#practicallyfamous

I'm in the audition room, on the second story of an audition building that was there when Bing was making movies; somewhere in Burbank, Ca. 

Trying to calm my breathing, warm my clammy hands, breathe in/out in/out. My leg shaking for no reason, waiting in my metal chair as the receptionist sits with her back to me typing away, something I'm sure that has to do with movies and film and is being e-mailed to some director somewhere. And here I sit, rattling. 

The guy next to me, also trying to clear his phlegm and practice his lines under his breath so that he thinks that I don't notice him trying too hard, when really I see myself in him and I try to do the exact same thing; act like I don't care too much.

All the while a stream of thought going through my head... "don't try too hard, be genuine, be yourself, be natural, read, but sound like your talking to someone, be relatable, but not over the top, bring it down, but don't be a corpse, be yourself, be natural, but breathe, don't shake, please don't shake, you have something to offer, you are unique, don't forget to breathe, what is she typing, who is it going to, focus, read, sound natural, dont shake be naturalbeyourselfhavefungobeforeyoureready...

"Jake! they are ready for you."

and then as if a joke my body plays on me, my whole mind goes blank

...

thump

...

thump

... 

thump thump

..

thump thump thump

thumpthumpthumpthump!

The only sound is the sound of my beating heart reminding me that I'm alive, as every step I come closer to mortality, the casting directors door.

I'm standing in my audition, nerves, like a duck on the pond, my feet under the water churning a mile a minute, but on the surface I am trying desperately to remain calm.

I am blanking, smiling, trying to be charming, but I cant seem to say anything more that "hi, haha hi"

Then right in the middle of my audition my wonderful wife texts me the same thing she texts me before every audition. My phone goes off in my hand and I am stunned and embarrassed as I am trying to make it through the rest of the text. 

As the casting director asks me to start with my phone again, I quickly glance at the text from my wife,

"Breathe and go before you're ready :) I'm with you"

Suddenly I'm home. I'm grounded. I find my feet. I'm sturdy. 

In / Out.

In / Speak

In / Thank you for having me

In / Have a great day

In / Out.

Thank you wife for giving me courage.

Courage to be myself, to stand firm, to deliver. 

Whoever said acting is easy has never been to an audition room.

Whoever said acting is simple, was right, breathe and go before you're ready.