#pretty thangs

 (Part One)

On Monday, July 7, I traipsed around in the front yard in Beatles-themed pajama pants tucked in my boots.  I dragged a trash bag behind me, filling it more every other step with remnants of a two-turned-three night celebration of these United States.  The bag  stretched awkwardly at the bottom where I had smashed soot-covered cardboard canisters in it, You know how a cartoon’s stomach takes the shape of whatever it’s ingested? My trash bag was having a breakfast of consumer-approved, mass-market b-b-b-bomb leftovers.  There was one small black spot in the yard, near the middle, where we’d launched the rockets that blow up to make a smiley face in the sky.  Or at least a sort-of smiley face.  Have the technological aesthetic advances of emojis ruined the rudimentary art of a nice night of fireworks, now, too?

 Other than that one minute dark spot, after the rest of my garbage pick-up, there was no sign our very American celebration had even occurred.  And I wondered if – emotionally – it was kind of like that, too.  Were any parts of the traditional America we celebrate even a thimble’s worth of what America really is today?   Do kids these days know what a thimble is?

After the trash was picked up outside, I returned inside where I dumped out some half-full beer cans, threw away a couple peaked-looking hamburger patties, straightened a side-ways American flag displayed in an Incredible Hulk mug on the window sill to its proper glory and then, like a real patriot, took myself a sit-down on the couch.  That’s where I pulled out my cellphone, the no-contest winner of what “tool” we as Americans use more than any other tool of modern times, and started browsing the internet, updating my latest apps, checking email.

A question came to me: What were other Americans downloading today on their little phones?  Had anyone taken advantage of the jazzed up nationalism July gifts us and made a “PATRIOT APP?” (Sounding terribly a lot like PATRIOT ACT, there, somebody should monetize that idea with some type of satire..)   What were all the other American women doing besides cleaning up their own fireworks graveyard now?  And there, on the App Store’s chart, I found out.  They were – a whole stinkin’ lot of them, anyway – downloading with fervor, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood.

Well, this blog just took a menacing turn.  I almost believe more people will stop reading now out of plain old American disgust because of the mention of Kardashian than if I suggested I instead sat down on the couch and downloaded some crazy app that helps you plan to burn every American flag and replace it with a Confederate flag in a 100-mile radius.   (FYI: Not a real app,  there --  just a made up wild idea that seems more tolerable than me writing about Kim Kardashian's cell phone game.

I’ve never felt the vehement dislike for Kim Kardashian’s existence that some folks do.   I commonly fall back to the poignant quote from early 2000s music group 3LW when discussing other people’s fame and successes :  “…Haters they gonna hate, Ballers they gonna ball…That ain’t got nothing to do, with me and you, that’s the way it is.”

I’ve always kind of accepted that, ya know, ol’ Kim K got famous for whatever reasons and she (and by she, I mean her management and mom, etc) really, really, really used every resource available to keep that level of fame constantly progressing.   Isn’t that what the American Dream is?  Using the tools you have?  And isn’t, again, the most effective and commonly used tool we wield as Americans today, that nifty Iphone or Android in your pocket? 

So, I downloaded Kim Kardashian: Hollywood to see what the fuss was about.   I needed to find out – for instance - if I weren’t an already relatively well-formed American woman eyeing down the rim of 30 years old with a penchant for critical thinking and my own independence, what I’d gather from this *fun, gaming experience.* Like- what if I was one of the impressionable 14-year-old girls that has 16k followers on their @KimKFanZine Instagram account and considered this app -- even mildly so – a legitimate guideline to fame and fortune?   What if somebody studied Kim Kardashian: Hollywood the way I have earnestly studied my autographed copy of Robert Evans’ The Kid Stays in the Picture?   I tried to keep my mind open.  Maybe the game would surprise me - and not be- as rightly assumed by my friend Michael when I told him I’d been playing for 10 days and was at B-List fame:  “the most vapid thing ever to be experienced on this planet.”

(This is just one of the Google Image results for "vapid.")

In Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, the gameplay is similar to – say – the Sims.  You get a character.  You build up a certain amount of energy and use that energy to do tasks – which when completed – ups your levels and unlocks items you can buy with money, which you also generate by doing these tasks.  Understandably, the things you buy most commonly in Kim’s game are clothes, accessories, and eventually, condos.   Once, during the 10-day tenure since I’ve been crawling up the faux-fame ladder, I did have to pay my slummy-looking landlord rent.   And, when I went out of town, I also had to pay for my plane tickets and transportation around “LA” and “Miami” and eventually “Las Vegas” and “New York.”   So, that’s something.

Ya see, but for my character,”Mary”, to get to all those jet-setting opportunities in the game, I had a manager Simon and a publicist, Maria finding the “deals.”  And to acquire those managers, it all began, with Mary coincidentally running into Kim K.’s character on the street and letting her in the retail store that Mary was currently slaving her life away in *after hours* to grab a dress.  Kim K. and Mary then form an immediate friendship and are chatty as all heck.   (Which, IN REAL LIFE, if this overly-friendly exchanged started occurring,  I’m sure would’ve resulted in Kim’s bodyguard quickly detaining lowly retail associate Mary out back by the boutique’s fancy dumpster.)

The narrative continues with Kim complimenting  and fawning over Mary , inviting her into her Beverly Hills home, introducing her to all the right people, and giving her (and this is where quite a bit of *vapid* sets in) advice throughout the game.   Advice, ahem, like this:

Before this certain piece of advice flashed on the screen, I’d been sort-of rationalizing Kim Kardashian: Hollywood.  I was prepared to admit that it was fun to *earn* enough money to buy “Mary” an outfit that would most certainly garner her compliments at her next appearance at a bar.  I was feeling weirdly rewarded when I knew, after earning a few more grand in the game, I could upgrade to a really big house, with all brand new furniture, and brand new clothes in the closet – Something that, in my real life, would take far more than just clicking *bubbles* to use my *energy* and thus, finish tasks like checking my make-up during a photo shoot.  

But that advice from in-game Kim, it gnawed at me.  Dating famous people will get you more fans, too. It was ringing in my ears.   (Well, not totally because I only play the game on mute so nobody knows what I’m doing.) After that message, the blinders were off.   This wasn’t some fun little “dress-up and live” game that reminded me of when I had Polly Pockets and Barbies as a little girl, and dreamed up scenarios that were loosely based on the life of the character Mary Richards who I truly adored from the Mary Tyler Moore Show.  

This was some horrific fictionalized anti-feminist, anti-woman, anti-progress, man-mongering, disaster!  Or…was it?

 “Dating famous people will get you more fans, too.”  Kim advises.  Well, she’s right, isn’t she?  For her, a leaked sex tape with Ray J – the rapper little brother of R&B star Brandy, was the initial push of Kim into the public eye.   

“Getting new clothing, cars, and homes can increase your star power for love and work.” An info bubble pops up and explains to “Mary” during a meeting with her manager, Simon.   I assumed this nudge was a result of Mary not having bought any new accessories or clothing since my last level up.  Or because for Kim (and maybe other women?) – it is true? 

Thinking about all this has launched me into a serious self-assessment.  I’m guilty myself of posting “Tuesday is Shoes-day” on my Instagram page to show off a new pair of heels I just got in the mail.  Of course,  my motivation for posting the heels was certainly not to increase my start power for love (happy with a thankfully non-famous, brilliant, wonderful supportive man) or work. 

But in the game,  for my character “Mary” – a young lady fighting her way up in an industry where your attractiveness is undoubtedly important and so is your pocketbook and social power, maybe Kim is just gettin’ really real about how things *can* go down. Or specifically, how they’ve gone down for her?

I’m nearing A-list status on the game. Right now, Mary’s being encouraged by her publicist Maria to buy a condo in Miami that she can’t afford because she didn’t know she’d be pushed so hard to do so and instead spent $4k of her earnings on an outfit that included a black leather jacket.  Soon, Mary will take her first catwalk at a really important fashion show.   And thereafter, I assume, kiss "B List" goodbye.

An ever-changing mecca of thrift store delights is provided to me in BGKY, yes, but very rarely is there a new retail opportunity to surface that excites me.  It likely doesn't help that I have a "curiosities bend" to what I like - I want things that are well-designed, or one-of-a-kind, vintage and passed down from generations to generations.  Or things with a nice patina -- I have a rusty "EXPLORE KENTUCKY" sign I consider one of my favorite belongings.   I want to own things that make people drawl out a "well that's inttteresssting." or "'I've never seen one like that.."  It's rewarding.

It makes *retail* of the truest kind -- e.g. new stock -- an even harder sell for me.  And today, WL2 got me by the yoke.

Stocked up with goodies and gifts for all kinds (women, men, kiddos) including fancy soaps,

unique jewelry,

more unique jewelry (or is it an ornament of some sort? I don't know ,but it's two-headed and I want it!)

and quirky housewares - WL2 really could be a one-stop shop for your retail therapy needs.

The store itself is smartly decorated -- some displays had a hint of the  Anthropologie design tactics, but I'd compare it most closely to a mini CB2 minus the furniture offerings.  CB2 is Crate and Barrel's less traditional-more modern offshoot, and considering WL2 has a parent retailer, Werner-Lowe, I'm sure this is no coincidence.

I do know that I'm delighted to add a new stop to my Saturday shopping escapades that is locally-owned and (thank God) on-the-pulse.  I implore you - friends and consumers --  welcome and support WL2 ! -- as it turns out Bowling Green -- we CAN have nice things.

DETAILS:

NAME: WL2 Funke Trende Things

LOCATED AT: 760 Campbell Lane, Suite 105, Bowling Green, KY 42104

FIND ONLINE: click HERE.

THEY'VE GOT: 

handmade leather goods

trendy , funky and unusual gifts

stuff I haven't even seen on Pinterest !

soaps, lotions, shaving cream

housewares and decor

astrologically-personalized earrings

much , much MORE!

PRICE RANGE: $$-$$$  Most items ranged from $10-$50.

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Franklin, Ky Drive-In.

Spillway Bar & Grill.

Hicksville Trailer Park, California.

Goose on the Lake Music Festival.

Hazard, KY.

Porch standin'.

I was recently privileged to embark on a fun little road trip to the hills and hollers of Eastern Kentucky.  I broke out my cowboy boots and Jon broke out his excessively tall-brimmed cowboy hat.  Cowboy up.

The occasion for the trip was the Knott Country Trail Ride -- where our dear friend Shooter Jennings was playing to a crowd of  - we heard - over 4,000 attendees on the top of a Knott County mountain.  One of my favorite part of Shooter's set is when he sits down at the piano.  It's a time when an artist does something on stage that is meant to bring a mounting (pun?) intimacy between the audience and themselves -- and it actually works.  Whether you're at the side of the stage or 50 feet away in the darkness of the crowd,  you feel like you're with Shooter in his living room as he tinkers away on the ol' ivories.  It's just real and just good.

Post festivities, we shacked up at the beautiful cabin of  Wesley Fields - a Hazard, KY native that is wonderful and crazy -- the type of crazy that comes from being too smart for your own good.  The type of crazy that is requirement to be friends with us.  It was late and dark and I didn't entirely realize what a lovely, lovely home I was being hosted in until the next morning.  All I knew was there was a seemingly endless supply of Ale-8-One, an expansive collection of Kentucky Wildcat memorabilia, country music records, and that we got fed some meat.

When the morning (afternoon) -- finally came, I crept outside in my sock feet.  It was bright, but wet and cool -- from the night's rain outside.  Perfect porch-sitting weather and a perfect porch.  Did I mention that Wesley built this all himself?  As it turns out, do-it-yourself gumption it still alive and well in Eastern Kentucky, y'all.

Perfect porch swing, as expected, on perfect porch.  It was so green that morning outside the cabin.  I wanted to swing and close my eyes and smell the outdoors.  I felt like a dang tree-huggin' hippie.  Had I forgotten what nature was like?  Either way, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a wonderful feeling.

Wesley's home - in addition to being beautifully built -- was filled with so many lovely things.  He's a collector and an old soul, like me -- and his love for the tangible things of the past (and in turn their very important history) went straight to my heart.   There were horns over the entryway..

There was a Door Push -- with the Kern's Bread logo -- one of my favorite things in the whole place...  They're rare advertising pieces of the past -- and the more obscure the brand on it, the more valuable.   So neat to see a Kern's Bread one.

Inside, there was an entire cabinet filled with Ale-8-One memorabilia (and Wesley was kind enough to send us home with an Ale-8-One crate) -- a case of knives, and numerous vintage curiosities and odds and ends at every corner..

.. like on this supporting beam -- a perfect place for a cross and a bottle-opener..

...even Wesley's cooler was all personality.  He's a guy that puts who he is right there for you to see and this world could use a whole lot more of that. 

Wesley, below : Kentucky cap, cane, and bathrobe.  Jon, below: excessively-tall and feathered cowboy hat that induces so much swagger you can't remember what else he was wearing.  Awesome distressed couch.  The caption should so eloquently read:   "They do what they want, damn it.  Whenever they want to, damn it."

Huge thanks to Wesley and his lovely lady, Donna Lou, for hosting us for the night. 

das my art blog

IN LURVVVVVVVVEEEEEE is our SPECIAL VALENTINES STYLE SERIES! All of us at Young Mary’s Record want to admit it: we love…LOVE.  Underneath our critical sassy exteriors we’re totally a bunch of heart-thumpin’ saps.  Sappy photographer Justin Blodgett.  Sappy hair-make-up extraordinaire Ali Townsend. Sappy style icon/assistant Benjamin Brooks.  Sappy Young Mary.   Sappy Danielle Labold of Labold and Sons Vintage who provided many of these beautiful clothes!  It takes a sweetheart-ed village to create a look!

We’re very excited to introduce to you today’s style couple: Alayna Milby & Robert Massie.

Robert - in this outfit - is the epitome of a young man that listens to whatever damn music he wants and when he wants.  Loud.   I really liked pairing the layers of bright-ish red (vintage Astros tee + the stripes on the wool oxford shirt) mixed with the sedated mauve (the fedora and underneath thermal.)

VALENTINES STYLE RULE: VARYING DEGREES OF RED! IT'S LOVE WEEK FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Wanted a contrast from the red and what better choice than blue!  Fantastic blue scarf done up ascot-style adds the perfect dimension to the neckline of this outfit. 

VALENTINES STYLE RULE: CAN'T BE RED?  BE BLUE.

And enter the stunning Alayna -- I love - that as a couple, stylistically - her striped red skirt and tights on her lower half pull you right back to his red upper half and vice-versa. 

VALENTINE'S STYLE RULE: THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW TIMES A YEAR, THAT DRESSING AS A COUPLE - in a great understated way - is ACCEPTABLE AND DARN CUTE.

What's more romantic than long mint green gloves?  Nothing.  Add the edge by putting your jewelry on top and wear something that leaves your arms bare. 

VALENTINE'S STYLE RULE:  DIAMONDS ARENT THE ONLY BEST FRIEND A GIRL CAN HAVE.  STATEMENT JEWELRY PIECES IS LOVELY NO MATTER THE BLING.

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Want to look like these babies?  Check out our sponsor, Labold and Sons Salvage - you’ll find everything you need..and more!