#postler

i want to be comforted and taken care of and reassured and held and have my pain acknowledged vs the fact that wanting that is a sign of true evil in my soul and that my pain is illegitimate + also get over it + in the real world people don’t coddle others because they’re upset or sad + you’re overreacting + you don’t deserve it

im actually deeply depressed and its sort of harrowing and every moment is sort of torture and misery and a complete inability to connect with even the idea of pleasureeeee which sucks but like who cares actually. there are other people in the world with problems *said spitefully, with an undercurrent of contempt for all other living beings on earth*

sort of a critical mistake just happened where i nearly referred to jeff the killer as "jfk"

when we lay on our stomachs our head pounds so severely that it cuts out our hearing with every heartbeat so that’s probably something for the doctor

practicing being nice and kind by smiling with all my teeth. Friendly.

its actually embarrassing af (for me) to say i have major depressive disorder because its like who doesnt in this day and age. and then i remember theres actually a lot of people who dont walk through life the emotional equivalent of walking corpses and im like ohhhhhhh haha

i dont think pleasure is immoral anymore im just devoid of it because i have a wicked torture loving soul