Mar 19, 2023
I'm looking for a nessian fic(?) which includes a the character Nesta fucks before "the intervention". He is the owner of the tavern she frequents and basically calls out Cassian for his bullshit.
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I'm looking for a nessian fic(?) which includes a the character Nesta fucks before "the intervention". He is the owner of the tavern she frequents and basically calls out Cassian for his bullshit.
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you cannot tell me renegade by big red machine ft taylor swift is not nessian pre-acosf.
“Is it insensitive for me to say, get your shit together? So I can love you Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything? Or do you just not want to?”
“You fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself But do you know you're demolishing me? And then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave“
taylor swift x nessian = emotional wreckage
Born without a heart
Short, angsty Nesta-centric one shot set before acosf. The lyrics at the beginning of each paragraph are from the song Born without a heart by Faouzia.
notes: this morning I woke up in a bad mood and wrote this. Tw: angst (it’s not bad, but I’m putting a tw just to be safe)
I'm an angel, tell me what you mean by that
Cassian sometimes looked at her like she was a blessing, his salvation. Didn’t he know being near her was a curse? Didn’t he understand that she would only drag him down with her, sentencing him to a life of misery?
 I take it all and I will never give it back.
She was angry, so she took from it. She felt the icy cold of the Cauldron, sank her teeth into it, and welcomed it into her heart. A hollow shell filled with burning rage and vengeful thoughts.
 I don't feel sorry every time I see you cry,
Every time you start, I'm waiting for your tears to dry.
Liar. She felt it all, and crushed everything down, down, down. Eventually, the lie became easier to believe. It was better this way. Let them all think she was the villain of their story.
She wished they all gave up on her. She certainly had. You’re wasting your time, I’m not worth your tears. Pathetic. You for trying, and me for caring.
 I don't really care, and I never will
That's the way I am, such a bitter pill.
Venom rolls easily off her forked tongue. It stings, and she revels in it. The more they close in on her, the more she lashes out. It’s better for them to get hurt and recoil now, than to get too close and risk being squeezed to death. Stop trying to domesticate me.
I don't really care, how much silence kills That's the way I am.
They want her to talk, but fear her words at the same time. She can’t really blame them. Yes, she can. What do they want her to say? That she’s fine, that she doesn’t hear the sound of snapping bones every time she’s near a fireplace? No, they want her to lie, to plaster a smile on her face and pretend everything’s okay. But it’s not, and they all know it. She tried to stay away, and they forced her hand. The silence will be their punishment. And hers.
 No, I wasn't born without a heart I wasn't always like this, no
Little Nesta had a heart full of hope, impossible dreams crushed by her overbearing mother and neglectful father, childish fantasies beaten out of her by her grandmother’s cane. A small scar left on her hand, old wounds still marring her heart.
Watched you break me, no Now you blame me
No, I wasn't born with all these scars And that's what made me like this, no Can you blame me?
What was it that broke her? The bitterness and resentment she stored in her heart during the years spent in poverty? The unwanted touch of Tomas’ filthy hands? Her failed attempt at saving her youngest sister? The inability to protect Elain from those who took away her free will? The cries of the wounded soldiers, their gurgling sounds as they chocked on their own blood? Her father’s last words? The snapping of Cassian’s bones as the king of Hybern stepped on his wings? Or was it watching the man she was so desperately trying not to love take his hand away from hers, move on and exchange matching lingerie with the woman that was everything she wasn’t? Was she to blame for the mistakes of those who raised her, for the cruelty of the world? Could she blame everything on her own foolishness, worthlessness, her own stupid heart?
I'm a nightmare, I know what you mean by that
“Your sisters love you. I can’t for the life of me understand why, but they do.” The words sting true, still she wasn’t expecting them to come from his mouth. Wasn’t that what she wanted? For him to hate her and finally give up on her? She had handed him the knife, pointed at her heart. Then why did his stab hurt so much? She welcomes the pain. It’s what she deserves.
 I can't wake up from all these scary dreams I have
She screams and screams, but the water fills her lungs, and the darkness swallows her whole. Every night she’s plagued by nightmares, but when she wakes up, shivering in a pool of her own sweat, she finds out the darkness is still with her. It’s in her head, and she doesn’t have the strength to fight it.
 I wasn't born like this Hurt people, hurt people I'd rather be heartless than have my heart in pieces.
Lashing out is the easiest, safest choice, a weapon which never fails to strike true. She grew up surrounded by wolves, and eventually she became one herself. Her claws and sharp teeth scare people away. Her heart is buried underneath layers of fur and thick skin, but the traitorous bastard refuses to bend to her will. It still beats, it still feels deeply. Good thing others are easily fooled and think it’s made of stone.
If you've written any Nessian fics before ACOSF that are not canon compliant I'd still love to read them.
You know... I made a fic once pre-ACOSF that I never posted about Nesta finding Cassian’s mom alive and her planning on telling him but never getting the courage because this is at a point where they’re precariously together and she’s already starting to feel insecure about his attachments with the IC and them kind of not including her but wanting to be around him, and she just didn’t want that to happen again with someone who was his blood family. And they both bonded over not having parents or good parents. But she meets the women and the women loves her because she lives in the middle of the forest in my fic and Nesta helps out as much as she can because she’s a sort of reclusive and somewhat shunned from Illyrian society. BUT THEN Azriel finds out and he’s like what the hell? And she explains what happened and he understands why she doesn’t say anything because he knows that feeling that Nesta feels. Of being so afraid of being alone again. But he tells her that she’s going to have to tell Cassian and she agrees. And on Cassian’s birthday, they bring him to meet his mom. And he like bawls. And Nesta is happy that he’s happy but it’s also bittersweet because Cassian has a family. A family who loves him, who he loves, and Nesta is just that partition keeping him away from them. Or at least that’s what she feels because they don’t truly want to be with her. BUT when the rest meet his mom and they’re all having a dinner, celebrating family and reunions, Nesta kind of hides away from the group, but his mom is like where’s my future daughter in law? Lol and eventually Nesta comes down and his mom is just absolutely doting on the two of them and Nesta. Like eat more. I made this for you. You too look good together and it makes Nesta blush but she’s happily surprised at the attention and Cassian is fucking embarrassed because the two of them are just starting this relationship and he doesn’t want to scare her off and he’s so afraid of her not wanting him or her feeling like it’s going too fast or it’s overwhelming but Nesta just smiles softly at his mom and his heart just bursts at the seems. Because he’s like wow. This is his family. He so desperately wants her to be his family and he promises himself that he’s going to make that happen no matter how long it takes or how many mountains he has to climb. He’s going to marry this girl, he thinks. (Because they haven’t accepted the mate bond at this point or said it out loud).
Anyways. I have to delete that now since SJM ruined my hopes and dreams by not going anywhere with that “I don’t know where my mom is buried” plot and the fact that we’ve seen nothing of Illyria or their culture.
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