Guys, I’ve finally done it! I started learning Polish again! This time I am taking private classes, instead of going to the university and it’s so much better. I’ve been wanting to start on Polish again for such a long time.
I can speak pretty well already, make myself understood, effectively communicate and read basic texts like news articles, or someone’s rant on social media. However, Polish is extremely freaking hard with many nuances and complex grammar. I can’t speak the way I would like to and I’m starting to worry that I am re-defining my identity. If you consider language as an expression of your thoughts and this expression as a statement for your identity, then language defines not only how other people perceive you but also how you perceive yourself. And here is where I am starting to have troubles.
Despite reading books in Romanian, I am no longer part of the Romanian academic context and I feel like my versed language skills are fading away. Even in basic conversation, I surprise myself forgetting a simple word and not being able to remember it in any of the languages I know.
Secondly, I am not practising my English on a studious level. I am speaking in English with my husband and my clients and most of the media I consume is in English, however, this also feels a bit like a closed bubble, where mistakes are easy to slip through and remain unnoticed for a long time until they form a new habit of language.
So all in all, I am really feeling like my language skills are fading away and from Irina who writes complex philosophical essays, I’m turning into Irina who knows disco polo lyrics, uses double past tense in English, has trouble writing a simple email in Romanian and can’t remember the word “pâlnie” if her life was on the line.
I feel that bringing my Polish to the “using the right endings for a change” level, then my identity will start to slowly revert back. Or at least my self-perception will shift, which might be all that matters. :)
