#presit

Presit was almost late for his train. He had taken a stagecoach, which should have been the fastest way to get there, but a wheel hit a loose rock hard and a crack formed in an axle. They had to move much more slowly than they otherwise would have.

He was one of the last passengers to board, several pieces of luggage being toted around by a uniformed railroad employee. As a small case was slammed into a door frame, just as the steam engine started moving forward, the man began yelling in German at the teenager. 

“Be careful with that, clumsy idiot!” he shouted, suddenly shifting to English. “I have delicate items in there.” Presit sighed and slid off his round spectacles, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe off the lenses. “I’d like a car to myself, please.”

The porter looked confused. “I’m sorry sir, ah, we have quite a few people travelling and every one has passengers in it.”

Presit is from the movie Blueberry, called Renegade in the United States. It was supposed to be based on the beloved French comic series of the same name (Blueberry) about a sheriff in a western town who’s Indian name translates as Blueberry because he was born blue. It turned out to be nothing like the comic books it was suppose to be based on. 

Presit himself is basically a mash-up character of Benny and Johnathan from the movie The Mummy. Why? Because The Mummy was a huge hit and the makers of Blueberry wanted to cash in on that and basically tried to make excuses for Native Indian magic and old curses and the like. The comic has no supernatural elements in it at all.

Looking for a lost city of Gold, Presit is a master linguist (not unlike Johnathan) and is following an old book with instructions on how to get to the city. Problem is, it’s guarded by a bunch of Indian warriors and he’s a cowardly troll (like Benny). 

What to do, what to do?

Hire a bunch of mercenaries to kill the Indians for you, of course!

So he does that, and one ridiculous charge later (no really, it’s the worst piece of horseback riding I have ever seen in cinema. It’s truly magnificent in its awfulness) he’s past the native people and heading toward the mountain. He’s got one mercenary left... and Presit kills him with the tripod for his sextant. Why? Because he’s a greedy little bastard and it’s all his gold. Do you hear? HIS! His precious.

Crap. But now his bodyguards are all dead and there might still be peril he might have to face, so he goes into town and makes up the story bout how all the “savages” killed his compatriots and almost scalped him. Presit’s got it in him to slice his forehead with a Bowie to prove his tale. 

Suddenly the man Presit kills walks into the bar and FUCK Presit flips out a little because he killed him, but manages to keep relatively cool. I mean, maybe magic brought him back to life? Presit kinda wants to know how this man is walking around. 

Then the dead mercenary peels off his hat... and the top of his skull. He’s undead. More cowardly grovelling from Benny, er I mean Presit, and he manages to stall long enough to let the Law shoot the undead mercenary. With a single bullet. Yawn. 

You’ll note that the previously mentioned Sheriff Blueberry is absent from all this. That’s because he is. Blueberry’s story is a simple revenge tale. He’s looking for the killer of his lover and eventually finds him through spiritual quests and.... that’s kinda it. The whole sidestory with Presit is the literal Plot B in the whole movie, even though it’s the more interesting of the two stories. 

SPOILER ALERT: The two tales don’t really intersect until the very end when Blueberry watches Presit sink into a patch of quicksand at the entrance of the mountain cave he was looking for.

Robert: Doesn’t drink coffee. Likes to steep his tea for a long time in the morning. The strong flavor and bitterness helps him start the day, though he still adds a little milk and honey.

Lussurioso: He honestly doesn’t care how his coffee and tea comes, as long as the coffee isn’t weak and the tea bitter. He’ll add cream, sugar, spices, whatever strikes his fancy. If ordering from a barista occasionally he’ll say “Surprise me.” Living on the edge, he is.

Barry: A lot of whichever he’s drinking and it had better be strong.

The Doctor: He’s a bit like Lussurioso. Likes to roll the dice and will drink whatever you put in front of him.

Johann: It had better be organic, from a reputable source and sans sweeteners of any type. He’s also not a huge caffeine imbiber, so he has quite a few herbal teas in his kitchen (believe it or not).

Other Muses

Torrence: Prefers his coffee like his soul, bitter and dark.

Presit: If it’s wet and safe to drink (more or less) he’ll drink it, but given his roots he’s more likely to have a beer.

The outlaws wore bandannas over their faces, obscuring identities. Presit didn’t care particularly to try and identify them, anyway. He wouldn’t need to. All he needed to recall was a few details, then he could track the down and take back what was being taken from him. 

His mule and horse were pulled away with roaring laughter, all four robbers remained on their own horses as Presit stood with his hands in the air as one kept a shotgun trained on him. Presit simply glared over the rims of his golden spectacles as they began to move away. 

Suddenly the gun fired and Presit collapsed in the middle of the dirt trail, his chest exploding with the impact and he dropped. Dead.

“Hey. You gon call?”

Presit blinked and looked toward the voice. “What?” he asked, his German accent thick.

“You gon call?” a man repeated. 

Startled, Presit glanced down at his hand, where five playing cards were arranged. Two fours, a king and two eights. He blinked and shook his head, trying to clear the previous image from his mind. Wasn’t he just shot? “Ah. No. I fold,” he decided, collecting the cards and tossing them face down. “I’m going to cash out.”

“You sure?” Another player at the table of five asked, scowling. Their game had just started. 

“Shit, shit, shit.” As soon as he realized what he stabbed was NOT a flesh-eater but someone living, Tennessee let go of his knife. “Oh fuck. What were you doing, sneakin around in the dark like that?”