#post-depression

After a particularly stressful afternoon of overthinking, and uselessly trying to stop, I asked myself what the key would be to not overthink. What came to me was, 'Live in the now.'

That's when I realized pretty much everything I would overthink, since the beginning of time, was cause and effect. A choice I made now, and how it would affect me down the line. 'What if' scenarios aplenty entering my mind. "How would I handle...." questions making me worry.

Who I am now, might not feel ready to handle my future worry, but my future me, most likely will, if it ever happens. I don't need to handle that hypothetical situation now, so why stress about it?

Live in the moment. Remind myself of what I know to be true and own it. Tomorrow, I'll be ready to face whatever may come, but today, right now, I just need to face what is.

like pages in disarray

scattered

telling a partial story

unfinished

'til bound together

whole

complete

only then is seen

beauty behind the madness

29 Aug 2018.

... First rain. Bliss. Awaken again.

It’s been somewhat 2 years since I last used this platform... Well, I was too bored indeed, even to post on tumblr. Those 2 years were painful but slowly evolving, devastating and then regenerating.

The truth is, it has been a far longer ride. As universal truth seems to be the fact that when you're on your highs, you've got to prepare for the lows. Whatever the case is, work, fun, education, relationships, any other -ships? You have to Learn, Try, Achieve, Enjoy and then Sum up. If your journey was fulfilling so far and you think your "great purpose" has been found... then congratulations: Rewind accordingly and play back the same great song, enhance it, get more of it on each replay.

Life in a fucking 6-word-list nutshell.

Well, sometimes life doesn't let you play the whole freakin’ album. Your tape (how hipstererecious of me) starts to get "chewed" at the joy part, it doesn't even let you to sum up. You have to guess which song you should start your listening session from this time, and maybe get lucky - or just be rightfully successful enough - to reach the finale and get the full picture.

Turns out, guessing won't help you. You've gotta rewind the whole thing back (and learn some new shit about it), or swap the cassette/lp/cd/youtube-vid/whatever with something different (and learn the shit out of it). I know it seems so obvious to some, but obviously it isn’t that obvious for everyone out there. Let alone avoiding it... anyway:

Guessing is just fucking things worse.

That Guessing part is the one when one's mental disorders start to involve, depression, anxiety, all that dark mumbojumbo kick in and get darker and darker with every unlucky guess/attempt. Eventually the one gets the idea: it's a loophole and you've got to escape and get back to the learning phase.  For me it was a 6-year-long story that eventually brought me to...

Summer 2018, Chanioland, Crete, Greece.

∙ No vacations. ∙ Swimwear worn: 0 times. ∙ Times of outdoor fun: less than my fingers’ count. ∙ State of isolation: temp. ∙ Failed courses: seems like 3/3. ∙ Workload: fair. ∙ Communication fuckups: oh so many. ∙ Music/coffee/cigarettes: LOTS. ∙ Re-evaluating everything I can remember: Done. ✓ It was an intense inner trip... a deep, total and exhaustive self-psychοanalysis, but I won't get any deeper than that for now, at least in this post.

The sure thing is, you've got to be honest to yourself, re-evaluate your needs and your ways and everything you've experienced from multiple perspectives and all that cheesy motivational quotes your auntie has posted on her fb wall. Whatever works for you... dig inwards! BUT FIRST: turn off the noise. Trying hard to be a part of it (while you obviously don’t need that and you only get unnecessarily embarrassed of yourself)  is just a waste of time, and time has been wasted for me indeed.

Time the Healer. It's about time to evolve and get involved again. Pass through and past the ruins, fix what can be fixed, and Create. It's seems like chaos out there... and I used to love it.

But right now I've got to enjoy some hazelnut-flavoured-coffee and the cool, season changing, refreshing breeze by the open window.

While this floyd-doomish-jazzy-postrockish-emotionally-exploding masterpiece is playing on repeat:

Cheers!

G.

I. Semitone.labs, our music design collective is kinda alive again, at least we have a new Instagram account: www.instagram.com/semitonelabs

II. Eternal gratitude to the few ones who managed to tolerate my self all this time. I'll be there for you no matter what, you know it.

III. It went much cheesier than what I initially thought. And I don't know shit about how tumblr works. And my english seem so rusty and limited after so many years without a stroll abroad.  Oh well, "SO BE IT." (quote by: Happy Harry Hard-on)

IV. Fuck facebook. So bored of it, too much useless info and superficial crap, just sayin’

[take the pain, ignite it] [spotify] (r i p 8tracks)

a companion mix to [full of indifference]. the joy and rage of attempted recovery.