#praesidio

I miss him. But he is still with me, I will always remind myself that.

Aoba grunts softly in his sleep, tossing an arm over his face now that his mind was registering the light let in through the drapes. I finally force myself out of my hazy state, making sure I was still ghosting so if Aoba wakes up I would not be seen. As I came to, I was noticing just how cramped my wings felt having been folded up underneath my coat and against the wall all night and decided it wouldn’t hurt to stretch.

Quietly, I stood up, trying not to make a sound while I stretched my body. Although the atmosphere was more comfortable than where I came from, the surface upon which I slept was not even close in comparison. I felt very stiff.

Since the veranda was already open, I quietly push it open just the slightest bit more so it could still pass as wind before slipping out, taking off my trenchcoat and hiding it on top of the roof with a small toss. I felt my muscles nearly throb with relief as I slowly stretched my wings out, the wind tickling along the feathers.

I close my eyes and inhale deeply, even though only filtered air comes through the mask. I didn’t mind. It still felt good to me.

Finally opening my eyes once more, I lightly hop onto the rail and make a soft clatter which I freeze, checking behind me to make sure I didn’t wake up Aoba. He grumbled in his sleep and turned over again, arm hanging off the side of the bed before his breathing settled once more. I smiled to myself, almost bitterly from recognizing the feeling of… not exactly fondness, but at the same time it was like a blossom of that feeling. Something that hasn’t bloomed.

I can’t think that way.

Without looking away, I step off the rail and plummet towards the ground before snapping my wings fully open, taking to the air with a fast arch.

Since the district of Midorijima that Aoba lived in was different from the areas that I frequented during our short trips here, I had decided it would be best for me to figure out the layout of this island for the sake of being able to find Aoba if there were any possibility of separation. So that’s exactly what I set out to do this morning while exercising my wings; I spent a good amount of time memorizing alleyways, districts, and hot spots that were already busy and thriving this early in the morning because I knew they would be swollen with life and danger the more the day progressed.

Grandpa definitely lived in a quieter part of the island. But that suited him. For some reason, a quiet life just didn’t seem like it suited Aoba from what I’ve seen of him.

I don’t understand why, honestly. It’s not like he actively seeks out dangerous situations, right?

...I’m not so sure. Maybe he isn’t sure either.

The sun has climbed up even higher in the sky and is starting to dispel the soft cool of late evening air, replacing it with a thriving energy that soaked through my feathers, and I felt the need to return back to check on Aoba. He surely would be waking up by now, since that kind of sunlight isn’t possible to ignore.

...Or so I would think…!

When I returned, carefully collecting and putting my trench coat back on before sliding through the still-open veranda door, I saw Aoba still sprawled out over his bed. I sigh, shaking my head and folding my arms over my chest. Here is this human, able to live a free life and is able to experience so much more than I can ever know, and yet…!

He’s just sleeping! He’s sleeping through all of it!

...I should wake him up. It’s for his own good, right? Wouldn’t that classify as doing my job? I’m getting him to experience his life, so…?

I cautiously step over to the side of his bed at stare, contemplating. Half of me is screaming no, the other half is screaming yes. On one side I should not be interacting with him at all, and on the other…

Maybe I don’t really have a good reason after all. Maybe I just want him to be awake. I want to learn more. I’ll just be subtle.

I reach out, heart pounding up to my throat and making my scarf feel like it’s constricting hard. Maybe if I just nudge his shoulder…

…

In the end, I can’t. I can barely even breathe.

I withdraw my hand and retreat for my corner, patiently waiting for him to wake up instead. I can’t bring myself to make contact with him, even if he never knows it was me or if it even was anything because I feel like one single incident could bring him that much closer to death like my grandpa had.

I can’t allow it. I won’t allow it.

I didn’t have to wait long, however. With bleary eyes, Aoba finally acknowledges the light pouring in from the veranda, groaning in annoyance before pushing himself up from the bed so he was sitting rather than on his side. I watch in fascination, this being the first time I’ve experienced how humans function early in the day. He seems to be acting a little different, almost sluggish as he forces himself to throw his legs over the edge. I hear a faint noise from where Ren was and noticed he had activated as Aoba smiled at the lump of fluff.

“Good morning, Aoba,” the deep voice greeted him.

“Morning, Ren,” he groaned while standing up. His hair was disheveled and he tried to comb it out using his fingers, flinching a bit when handling it without even tugging much at all.

Was his hair sensitive? I want to find out--no.

...This is so frustrating!

I cross my arms over my chest and pout furiously behind my gasmask, scolding myself internally for letting my curiosity continue to bloom. This won’t do at all if I keep this up. My superiors just had to assign me not only to a Class A human, but such an interesting one at that…!

First his voice, then his mannerisms, his attachment to his allmate, his hair… There’s something so oddly unique about this human compared to all others, including grandpa, and it’s like a magnet that’s driving me closer and closer to breaking my own set rules as well as the rules of my society.

I want to know why.

Suddenly, music erupted in the room and I jumped, startled by the sudden noise while Aoba remains unaffected. He casually turns his wrist over to look at something on his wrist the people here call a “coil”, pushing a button to silence the music and pull up a screen.

“Hello?” he yawned at the screen, making a poor attempt to straighten out the rest of what he had missed of fixing his hair.

“Aoba, good morning!” a cheerful voice chimed from the popped up screen. I could see the image from the other end of the room easily and saw a person with black hair that covered half of his face, a broad grin plastered all over it. “Still trying to out-sleep the world, I see?”

Aoba grumbled, frowning at the screen. “Nevermind me, the real question here is what the hell possessed you to call me this early? It’s not even close to the afternoon,” he snorted. I chuckled from my spot. It sounded like his granny.

The man on the screen clicked his tongue, the grin still vibrant as ever as he shook his head. “You don’t remember? We were supposed to go get some groceries for Tae-san today? My payment for all those times I come to your house and indulge in her delicious meals?”

Aoba stared dumbly at the screen for a few seconds, not saying a word.

“...A-o-ba?” the man called his name, trying to bring him back to Earth.

“...Koujaku, this couldn’t have waited until the afternoon!?” he suddenly sprung to life, yelling at the screen. A sheepish expression crossed Koujaku’s face.

“Ah, well, I suppose that’s true...” he laughed awkwardly, his expression screaming for a desperate excuse. “...But I do have some customers to deal with today, so really, it’s better to get it done and over with, right?”

Aoba huffed loudly, rolling his eyes. “Says the hippo.”

Koujaku laughed loudly this time, relaxing a bit more. “So, should I swing by now? Or do you need some extra time?”

Aoba sighed, defeated. “No, you can head over now, it won’t take me very long to get ready,” he answered, still frowning at the screen. However, it seemed slightly better natured than before, almost playful.

Koujaku beamed. “Until then, bye, Aoba!”

“Yeah, bye.”

The coil’s pop up screen flickered off upon hanging up, leaving Aoba to growl under his breath and shake his head.

“That guy…”

Life finally throwing in a final card to get Aoba out of bed, he stood up and stretched, groaning before walking across the room for a change of clothes. As he changed, I fiddled with my fingers, focusing on them to give him a bit of privacy. At the very least, I know that is an important thing with humans... Even if he would never know I was there.

...But maybe I should check if he has any visible injuries I should know about. After all, my duty comes first.

I stop messing with my hands and slowly peek in Aoba’s direction, slightly embarrassed (although I did not really know what for), and let myself look over him carefully. I was grateful he wasn’t fully undressed, and from what I saw there were no scars, bruises, or any other alarming marks over his skin.

Actually, considering his class rank in our system, I was amazed he didn’t seem to have any scars or marks at all. He was… beautiful.

That train of thought was abruptly cut off as he pulled his sweater over his head, crashing my mind back to Earth with my body and I felt my face heat up even more in what could only be more embarrassment. Groaning internally, I rubbed at my face as though trying to wipe the red off of my cheeks to no avail while Aoba finished getting ready.

Once he finished carefully pulling his hair back into a ponytail, he addressed Ren once more.

“Ren...?” he yawned sleepily.

“Aoba,” the rich voice answered back warmly. “No new messages this morning.”

Aoba huffed a small laugh. “I figured as much. The only message I had coming my way was my wake-up call, unfortunately.”

“I see,” came the response. “Then, it would be best for us to go downstairs and wait for Koujaku there.”

Aoba nodded before ruffling Ren’s fur softly, and they both went out the bedroom door to climb down the stairs with me silently tailing behind, finally giving up on wiping my persisting evidence of shame off my cheeks.

We weren’t even completely downstairs before we heard Koujaku’s voice boom from below, giving Aoba’s granny a whole-hearted, friendly greeting.

“Hey, Koujaku,” Aoba yawned, stretching as he left the last step. “Did you at least give your customers a courteous goodbye before racing over here or are they about to put out a missing person alert?”

Koujaku huffed a small laugh, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “I didn’t get here that quickly, did I? I could always take another walk around the block if that would satisfy you,” he teased.

Aoba merely clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes and response. “You’re ready to go, then?”

“Of course! Tae is relying on us to get what she needs, so let’s get going!” came the quick reply, and while he spoke he walked over and grabbed a hold of Aoba’s hand to tug him along out the door (followed by a long string of startled protests from Aoba).

Aoba’s granny closed the door behind them a mere second after I managed to slip through to follow, and we walked I wondered why I felt an ache and a twitch in my hand every time I looked at Aoba’s clasped under Koujaku’s eager grasp.

.....

Despite my earlier conflict of Koujaku’s close interactions with Aoba, I was actually pretty grateful that he was with him for these errands. It was almost a vacation compared to the other day, keeping him out of trouble. Of course, I assume having someone that was a leader of a local Rib team can help clear the way a little bit.

Honestly, most of the trip was remarkably quiet. Once they were on their way, Koujaku released Aoba and let him walk on his own. After they got a few teases poked at each other out of the way, they chatted quietly as they trod along the sidewalk to the nearest grocery store.

It was a simple enough thing, really. I allowed myself to enjoy my surroundings a bit (but not straying far from Aoba), taking in the ground scenery that I didn’t quite get to catch on my morning flight, as well as things I had missed when first following Aoba home because of my high vigilance for all the trouble he was getting in.

A lot of the buildings around us were very busy. Colorful lights, flashing images and speakers announcing the next best thing that everyone HAD to buy! Allmates, clothing, accessories, electronics, basically anything possible to advertize was flickering around in such a way that it could almost be considered overwhelming, but it didn’t even seem to phase Koujaku or Aoba. It’s probably because they’ve been here for so long already.

The grocery store was almost no different. There were lots of advertisements going off around the customers, trying to convince them to purchase a certain brand or a certain item that surely they might need at some point. Honestly, I was very grateful that they didn’t seem to go off around me, which would have caused a bit of a problem if they could somehow pick up on a guardian angel’s presence (especially since I liked getting to peek around at things that Koujaku and Aoba hadn’t been looking at).

After an unsuccessful attempt by me to sneak what was called a “chocolate bar” into the things they were buying (which made me sad, I really wanted to try it…), they purchased their goods and returned to the street to begin their walk back to Aoba’s home.

Even though the load was evenly divided between them, I kind of wished I could help them carry the bags of food and ingredients they were burdened with. My siblings wouldn’t even consider that sort of thing in the slightest since it had nothing to do with our purpose, but…

Really, I’m not like them. I think it’s time for me to really accept that, at least as long as it doesn’t cause me to fail at protecting Aoba.

I was brought back out from my train of thought when a dark chill crept over my spine, making my breathing halt. My eyes snapped immediately over to Aoba, who appeared to be conversing with someone that looked rough enough to be in a gang, neither Rib or Rhyme.

I couldn’t hear the conversation over the beat of my heart. I couldn’t see anything other than the Grim that was slithering up behind this stranger, wrapping its tendrils around the man’s eyes to blind him to reason while another slid down his arm.

This was an act of violence. The man wanted everything they were carrying, including cash, coils, and ID, and as I saw Koujaku reach for his blade I knew he wasn’t going to be fast enough for what was about to happen.

Heartbeat.

“…I said no,” Aoba huffed almost tiredly, trying to step around the man.

I ran towards him.

Another heartbeat passes.

The man bellowed a cocky laugh and grabbed Aoba’s arm, the arm with a grim coiled around it drawing a gun.

“Aoba!” Koujaku bellowed as he began to draw his sword.

I reached out.

I could hear the squeeze of the trigger as I reached.

“Let me go,” Aoba hissed in a voice that made me feel like my chest exploded.

The man instantly obliged, but that wouldn’t stop him from shooting.

“MASTER--!”

I grabbed the back of Aoba’s jacket, yanking harshly enough that he let out a surprised yelp followed by a harsh bang of a gunshot, right past him and hitting the wall behind where he stood. By the time we had both crashed to the ground, Koujaku slammed the gun out of the criminal’s hand with his blade, following up by pressing the point to his throat with a vicious growl.

The Grim dissipated with a hiss, and the man now fully recognizing the blade at his throat since its departure stumbled back and ran, cursing and spitting along the way.

Koujaku’s scowl remained, but he sheathed his sword. “Bastard…”

Aoba stood back up, cursing under his breath and dusted himself off. “Thanks for getting me out of the way, Koujaku. That almost ended badly,” he breathed, his voice slightly shaken.

Koujaku’s gaze turned on him, confused. “I would like to say you’re welcome, but I didn’t even touch you. What are you talking about?” he asked.

Aoba’s face froze over slowly. “That wasn’t you?”

Koujaku shook his head.

Aoba slowly looked over his shoulder, in my general direction but not focusing on my location since he could not see me.

“...Dumb luck, I guess,” Aoba muttered even slower.

Koujaku’s confused scowl softened a bit to a bitter grin. “Luck? Aoba, I swear if it wasn’t for bad luck, you would have none at all,” he sighed, shaking his head. “But I suppose we can believe in fairy tales and say you had a stroke of good luck for once. Now come on, we don’t need your granny asking questions and worrying her sick.”

“Yeah…” Aoba agreed half-heartedly, almost as though he barely heard what Koujaku said before turning around and following after him.

As they walked, I trembled in place, my heart beating in fear and awe.

I had called Aoba “Master”.

...Why.

But that wouldn’t explain why Aoba sounded differently than before. But honestly, I was so thrilled to find him at long last that my mind ignored my forming questions and went back to observing him with content.

He spoke with his allmate (Ren, I have learned his name from Aoba’s conversation with him) for a while. Just casual talk about how his day went and if there was anything else in the day aside from his work (the store he’s leaving must be his workplace), and then a request for a route to get home. This made my heart leap in excitement and I gripped the side of the roof with my gloved hands tightly.

I wasn’t sure why I was so emotional about seeing his home. Maybe it was out of sentimentality of when I first entered my grandpa’s home? But I had only just “met” Aoba and yet I’m as giddy as a small human child making its first friend.

But Aoba doesn’t even know I’m here, and he doesn’t know about my excitement of sharing our lives together. He’ll never know.

I was absorbed in my thoughts once again before I noticed he had already started walking, Ren by his side. In a jolted panic I try to push myself off the roof, forgetting about the trenchcoat covering my wings and ended up stumbling, barely grabbing the edge of the roof to save myself from the fall with a loud clatter. Aoba jumps, obviously having heard the noise and looks around in my general direction. I don’t dare move in fear of messing up my ghosting, and to avoid any further noise as his eyes scan the alleyway.

“Aoba?” a deep, concerned voice calls from Ren as he looks up to him.

Aoba looks directly at me and I nearly feel my pulse stop. He squints.

“...Ah, it’s nothing. Let’s go home, Ren.”

They resume walking together, and I exhale a relieved sigh before carefully dropping myself from where I was hanging and land of my feet with a practiced skill. I quietly trot on light feet, catching up to the duo before they could get out of sight.

...But that was the beginning of my realization of Aoba’s Class A status.

It was a mere ten minutes before the first confrontation happened. A couple of men cat-called Aoba, expecting him to be a girl due to his long hair. This, of course, didn’t sit well with him, and he whipped around and gave them a nice solid “fuck off” which didn’t sit well with them, either.

So the two decided they were going to get more personal about it and started walking over to Aoba. I could hear Ren make a small sound of frustration at the situation, but he was on guard, as was I.

“Hmmm, looks like someone thinks they’re tough shit, eh?” the first thug questions, squinting and raising his eyebrow at Aoba. The other is circling around, eyes moving in a way as though he was appraising what they were going up against.

Aoba frowns in annoyance and otherwise doesn’t look phased at all, and I can feel something click in my head that he must be very used to dealing with this if he’s so calm right now. That isn’t a good sign.

The one who was circling grabbed Aoba’s shoulder, to which he flinched and tried to jerk himself away from him but only to be grabbed by the other.

“He’s unmarked, umarked!” the man who had looked Aoba over excitedly breathes before looking back at him. “We can do whatever the fuck we want to you, you know…?”

Aoba is now starting to show a little concern. He struggles again.

“Let go of me, assholes…!” he spits, jerking hard and nearly breaking free.

My heart heats up and starts pounding. I need to intervene soon.

The man holding Aoba grins impishly and changes how he’s holding Aoba so he had no defense. The other cracks his knuckles, then starts walking over to Aoba with a fist ready.

Now…!

I sweep my leg in front of the man’s as he takes the first hurried step, getting ready to give Aoba a charged blow to the stomach. His footing fails because of this and causes him to trip, and with a confused yelp the man plummets down and lands heavy on his face, just inches away from Aoba.

It takes a moment for everyone there to register what happened. Aoba looks so unimpressed that it almost makes me laugh, but I muffle my laughter behind my lips and gasmask.

“...The fuck is with you, man??? The hell kind of display do you think you’re doing??” the man holding Aoba shrieks with anger, his face heated up red and clearly embarrassed from his friend’s “blunder.”

The man groans and rolls over, blood on his face from his nose. Normally I would feel terrible for harming anything, but in this case…

I don’t mind it if it means Aoba is safe.

The still-standing man roughly shoves Aoba away from him, his pride clearly wounded due to his comrade as he kneeled down to pick him up off the ground, cursing like an idiot before Aoba rolls his eyes, huffing in a way that said “what a waste of time” before grabbing his bag and nodding at Ren in a silent understanding as they quietly but quickly left the comical scene.

There were no other issues from the two men aside from a shouted “You’re gonna fucking get it next time, I swear to God…!” when he finally noticed Aoba had gotten away.

They walk for a while, a couple of other close encounters along the way that I managed to successfully avert through different means (for instance, a group of thugs obviously itching for a fight had been eyeing Aoba--I used my wings to kick up a powerful gust of wind to send dirt and trash flying so Aoba decided it would be better to not go that way to stay out of the weather).

After what already feels like a busy day for me, we’ve finally reached our destination.

It’s a quaint little home, well-kept and lively. I smile softly as I look around upon entering through the door after Aoba before noticing that he took a deep breath in through his nose, a smile spreading wide on his own features. I lift my gasmask off of my face just enough to let some unfiltered air through, and a heavenly scent of food cooking fills my nose and nearly makes my mouth water.

What I wouldn’t give to eat whatever was being cooked…!

“I’m home,” Aoba calls as he slips his shoes off, his feet padding quietly across the floor towards the kitchen.

“You’re late,” an old grumpy voice huffs from the room before Aoba even enters. He chuckles soft and awkward--the kind of laugh you would hear from someone who knew this was going to happen.

“Sorry, granny,” he apologizes, crossing over to her and resting his hands on her shoulders lightly before kissing the top of her head. “I had to take a couple of detours. Weird things have been happening today.”

She makes a loud harrumph after a pause. “If you’re going to be late, at least save what usefulness you might have left and set up the dinner table,” she tells him, not looking away from her cooking.

Underneath her grouchy exterior, I can tell she cares a lot about Aoba. I adore her already.

Dinner passes with comfortable, casual conversation. It makes me smile softly in the corner I sat down in, and I wonder what it must feel like to have someone care so much about you in one way or another. A little bit of pain stings in my heart, remembering grandpa and how he had cared for me as much as he had regardless of me being a stranger with a face that was seemingly disturbing to humans.

I wonder if Aoba could ever come to care about me too…?

But that’s a dangerous way to think. I can’t think that way. Not again. I’m not going to fail Aoba like I failed grandpa.

But as I drift aimlessly in my thoughts, I had only just now realized that Aoba’s granny was staring straight at me with such an intensity I nearly panicked and thought I wasn’t ghosting. But I was--I checked.

...Her eyes are sharp…! I can almost feel the blades sinking in!

“...Granny?” Aoba calls her name with a questioning inflection, addressing her piercing gaze before following it so he was looking at me too. My heart is in my throat… Am I really bad at ghosting or something?

She makes a low, thoughtful hum, before closing her eyes and snorting.

“It’s nothing. Just this old woman getting lost in her thoughts.”

“I see…” Aoba trails off, unconvinced.

I stand up shakily and wander out of the room, free from being imprisoned by her intense stare. That felt way too intense to be a mere coincidence, there’s no way she wasn’t picking up on my presence…

But then something came to mind. Grandpa, when he saw my face… He asked me if I was different from other people, rhetorically. Perhaps the elderly are more attuned…? Do humans see us differently, even more so with age? I’ll have to be more careful around Aoba’s granny, that’s for sure.

Dishes are cleaned and Aoba finally wanders out of the kitchen, climbing up the stairs with Ren in his arms. I follow him up, deciding where he was going must be his room.

With a slight bit of glee I discover I was right, and slide into the room behind Aoba just before he closes the door. I try not to bump into anything, needing to of course keep my presence a secret. His room is not as tidy as the rest of the house, but it felt like it truly was his own. I finally find an area of the room that looks relatively untouched and settle down there, feeling at ease that Aoba would not wander over to where I am.

Aoba sits down on his bed, holding Ren in his hands.

“So, how are you doing, Ren? Any issues?” Aoba asks, tilting his head the slightest.

“No problems detected,” the deep voice replied.

“That’s good…” Aoba replied with an uneasy smile. Ren makes a disgruntled sound.

“Aoba. Is there something bothering you?” he asks, ears twitching the slightest to mimic his active thought processes.

“Not exactly… After all the weird things that happened today, I just wanted to make sure you were fine,” Aoba sighs, leaning his back against the wall. “I mean it’s not all that uncommon to get called out for fights on the streets, but…”

Ren nods. “I understand. There were some unusual occurrences, as well as the resolution to each one.”

Aoba laughs softly. “It’s almost like I got out of them all way too easily… I guess I ended up wondering if it was some sort of distraction for something else. But I’m glad it’s not. Just dumb luck, I suppose.”

I sigh at Aoba’s words, almost a bit too loud. How cruel it is to not be able to be recognized for hard work…!

Aoba petted Ren’s head. “Still, even if there aren’t any problems as far as you can tell, I should probably check. It couldn’t hurt.”

“Yeah,” the small dog agreed, nodding his head once.

Aoba pulled out some equipment and hooked it up to Ren after brushing some of the fur on his neck aside, several different program screens lighting up in front of him. I kind of want to go over and see what it is since there’s so much information, but I’m just fine here in my little corner. I can’t be caught by Aoba.

“Mmm, looks like everything really is fine. That’s good,” Aoba says with relief as he shuts everything he had out down, setting it aside before picking up Ren again. A warm smile crosses his lips and he brings his companion’s forehead to his own, the fluffy mass pressed against him gently.

“Thank you, as always,” Aoba speaks with soft affection.

“The pleasure is mine,” Ren replies.

“I’ll count on you in the future, too,” Aoba adds warmly.

“The pleasure is mine,” Ren repeats.

Aoba pulls his forehead away and smiles at Ren, petting and ruffling his fur before letting him go into sleep mode. Aoba stretched, yawning greatly before glancing at the clock and mumbling about it being about time he should go to bed.

As he stood up to go get ready for sleep, I withdrew into my thoughts, trying to push back questions that were flooding my mind. I had only been with Aoba for a day, yet I already have so many questions I want to have answered.

What if Aoba could count on me in the future too? But he already does, right? But what if he could know?

But that’s impossible.

While I think, Aoba mutters something about a shirt.

Why am I even so concerned about wanting to be recognized by the human I’m supposed to protect? We’ve been trained since our creation that we absolutely cannot have any sort of attachments to anyone or anything. Not even with our own kind. We don’t have friendships, romance, nothing. They’re non-existent where I come from.

But yet it’s nearly overwhelming how much I ache to know what it would be like to be close to someone, a true friend, someone to acknowledge my efforts and for me to be someone to support them when loneliness creeps.

These are all things I’ve never experienced. These are all things I won’t ever experience.

With a soft little sigh, I envision an imaginary object between my hands as I hold them out in front of me before bringing it to my forehead, mimicking Aoba.

“Boof,” I whisper the sound of foreheads touching with a short, silent laugh. I feel almost silly. But at the same time, I feel like even pretending helped me understand the slightest bit more.

“...Honestly, what’s it doing over there…?” Aoba huffs and starts walking over to where I am.

My hands slide back down from my mask and I nearly yelp in surprise when I see Aoba nearly on top of me, reaching down. What’s he doing over here?? Despair hits my stomach and I bite back a whine of frustration. Honestly, I thought I picked such a good spot to stay in…!

I flinch back, avoiding his hand as he reached down and clasped his fingers onto a shirt that I was halfway sitting on. He tugs it once and I feel it move slightly and understand he wants to grab it, so I carefully lift myself up enough so he can get it.

“Man, I need to clean up in here sometime…” he grumbles, stripping off his previous shirt before replacing it with the one he got from the corner. Upon doing so, he returned to his bed and flopped down, tugging the blankets up past his shoulders before reaching up to turn off the light.

It was probably a good hour before I was positive he was asleep, allowing me to finally relax to a certain degree. But a thought wouldn’t leave my mind.

I should rest so I can do my best tomorrow keeping Aoba safe like I’m supposed to. But I’m afraid.

What if he dies in his sleep like my grandpa did? What if I’m not there for him? I know that we can sense when Grims are around to the degree that we would wake up if one came anywhere near the area, but I still fear that because of everything else that’s wrong with me, who’s to say this won’t be an issue?

...It’s a pointless argument, really. Out of all those options, they would all eventually lead me to a downfall of not doing my job. The option that would more than likely turn out the best is to rest so I can work at my best capacity.

I lean my back against the wall, wings neatly folded so they wouldn’t be in the way. As my eyes start to drift shut behind my gasmask, I watch the rise and fall of Aoba’s breathing.

Alive. He is alive.

And practiced.

And every day, it started getting a little easier to fake being a blank slate meant only for service and protection, even if my emotions still swirled and occupied my thoughts underneath. I did find joy in my success, which was the only positive emotion I’ve felt in a while, because I knew that my cooperation would mean the safety of whatever human I am assigned to protect. As long as I don’t involve my emotions or myself with this human, they will be safe.

They won’t die like my grandpa did.

But no matter how much I could act the part, no matter how much training I went through for them to crush the emotions my grandpa gave me, I couldn’t help but hold on to them. At first I wasn’t sure why. But as time went onward and I thought more about it during my time alone, I realized that emotions were my one, true connection I still had left with my grandpa. He may be dead, but he lives on through me and the emotions his life had granted me.

I can’t kill him twice. There’s no way I could do that. So I continue to acknowledge my emotions, and they live on just as much as I do.

Before I even realize, intensive training is over and when I rejoin my brothers I discover that we will have our first, true assignments within a few days. A bit of dread eats at my stomach, but I bite it down. Everything will be fine. I know better now than to involve my emotions with my assignment. But at the same time… A familiar ache reaches my heart and I clutch slowly at the front of my chest without realizing.

I want to share feelings. I want to make a connection. But that isn’t allowed. I’ve suffered the consequences for it, and yet I still wish for it.

I wish I understood why. I want to ask humanity why, as this is their experience. But…

I’m brought out of my thoughts when a group of Alphas enter the room we were all currently waiting in. We all stand, folding our wings properly and bowing our heads down the slightest in respect to our higher ranked beings. After a moment of silence, one of the Alphas that was holding a list steps forward, unrolling it so it could be read.

“My brothers,” he starts, looking around the room as we all raised our heads to regard his words. “Here we have a list of the names of those you will be protecting. In other words, your first job as a Guardian Angel, and your purpose for the life you were given,” he proclaims,  taking a moment to watch the others around him. I stayed as formal as the rest, my expression not shifting despite the sudden surge of excitement in my chest.

“The human you will be assigned will be sorted into a class, and that class is whatever amount of danger or trouble the human will be in for their life. The class you are assigned is directly involved with your skills displayed, so each human has a competent guardian,” he says before his gaze returns to the list, holding it up before him.

He reads a name off the list, their location, and then one of the other Alphas walk over to one of our brothers and brings him up before the one with the list. He then announces that this human is his charge, his duty.

The angel bows. “I will not fail,” he confirms, before standing and leaving the room to prepare for  his departure.

This continues for some time. Some angels get Class F humans, which have little to no danger in their lives. Perfect for those who handle easy assignments the best. Then of course some of our most skilled get Class A, meaning those humans are generally and constantly in trouble. My brothers might not have emotions or much for independent thinking, but somehow our skills always differ.

Despite the range of differences of Classes and skills, each angel accepts their assignment the same way. “I will not fail.” I rehearse those words in my mind for when I get my own assignment, but every time I feel like those words will come to me it feels like lead in my mouth.

Because I have failed before. My grandpa…

What if the human I am assigned falls to the same fate? What if I can’t control myself and end up involving myself into my--that--human’s life?

Before I can dwell on it too long, the next name is announced.

“...Seragaki, Aoba. Midorijima, Old Resident District, Japan. Class A.”

As soon as those words are spoken, one of the Alphas makes eye contact with me and starts walking over to me. What?

This is my assignment? I’m given a Class A, despite all the troubles and nuisances I’ve caused…?

I nearly forget to conceal my confused feelings, but the firm grab on my wrist snaps me out of my swirl of thoughts and I remain expressionless as I walk with the Alpha. I’m brought before the one with the list and I can nearly see something in his eyes other than the usual blank slate.

...Amusement? Or am I merely projecting my knowledge of emotions onto him…?

I bow. “I will not fail,” I manage to speak after swallowing hard. I stand tall once more, and as soon as I exit the room and stand alone my expression casts down, full of confusion and wonder.

Someone they called Broken, someone they beat down into the ground because of the lack of usefulness…

Yet, they gave that Broken angel a job that the most elite of us are given…?

I don’t understand. I don’t understand.

My emotions are bubbling back after that year of intensive training and holding them down and keeping them inside. I clutch my throat, feeling sick.

I need to be alone. I need to be alone, I need to be alone, I can’t keep this in anymore…!

I’m biting my tongue as I walk briskly to my room, staring ahead and not focusing my eyes on anything, coming across as something robotic. It seems like too long before I finally reach my room, closing the door behind me before sinking down to my knees, finally feeling like I could breathe while staring ahead of me in continued confusion.

“Why…?” I ask softly to the empty air. “There’s something not right about this, just like there was something not right with them stopping me from protecting grandpa…”

I curl my fingers into a fist, then relax them again before I stare at my palms. I am at a loss of how to react now that my frustration and confusion has resurfaced after being forced down for so long. I run my fingers through my hair, breathing deeply a few times before calming down.   I stand,  deciding what’s done is done and that I should begin to prepare to leave.

“Aoba… You have a nice name, Aoba,” I talk to myself, allowing a cheerful tone to bleed into my voice.

It doesn’t matter that he’s a Class A. I will definitely keep him safe. I will find a way. If I can break our society’s most important rule and survive, then perhaps it’s possible this will work after all.

Maybe that’s why I was chosen for him.

For the first time since my grandpa’s death, I smile.

----------------------------------------------

“So, Master gave our little Broken a Class A assignment, huh?”

The Alphas were wrapping things up, the last of the angels having been given their assignments and were all busy preparing for their departure.

“Yes,”  the Alpha holding the list replied, the slightest hint of smugness in his voice. This caused the one who asked the question to stare at him in hidden questioning. Obviously if there was a change in the usual formal tone of voice, something was unusually different with a situation.

The one with the list noticed the silent question, and tilted his head the slightest as he looked at the list for no real given reason. “Master decided the best way to keep the Broken out of the way is to keep him so busy he has no time to develop his… problem any further,” he began, casually folding the list away before looking at his brother.

“...Or, otherwise, he will be killed in the process by failing to keep up with this human anyways. Either way, our problem is taken care of.”

The other Alpha didn’t seem convinced. “Why did we not dispose of him when he was first caught straying? Wouldn’t that have been more effective than all of this…  Sideline plotting?” he asked.

The first Alpha shrugged the slightest. “Having to kill our own tends to draw unease amongst the crowd. Questions start being asked, authority questioned… It’s better to make it seem natural. It’s what our Master wants.”

No other words were exchanged between the two as they left the room, their resolve with their Master’s desires firmly ending the question.

They did not question. That is not their job.

And they were indifferent about it, as they should be.

----------------------------------------------

A day has passed, and now it’s time.

I couldn’t rest last night, but it didn’t matter. We don’t need as much rest as a human would in comparison, and after all my emotions had broken free from my internal hold I was simply too overwhelmed to relax at all.

Nervous? Excited? Afraid? Maybe. It was a complex mix of these things, and I am not so used to feeling so many different emotions all at once. But regardless, I manage to pull on my best neutral face and line up with the others, entering into our transportation to Earth.

In no time at all, we had arrived.

We all got into our designated pods, each with a distinct homing location of where to be dropped off so we can easily reach our destination and find the human we are to protect. This actually takes time, as there are certain protocols to software and how fast the travel is so that we can remain stealthed, especially those that must travel to areas where it is currently day time.

As I see the approaching Earth, I notice it’s day where I’m arriving. I smile a bit, hoping lightly that this will allow me to find my human assignment easier.

Aoba.

But my hope is suddenly replaced with dread as I recognize the island I was traveling towards.

This is the island grandpa lived on. I frown and as the pod slows, preparing to open so I can exit. I can easily pick out the area where grandpa’s house is.

Is this their way of reminding me to keep in my place? So I don’t overstep our laws again…?

The sudden suction of air and cold entering the pod nearly swept me off my feet since I hadn’t been paying attention, and I barely manage not to be flung out of the pod as it opens in the sky. It’s time for me to go.

I take a deep breath, stepping to the edge, and jump out, wings unfolding behind me and catching the air.

…

It feels amazing…!

This is the first time I’ve gotten to fly at such a height, and after being sure to ghost once I got close enough to land to be spotted, I allowed myself a bit of luxury of freedom.  With a chuckle and a grin, I flip my wings in such a way that I’m flung upside down, making a loop before tucking them in and divebombing towards the ground towards an open field.

Just before I’m about to hit, my wings snap open and the air catches me again, making me soar back up in an arch. I sigh, inhaling the fresh air before gently gliding down to the ground, wings softly lowering me to the place I wanted to land. I fold my wings neatly, then sit down on the hillside I landed on, tears filling my eyes as an old pain gripped my heart.

I look out towards the coast, a pained smile crossing my face. After several minutes, I finally turn my head, looking at a worn stone that was propped out of the ground.

“...I’m back home, grandpa.”

I stand and bow in respect to his grave, taking a moment of silence, almost like a silent prayer that he is at peace.

“...I might have failed you, grandpa. I am sorry. But I promise I will protect my human twice as much to make up for it,” I swear before his grave before straightening up.

“I have to go now… Thank you. I’m sorry I was not strong enough for you.”

With those final words, I turn around and start walking towards where I remember leaving my disguise from so long ago.

I did not plan on revealing myself, of course. But I felt that by wearing these articles of clothing… It’s like keeping a part of grandpa with me. My memory of him will keep me strong for Aoba.

This resolve stayed with me as I pull the last part--the gasmask--over my face. The clothes were a bit dirty, but overall in very good shape after dusting them off. I leave the trenchcoat off for the time being so my wings are not restricted, as I still needed to be able to find Aoba.

I hide my old clothes away and take to the sky, trenchcoat folded over my arm as I ghost and begin my search.

When we are assigned our humans, we undergo an imprint that allows us to immediately pick them out in a crowd, which is particularly useful in a lot of potentially hazardous situations. So as I fly, I scan fairly quickly over crowds, hoping he will stand out to me and I can begin my job. But it wasn’t that easy.

It has been well over an hour since I have started searching, and my eyes are getting exhausted from the strain. I land with a sigh, tucking myself into an alleyway before I pull the trenchcoat on and cover my wings. Maybe I’ll have better luck if I search on foot so I can see faces better?

I step out of the alleyway, still ghosting as I walk into the streets. I really wish I could walk amongst the humans without hiding like this, and honestly while I wouldn’t be recognized I did not want to risk another issue with my brothers. So, I instead wandered the streets, invisible to everyone around me.

It was actually a rather nice place, in its own way. I enjoyed it. It didn’t seem like anyone drove vehicles here, so people were crowding everywhere, walking and living life in the way that suited them most in the way they could. I got caught up in the atmosphere of it all, peeking into shops and observing all that was going around me.

What caught my attention the most were these little animals that some people had that followed them around, speaking with them and offering resources of knowledge. Robots, of some sort, that also seemed to work as a pet? I wasn’t sure, but they were, simply put…

...Fascinating!

My enthrallment with my surroundings was suddenly broken as I heard some shouts coming from my right, down an alley a few blocks down. I start running, my heart pounding wildly in my chest as I feared it might be the human I’m supposed to protect…!

Once again, I might fail because I got caught up in my own emotions.

But as I rounded the corner, the situation was resolved, and no one seemed to be seriously injured. I sigh quietly to myself, settling down.

This wasn’t my human. This wasn’t Aoba.

But just as I thought that, I heard a voice that sent a powerful shock through me, almost like a punch in my center.

I turn around and my eyes scan wildly, searching for the source. It was far away, but…

There it is again.

It nearly knocks me off my feet, and after I regain my mental balance my feet seem to fly underneath me as I run towards where I thought it might be.

No… No this isn’t fast enough…!

I grab at the back of my trenchcoat and pull it up, exposing my wings and letting it bunch up at my neck and shoulders as I unfold my wings, springing quickly off the ground as they push the air and cause a strong gust that confuses a few nearby people.

But I didn’t care. I needed to get to that voice…!

I hear it once again and it’s nearly underneath me, so I tuck my wings and dive rapidly towards the ground only to nearly crash into the rooftop. I dust myself off and straighten myself out, coat falling back into place as I carefully peek over the side of the roof to see the ground below me.

A person walks out of what seems to be a store, waving and saying goodbye to the person inside before pulling out a dark blue lump of fur, gently touching its forehead while calling its name. It wakes up and answers in a deep voice, and after they exchange a few words the human turns and looks up towards the sky, allowing me to properly see his face. I freeze and my throat squeezes.

It’s him.

Grims are forces of death. However, they are chaotic and not in control--the complete opposite of Guardian Angels. While their role is just as important as ours, it’s up to us to keep them in check. Sometimes they kill when it is not that person’s time, at least when we’re not around.

That is why we exist. We are a balance to death, a power check.

For once, we are visiting Earth during nightfall in the region we normally go to, which means I might be able to sneak a visit to grandpa after my task is done. I know he will be asleep, but it would be nice just to see his kind face again.. It’s not a guarantee, but it still makes me fight back a smile to avoid having attention brought to me.

Each one of us has two Alphas accompanying us. It’s a precaution to make sure we don’t fail our task, and also this way they can judge if we are truly ready for our assignment. The reason we do this test at night is because Grim are unusually strong during this time. Their influence over humans has a tighter hold, since their ghosting is tied into darkness and thus they can influence more without giving themselves away.

At last, we’ve arrived. It feels odd to be on Earth without my gathered clothing on, currently wearing the standard uniform with my wings on full display. But I cannot change, as this time I’m accompanied. After the two pass a knowing look to each other, they turn to me.

“You will follow us to your task. Stay ghosted until we reach our destination,” they instructed, flaring their wings and taking to the air shortly after the air shifts to ghost them.

I can still see them, of course. Ghosting only works on mortals (and not always on animals, I’ve learned, when some dogs smelled me from under my ghosting effect and chased me. It was rather scary).

As we flew, the familiar scenery below me sped by and I allowed myself a private smile since the Alphas weren’t looking my way. I’ve managed to get this far, and despite the few instances of intensive training, I haven’t really done all that bad. The fact that I’ve survived this long without being destroyed, despite my actions, speaks volumes. I almost feel like I was more advanced than my brothers, in a way.

They started slowing down and I snapped out of my thoughts, slowing down as well and looking around to see where I was. My heart squeezed, trying not to sink as I saw them approaching grandpa’s house.

...No. This can’t happen.

I landed, trying hard to bite back my horrified expression as the Alphas dusted themselves, shaking their wings out before folding them neatly. Mine remained flared the slightest as if I was considering fleeing, but that wasn’t an option.

I’m here to protect him. He won’t die. However, I can’t help the tight line my lips have made as I fold my wings finally behind me and approach the Alphas.

“...This is your target for tonight, brother,” one of the Alphas speak at last, the door soundlessly opening at his mere touch. “Best of luck. We will be watching,” he says the last part, eyes not on mine but looking right into the eyes of the other Alpha. I feel uneasy, but I step past them and into grandpa’s house.

It’s quiet and dark, as to be expected, the soft sounds of breathing coming from grandpa’s room. My senses are on edge, probably even more so from emotional influences of fear, nervousness, and uneasiness. Is this why my brothers frown so much on feeling? Because these negative feelings might hinder us from doing our work?

Honestly, it felt more like a motivation to do my job better so I wouldn’t have to feel these things…

I quietly walk into grandpa’s room and he’s sound asleep, face as kind as ever and peaceful. I absentmindedly smile, feeling better than before since I was now being comforted by his presence before me.

No, there’s just simply no way he will be dying tonight. I’ll make sure of that.

This is how I can repay him for teaching me so much about emotion and feeling.

So I wait, not taking my eyes off of grandpa except to make quick glances around the room to make sure there were no Grims trying to sneak in any other way. The one advantage that Grims have that we don’t is that they can phase through walls, floors, or basically any solid surface. So, as a result, we must stay extra vigilant because they could come from anywhere.

A cold breeze lofted through the room, but no windows were open. My heart leapt in my chest and squeezed my throat, and I knew it was happening. My eyes wildly darted around looking for the source when I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder and had to hold my breath to keep myself from gasping in surprise.

It was the Alphas, one of them with a firm grip on me. I exhale slowly, realizing they were most likely here to examine my work now that it was time to start.

A darkness suddenly started leaking slowly from the corner of the room, slithering across the floor. A disgusting aura pooled from it and I felt something of an internal hostility build inside, strengthening my resolve to save my grandpa.

How dare this thing believe I would allow it to take someone so good from this world…?

I moved to engage it when suddenly the hand of the Alpha squeezed my shoulder painfully tight, causing me to be unable to hold back a small gasp of pain. I try to shake him off, but instead the Alpha forced me to the ground, my knees hitting the floor with a solid thud causing an ache to shoot through me, the other Alpha joining by his side and grabbing a fistfull of my hair, jerking my head back. The pained noise I made that time came louder, and my eyes glance over to grandpa, panicked that he would wake up or even worse, the Grim would reach him.

“What are you doing?” I hissed a pained whisper, trying to struggle out of their hold. The Alpha that was holding me down by my shoulder grasped at my wrists, jerking them together and pinning them behind my back and pressed them against my wings. My eyes watered from the pain, the force of his pushing while the other pulled on my hair without mercy, forcing my head to stare up at where grandpa lay…

...No. No, this can’t be happening.

I’m starting to put two and two together. They have no intention of letting me do my job.

The Grim is coiling, swirling on the floor, nearly touching grandpa’s bed.

“...No, no! You can’t--Don’t, I need to save hi--mmph!” one of the Alphas forcefully shoved something in my mouth to keep me quiet, and through teary eyes I glance to see below was a bright, neon scarf…

Dread hit my stomach, and I felt nauseous. They knew. They knew.

“Do you understand now, brother?” one of the Alphas whispered softly. “This is what happens when protocol isn’t followed. Things happen that we cannot help,” he paused, tilting his head the slightest as he increased his grip on my wrists. I could nearly feel bones creaking, cries of pain muffled under the scarf.

My heart is pounding, my mind dizzy from the rush of blood, adrenaline, and horror. These emotions are awful, and I want them to stop. I want to save grandpa, I don’t want to feel sick anymore.

I don’t want to die. That’s surely what’s to come next. They will destroy me.

The Grim is crawling up the bedframe, and the room is getting colder.

I jerk against the Alphas holding me, mustering all my strength enough to shake off the hold on my wrists before slamming myself backwards, taking the Alpha who was pulling my hair down with me and making his hand connect with the floor. He grunted in pain, and when his hold released I scrambled up and swung a wing out, hitting the other Alpha who was trying to get a hold back on my wrists and knocking him to the floor.

I might not have the largest wings, but they are still very strong, if not stronger from the extra work I do to fly.

I turn to the bed where grandpa lay, my pulse roaring in my ears as I leap towards the Grim to engage it when suddenly pain ripped into my wings, causing me to reel back and stumble. The Alpha who had grabbed my hair earlier grabbed a fistfull of feathers, flight feathers included being crumpled in his grip. He yanked back, whipping me off my feet as I cried out in pain, tears breaking past my eyes as I hit the floor and saw stars the moment my head cracked against the floor loudly. Shortly after, a sharp pain dug into my side as I felt a kick land, causing me to reflexively curl up onto my side, coughing and wheezing from the pain.

They weren’t holding anything back at all.

I felt a hand grab my hair, pulling hard enough to lift me up to my feet. I arched in pain, cries muffled by the scarf once more before I was thrown against the wall. My breath was knocked out of me and I crumpled to the floor, wheezing, trembling as I tried to stand up again. But hands find my throat and suddenly I’m against the wall again, my hands desperately but futilely scrabbling to pull them off.

Grandpa shivers in his sleep as the Grim reaches his body, closing in on his heart and mind. Tears spill out from my eyes in excess, my gaze fixed on the scene before me in horror. I couldn’t handle this. My stomach was burning, my throat was strangling itself along with the Alpha’s hands, and I stopped trying to pull at the hands around my neck and reached out towards grandpa with trembling, desperate fingers.

“Grandpa… please…” my voice was barely a whisper. I couldn’t blink.

And just as my words disappeared from the air, grandpa drew in a sharp breath and sucked the Grim in, and his body jerked ever so slightly. He exhaled, a pale mist in the air that dissolved almost as soon as it left his body.

Then, he was still.

The color of his face faded, and his chest didn’t rise or fall with air.

I couldn’t hear anything anymore, and the burn in my stomach turned to lead that spread to my fingers, causing my outreached hand to fall to my side. I become limp, my vision darkening before my throat was finally released.

I crash to the floor, with no will to move.

The Alphas stand in front of me, one of them clicking their tongue.

“It’s a shame the old man had to die, brother. This is why we don’t tolerate Broken behavior. Perhaps if you didn’t involve yourself with this man, he would be living today,” one of them suggested, shaking his head.

The other Alpha kneeled, shockingly gentle with his touch now as he cupped and turned my face to look up at his as tears silently fell from my eyes. “But even what’s broken can be repaired, no? You’ll get another chance. You are not to be destroyed this time,” he cooed before letting my face fall back to the ground. I showed no will to move.

The Alpha stood back up and sighed. “Get yourself back in control, brother, and do it soon. We leave by dawn,” he said, passing a look to the other. They nodded in a silent understanding, casting one more look to me before exiting.

A few minutes passed without me moving, tears still spilling before I finally am overcome with sorrow and realization. I curled up tighter on the floor, and began to sob. The sounds I make echo in the lifeless room, reminding me of my failure and punishment.

I should have never felt. I should have listened. But it’s too late now for that.

I struggle from my spot, my injuries and abuse throbbing in my body. I stumble to grandpa’s bed and I look at his face, stomach twisting in guilt and shame before I collapse by the side of the bed, kneeling and burying my face in the blankets beside him as my cries grow louder.

This is all my fault. I wanted to save him as a way to repay all he has done for me, and all I’ve done…

All I’ve done is get him killed.

My sore wings droop as I force myself to stand, breath hitching in aftershocks of my cries. I reach and pull grandpa up into my arms, and I press my face against his chest in sorrow before exiting the room with him.

I did not fly. I didn’t deserve that freedom, not right now.

I left the house, grandpa’s blankets fluttering in the wind as I carried him out past the back of his house. I drop the scarf in the spot with the rest of my disguise, frowning at it in anger before continuing my walk.

It was a few hours of my silent footsteps before I had reached the beach I intended to go to, up on a hillside. Grandpa had talked about how before he had settled here, he wished to retire on a beachfront property so he could watch the sun set across the water.

At least in this way… I could grant his wish.

I give him a burial, kneeling solemnly beside his now grave and say nothing for a couple hours. It was only a matter of time before I broke my silence though.

“...I’m so sorry, grandpa.”

I wipe the last bit of my tears away, my body thoroughly drained and exhausted. I reach back to my injured wing, flinching the slightest as I pull a feather that I would find no use of anyways, and set it quietly on his grave before turning away, forcing myself to fly on tired wings to return to my brothers.

I did not want them to be my brothers anymore. Not after this.