small bump - z.k
a/n: i like to hurt my own heart, i suppose
Summed up: zion discovers a secret meliae has kept at bay for months
Warnings: sadness, mentions of blood (minor), unsuccessful pregnancy
Word count: 4.6k
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Distant.
The only word Zion could think of to describe Meliae.
Distant.
The first few weeks, he knew it was because of school and work. Sheâd been up for a promotion and it was important to her, so much so that she was doing what she could for it to go through. But then school ended and she got the promotion and still, things didnât change.
It wasnât that they werenât spending time together. If anything they were spending more time with one another, but he couldnât ignore how she never seemed to be fully with him. He tried his best to put it to the back of his mind, convincing himself that he was just making things up. Â
Heâd asked once if she was okay and she assured him she was okay, just a little tired. Heâd smiled and nodded in reply but he could sense something was wrong.  He knew her too well not to.
Their anniversary had been the last time heâd felt like she was fully with him. Zion had booked them a weekend away, a short road trip a couple hours north of the city with hopes it would properly reconnect them. Â
Sheâd gifted him with a key to her place and explained that it was somewhat of a promise that sooner, rather than later, theyâd be living together as theyâd talked of several times before. Till then, she wanted him to feel as if he could come over whenever and feel at home.  She was quick to note that her roommates were more than okay with it and had encouraged her when sheâd brought it up to them.
For the first time in months, she joined him and had a drink or two to celebrate them. They made love as if it was their first time all over again.  He felt as if heâd poured all his love over her and she gave him the same love back, seeming the happiest she had in a little. Â
When heâd laid next to her that night, she was quick to climb on top of him. She kissed all over his torso, she loved him, she said over and over again, she loved him so much.
The following week after theyâd gotten back was when everything felt like it had gone back to normal. It was as if they were in a bubble, floating on cloud 9, completely separated from the realities of the world around them. They couldnât keep their hands off of each other and with it finally being fully out on social media, all Zion wanted to do was share photos of her.
He wished it couldâve stayed that way forever. He even asked a shooting star to help make that happen. But it didnât.
Within a week, she seemed to close off to him, her mind and heart always seeming to be elsewhere when they were together. Simba had picked up on it and was again choosing to lie with his head in her lap over Zionâs.  Heâd been more protective and cuddly of Meliae over the past few months and Zion had observed, even googling to see why.
Determined to fix things, Zion did the only thing he could think to do. He spent the day putting together a care package of everything he knew could help her feel better. He went out and found all her favourite skincare products, her favourite wine, and all her favourite snacks. He even made the trip halfway across town to her favourite Chinese bakery.  She loved the food and the people who worked there dearly, but between work and all she was silently going through she hadnât been able to get there for a while.Â
He'd picked the perfect night to plan a self-care date, even if it was a Thursday. Meliaeâs roommates were both going to be out for the entire evening attending a production someone they were friends with had put together. She and Zion were going the following week and to stop any spoilers, theyâd agreed to not speak once they arrived home.
Entering Meliaeâs place without her was unsettling for Zion. It was the first time he was using the key sheâd given him the month prior and though he knew it wouldnât be the last, a small part of him implied it. No one else was home, the absence of the pink hue of the opposite hallway of Meliaeâs room told him so.  It was a perfect situation.  He could do what he needed without the surprise being spoilt.
He was impressed with how heâd set everything up. The vibe of the room was exactly what he wanted it to be and just standing back, looking over it, he felt serene. The scent of lavender mixed with the gentle lighting her fairy lights and afternoon sun created a wonderful safe place that Zion just knew Meliae would love.
Right as he was sitting down in her office chair, his phone screen lit up with a text notification from her. Her plans for the evening were to watch a movie in bed and she promised to call him once she got home, a kissy face her signature sign off. Â
He was ready just in time, he realised, but his nerves were growing with each passing moment. He was excited to see her, forever missing his girl but what-ifs swirled his mind as he read over her text again. He knew he was being silly, that there was nothing to fear, but that didnât exactly silence those thoughts.  Knowing himself, he set off to the bathroom to take a leak and splash some water in his face.
Ever since Zion had started staying over at the beginning of their relationship, Meliae had kept towels out for him to use. He didnât think to check and see if they were there until he was reaching for one, only to find it was not there.  He swore quietly as he ducked down to open the cabinet under the sink, dripping water on himself.
It was folded neatly along with his other things sitting under a label of his name. He smiled fondly at it, remembering back to their first argument.  Heâd asked why heâd need to put his name there as if anyone else was going to use her bathroom or his things. Sheâd insisted, however, telling him that he was right that no one else was likely to be using her bathroom, but it was a precaution. Â
He began to stand up before heâd fully pulled out the towel and that was his first mistake. He somehow managed to knock down several things along his shelf and some spilt out onto the tile fall, the loud clatter making him cringe. He patted his face dry and hung up his towel where it rightfully belonged, only after did he crotch down to pick up the mess heâd made.
Three white sticks heâd be able to identify anywhere laid face down on the tiles along with the shaving cream he kept at hers. It was as if his world stopped at the sight of them, barely able to breathe as his body plopped down on the ground, his legs too weak for him to crotch. He stared at them with a blank mind, trying to make sense of what he was looking at.
No part of him could bring himself to pick them up and look properly. Instead, he felt the urge to look in her cabinet.  He wasnât surprised to see several more in a slightly scattered pile at the very back. He figured sheâd hid them there knowing he never looked when he got stuff out, just reached and grabbed blindly.
He picked the three off the tiles and without looking he already knew what they said. Slowly, he got back to his feet, his heart pounding in his ears as he made his way back to her room. He was like a zombie, perched on the edge of her bed just staring at the wall, his thoughts wordless but deafeningly loud.
He gave himself a few moments before he turned them over in his hands and looked down at them. The first two had two very prominent lines in the oval but the third was digital.  Never had a singular word meant so much to him. A choked laugh fell from his lips as he grinned down at what he knew had just completely changed his life.
A year ago, the same word wouldâve had him running for the hills. It was a terrifying change and of course, he was scared, but there was an overwhelming warmth and happiness that accompanied those emotions and completely overpowered them. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks as he again laughed, saying the word aloud as if to confirm it to himself and the universe that this was real.Â
The sound of the front door closing brought him back down from the floating man heâd become. He stood as he wiped at his cheeks, sniffing as he checked over himself in the mirror.  He was nervous again, a new wave of what-ifs hit right as Meliae pushed open her door with furrowed eyebrows.
Her closed door, Zion realised as she saw him, was a tip of his arrival. All the same, her breath caught in her throat when she saw him, her bag dropping to the ground as she said his name. She was happily surprised and giggled as her eyes scanned over her room at what heâd set up.
âBaby,â she said when she turned back to him with tears in her eyes as she pouted, âI love you so much.â Her voice was more of a whisper, her bottom lip catching between her teeth as she looked up at him. Â
He couldnât speak. Mostly because he knew if he did he would cry. So he stood there, smiling at her as if she was the only thing in the world. She took a few steps towards him, a tear falling down her cheek as she mirrored his love.
She stopped when her eyes trailed down his body to his right hand. Her demeanour completely changed in a matter of moments at the sight of the three sticks he held. It was almost unsettling how quickly her happiness disappeared, her arms crossing over her diaphragm. Â
âYou found them.â
âIt was by accident,â he began to explain as he stepped closer to her, his eyebrows furrowed. She didnât look away from his hand almost as if she couldnât, not even when he was only a few steps in front of her. âI pulled out my towel and they-â
â-itâs okay Zi, I believe you.â Her voice was airy in a way heâd never heard before and sent a shiver down his spine that made him straighten his posture.
He waited for her to look up at him for a few moments until it was clear she wasnât going to. He needed her too.  He couldnât gauge how she was reacting.  He could barely gauge how he was reacting. All he knew was that this was not how he expected things to go and it caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand.Â
âLook at me,â his tone was quiet and kind but only seemed to make things worse.
She shook her head, âI canât.â
âBaby,â he pressed his lips to the top of her head. He closed his eyes as she let a sob escape her, âlook at me.â
She shook her head again, âI canât Zion.â
She was barely able to speak now. Her voice was shaky and a stutter heâd never known echoed as she repeated that she couldnât. He could feel his heartbreaking with each word she spoke, the air cold around them.  He was trying his best not to cry, using every part of him to hold them together.
âBaby please,â his voice broke, âeverythingâs okay, Iâm not upset with you.â Â
She took a deep breath and blew it out in a shaky stream before she finally lifted her eyes to meet his. Her cheeks were wet and fresh tears rolling down them when she tried to give him a small smile.  Her mind had gone from running a million miles a minute to a complete standstill. Zion was the only thing that mattered but how could she protect him now?
She closed her eyes when he pressed another kiss to her forehead. She took another deep breath as he cupped her face with his left hand and closed the gap between them. Meliae gripped at the material of his shirt and their foreheads rested against one another.
âI know we havenât been together that long but a babyâs not a bad thing. I love you and I already want to spend the rest of my life with you-â
â-Iâm not pregnant, Zion,â she cut off his blabbering in tears, her hands slipping under his shirt to rub his sides.
âOh,â he said slowly, his lips pressing to her forehead as he tried to make sense of what was being said.
He quite suddenly lost all feeling of his body.  His chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace as his heartbeat rang throughout his entire body. Meliae noticed what was happening before he did and guided him to sit down on the edge of her bed.  She tried to get him to steady his breathing but he wasnât having it.
Somehow, his mind was completely blank but running a mile a minute. He wanted to say something, needed to but he could barely make one thought make sense. What he held in his hand still was what gave him something to say, he didnât even realise heâd dropped them.
âBut th-the tests?â
âTheyâre mine,â she said quietly as she nodded her head. Â
âYou gotta help me out here, M,â he said, looking up at her with pleading eyes. She was crying silently but when he tried to bring her closer to him she stopped him.
âFuck, okay,â she said quickly before turning to look away from him, patting the sides of her thighs as she often did when she was building up her confidence. âTheyâre from a couple months ago.  I took one before we went back home and it was negative but I didnât trust it.â
He nodded his head slowly, a few puzzle pieces clicking as he thought back. âThatâs why you didnât drink while we were there.â  She agreed quickly.
âI took one or ten after I missed another period and youâve found them, obviously.â
He smiled up at her and she just shook her head at him, chewing on her bottom lip as more tears fell from her eyes. She rewrapped her arms as she tried to stop herself from crying anymore.  She could see the way he was feeling and it made it that much harder to speak.
This was exactly what Meliae had spent the last month or so trying to avoid. At first, sheâd wanted to tell him regardless of what happened.  But then the grieving started and endless nights of feeling guilty and un-womanly haunted her whenever she was left alone. She was crying herself to sleep more than she wasnât and she wanted to protect him from that.
She knew just how hard it would hit him and she wanted to protect him from that kind of heartbreak. She was still going through it and she wasnât sure if she was ready to see him in that kind of pain.  Sheâd seen him cry a few times and she never wanted to again and she really didnât want to be the one who made him cry. Â
She took another deep breath and looked across the room at the mini purple dolphin that sat on her windowsill as she tried to think of the words to speak.
âI had it all planned out, you know?â she gulped, swallowing the lump that was growing in her throat, âI wanted to tell you when you could sit down and process it all, I didnât want to just spring it on you when you had enough stress already. And I didnât know for long, maybe two weeks at most.â  He nodded his head when she looked back to him, more tears falling as she took a deep shaky breath.
âDo you remember that night when Simba wouldnât let you touch me?â Her voice broke with almost every word she spoke, her body losing itself as she moved to stand closer to him again.
âYeah,â he nodded his head as another puzzle piece fit into place. Heâd been more protective, more cuddly with Meliae since theyâd gotten back from the Big Island. The night she was referring too was the only time Simba had ever been outrightly aggressive with Zion. It now all made sense.
âI wasnât exactly in pain but I was uncomfortable. Cramps, you know?  The fun stuff.â
His eyes didnât leave hers as she came to her knees in front of him, her hands shaking as they reached for his. He clasped them between his own, pressing kisses to her fingertips.  She let silent tears fall down her cheeks and took another deep breath.
âI woke up early and there was blood, not a lot but I knew something wasnât right,â she paused as Zionâs eyes closed. He leant his forehead against their entwined hands and she let him take a few breaths before she kept talking.  âThen later there was more and Lacey took me to the hospital and I just.â
She was fully crying now, unable to finish her sentence. He didnât care, either way, he knew what she was going to say and chose to pull her into his lap instead. She wrapped herself around him, feeling the smallest she ever had as she cried into his chest, apologising over and over again.
 âI wanted to tell you but I didnât want you to hurt and I didnât want it to be because of me. Iâm just so sorry, Z, Iâm so sorry.â
âItâs okay M,â he whispered as he stroked his hand over her hair, âyou did nothing wrong.â
She shook her head again, her words muffled as she held him that much tighter, her sobs only getting worse.
âI love you so much,â his words were broken and his eyes closed in an attempt to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.
Thereâs no saying how long they sat there, wrapped up in one another. Meliae cried till she couldnât anymore and Zion spoke nothing by sweet things to her. His lips pressed feather-light kisses wherever he saw fit and each time he told her that he loved her, it was as if he never had before. Â
To be in his arms and to have everything out in the open again was exactly what she needed. For so long sheâd felt undeserving of his love and affection and had curved a lot of it.  She just wanted to feel one with him again and it seemed as if he knew as she cried into him. Sheâd wanted to feel safe and okay again and she always felt that in his arms.Â
She unwrapped herself from around him and slipped off his lap once she felt as if she had nothing more to give of herself. She kissed him gently, cupping his face in her hands as she told him she loved him with each kiss they shared.  Their eyes were both puffy and red but they managed to smile at one another and have it reach their souls.
âI have something I saved for you,â she whispered to him, leaving one last kiss on his nose before she crossed the room to her desk. In its drawer, she pulled out a yellow envelope and handed it to him with glass eyes.
On the top left corner, sheâd written âfor zionâ and on the bottom right, she left a proper note: âmy love for you is never-ending. this doesnât prove that, itâs just a tiny, strawberry-sized reminderâ.
He opened it carefully and pulled out a set of 3 ultrasound photos and a hard drive he recognised from her bedside table. He ignored it, for the time being, placing it on the bed beside him and directed all his attention to the scan. Â
It was as if he held his world in his hands and he couldn't pull himself away from it. They were perfect.  It was the only thing he could think as he stared at what was his first child. They were barely a human, yet they filled him with such love, such warmth that it almost scared him. He smiled and Meliae giggled a little as she swept his dreads out of his face.
âThey were the size of a strawberry?â he asked, his eyes not leaving the scan.
She hummed and watched as his smile grew, âhe was the size of a strawberry,â she confirmed.
He.
His heart took a minor dive at what sheâd said and just for a moment, Zion stared up at Meliae, letting the warmth flood his chest. He didnât want to think past that moment.  All that mattered right then was that he was looking at his son, their son. Â
âHe was perfect.â Â
It was so hard for him to say and it came out rather choked but he had to because he knew if he didnât, heâd regret it.
âThe drive has a video of the ultrasound and audio of his heartbeat,â Meliae explained, âI knew youâd want it but if you donât now, I understand.â
âNo, I want it,â he said quickly as he stood up, placing the sonogram on her bed. Â
He stepped closer to Meliae and took her hands in his, bending down to kiss her. âI brought all this stuff to help you feel better,â he spoke gently as their noses rubbed together in an Eskimo kiss, âI still have every intention of doing that, my love.â
She smiled weakly, âokay.â Her tone mirrored his before she leant up to kiss him softly.
âĄ
Zion got home late that night to a silent household, just past two am. Heâd originally planned on spending the night at Meliaeâs but after sheâd fallen asleep beside him, he realised he needed to be in his own space. He left her with a kiss on her forehead and a note explaining why. Â
He spent their time together with a smile on his face and in high spirits as they practised self-care and watched one of her favourite movies. He wanted their time together to be about her when heâd first planned everything out and after all that heâd found out, it was even more important that that night was spent with her wellbeing his top priority. Â
Now that he was home alone, he felt exhausted. He was barely able to gather the energy to walk from his car to his bed, he was just completely drained. Â
As ways would have it, once he was in bed and comfortable, he couldnât sleep. His mind was elsewhere as he stared up at the ceiling, only able to think of the scan that was sitting on his desk.
He let himself get lost in the thought of their little boy. If all had gone well, Meliae wouldâve been 5 months in and in four months, he wouldâve been physically with them. Heâd have Zionâs hair but Meliaeâs smile and the most beautiful brown eyes. Â
Theyâd lay with him fast asleep between them, simply admiring the little human their love had created. No matter what, heâd always keep him safe and do whatever was needed for him to laugh.  Heâd be completely wrapped around his finger and though Meliae would give him shit for it, he wouldnât want it any other way. Â
A split-second decision had Zion getting out of bed, turning his bedside lamp on and grabbing his laptop to take to his desk. It couldnât turn on fast enough as he sat at his chair, staring at the blank screen with his knee bouncing.  In his hand, he held the drive sheâd given him, his brain replaying the moment she told him.
He was quick to plug the drive in once his laptop had loaded and turned the volume all the way up in anticipation. His heart swelled in his chest as the video began and like a young child, he moved as close to the screen as he could. He smiled through tears and laughed a little as he commented on their big head, âjust like his daddy.â
He couldnât identify much more than his head and limbs as the video went on but it all felt so important. Towards the end of the video, audio began as they searched for a heartbeat.  That was what truly broke him, hearing his heartbeat for the very first time.
Meliae had told him that sheâd made sure to get an extended audio recording of the heartbeat for him and though it had confused him at first, it was now obvious why. Music was his outlet.  His craft where he expressed his true emotions whatever they might be.  The heartbeat to him was music and all he really wanted to do was sing to his son.
His guitar was kept handy to the right of his desk and after checking over some chord on his phone, he picked it up. Small Bump was one of Meliaeâs favourite Ed Sheeran songs. Sheâd confessed it to him one night when neither of them could sleep and were just kind of aimlessly talking. Heâd never really thought much of it but now, it was the only song that felt right.
To begin with, it was easy to sing and play but eventually, his tears came in steady streams and made things harder. He kept singing only pausing the few times he messed up the chords.  Though heâd cried most of the song, it was the final four lines that had him properly choked up. He was barely able to get them out as he just let himself go.Â
With his head in his hands, he sobbed. He let his pain out and his anger disappear. Â
âThis is a part of life,â Meliae had said sadly to him when theyâd first gotten into bed. His hand rested on her belly as they cuddled, keeping her warm under his large hand. âIt sucks, but itâs just another part of life we all go through.â
He let it echo through his head as he cried. He knew sheâd said it to try and help him and that suggested it had helped her. So he tried to get himself to say the words.  And he managed to choke them out, feeling as if Meliae was right there with him.
There was no reason why this happened, they both knew that. But like most things that hurt in life, there didnât need to be a reason for it. Â
Simba joined Zion once heâd tucked himself back into bed. They curled up together and when he checked his phone one last time before he let everything go for the night, he saw Meliae had texted him no more than 10 minutes prior.
i donât think i said this but however you need to get through this, iâm gonna be right here for you. i love you more than anything, z and thereâs no one else iâd rather go through this with.  i got you baby. always.
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how are we all doing?















