#prenups

I also hear people online mentioning that you should get rid of alimony and some other things because if you make more then the court could make you pay for the alimony and child support, etc. But what if you are a believer that the man provides for the kids so you want the man to pay child support but aren't interested in being put in that situation. People take about putting in a clause that if your husband cheats then a certain amount of money is owed, but once again how much is unreasonable and how much is reasonable? It could be that I am autisitc and I'm the only one not understanding this. But I would love to hear your expectations and ideas.

Anything relating to children will not be considered in the prenup, and will be struck from the prenup. Custody and child support is always reviewed by the judge during divorces. It’s just seen as better that way. I can waive my right to spousal support in my prenup, but I cannot waive my right to child support, because the children’s needs come before mine. The money isn’t for me.

I don’t know what would be demanding too much, but I definitely think you have to factor in a lot of things. If you have kids, what is the financial loss you take if you take time out of work? If you leave your job after marrying (please don’t!!), you will have to negotiate a payout rate in order to make sure you compensate for your financial losses. You can have a clause where you get a certain chunk of money, or a property, or a tangible gift worth a certain amount of money at each anniversary, which is yours to do with as you please. You have to be smart. You can make it a situation of his money is his, and your money is yours. Most people either go for a stepped rate, or a lump sum payout. Depends.

You can waive alimony in the prenup, if you’d like. However, if come from very different backgrounds, and you’ve grown accustomed to a specific lifestyle, it’s probably not going to be a great idea to completely waive it. And if you really want to, you can waive it during the divorce process. Also, if you take a lump sum over regular payments, you have to think of the tax implications of that, and the management of that lump sum, because once it’s gone, it’s gone. However, alimony has the danger of possibly being decreased or changed depending on the financial circumstance.

Lmao cheating clauses are hilarious, and not always enforceable, at least that’s what my lawyer told me. If you put it in there, make sure it’s severable.

so, me and my fiance are going to marry in feb, and yesterday we were talking and the subject of prenups came in and it was kinda awkward because idk it’s not romantic to talk about whether or not your partner will posess your money when you break up, especially because we plan to be married forever; and then he suggested that we don’t share anything (idk how is the name of this type of prenup in america) and I felt so bad and so offended. I didn’t react when he said that because I felt embarrassed and was pretending to be fine and you know, a mature person but I haven’t stop thinking about that and I actually am considering not even marrying him if he thinks I’m interested in his money, that made me really sad. when he suggested the prenup he said it’s annoying and he would prefer not to think about that because he plans to be with me forever but then, why would you suggest that we sign documents agreeing that we wont share our posessions in case of divorce if you want us to be married forever?? I’m really sad guys, please don’t get me wrong this is not about money at all, but the fact that I feel like he doesn’t want me forever even if he says he does and I feel like he’s not trusting me. also I will not ask him to not sign this because it will seem like I do want his money indeed, even if I explain that it’s not the case it will seem like it is, so I really do prefer not even marrying him and we can still have a relashionship. what advice do you give me? Also do you think I’m being childish or too radical maybe? what do you think? thank you I love this blog very much, you guys do a beautiful work.

Hey lovely!

What you’re feeling is completely 100% valid. It’s hard. It’s hard thinking about a possible divorce in your future when talking about prenups. It’s hard thinking about splitting possessions. It’s actually not recommended at all for first marriage couples to talk about prenups because it does remove some of the joint ventures you guys will share. You’ll have fights. You’ll have bad days. One of you will be laid off and struggle financially while the other support you. One important aspect of a marriage is financial agreement. You’ll both want to support each other so when someone struggles you’ll want to help them. When you start talking about prenups and not sharing your assets, that financial agreement is no longer valid or as strong as it could be. Does that make sense? So talking about prenups can actually weaken a marriage. 

You want to be with him forever and he wants to be with you as well. So talking about a prenup and keeping your assets separate is irrelevant to you. It makes sense. However, he may not think of it that way. Just because he doesn’t think of it that way, it doesn’t mean he loves you any less. There are people who are brain people and people who are heart people. He may be only looking at this at a logical and practical point of a brain person. Have you talked to him about this? Talk to him about how it makes you feel? Rather than pretending to be fine with his suggestions, talk about it. Talk about the hurt you feel and the fear you feel of the impending divorce if this is how things are decided. 

If you’re going to marry this man, you should talk to him about things. He’s your partner. He’s someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. if you can’t talk to him about this, what can you talk to him about? Football? Food? General things people talk on dates? This is a more serious matter that should matter to your relationship and marriage. So talk to him about it. Communicate the feelings you’re feeling and work it out together. Let him know that you don’t care for the money but you care for how he feels about this matter and what it means to your relationship. 

I don’t know about the wedding though. I don’t know the procedures for calling off a wedding and what it means financially. You may lose some money? I don’t know. I’d say talk about it first and talk about ASAP because in my opinion, you shouldn’t get married if this is where things are. You should marry if you’re having doubts on the marriage and the lasting of the relationship. But like I said, I don’t know about calling off the wedding so late into the planning? If you feel that it is necessary, you should call it off but that’s up to you, dear. 

Always by your side,

Lmao okay. I guess. I don’t believe in anything 100% except myself and gravity.

You can be religious and still protect yourself. We get insurance for everything but "insuring" your marriage is a problem? Yeah, that argument isn't it.

I just… I almost feel bad saying it, but I genuinely think you’re not smart if you don’t get a prenup. There’s absolutely no conceivable reason not to, unless you’ve got a hit squad set up already. That’s really it.

I don’t care about religious reasons, or any other reasons, because there’s literally no good reason not to.

I am tired of celebrities, but look at Ali Wong. If her husband and his family didn’t demand she get a prenup, all of the money she made during their marriage would be up for grabs. Her money. And then he’d be able to petition for spousal support. Kelly Clarkson’s ex literally cleaned house, it was nasty. He’s getting almost 300,000 dollars a month from her, because he came to expect a “certain lifestyle” during their marriage.

Even on a personal note, (tw: miscarriage) I have a friend who is currently “trying to work things out” with a man who said he’s resented her since she had her thirteenth miscarriage. But he’s saddled with his own debt, and if she leaves, she has to take half of it, even though it’s entirely his. She doesn’t want to stay. But a divorce is so detrimental to her finances, she’s staying in a marriage she hates to a man she also resents.