It's crazy to think of all the ways that fundraising really changes one's life. For one, you're learning to depend fully on God for provision which is pretty scary when you think about it. But it's also really cool when you think about it even more. 

A huge part of this fundraising season has involved prayer. And by a huge part, I mean like 90% of it. I don't think I've ever spent so much time in prayer as I have this past summer. It's been really cool though seeing the ways that my perspective on prayer have changed. "How so?" you hypothetically ask. Let me tell you!

1) As part of a challenge to get to know my San Diego InterVarsity staff co-workers better, I have been texting one per day to ask them for any prayer requests that they may have. It's been about two weeks since I started doing it so I'm about halfway through the lists. Just finished a week of J's. It's been really cool introducing myself that way to people I've never talked to and getting a chance to hear their prayer requests. It's also been a great way to feel closer to the staff workers I already know. 

This challenge has helped me become less selfish in my prayer life. For the most part, I tend to pray for what I need and what I want, etc, etc. Being able to spend at least 15-20 minutes in prayer for somebody else has been a really cool experience. It allows me to place myself in their shoes and go before the Father to ask for something that I wouldn't be asking for otherwise. It's a really interesting experience to earnestly intercede for someone else. 

2) I've also been learning to pray for things that seem impossible. Right now, I'm at 20% of my support that I need to come on campus full time. At times I get really discouraged because I have no idea how I'm ever going to get to the full 100%. But as I've been learning to come before the Father in prayer, I've been daring to pray for things that seem impossible to me. I'm currently praying to get to 70% by December 31st. This means another 25K in support. I have no idea how that's going to happen, but I'm allowing myself to dare to pray for that. 

3) Being extremely vulnerable in prayer. Fundraising brings up a lot of fears. A lot. This was one of the first things that I had to learn how to do at the beginning. It's easy for me to be vulnerable with God in my head. But to actually speak out my fears in prayer is something that I've only done a couple of times before. Both of the previous times, God had brought a lot of healing in those areas. This was no different. There came a day early on when I just felt paralyzed by fear. I really wanted to make calls and set up appointments though so I spent an hour in prayer beforehand. I did what seemed terrifying to me. I spoke my fears out loud. I told God that I was scared of rejection. That I felt like I couldn't do it. It felt liberating. A few hours later I had 7 meetings set up for the next few weeks. 

As I'm writing this, I'm just really overcome with emotion by the way that God is continuing to shape me in ways I didn't know I needed shaping. My prayer life looks so different than it did two months ago. It's crazy how much things change when you're depending on God for everything.