An Atom And A Star Chapter 1 - Falling Apart In Daylight
Cws: Grief, implied character death
I wouldn't mind If I can't find, I can't find Anything to save our kind All the pieces of my body is gone
Look at me now I'm falling apart in daylight All the pieces that I have lost I have loved - "Soulless Creatures", Aurora
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"Hey, hatchling. How ya holding up?"
Hal let their axe sink into the vine beneath them. It cleaved easily, but the blow still barely left a dent.
"Busy right now, Esker."
"Oh, and I suppose ya just forgot your radio was set to my channel?"
Hal laughed, or tried to. It felt more like choking. They cleared their throat. "Umm, yeah, something like that."
Esker let the silence drag on a little too long. If they think they can pressure me into talking, they've got another thing coming. If there was one thing Rhy... if there was one thing they'd learned, it was stubbornness.
"So. Ya seen Gabbro around?"
Of course it was about them. "Nope." It was only a half lie. Their hatchmate had made themself pretty scarce since coming back from Giant's Deep.
"Goss is just worried, is all. Ya noticed them acting... different?"
Hal leaned on the handle of their axe. This was clearly going to be a whole conversation. "Not really. Gabbro's Gabbro. You know."
Esker let the conversation stall again, long enough that Hal almost hoped they'd just resume their whistling.
"Porphy said you've been dodging em like they've got spring fever."
Hal's ears flattened. "Look, Esker, I'm really busy." Just imagining their older friend's eyes - so concerned and sad - made centipedes crawl into their vocal folds. They coughed. Tektite had noticed their change in demeanor and was picking their way around debris to reach them. It felt like the thorny vines were buried in their chest instead of the ground beneath their feet. Esker inhaled over the line as if to speak, then just sighed.
"We care about ya, hatchling. But nobody can support you if you don't... I just wish either of you..." Esker's voice trailed off. Hal could have sworn they heard for a moment the same exhaustion they'd seen in the faces of all their elders. "Maybe you should talk to Goss about it. That's all. They might understand more than you think."
Hal rubbed their fangs over their lower lip. Nope. Tektite had reached their position. "Why don't you take a break, eh?"
Much worse than the admonishment they'd expected. Hal knew their emotions were written all over their face and they hated it. "Nah, I'm alright. Just checking in with Esker. They get lonely up there." They forced a smile. Tektite squeezed their shoulder, probably harder than necessary.
"Haven't seen you drink water all day, so that's an order." Now Marl was looking in their direction with all four eyes, Ears pricked, brow furrowed. Frustrated, Hal pulled the respirator off their face so they could speak more clearly.
"If what Gabbro said is true-" And that was a big if "we need to get this thing cleared as fast as possible. I'm fine, I have my own water." Water they mostly weren't drinking, since it was such a pain to move away from the worksite, take off the respirator, all just for some lukewarm water that had been sitting in a flask all day.
"Well I better see you using it." Tektite moved away again, resuming their work. But Hal caught their upper eyes straying back to their position. Hal huffed and took a perfunctory sip of their water which tasted like shit and re-secured the respirator over their nose and mouth. Gossan had insisted on the extra safety measure after Gabbro mumbled out an explanation that was mostly nonsense but involved words like "vacuum" and "wormhole".
Honestly, it's like everyone's hit their head. Is this what it was like when Feldspar... they shook their head furiously as if they could rattle the thought loose. Maybe YOU need to hit your head, Hal. The movement had unintentionally captured the attention of their working companions, again. They put their head down and got back to work.
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It was just past sunset when Tektite called off work for the day. The light was just too low. The late summer air hung heavy, the last vestiges of twilight clinging to the horizon in shades of lupine blue and winged insects crawled along the surface of the lamps used to light the path back to the village. Hal trailed behind the rest of the group. Tuff had joined them halfway through the day, and Hal had no motivation to pretend to be interested in the whispered tones of gossip between their hatchmates.
They paused at the top of the hill, eyes scanning the horizon of the crater. It was stupid habit, but the lightless void at the top of the village felt like a hole in their stomach. "Meet me after work, ok? I'll light a lantern." They turned their gaze upwards instead, watching the stars winking on one by one. Their hand fell to their radio, and they flipped through the channels absently.
Esker whistling.
"Yes, quite sure-"
"Hmm... that's odd... I'm-"
"Day off might be good-"
"Ground control to Rhyolite. This is an automated-"
They hit the off button so hard their finger hurt. They huffed out a few breaths. At some point, they'd sunk to their haunches. They forced themself back to their feet over the screaming in their lungs. I can breathe. I can breathe. I can breathe. They wandered down the village path, eyes half-focused on the ground, upper eyes flickering from place to place as if they'd spot a predator in the shadows. Just don't draw attention to yourself. Thank stars dinner's over.
"I can't tell you where they are because I don't know"
The raised voice cut through their dazed mind like water. Hal found themself drawing closer to the lit cabin window, hovering just out of its line of sight.
"You could at least help look for them" Hornfels sounded furious. "This isn't like you. You're unreliable but you've never returned from a mission early."
"Yeah well -" There was a growl, a sound of primal frustration and pain. "I can't you don't -" the speaker paused, panting for a second. "you can't understand."
Is that Gabbro ? It definitely was, the cadence and timbre left little doubt of that. Just... Hal had never heard them like this. In all the years growing up together, Gabbro had rarely shown their feelings. This was entirely different. The emotion spilling from Gabbro's voice made Hal's throat want to close again. It resonated deeply.
"I understand enough. Whatever happened with you two, this is unacceptable. Rhyolite is MIA and you want to what - abandon them?"
"I know they're not coming back but you won't listen to a word I say!" Gabbro gathered themself a little, frustration masking the raw pain beneath.
"I don't know what you're implying by that. I know you aren't suggesting Rhyolite would hurt themself." Hornfels' voice was darker. Hal instinctively made themself smaller beneath the window frame. There were sounds of shuffling inside.
"And I know you weren't suggesting I hurt them when you said 'whatever happened between you two'" A few seconds of seething silence passed. Hal wanted to creep away. This seemed like it was going to end in a fight. Should they call someone? Who could they call? Their body was frozen, rooted to the ground like a tree.
"I fucking told you what happened." Gabbro's voice was a little calmer.
"What you told me is delusional." Hornfels' was not. Another moment of silence passed.
"Forget it. I don't know why I tried." Footsteps moving towards the door.
"We're going to find them. And if you won't help I have no choice but to assume you don't want that." Hornfels' voice held a pleading note beneath the anger. Hal heard it. They were pretty sure Gabbro didn't. The door to their left clicked and Hal found themself face-to-face with the astronaut. Their eyes met for just a second before Gabbro's gaze dropped to the boards of the porch. Some things never change, I guess...
"You should... talk to them in the morning." Gabbro's voice was rough from vocal strain, but lowered. The dim lantern light glinted off the tears on their face, which they made no effort to hide.
"I'm. Umm..." Hal tried to formulate a coherent response. An excuse? Literally anything? But everything felt upside down. They suddenly felt very much like running to Gossan's cabin and pretending they were a hatchling again.
"Or, maybe better, don't." Amended Gabbro, glancing behind them. Footsteps approached the door. Hornfels could, of course, hear their low conversation.
"You're... different." Was all Hal could manage. Gabbro chuckled, but it was a sort-of sad chuckle. Not really a joyful sound.
"Yeah, buddy, a little. I should really be going though." Hal blinked dumbly at them as they slipped away into the darkness.
"Who - Halite? What are you doing here?" The change in Hornfels' voice from anger to the same sickeningly gentle concern Porphy kept trying to give them made Hal take a step backwards.
"I'm... Just heading home from work... Uhh... progress report... Seed is good? I mean. Not good. But we're working on it."
Hornfels squinted their upper eyes, scrutinizing Hal. "Right. So Tektite told me." well shit. Hornfels' face softened again. "Hal... If you need anything... just radio, alright? Your welcome any time."
It was, really unnerving to be let off the hook so easily. Memories of stern interactions from teenage escapades filled their mind like swarms of insects. I should be thankful. There's nobody left to take the fall. Hah. They numbly walked back to their cabin and sank into a dining room chair. They didn't bother to dim the lamp or shut the door quietly. There was nobody to wake up.
Chapter 2 >>>
