#post-move

much has changed!

for starters, i’d gone insane when i first moved here. i was incredibly weary of all familial social dynamics and briefly had the delusion i should get back with my ex…

from years ago…

who has very clearly moved on…

yikes!

i think that came more from a longing for familiarity than anything, but now i’m more settled and the thought has completely escaped me. thank god. i was truly insane.

i hate to remind myself of this but it’s objectively funny — i was trying curry for the first time at my best friends house and overthinking a response to a message i’d seen from them. i started weeping and whisper-screaming into my bowl. as if there were a five minute timer above my head — every five minutes, i’d remember and carry on crying again.

it still bothers me when they haven’t replied… but that’s natural, i think.

upon moving here, i immediately found employment within two weeks and started at a hardware store. they’ve taken lovely care of me and im glad i chose this over the dog kennel or walmart. i think i’d be miserable at either option.

i’m slowly being introduced to more social dynamics at work. a coworker asked about me last night and it was awesome because he was the very first person to *ask about me* there. everyone else settled for chitchat.

i think my mental health has improved greatly from my time in arkansas. other than the odd intrusive thoughts or PSTD-like anxieties, i’m good.

i say PTSD-like because i’m not sure if that’s what you should be calling it. i just know i act irrationally anxiously over things my mother would have killed me for, only to realize my grandpa doesn’t care.

as for my intrusive thoughts, id say they’re almost comically extreme.

i was walking into work and internally whining about the heat when i remembered i hadnt rolled my windows down to let heat seep out. i was annoyed — then distraught! i wonder if i’ve left my newborn puppy in the hot car!

1. i do not have a puppy — much less a newborn one.

2. why would i have brought it to work? what?

3. i haven’t interacted with newborn puppies in so long. i have no puppy to worry for.

niko thinks this is hilarious. i do too.

its nice for my intrusive thoughts to be so powerless to me. it’s freedom.

i’ve been into hetalia lately. and i honestly fear to mention it in the diary because i worry someone scrolling through the hetalia tag could happen upon this.

if they do, oh well. im 20 and single if youre down.

im hardly joking, too. i’m very bored romantically.

regardless, i’m into hetalia now. i was weary at first but i figure as long as i’m not making broad statements and assumptions about people of other cultures based on a comedy anime from the late 2000’s, i’m probably doing just fine. it’s a good anime as long as you recognize it’s not meant to be a completely serious take on the world’s events. it’s about as harmful as clone high and hamilton:the musical. it’s entertainment more than it is reality.

i like france and england and russia the best, right now. poland is close behind and even closer if its lithuania and poland together.

i drew china as well but it came out ugly. i’d post it but i mentioned hetalia enough times that someone from the fandom might see this post and i dont want them to see my ugly art. i’ll post a cute one instead.

little italia. so cute. wow.

when i was in my camera roll i was reminded that peter’s birthday dinner was awesome. i was the only one who showed up with a gift and i’m starting to wonder if my dad’s side of the family just doesn’t so that.

i think the dinner is the gift.

regardless, i got him a mousepad of a cat with sunglasses and he loved it enough that he uses it at his work desk. success!

this was dinner. i hated their spicy tuna roll because i expected a firmer texture and it was severely minced. paste. peter agreed and i think he shared the sentiment LOL

my aunt had them and thanked me for sharing. which was sweet, but i think it’s because ash said no to sharing the cucumber salad with her.

the miso was bomb. love this place and need to take niko some day.

i have fanexpo coming up! i’d better remember to document it here at least a little if i plan on having good memory of it.

other than that, my gen psych ended (with a B… okay!) and i have summer classes revving up soon. woohoo. so fun.

im glad my degree will advance, though. i need it.

other than that…? life’s good. i have a five hour shift tonight and i cleaned pretty well last night so in theory i *should* be able to relax… maybe… hopefully…

we’ll see.

i think im gonna make potstickers before i go. and a little vegetable salad. i need one because i’m dehydrated af!

i need to tidy my room so i can hangout on thursday and be at peace.