Jo was having a very rough morning that started with the coffee maker breaking and then the dog throwing up on the outfit that she had planned to wear. On top of everything, Jo had forgotten the clocks sprung forward an hour, so now both she and her daughter would be late for work and school, respectively.

Rushing out her bedroom, Jo yanked the nearest coat off the hanger in the hall closet and shouted, “Luna, let’s go!” She turned and smacked her heel into the umbrella stand, then doubled over as the pain set in. “Shit!”

“Swear jar,” Luna smiled cheekily, as she emerged from her bedroom. Her shoulder-length blonde hair was pulled back with a headband and her blue eyes sparkled with mischief. No wonder she was the class troublemaker; she may look like an angel but on the inside she was all devil.

Jo, whose foot was still stinging, rolled her eyes. “I’ll do it when I get home. We’re already late enough as it is. Do you have your backpack? What about extra clothes for when you get to Uncle Link’s? Don’t forget you’re going home with Scout today.”

Ever the diva, Luna rolled her eyes, put one hand on her hip and with the other, held up her bright pink backpack. “I know Mom,” she huffed. “I’m smart, remember?”

Sighing, Jo smoothed Luna’s hair down and took a moment to look at her daughter. “You totally are, girly. Sorry, Mom’s just a bit flustered. Let’s head off before we’re really late.” Ignoring the throbbing in her heel, Jo locked the door behind them and opted to take the stairs to the carpark, instead of waiting for the elevator. Luna slid into her booster seat (even though she acted old enough to sit shot-gun, she was really only seven) and requested Taylor Swift for the drive to school. Jo turned on the tunes that she used to belt as a teenager, and laughed along with her daughter as the spring breeze rushed in through the open sun roof. The weather in Seattle was finally getting more bearable, which was a blessing in itself. Mostly because Jo didn’t have to wrestle Luna into a coat, but also because of the bright sun and clear sky. It reminded her of the old days when after surviving another shift of her brutal internship, she would go out and lie in the grass with Stephanie.

Thinking of Stephanie, who had a daughter of her own now and was doing just fine out in the big world made Jo realize just how much she was missing her best friend. Stephanie's daughter Kylie was only four years old, but played nicely with Luna and even though they didn’t live near each other, Jo and Stephanie had made sure to keep in touch as best they could with a FaceTime here and there. However, it seemed that even that was becoming more challenging with Luna in school and Jo a well-respected OBGYN in Seattle.

Speaking of, Jo was very late for her job. She quickly dropped Luna off and then raced towards the hospital she worked at. Of course all the staff parking spaces were taken, leaving Jo to walk half a mile it seemed into the building. The second she stepped into the attendings’ lounge, Link looked up from his spot on the couch. “Hey, I was just about to get worried that you weren’t going to make it,” he said.

“Well let me tell you about my morning,” Jo began, as she shoved her bag into her cubby. “Also Luna is proving to have inherited Alex’s sass more than I would’ve liked. Considering she’s never met my ex-husband, you’d think they were carbon copies of each other.” She rolled her eyes and gathered her pink scrubs.

Just then, the door to the bathroom opened and an unfamiliar face popped out. Link nodded politely at the woman, who looked to be in her late thirties or early forties. Jo didn’t say anything as she moved past and hurried to change. With highlighted blonde hair and calculating brown eyes, there was something about the woman that seemed vaguely familiar. “Who are you?” Link asked, setting down his coffee mug.

“Is-Belle,” the woman said quickly. “Call me Belle.”

Link stretched his hand out for Belle to shake. “Nice to meet you. I’m Atticus Lincoln, but everyone just calls me Link. Where did you say you were from?”

“Hospital to the East. I’m here as a special guest for the day, per the granted request of Richard Webber. I’m sorry to barge into your lounge, I just had to use the washroom.” Belle glanced around, amazement lighting up her gaze. “It’s much fancier than the last time I was here. Not that I ever got to see the attendings lounge, but still.” She looked thoughtful, as though she was caught up in a memory.

Curious as to how she knew Richard Webber and why she was amazed by the lounge, Link opened his mouth to question her. But before he could speak, Jo burst out of the bathroom and shot a glance at Link. “I’m ready. You still want that consult?”

“Yeah.” Link stood up and dumped the rest of his coffee down the sink. He turned to Belle and smiled. “It was nice to meet you, I’m sure I’ll see you around later.”

Distracted by Jo’s reappearance, Belle nodded absentmindedly. “Yes, of course.” Link took that as a sign to leave, and followed Jo out of the room. They conversed over their shared patient, and quickly sped through morning rounds.

In the hall before lunch, Jo emerged to find Richard Webber and the new woman Link was speaking to that morning, named Belle. She nodded her head to both of them, but didn’t stop for a chat.

There was something slightly off about the blonde haired woman that Jo couldn’t quite place. She looked like a model but not one on TV anymore, more like someone Jo might have seen in a magazine practically half her life ago. Belle had to be more than a pretty face, though. Her eyes looked thoughtful too.

“Wilson! Come over and say hi to Belle!” Richard beckoned the younger woman with his hand and Jo crossed the hall to say hello.

“Kar-I mean Wilson has been with us for over a decade. Around the time her daughter was born, she switched specialties to become an OB and has been a huge success ever since,” Richard said with a smile. He leaned over and said only to Jo, “Sorry for slipping up, I don’t know what came over me.”

With a tight-lipped smile, Jo shook off Richard’s mistake. “It’s fine, I haven’t gone by that name in a long time. It’s nice to meet you Belle.”

Belle shook Jo’s hand and said, “You as well. I haven’t met too many people today, so it’s nice to see a kind face.” Jo nodded, half listening and half distracted. Excusing herself, she headed off to grab something from the cafeteria before the afternoon craziness hit.

A hit-and-run with a car containing a pregnant woman and her son, forced Jo to clear her schedule for the afternoon and tend to the ER patients. Link was pulled into surgery for the young boy to place a splint in his damaged arm. That left Jo to calm the mother down and assure her that Grey Sloan Memorial would take the best care possible of her older child.

“I’m just so worried about him,” the lady said. “He’s been really nervous about the new baby and to say this baby in my belly was a surprise, would be an understatement. The news was kind of shell-shocking, you know?”

Jo nodded sympathetically. “I totally get that. Your life may seem under control and then something happens to throw everything off course.” Do not think about Alex Karev, do not think about Alex Karev.

The patient agreed. “Yes, exactly. I love this new baby but sometimes I wonder what life would’ve been like without it.”

Just like if I still was married but without Luna, Jo thought to herself. Then she wanted to mentally smack herself because she thought about Alex. One would think that after over seven years apart he would take up zero percent of Jo’s thoughts, but that was a big lie. Everything was a big lie when it came to Jo’s real feelings about Alex. Link knew when she was hiding behind her wall of shame, but even he didn’t know how to get her out of it. Jo had tried dating again, when Luna was around four although she quickly found it wasn’t worth it. Nothing in her life was really worth it anymore, except her daughter and her best friend. But even Link wasn’t worth it sometimes because he had his own family to go home to in the end. Jo didn’t blame him, though she still realized that in the end it was just her, Luna and their annoying rescue dog, Jackson. Luna had insisted on naming their only pet after her “uncle” that she idolized. The next animal to come into the family was automatically going to be dubbed Harriet, as Luna also was obsessed with her older cousin-like figure.

Speaking of Luna, when Jo finally managed to catch a break in the mid-afternoon, it was all for two seconds before she heard her child’s excited shriek for her halfway down the hall.

“Mom!” Turning to her right, Jo saw her daughter sprinting towards her, Scout matching Luna stride for stride. Luna threw herself into Jo’s arms, while Scout launched himself into Link’s. And standing at the end of the hall was Amelia, looking drained.

With one arm around his son, Link opened his embrace for Amelia to fall into. Jo looked away as Link pressed a soft kiss to Amelia’s lips; she didn’t want all the sad feelings about Alex to surface at all today. Sure, Link and Amelia had had a few rough patches, including them splitting up for nearly a year when Scout was a baby, but in the end they had proved that they were better together. Amelia was the reason Link had rethought his life plans and decided he didn’t need to be bound to Amelia by marriage; that considering her his “life partner” was good enough if she was happy with it. And he didn’t need siblings for Scout when Luna—along with Zola, Bailey and Ellis—were practically his adopted kids most of the time. The couple were happy with what they had and made the most of their lives alongside one another. Almost the same words Alex had said to Jo at one point in their marriage. Forget him, Jo said to herself. In an effort to distract her thoughts, Jo busied herself with her daughter. “What are you two doing here?”

“Auntie Amelia said we could scope out the attendings lounge for a treat when she picked up some paperwork,” Luna answered, eyes darting around excitedly.

Amelia held up her arms in mock surrender. “They were driving me crazy so I thought I’d see if you were off work yet.”

“I’m off in twenty,” Link said. “Wait for me? We can take the kids to the playground so they can burn off their energy.”

“Okay.” Amelia agreed. “Jo, you want to come?”

Shaking her head, Jo explained, “I’ve got some procedures to revisit and I have a consultation in an hour, but you guys have fun.” Jo then asked the couple if Luna could stay with the for dinner and she’d be there to collect her afterwards.

Link nodded. “You bet. Don’t be surprised if we have pizza and donuts though.”

At this, both Jo and Amelia rolled their eyes. “And with that, we’ll be leaving. I promise the kids will get something healthy amongst the junk,” Amelia assured Jo, with a smile. They knew how much Link loved donuts and pizza, and how he hardly needed an excuse to splurge on either.

Jo turned to leave, almost crashing straight into Belle. “I’m sorry,” Belle said, as she grabbed the counter to regain her footing. Jo wasn’t so lucky, and slipped on the mopped floor before a hand reached out to steady her.

“It’s okay, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” Jo reassured Belle. “Are you finding your way around the hospital alright?”

“Pardon?” Belle looked distracted, as she watched Amelia, Link and the kids walk off down the hall.

“I asked if you’re able to find things around here,” Jo repeated, slightly confused as to what Belle’s deal was.

Snapping out her daze, Belle shared a smile and nodded. “It’s so different from before.”

“Before what?” Curious now, Jo shifted so that she was facing Belle.

“Well before the fires, shooting and the storms. I was here many years ago and avoided returning until now.”

“What made you come back?”

A shadow crossed Belle’s face, as she struggled to find a reason. “I, uh, came to speak with Richard Webber about a case. I’m a doctor too.”

“Oh.” Jo didn’t know what else to say. It seemed as though this was the end of her social interactions for the day. “I have to check on a few patients now, I hope you enjoy your time at Grey Sloan Memorial.”

“Thanks.” Stepping past Belle, Jo left to finish her rounds. Jo loved her job most of the time but after the long day she had including the rough start, she just wanted to go home.

Levi stopped her as she headed for the attendings lounge to grab her bag. “Hey, are you just heading home?”

“Yeah, it’s been a heck of a shift.” Jo began to untie her scrub top, not caring that she was only wearing a tank top underneath. Wasn’t like Levi would get a glimpse of something he hadn’t already seen. The memories of their hook up from over a decade ago still made Jo cringe sometimes. Luckily Levi was very gay and married to a guy now, so Jo never worried his mind would sway.

Leaning against the table, Levi stuck his hands in his coat pockets. “Guess that means you don’t have time to help me with my most recent patient’s files?”

Sighing, Jo slipped on her sweatshirt and gave Levi a Look. “Fine.” She apparently couldn't say no today. And later Jo only sighed more when she received a picture of Luna covered in pizza sauce and donut sprinkles from Amelia. At least she had the decency to send an “I’m sorry” message along with the image. She was in the middle of looking at a pregnant woman’s scans and had no energy to be upset.

At last Jo was able to leave. Helping Levi turned out to have its benefits, as he offered to write up her paperwork for the rest of the week. She gathered her bag and coat and braved the dark evening. Jo just wanted to get home, hug her daughter and maybe drink some tequila.

“Wait!”

Jo halted and spun around to see Belle chasing after her. Defeated, Jo stopped walking and said, “Yes? Is everything okay?”

Out of breath slightly, Belle pulled up short next to the younger woman. She fidgeted uncomfortably next to Jo, but then took a deep breath. “I lied before. I do know who you are and I came to Grey Sloan Memorial today with the sole intention to speak with you.”

Confused, Jo looked skeptically at Belle. “Okay,” she said, expecting more to the story. There had to be more, right?

Belle looked around and even though the parking lot was fairly empty, she still seemed to want somewhere less public. “Can I buy you a drink? I know a great bar across the street from here. I mean, I hope it’s still standing.”

Jo knew immediately what bar Belle was referring to. “Sure, let’s go. I’ll just text Link and ask him if my daughter, Luna, can stay overnight.” She quickly opened her phone, sent the message to her best friend and then followed Belle to Joe’s Bar.

Once they were settled and Belle had ordered two beers, Jo crossed her arms on the table and allowed Belle to explain herself. “My full name is Isobel Stevens, and I am the woman your ex-husband left you for.”

All of the air left Jo’s lungs and she suddenly forgot how to breathe. This was Alex’s first wife? Jo thought to herself. From the life in the woman’s eyes and the healthy colour to her skin, there was no way this could be the person Alex called “Izzie”. To be fair the only pictures Jo had seen of Izzie was at her wedding, where she had just started chemotherapy for her stage 4 metastatic melanoma. Of all things Jo had chosen to memorize about Alex’s first wife, that had to be it. It was proving useful at this moment, though.

“Why have you come here? It's been eight years and I have been to hell and back since the day Alex left. I still managed to make a life for myself. I found a way to move on and I have a beautiful daughter who will never know about the man who hurt me.” Her voice wobbled, as Jo struggled to hold back tears. It didn’t really make sense for her to cry right now, but anything was possible at this point. Maybe it was the fact that she really wasn’t over Alex, and probably never would be. God, he had ruined so much for her; she would never be able to forget or forgive him.

Izzie quickly pushed forward, realizing how upset she had made Jo. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to start like that. I have no idea what Alex told you over these past few years, but I never expected him to leave you. Hell, I didn’t want him to leave you. He still talks about you all the time to the kids and-”

“Please just get to the point. I don’t want to hear about my ex anymore. There’s a reason Luna never hears about him.”

“Luna’s your daughter, right?”

“Yes, she might not look like it but she’s my kid.” Narrowing her eyes, Jo was beginning to hate Izzie more than she ever had. She could take the Alex Karev bullshit but questioning if Luna was Jo’s kid or not was stepping out of line.

“I wasn’t trying to offend you. Anyways, I just wanted you to know that Alex has begun to show signs of schizophrenia.” The table went silent as Izzie fiddled with the bracelets on her wrist and avoided Jo’s shocked gaze.

To say she was surprised, would be an understatement. “Isn’t it too late for him to show signs? I had no idea he had the gene. Oh my god.” Suddenly, everything Jo was angry about before didn’t matter. Alex has schizophrenia? He must be terrified. It was one of his greatest fears when he was younger. Oh my god. He told me didn’t have the gene…

When Izzie spoke, her voice was quiet. “Yes. It was extremely unfortunate and we weren’t expecting it. One morning he was fine, the next he started talking about people being in our bedroom. The kids were freaked out and refused to sleep in their beds. I’m getting them tested for the gene immediately, but I felt you deserved to know for your daughter’s sake.”

“My daughter’s sake?” Jo didn’t understand. “Why would it matter for Luna?”

Izzie raised her eyebrows. “Isn’t Alex Luna’s biological father?”

“No.” Shaking her head, Jo began to realize exactly why Izzie had journeyed back to Seattle for one particular reason: to tell Jo that Alex could possibly have passed on the schizophrenia gene to his children. Somehow she had found out about Luna (the drunken late-night texts that Jo had sent on occasion probably answered that particular question) and thought that the petite blonde hair-blue eyed beauty was Alex’s child. It seemed kind of insane for Izzie to travel all this way for the simple piece of info but Jo respected Izzie for coming in person. If it had been the other way around, a text message seemed like the coward’s way out.

Snapping back to reality, Jo remembered Izzie Stevens was still sitting across from her. “No, Luna is not Alex’s biological child. She isn’t related to me either; I adopted her when she was only a few months old. But I appreciate you being concerned about her. And I’m sorry for the struggles your family is going through, I really am. However when Alex Karev walked out of my life, he also stopped being someone I care about. I can’t do this, I can’t keep talking here because I would start to resent you and I don’t want to do that anymore than I already do. I’m sorry.” Standing up and grabbing her bag, Jo pushed her chair in and headed for the door. She took a shaky breath as she climbed the stairs to the ground level, proud of herself for walking away. She could do this. She managed to make it through the heartbreak Alex had pushed onto her less than ten years ago. She was Josephine Wilson and she was a frickin’ warrior queen. She was high above the shell of a man who left her without looking back.

The wind whipped around Jo as she searched for her car. So much for Spring weather. With the swirls of air went Jo’s thoughts of everything that had happened that day. So much to think about, so much unknown. It was almost too much to bear. Jo found her car not a moment too soon and drove home.

Sleep proved to be troubling and Jo almost wished she hadn’t walked away from Izzie. She wanted more information about Alex and his deteriorating condition. She wanted to know what Izzie meant when she said that Alex still talked about her. Also, how much did Izzie know about Luna, if Jo was still unsure if Alex truly had read all of those text messages? All were questions Jo wanted to ask, but she knew that if she stayed, there would be no guarantee she wouldn’t have booked flights for her and Luna to fly to Kansas the next morning.

It pained her to know that she would fly to see Alex. It pained her to admit that she still would drop everything and rush to his side. In sickness and in health, they had promised each other. Would Alex come for her if she asked him to? Jo missed him and she couldn’t imagine what he was going through right now.

After much thought as she tossed and turned all night, Jo decided the next morning she would track down Izzie and get the answers to her questions. She would still be brave and stand her ground and not offer to fly at a moment’s notice. So what if she admitted she cared? She did, even if she wasn’t proud of it.

However, when Jo got to work the next morning, Izzie was gone. All that was left was an envelope, placed carefully in Jo’s cubby. A sticky note on the top read ‘in case you doubted that he loved you, this was the last coherent thing he wrote’. Curious, Jo slid her finger under the opening and ripped into the letter. She unfolded a piece of paper much alike to the one she had received all those years ago. The handwriting was sloppier yet Jo could still tell it was Alex’s. Overcome with emotion, Jo sunk into the nearest chair and began to read.

Jo,

I am forgetting who I am. I am seeing things in the dark and I can’t stop my irrational side from overpowering my level-headed mind. Alexis is scared to be in the same room as me. Eli won’t let me hug him anymore. Izzie hovers yet she pretends she’s fine. And me? I’m losing myself, Jo.

You were the only one to meet my mother and the only one I told about my sad origin story. The only girl who I trusted to meet any of my family, actually, because I knew you were it. You were going to be the one I loved for eternity. And then I fucked up. I fucked up and I fucked you up in the process and I will never be able to get over that.

You don’t want my apology. I know that much about you because you’re Jo. You’ve survived so much and I only added to that pain in the end. I want you to know that I’m writing this as Alex Karev, not some man imagining the same beasts my mom did. I wanted you to know that underneath the surface, I’m still me.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I wake with a start and roll over, expecting to see your dark waves of hair on the pillow next to mine. Yet all I see is blonde. Is it bad that the people in my bedroom that I imagine, all look like clones of Izzie, when I just want to see you?

You taught me love after loss. You built me back up countless times and I am sorry for everything. I need you to know that I am sorry and that I want you. I want you, Jo Wilson. I want you so bad.

And Luna, she sounds just like her mom. Full of life and love with a taste for mischief. I know you’re a wonderful mother, even when she annoys the heck out of you. I do read all the messages you send me after a few too many glasses of tequila. I just haven’t found the guts to reply.

I’m wasting away. I’m turning into someone I don’t recognize but I love you and if you can find some part of you to forgive me, please let me see you again. You’re the light in my world of darkness. I need my perfect storm.

Love until I don’t know the word anymore,

Alex

It looked like Jo would be needing those flights to Kansas after all.