#preferenes

His dark, sultry eyes only enhanced his naturally chiselled jawline. He wasn't a perfect model image, and freckles still dusted his cheekbones, yet this is what most girls fell for. The appearance of a boyish Olympian who seemed like he could really care, until his poison finally seeped in from the fatal bite. However, for the majority of his current high school experience, he had stayed out of relationships after being confirmed the spring of his eighth grade year, and having his values and morals realigned.

Peyton was a reserved girl, but she had a side that only her closest friends and family saw that was far different than the mask she wore in public. She was the girl who flew under the radar in the dating world, but always shone when academics came into play. Peyton was someone who didn't identify with an social group in school, but considered herself somewhere between them all. Her world was filled with music, and literature, and love for family and friends. One of the strongest things in her mind was her intense faith, and she never felt ashamed to show it in public, which included the ring she wore on her left ring-finger with the words True Love Waits on the inside. Although to go back to her true personality, she was definitely an oddity, and she took pride in this too. Peyton wasn't afraid to break into a chorus of "Single Ladies", and she knew her dance skills were pretty bad, yet she could still be found shaking a little butt every once in a while.

One of Redwood's biggest competitors was Edgewater High, which was notorious for having the richest students and the best facilities. Joey's team would play them three times in the season before the championships, yet the third game was the one that came with the most anticipation and anxiety. The night of the game, the entire school came to watch the team and cheer them on. Peyton and three of her good friends all got to the game twenty minutes before the game started, and they sat in the stands for a while, waiting for the game to commence. Both Peyton and Joey were close, closer than Peyton had been than with any other guy friend. She had always had feelings for him, although could never tell what they were, and she was perpetually afraid that whatever she felt would not be reciprocated. Just before the first game started, Joey walked by where Peyton was sitting, and motioned for her to follow him. They made their way to the concession stand and then hid behind a partial wall to gain some sort of privacy from the ever-expanding crowd.

"What's up Joey? Are you excited for the game?"

"Umm, yeah. I guess. I just needed to talk to you before we started," Joey said as he shifted from foot to foot.

"About what? You know you can tell me anything," Peyton said, trying to coerce him into spilling the secret she suspected was hiding beneath Joey's deep, brown, gorgeous eyes. She felt herself falling and could not hear any sound besides the voices in her head, and knew she had to bring herself back to reality.

"What?" Peyton repeated when Joey let out a quick flow of words. Just then, the buzzer went off, signaling the beginning of the game.

Joey ran back to the other basketball players, and Peyton joined her friends to watch the game. Edgewater played hard, and first teams to play were tied up until the last two minutes, in which Edgewater took the lead over Redwood Lake. When the second set of teams ran out from the locker room when it was time for their game, Peyton paid special attention to Joey, watching when he brushed his brown-blonde hair to the side of his face and bit his lip, one of his well-known nervous habits. During the first quarter, it seemed as if Redwood Lake may have a lead on Edgewater, having a score of 8-0, but by the end of the second quarter, the scores were drastically flipped, 8-15. Throughout the next two quarters, the score only grew worse, and when the game was over, the score stood 13-36, favor Edgewater. Peyton's voice was strained from yelling so much, yet the emotions of the team were strained even more. The two teams shook hands, and Peyton watched as Joey went back to the locker room. He kept his head in the air, staring at the ceiling and swallowing hard. His fists clenched and knuckles white, his insides churned with disappointment and fury.

In the locker room, all of the guys were silent, changing out of their navy blue and red jerseys, and trying to cover up any emotions that mingled under the surface. The coach walked in and gave a pep talk, yet this did nothing to raise spirits. Every boy had sunken eyes and a thin mouth, and there was an air of anger and frustration swirling around them. Half-heartedly, one of the boys suggested going out to eat at a nearby restaurant. There were mumbles in reply, and then a procession of somber boys walked out to spend the next hour and a half picking at burgers and fries, trying to cheer each other up.

"Joey, are you coming? We're going to get burgers somewhere."

"Yeah, I'll be right there. I just need to finish something up here first," Joey said, staring down at his hands lying open in his lap.

"Alright man, well hurry up. Farnsley's mom is driving us all in the van."

Joey was finally alone in the locker room, and his emotions crept up and engulfed his heart, bringing a raging fury to his mind. He brought his arm up and struck a locker, continuing to hit the lockers, benches, sinks, and then himself.

Peyton was still in the gym talking to her classmates when the boys walked out of the locker room, but she was eager to finish her conversation with Joey. She twisted her way through the enormous crowd outside of the gym and got closer to the locker room, yet she stopped when she heard a noise that made her heart stop. There was a sickening pounding of fists on metal, and then screaming and grunting coming from the room like a roar from the belly of a dragon. With horror, she rushed inside and found something that almost tore her to pieces. Joey was facing a wall of lockers, pounding his fists into the metal, leaving slight dents with each punch. Peyton stayed hidden from him, just behind the door frame. Joey continued until his knuckles bruised and then he went to the mirror and Peyton saw in his reflection tears streaming down his face and splotchy red eyes. His hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, and the brown eyes of her closest friend screamed of agony.

"WHY CAN'T YOU BE GOOD ENOUGH? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO MESS UP, AND BE WEAKER THAN EVERYONE ELSE? YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE HER! NOT AS A PARTNER, NOT AS A FRIEND, NOT EVEN AS AN ACQUAINTANCE! YOU ARE NOTHING! NOTHING!"

Peyton let out a sharp gasp, and Joey whipped his head around, meeting her eyes with his.

"Joey- "

"I'm sorry Peyton. Just leave. Leave! You don't want to see me this way! Please!"

"Joey, what in the world are you doing? I'm not leaving! What in the heck is going on here?"

Joey was a complete mess, and Peyton didn't know where to look. She slowly made her way to him, and took Joey's large hands in her smaller ones.

"What is going on?"

"Nothing. It's fine Peyton. Just leave me alone. I'm serious, just leave. Now."

"JOEY! Tell me what in the world is going on RIGHT NOW! You have seen me angry before and so help me I will get this out of you no matter what it takes."

"Ok, Peyton, I'm fine. I just, I-I-I just, I couldn't handle it anymore," Joey slowly says, before sighing, and letting the story in its entirety out.

"I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and there is no one I can tell and nothing I can do about it. I try so hard to keep my grades up, and to do things with my friends, and be involved in basketball and sports, and school clubs, and keep up with my friends and family, and it's just too much. It's too much! And there's also something else, but I can't get it off of my shoulders or I would lose the one thing most important to me," he said, while preparing to completely break down. "I- I'm sorry. I-i-it's just I'm so scared, Peyton," Joey finished before sobbing once again, looking over her shoulder. Peyton wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and hugged him harder than she had ever hugged before. Joey took seconds to respond, but he eventually turned his body and engulfed Peyton in his large embrace. His head rested just on top of Peyton's, but he brought it down to rest just in the crook of her neck. The two stood there for minutes, just trying to gain strength from each other.

When the hug was broken, Peyton took one of Joey's hands and straddled a bench, motioning for him to do the same.

"Ok, Joey. Listen. I am your dearest friend and I promised myself I would protect you with my life. Don't pretend like you are some masculine macho man without any capacity for emotion, because you're not, and if you even try to act like you are, I will walk out of here right now and never talk to you again. So, just start with this. What in the world are you not good enough for?"

'I... well.. I guess I should just start at the beginning. A little while ago, well, you knew me. I was the biggest jerk in the grade. All I cared about was my list of girls that had fallen for me, and I didn't honestly have any sense of morals. Then, as I prepared for my confirmation, I began to see the things I had done in the past, and how terrible of a person I really was. I was a really bad person, Peyton, and my thoughts were ten times worse than my actions. Then, I got sick, and I decided to be a better person, or at least try to be. I began to try harder, to join more things, to try and make something count farther than the next basketball game, or the next girl. I can't even tell you how many times I went to the confessional for both the past and relapses. I started to struggle with friends because I was so sick, and there was hardly any time for the things I did fit in. The friend group I did have changed. A lot of people left it, and I was left with a small group of guys that I realize were always the best for me. But you were always there, even when I was the horrible version of myself, but obviously you began to grow closer to me when I changed, for some reason. You saw some sort of change. Your friendship was so different from the kind I had before. You were kind to me, and listened when I talked. You didn't constantly make fun of me when I failed, and you were so, real. I became more afraid of losing you than I ever had been about anything else. But I was still sick. Really sick. For a while I got better, but it is still hard. I don't feel like I have anyone to confide in, because any guy I confide in wouldn't know what to say, and would just think I was weak, and I am afraid I would lose you if you really knew. I constantly break down on my own and I have been holding so much inside of me. I am not worth it, any of it. I am not worth your attention, or the place on the sports teams, or the friends and family I do have. I am not like the other guys, with the amazing bodies, strong abs and biceps, and the perfect jawline and nose. I am not any of that, I have always just been in the middle. I know that I am not good enough for any girl, or human being for that matter. I hated myself a lot, and I still sort of do. And I am so, so sorry."

Joey's confession ended scowling into his hands, but there were still unanswered questions in Peyton's mind.

"Joey, how could you think that? Perfect bodies? They're a joke. I haven't told many people, and I really wasn't planning on it, but I think you deserve to know." Peyton closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths before opening them again. She began to nervously finger the edge of her t-shirt, and her face grew slightly paler while also redder in the cheeks.

"I used to hate myself, my body. I spent the majority of my time in public constantly adjusting my shorts and shirts, especially around my stomach and thighs. I became a master at strategic placement of hands, and I constantly felt awful about how I looked. My friends were beautiful without effort, and I was trying so hard just to get past rock bottom. Over time, I became stronger. I was so insecure, and my religion and my friends helped me to get over it. But the biggest motivator I had was myself. I got over it alone, and that is part of the reason I am so confident today in how I look. Joey, I know I'm not perfect. I still have a bigger body than most of my friends, and I don't think I will ever be completely happy with all of my still present insecurities. However, whatever I went through to get to this point, now, I wouldn't give it up for anything."

Joey stared at Peyton, now in shock. He had always pictured her in his mind as the girl who had no inner insecurities about her own body. She had shared with him almost about every insecurity she had, yet these were new.

"And Joey, I can't say how proud I am of how you changed. Believe me, I remember who you were two and a half years ago. I didn't even want to talk to you, let alone be near you. You were definitely a complete jerk. But I believe that through yourself and God, that you became the person you were supposed to be. I love you for how you became the real Joey."

Joey smiled, but tears still leaked from the corners of his eyes. "Peyton, that's the problem."

Peyton did not hear these words, still waiting eager to ask her last question. "Joey, you said that you were sick, and that you still are recovering. From what?"

This is what set Joey off once again, and he swallowed hard enough for Peyton to hear clearly. "Well, I- I think it's best if I show you. Do you promise me you will not leave me, if I show you? Promise? B-b-because i-i-if you will, t-t-then I c-can't," Joey stuttered in absolute fear, and his voiced cracked almost pitifully with every syllable.

"I promise," Peyton replied, trying to show her sincerity through her eyes. She felt a little tug at the bottom of her heart every time that Joey's strong voice broke, and she wanted nothing more than to hug him until all of his little pieces stuck together again.  

Slowly, Joey pushed up the sleeves of his sweatshirt and slid his shorts up until they were bunched up around his underwear. Peyton gasped, and her hands flew to her mouth. All over Joey's thighs, lines criss-crossed each other, in varying shades from a rusty red to a milky, pale white. On his arms, there were similar markings, but fewer and lighter, so that they could easily be dismissed.

"This. This is what I was sick with." Joey sighed and closed his eyes, preparing for Peyton to get up and leave him there on the bench, alone in his own misery. Instead, he was shocked when her cold fingertips began to trace every line on his thighs, gently running over the ridges.  Her eyes focused on every single line, not meeting Joey's eyes, until after the longest time, Peyton finally looked up.

"So, what are you expecting me to do now?" Peyton asked.

"Well, I am expecting you to get up in disgust, say how desperate and weak I am, and then leave me." Joey's brown eyes rimmed with tears, and Peyton stared at his face. His brown-blonde hair, brushed over his forehead to one side, sticking up at odd angles, was unbelievably adorable. His jaw, perfectly shaped moved back and forth, from a nervous grinding. She ran her eyes over his freckles, his nose, and then to his eyes. Joey's eyes were the deep brown color of fresh-turned earth, and his gentle eyelashes framed them perfectly. She swallowed once with eyes closed, and then went with her gut.

Joey was stunned when a pair of soft lips touched his salty, tear-stained ones. He quickly responded, though the kiss was different from any that he had received before. It was real, and sincere, not just something to put on a show for others. Peyton's heart beat faster and faster as Joey shifted closer to her and brought his large hands to cup her chin. Their heads moved in sync, and Joey could feel his heart being drenched in an unfamiliar warmth. Peyton's brown hair fell from her ponytail and Joey took the opportunity to run his free hand through her curly ringlets.

"Were you expecting that?"

Joey was still speechless, and he nodded side to side silently.

"Hey, you know when you said you weren't worthy to be with me? Well, guess what? You're wrong. And all of those little lines, all of your tears, I love them all. They are perfect, but you are not. I'm afraid that you are entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."

Slowly, still a bit unsure, Joey leaned in and kissed Peyton a second time. She was more than happy to oblige.