lay up with you.”

It was fairly easy to fall asleep with Brandon singing to you quietly and holding you as best he could.  His embrace and warmth made you feel at home, it always did.  Unfortunately, just past four in the morning you woke up to something you weren’t expecting.

The same sharp pressure had returned but to go along with it, you were in a puddle of amniotic fluid.  You reached your hand across the bed to shake Brandon’s shoulder as you said his name but he barely reacted and remained in his undisturbed slumber.  The second time you said his name a little louder and shook him a little harder.  

He groaned again but reached his arm over to you before speaking, “yeah?”

“My water just broke.”

“Okay baby,” he said sleepily before rolling back over and pulling the duvet up to cover him again.  You took a deep breath and waited patiently for him to realise what you’d just told him.

It took maybe thirty seconds before he was cursing as he jumped out of bed to get his glasses on.  He was by your side in moments, helping you get into some clothes and asking you where the stuff you needed was.  Your game plan had been set out for weeks but it seemed in the moment, Brandon had lost his head.  

It was as he began to exit his room that you called him back to you, hoping to ease his mind, “I know this is all very exciting but we have a 3-year-old to think about this time, please be quiet.”

He’d stopped in his tracks and came back to stand in the doorway, the giddy smile on his face never disappearing, “Right, I’ll be quiet.”  Again, he went to leave but you stopped him with the quiet call of his name.

“Yeah?”

“I love you so much.”

The smile he gave you before rushing off was the exact reason you were in that exact position and it almost made you laugh.  You probably would’ve if another contraction hadn’t started right at that moment.

7 hours later, your 6 pounds and 11 oz baby girl had arrived earthside.  Though she was only just full term, she was perfectly healthy and completely ready to take on the world.  

“You did it again baby,” Brandon said quietly from where he stood beside you, baby in his arms.  He had had his shirt off since he first held her, “you made the most perfect angel again.”  

His eyes never left the baby’s, his lips carefully brushing over her forehead.  He sniffed and in your half-asleep state, you saw his tears spill down his face.  “She looks so much like you, her perfect little nose and her perfect little lips.”  

You watched with tears in your eyes.  No part of you fully understood how you’d gotten so lucky.  You had the three most wonderful beings as your world, what else could you ever ask for.  

After a short nap for you and baby, Brandon received a message from his sister who was looking after Hassan saying that they were on their way.  Truthfully, you were enjoying the fact that you’d had no visitors yet.  Though in some ways, this birth was easier, you had gone through a hard trauma and really weren’t in the mood to see those you haven’t already prepared for.

You were burping baby when Brandon got a call saying they’d arrived.  He left quickly to go meet them, pressing a kiss to your head before he left.  Upon seeing them, he was pleasantly surprised to see Hassan holding his aunty Halie’s hand wearing his finest outfit, a button-up shirt and his church pants.  He looked like a true gentleman and it almost melted him right then and there.

“Daddy!” Hassan ran into his arms and clasped his hands together as an excited sound left his little lips.  “Do you like my fit daddy?” he asked as he stepped back to pose for Brandon, something he couldn’t help but laugh at.

“I think you’ve been spending too much time with your uncle Edwin,” Brandon commented which only made Hassan giggle and nod his head.  “I love your fit, you look so handsome, my son.”

With another giggle, Brandon let his serious-dad mode take over as he held his hand out to his son and he once again crouched down to his height.  “I need you to remember your manners when we go into the room to see Mumma and meet baby.  They’re both very tired and but you know how to be gentle and quiet, right?”

He nodded his head, his eyes never leaving Brandon’s, “another thing as well my son, mumma’s going to look very tired and you might think she looks a little sick but she’s so okay, I promise you.”

“Okay daddy, can I meet sissy now?”  Brandon couldn’t help but laugh at the excitement that dripped from every word the young boy spoke.  He could barely contain himself, he was practically dancing with joy.

“Of course baby, let’s go.”

Hassan knew to be quiet the moment they stepped into the room but he got so happy when he saw you with a baby in your arms, he almost jumped up onto the bed.  Brandon instead picked him up and carefully sat him on the bed next to you.

“Hi Mumma,” Hassan whispered as he very carefully moved a little closer to you, making sure not to knock your legs or baby who you were cradling in your arms.

“Hi my darling,” you whispered back before he kissed you on your lips.  “Daddy and I want you to meet your baby sister.”

Brandon helped sit Hassan so you could lay baby in his arms.  He helped support her neck while Hassan smiled down at her, his arms naturally cradling her and supporting her with ease.  

“Hey little baby,” he said quietly as he stroked his free hand over the top of her head.  He was barely touching her with how gentle he was being.  “She’s pretty like you mumma.”

That was enough to set off your waterworks, the tears that had welled in your eyes were painting silver streams down your cheeks.

“I love you,” he cooed to her, completely in his own world as he again brushed his fingers over her hair.

When you looked up from your babies to look at Brandon, you saw that he too was crying as he looked down at his kids.  He had so much love and admiration on his face at that moment.  You saw love and peace in its purest form.  His eyes unexpectedly met yours and his smile only grew when he realised you were already looking at him.

‘I love you,’ he mouthed to you and you nodded your head to him only to mouth the phrase back to him.  

The transition of going from a three-person family to four took full swing your first night back.  There was so much you were eager to do with both Hassan and Brandon but given the circumstances, you weren’t able to.

There were times when you’d fought to stay awake so you could spend time with Hassan but after a few days Brandon had had enough.  You were clearly on edge and he’d sent you off to bed for a nap with a kiss and a promise that he’d be able to hold down the fort while you were gone.

“You deserve it, Mama.  Go rest,” Brandon had told you after pressing a kiss to your lips.

“Have I ever told you that I adore you?” you asked, almost on the verge of tears.  He delicately placed his lips to your forehead and brought you closer to his chest.

“Almost every day for the past 9 years.”  You kissed once more before you departed to your room upstairs.  You crashed out almost the second your head hit the pillow.

You needed the nap more than you knew.  You were going through the baby blues with your hormones drastically trying to rebalance and the very little sleep you’d had weren’t helping.  However, the two-hour nap you’d managed to have helped to clear things up.

While you were sleeping the perfect name you’d been waiting for had finally come to you.  It had been a name you and Brandon had both liked the first time around before you’d known Hassan was well, Hassan.  You weren’t sure why it hadn’t hit the second you saw her but now it felt so right.

When you made your way downstairs, you walked into the living room to see Hassan dancing around Brandon to Stevie Wonder’s Isn’t She Lovely?  Brandon cradled baby in his arms while they both quietly sung to her.  It was an image straight out of a dream and again, tears were rolling down your face.

Hassan saw you before Brandon did and he ran to you and carefully wrapped his arms around you, his fear of accidentally hurting you clear in his actions.  “How was your sleep mumma?”

“It was wonderful, baby,” you answered as you bent down to pick him up.  He wrapped himself around you, embracing you in a tight hug and Brandon gave you a quick look of concern that you only brushed off.  “What have you been doing while I’ve been sleeping?”

Hassan spent the next five minutes talking to you about how he’d been showing baby all his favourite songs with the help of daddy.  Brandon had handed you baby to hold when you’d sat down on the couch with Hassan.  He slipped off somewhere else though you did wish he’d sat down with you.

“What song do you want her to listen to Mumma?” Hassan asked you once he’d finished listing all his songs.  You thought for a moment before a somewhat obvious answer appeared in your mind.

“Has daddy had her listen to Dream a Little Dream of Me?” he shook his head no and at that moment, Brandon came back in with a mug of tea for you.  He placed it next to you with a loving kiss and sat down next to Hassan.  

“Can you please go get daddy’s phone for me, honey?” you asked him and he was quick to spring to his feet and walk to the kitchen, leaving you and Brandon alone for a moment.

“I think I know her name,” you said quietly, wasting no time as you looked down at your peaceful girl.  You were flooded with the same feeling that flooded you whenever you looked at Hassan, that feeling of complete and utter happiness.

Brandon moved closer to you, his arm slipping around your smaller frame, “I wanna be looking at her when you say it for the first time,” he told you before taking a deep breath and looking down at her too.

“Penelope,” you spoke her name softly as if it was a secret only you and he could know.  

“Penelope,” Brandon repeated and it was as if everything fell into place, “she is a Penelope.”  He leant his head against yours as he spoke and you turned to look at him.

“Penelope Arreaga,” he said as your lips brushed over his.

Right then, Hassan came bouncing in and handed you Brandon’s phone.  

“Hey baby,” you said after thanking him quickly, “what do you think about Penelope as her name?”  Brandon pressed a kiss to your forehead as you spoke and once he’d let Hassan process what you’d said, he pulled him into his lap and pressed kisses all over his face.

“I like Penelope!” he exclaimed with the biggest smile, his hands clapping together.

His smile dropped for only a moment, “pretty Penelope,” he announced to her before turning to look at you.

“Precious Penelope,” you said to him and he clapped his hands and nodded his head to you.  

When he turned to look at Brandon you did too and were met with a beautiful smile that you were sure would always make your heart flutter.

“Perfect Penelope.”

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