#post krang

“’Nardo, don’t.” Donnie warns, gaze locked onto his invention, but acutely aware of the way his twin hesitates, retracting his hand from the trinket he had been reaching for. Leonardo’s form sways in and out of the soft shell's line of sight and he has half a mind to tell the turtle in blue to go back to bed – it’s late, and Donnie still worries over the lingering wounds on his body and cracks in Leo’s shell, even if he finds voicing the sentiment a challenge. 

Leo knows anyways. He’s been reading his brother like an open book since they were little. 

And it’s 16 years of living with Leo that tell him something is wrong. Donnie stops. ‘Wrong’ isn’t the word he wants to use, and he knows it. But at the same time, it’s a sense of Déjà vu. This scenario has played out before. Rare in their appearance, and they’re older than the last time Donnie remembers his twin asking. 

It’s always something important at a time like this. 

Leo is silent as he stands in the doorway, teetering on the precipice – somewhere between barging in and spilling everything that sits on the tip of his tongue and running away before Donnie can find a good place to pause. Always in the late hours of the night, when their brothers and father were least likely to interrupt their fragile moment of vulnerability. 

For a moment Donatello thinks it might have to do with the Krang, but when he sets his tools aside and looks over to his twin the thought is banished. This isn’t the same bone-deep tiredness Donnie has seen weighing Leo down when he finds him knocking back a mug of black coffee at 4am after a nightmare, or the tension he holds in every step as he moves from room to room just to make sure his brothers are still there. Still breathing. 

All the same it has Donnie’s attention. 

He spins in his chair, facing Leo head on before motioning him inside the lab. Donnie almost misses the way he hesitates before the emotional wall comes back up and the red-eared slider is stepping inside, letting the lab door close behind him. 

It is silent once more as Leo sits near him, self-stationed on the chilled floor, looking anywhere except for his twin. Donnie doesn’t push it either. He struggles enough with being emotionally vulnerable, and he knows if he pushes Leo then all he’ll get is a backtracked excuse and apology before the blue turtle is out the door. And judging by the emotions flickering across his face, Donnie knows Leo is trying to find the words he wants to say. 

“Donnie, would you – I don’t know.” Leo falters, eyes glued to the floor and fingers a white-knuckled vice grip on his leg. For a moment he reaches up to tug at the tail ends of his mask, only to absently seem to remember he isn’t wearing it and lowering his hand once more. 

“Leonardo.” Donnie starts, causing his brother's head to whip up as he meets his eyes. “It’s alright.” 

It’s a comfort that Leo seems to latch onto as his shoulders slump in relief. He takes a deep breath before he speaks again. “Would you think any differently of me if” he hesitates for only a moment longer as he glances at Donnie in concern, “if I was attracted to guys?” 

Donnie blinks for a moment, surprised by the question. “If you were attracted to guys?” 

Leo nods, eyes locked onto Donnie – it's in the way that he twitches, and his form stiffens that the scientist knows he’s gearing up to run for it. 

“Why would that matter?” 

It’s immediate, the way Donatello can see the relief washing over his brother. He seems to almost fold in on himself, like the adrenaline of his confession was the only thing keeping him upright the entire time. 

“So, you don’t care?” 

It's already been an emotionally charged few minutes, Donnie reasons internally, as he considers what he should say.  “I care that you’re happy” he says, quiet, before a quick addendum slips out, “and safe.” The gaze he levels Leo with doesn’t go unnoticed, but at least his brother has the courtesy to acknowledge the underlying concern. Donnie counts that as a win. 

“Thanks Dee.” It’s soft. Not the boisterous teasing or quick wit of their normal conversations, and Donatello knows that Leo means it in a way he cannot currently communicate. 

“Does anyone else know?” 

It’s a question that has their fearless leader shrinking in on himself once more and that is all the answer Donatello needs, but he waits for confirmation. 

“Not yet, but don’t tell them.” 

Donnie doesn’t respond to that one, at least not verbally. And a part of him he can feel begins to swell with pride that his brother had chosen to come to him first. He’ll sit through a hundred seminars with Dr. Feelings before he admits as much, though. 

Donatello won't say a word to their brothers, or anyone, and Leo already knows as much. 

The purple-clad turtle stands, stretching, before he moves to the other side of his lab and pulls out a spare chair hiding against the corner, rolling it next to his own tucked against the desk before sitting back down. Silently he motions to the empty seat beside him – Leo looks drained after their conversation, and the claws of sleep are starting to sneak up on him, but Donnie knows if he lets his twin leave now, Leo won't return to his bed. And it's tradition, in a way, that they always stay together after one of them needs to talk like this. 

Leo, aware of what his brother is doing, and silently grateful, cracks a joke instead. “Gonna try to put me to sleep with science, Don-Tron?” 

There’s a smile that pulls at the edges of his mouth, but Donnie forces it back down in practiced mock annoyance. “Scoff, someone has to be the responsible twin at least.” 

Leo says nothing, but the soft chuckle under his breath is enough of a giveaway as he climbs into the seat, resting his head and arms on the table as Donnie returns to his work. 

“What are you doing?” 

His voice is drenched with a drowsy quality, and Donnie knows he won't be awake for much longer, but he appreciates the sentiment, deciding to humor his brother this time, beginning to explain the building process. Almost 5 minutes later, Leo is asleep, and Donnie continues his work silently next to him. 

It’s three weeks later that Leo is coming out to the next person in his family. 

April, in all her stubborn glory, had decided after one rough nightmarish memory, that she was dragging Leo out and refusing to take no for an answer. Sweetening the deal with his favorite large pizza from Run of The Mill. 

Not that the blue coded terrapin was going to be complaining about spending some time with one of his favorite people. April had been busy as is, trying her best to keep up with the mounting college work and her journalism, amidst the aftermath of the Krang invasion that still haunted them all. 

Leo would still shudder thinking about the teary-eyed scolding he had received as soon as she had laid eyes on him, realizing he was alive – if a little worse for wear. 

Perched atop a building, hidden in the shadows, the pair scarfed down the last of their pizza, eyeing the people that buzzed below, scurrying from one destination to the next. It was a comfort, that despite the overarching night that had settled in hours ago, the lights and noise of the city persisted – a reminder that they were still here. 

Leo had needed this, he absently realized. A moment out, just to watch the people and cars go by. Some silent time to listen to the buzz of the city. To drive out the idea that it would all be gone when he woke up. 

April, as perceptive as ever, moved from her spot, scooting closer until she was shoulder to shoulder with him. When he remained staring out, lost in space, she reached up, giving a tug to the blue mask tail determined to hit her in the face if the wind would allow. 

It was enough to pull him back to the present, turning to face her with a questioning look. 

He seemed content, and unwilling to spoil the good mood, she realized it had been too long since she had poked any fun at him. A devious smile crossed her face as Leo seemed to ready himself in response. 

They were just close enough to make out some of the people below – features were vague and blurry, but that had never stopped them before. Zeroing in on one, April threw her arm around Leo’s shoulder, pointing down at the two people standing just a few feet away from the bus stop. Bright green hair makes the girl easy to pinpoint. 

“She’s totally cute, right? We should get you a cloaking brooch,” she leaned on Leo, swaying them in place before righting the pair, “let’s see the face-man try to get a number then.” 

She paused when she felt the way he tensed under her hold, eyes flickering in every direction before they stopped on his hands, gently cupped in his lap while one of his feet swung idly. “Leo?” 

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, rolling his shoulders to brush it off, his trademark smirk returning to his face. But something about it looked a little too forced for her liking. 

“Hey if she’s not your type then you need to let me know who is – I've gotta set you up eventually.” She stopped, humming in thought for a moment, “You know, for Splinter’s sake.” Glancing back out at the dissipating sea of people, April took the next few minutes to point out a few different girls, noticing the drop of his shoulders each time. 

After 30 minutes, 10 of which were spent in silence as she racked her brain, she finally let out a resigned huff, turning to face him. “Okay, so it isn’t anybody I pointed out, what is your type then?” 

Leo seemed to hesitate at that, eyes shifting from person to person in what April internally deemed an agonizing 5 minutes of silence. Finally, he stopped, turning to look at her before his confidence seemed to dissipate and he was playing with the hilt of his sword. “The first girl, um, her friend is pretty cute.” 

His words were low, almost enough that April missed what he said. She paused for a moment, confused – but she thought? Wait. 

She looked down, scanning for the original duo, and there she found them, now leaning against the wall of the bus stop. Moving forward she studied them, ignoring the first girl she had pointed out in favor of the person next to her. 

Realization began to dawn on her as she sat straighter, still facing forward to give Leo a thread of privacy before she spoke. “I’m pretty sure that’s a guy, Lee.” 

She was watching him, and for a moment she wasn’t sure he had heard her until he gave a swift, single nod of his head. 

“Wait, that’s your type?” she asked incredulously. 

Leo stopped, feeling his world shatter for a moment as he looked away, trying to force down the tears he could feel beginning to sting his eyes. That single moment felt like an eternity before her next words had his head spinning in her direction. 

“They’re nothing alike! If anything, I would have thought someone like him would be more your style!” 

Leo followed where she was pointing, singling out a guy standing just on the corner. He was cute, that Leo could agree with – but neither were really his type. 

He realized a second later he had spoken out loud when April snorted. “Alright, well what kind of guys does the great Neon Leon go for? Maybe I can set you up with this guy in my Algebra class. Oh, or-” 

But Leo had stopped listening for the moment, just staring at her in surprise as she rattled off a list of guys she knew – and trusted – that might be his type.  Her phone secured in her hands as she flipped through different social media profiles, analyzing each one before finding some flaw with them and moving along. It was enough to have him laughing, and laugh he did, the sound falling from his mouth before he could stop it. 

April paused in her quest, looking over to the laughing turtle next to her until he managed to catch his breath – staying quiet when he plopped his head onto her shoulder, eyes closed. 

“Thanks, Apes.” 

“No problem.” 

They stayed like that for a few minutes before Leo’s stomach growled again – an echoing demand for more pizza and both were laughing once more. 

Standing, and pulling Leo up with her, April pushed him forward. “Come on, let’s head back to Run of the Mill and get some more, my treat, but” she said, popping the ‘T’ as she eyed him, “I want details on your type.” 

Leo held his hands up in defeat, knowing arguing would get him nowhere once she had set a goal. “But only because I haven’t seen Señor Hueso in ages,” he drawled. 

He decides the next person to tell is going to be Michelangelo - because Leo could use the help from Dr. Feelings now that this fear is beginning to claw back up his throat. And because Mikey, his precious baby brother, had always been a bit too good at sniffing out emotional turmoil. The way that he had been eyeing the turtle in blue tells Leo that it won't be long before he finds himself confronted anyways. Best to rip the Band-Aid off, he reasons. 

It is a quiet day, no training, no worries, while Raph and Donnie had volunteered to go on the pizza run that night, while Splinter remained dead asleep in his room. It was the perfect time, Leo knew, setting out to track the box turtle down. 

He stopped by Mikey’s room first, glancing in at the art supplies that covered the floors and his desk. But no sign of his brother, not even a dip in the new hammock they had managed to snag for him. So, Leo straightened up, one hand pressed to his beak as he thought about where Mikey could have wandered off to. 

Resolve to find him before the return of their brothers settled in and Leo began scouring the lair, checking in every room he could find until he came to the projector room. 

There, in a pair of too big glasses and a brown sweater stood Dr. Feelings, a slideshow already pulled up. 

Leo leaned on the doorframe, an amused expression on his face. “An ambush, Mikey.” he chided before stepping past the threshold and taking a seat. 

“I just thought it was time you talked to Dr. Feelings,” he offered, shrugging his shoulders and leveling his older brother with a steady gaze. 

“Well lucky me then, I was actually hoping to talk to Dr. Feelings.” 

Mikey seemed surprised enough at his statement, usually his brothers tried to wiggle out of his seminars on the off times he deemed them necessary. “Well, what can Dr. Feelings help with?” 

Leo noticed the way Mikey seemed to light up, not wanting to waste the chance to help one of his brothers. It made it easier, in a way. This was Mikey, if anyone was going to be understanding, it would be him. But that didn’t stop the icy grip of fear that seemed to keep Leo silent in the moment. 

Mikey had noticed a flash of concern crossing his face and he moved to sit on the arm of the chair, one hand resting gently on Leo’s shoulder. 

“Are you okay?” 

Silence, again, but he managed to flash his little brother a ‘one moment’ signal, trying to gather his thoughts. Finally, his voice took pity on him and words, however soft they were, began to tumble out. “I was wondering if Dr. Feelings had any suggestions on how to tell my little brother something important.” 

Michelangelo stopped for a moment, contemplating his words. “I think it depends on what that something is.” 

Leo nods slowly, eyes closed, opting instead to focus on the soft touch on his shoulder. It would be okay. He knew it. But knowing something wasn’t always enough to stop the fear – that lingering weight of “what if it’s the worst case?” 

“Leonardo?” 

His full name pulls him from his own thoughts, and he looks up at Mikey, just a bit taller than him thanks to his seat. “I’ve been trying, for a few days, to figure out how to tell my little brother that I’m into guys - because I know he’ll be okay with it, but I’m still scared that he’ll be mad. Even if that’s dumb.” 

It isn’t more than a moment later that Mikey is clinging to Leo like his life depends on it, having wiggled his way under his arm and against his side. “It’s okay to be afraid, Leo, and it isn’t dumb.” 

The slider pauses before wrapping his arms around his brother, squeezing back to anchor himself into the moment. 

“But you’re right, there’s nothing wrong with it, I’m not mad. I’m glad you told me.” 

Leo can’t help but let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Relieved to hear those words, even if he had logically known the outcome. But it’s the sharp gasp of surprise and Mikey’s head shooting up that catch him off guard. 

“Wait! Do you have a boyfriend? Are you flirting with someone? Is that why you’re telling me? Do I get to meet them – I want to meet them! Where did you meet them?” 

And there it is – all rapid-fire questions and warmth, enveloped in such earnest curiosity and love that Leo can’t help but smile and bask in it like sunshine, before realizing he should probably set the record straight. So, with a poorly concealed laugh he covers his brother's mouth, making a face when Mikey glares and licks his hand in a failed attempt to make him let go. The elder only rolls his eyes. Younger siblings. Honestly. 

“I’m not seeing anyone,” and Mikey has a look on his face that says he doesn’t believe it, so Leo swears it again before he continues. “I just thought it was time to start telling you guys. But not everyone knows yet, so, ya know.” Leo trails off at the end, giving a weak shrug as he lets Mikey go. 

For all his barely contained excitement, there is a look of understanding on Mikey’s face. “They won't hear anything from me.” 

“Promise, Michael?” 

“My lips are sealed,” he stresses, mimicking the zip-and-lock motion. 

Leo lets himself relax, for the first time since they had decided to order pizza, and sinks into the cushions, one arm still slung around his koala of a brother who refuses to move from his seat. Instead of fighting it, he closes his eyes, ready to take a nap until the others return and the smell of pizza wakes him up. 

With one brother accounted for, and the weight on his chest just a little lighter, sleep comes easier than usual. 

A month passes after the Dr. Feelings session, a month before Leo even considers telling anyone else. 

If he just doesn’t dwell on it, then he can almost forget he still has people he wants to tell. Sure, the easy way out would be having the others bring it up or say it for him, but something about that scenario leaves a bad taste in his mouth. 

It has to come from him, it’s just a matter of when he decides. 

The time decides for him instead. It’s two days after his first mission out, with old wounds reaggravated his brothers convince him to sit out until they heal. For the sake of their thread bare sanity over his health, he agrees. But he won't like it. 

Too wired and worried over his brothers, Leo finds himself unable to sit still. And with nobody to stop him, his feet seem to pull him in the direction of the training room. Empty and inviting. He knows enough about his body to know what is going to be too much. But some training will serve his restlessness well. Even if his injuries do suffer a bit, he’ll be ready – otherwise what kind of team medic would he be. 

An hour later of running through drills that won’t tear at the stitches in his leg. Ignoring the burn of muscles that beg for him to stop – still not willing to move from being bed ridden directly after the Krang attack. And all it takes is that one thought. A mental flash of the encroaching Krang and the prison dimension, being shoved around and beaten on. So sure that he would die. His body is flooded with the memory of the pain and his leg gives out under him suddenly. 

It’s almost as if the world is moving in slow motion before he crashes backwards off the mat and straight into one of the training dummies, taking it down with him. He lays there for a second, catching his breath. 

His heart is racing, and it isn’t from the workout, if the bile crawling up his throat is anything to go by. Blood thunders in his ears and the feeling of the stone ground under him isn’t enough to keep him in the moment, eyes squeezed shut, the fear that if he opens then he'll be face to face with an alien and an endless void. 

It’s a voice that shocks him back into the moment. 

“Blue?” 

Splinter stands in the doorway, worried as he steps towards his son who has finally acknowledged him. Carefully he helps him sit up before Leo is wrapping his arms around him. All Splinter can do is hold him, whispering reassurances as sobs wrack his body. Careful in his motions, he slowly pulls his son up, determined to move them to the projector room chair so he can check Leo over. 

When they do finally reach their destination, the terrapin all but collapses into it, rubbing the tears away furiously from his eyes as he regains his bearings. His father sits in front of him, first aid kit in hand and Leo realizes he doesn’t even know when he had the chance to leave and get it. 

“My son, let me see your arm.” 

The turtle glances down, vaguely aware of the sting on his bicep. Realizing the skin had been broken and blood was beginning to dry around the edges. He holds his arm out, letting his father work. 

The time passes in silence, but Splinter can see it in the way Leo holds himself. He’s beginning to calm down, and the best thing he can think to do is crack a joke. 

“You know, if you keep getting yourself all scraped up, I’ll never find a nice girl to marry you off to,” he jests, “or your brothers.” 

Leo seems to still at that, and Splinter takes notice, looking at him with a curious gaze. But his son’s eyes are unfocused, head tilted to the side. So the rat stops, giving one more glance to the bandaged arm before waiting for his son to speak. 

He knows this look; this is the same fearful look Leo had been sporting when he had come to wake Splinter up as a turtle tot, scared to tell him that he had thrown up. He had been running a fever for days, so Splinter did his best as a single father to put his sons worries away and get baby blue back up to health. And whatever was plaguing his son's mind would be gone soon if he got his way. 

“What if-” Leo paused, before wrapping his arms around himself. 

Splinter lets him, allowing him the space he needs to feel safe. 

“What if I don’t want you to marry me off to a girl?” 

“Blue, I am only joking – okay, mostly joking – when I say I want to marry you off. I would never make you boys marry someone you did not love.” Splinters words don’t seem to have the effect he wants, and Leo shifts uncomfortably in front of him. 

“No, I mean, you know, what if I want to marry a guy?” His voice is small, like he’s waiting for the shoe to drop. For Splinter to be angry. Disappointed. Something. 

The realization makes Splinter’s heart sink, that one of his sons would think that something as simple as who he loved would make him mad. He reaches forward, pulling Leo back into his embrace. 

“Oh, my son, who you love will never make me see you any differently.” he reassures, running a soft hand over Leo’s shell. The turtle sinks into his hold, burying his face into the side of his father’s neck. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Just don’t date someone anti-Lou Jitsu,” he cackles. 

It works, earning a laugh and an affronted gasp from Leo. “Never! I could never date someone like that!” 

His theatrics leave them both in hysterics for a few moments, until Splinter finds the chance to speak again. “I had an inkling of such feelings, you know.” 

Leo freezes, noticing the way his father seems to eye him with a knowing smile. “You did?” 

“Of course, I’m still your father – but you never said anything, or brought any boys home, so I never thought I needed to mention it.” 

Somehow those words put Leo at ease, more than he could have expected. 

Splinter can read his change in body language as clear as day. But what is a heartfelt admission from his son if he doesn’t use it to mess with him? Even a little. “Besides, back in my days as famous action star Lou Jitsu I may,” he draws out the ‘a’ as he strokes his beard, “have kissed a few guys as well.” 

He has to bite his tongue at the look of horror that spreads across Leo’s face. An admission of his father’s dating life had not been on the table for this talk, and Leo immediately regrets his decision. So Splinter continues. “Ah, yes, I remember one time -” 

“No! No, no, no!” The turtle is frantically crawling over the back of the recliner, dead set on escaping the rest of this memory lane road trip. “I do not want to hear about your love life, old man!” 

His actions pull a deep belly laugh from Splinter, who throws his head back as his son puts space and the recliner between the two of them, face still scrunched up in mortification. “If you cannot handle a little romance, how am I supposed to marry you off to a nice young man, blue one?” 

Splinter doesn’t miss the way Leonardo’s face softens for a second, body relaxed, before the situation hits him again and he turns tail, fleeing as fast as his injured leg will allow him to in a bid to escape his father’s teasing. 

It’s a week later of avoiding Splinter’s subtle remarks and his brothers nagging over his reopened wound, sitting with Casey in his room as they read through his collection of comics – some of which had been ‘borrowed’ from Donnie – that Leo is first introduced to the idea that someone else might have known the entire time. 

Leo isn’t Master Leonardo. And maybe he never will be. But there are parts of his core personality that even the apocalypse couldn’t erase, and Leo can see the way that Casey struggles with this dichotomy. Leo cannot be the father figure that Casey knew and trying had led to a fight. But he can be an older brother figure to him now. 

And now is when it’s needed. 

He can see the way that Casey’s eyes keep skimming over the same page, one he’s been staring at for the last 15 minutes, completely unaware that Leo has been watching him. He’s getting stuck in his own head, and Leo has an idea over what. 

So, he changes tactics, setting his own comic aside and pushing his foot against Casey’s leg, getting his attention. The future boy looks sheepish for a moment, knowing he’s been caught but Leo shrugs it off. The comics will always be there the next time. 

“Tell me about him.” 

It gives Casey a pause before he’s lighting up, a smile on his face as soon as he realizes what Leo means. It’s a way to keep their memory alive, and Casey cherishes the chances he gets to share their stories. Stories that never have to come to pass. 

But it isn’t a tale of heroism or danger that he feels like relaying. Instead, he looks at the ceiling of the subway car Leo calls a room, chuckling to himself. 

“Do you want to hear a story that Master Michelangelo told me about Master Leonardo, when he was younger – older than you now, but still.” 

Leo’s interest is piqued, and he sits up, hunched forward with his face in his hands, elbows to his knees as he waits for Casey to continue. 

“Master Michelangelo said that when they were younger, Leonardo had this boyfriend – I think he was a Yokai?” 

But Leo doesn’t hear anything else for a moment, his breath caught in his throat. It hadn’t occurred to him that Casey knew. Even coming from the future, with the threat of the Krang invasion, well, when would it have been brought up? 

Of course, it had been Mikey. 

But that isn’t the part that surprises Leo. Instead, before him sits Casey, retelling a story that Leo really means to be paying attention to - because maybe he should avoid dating this guy – and he keeps saying boyfriend without a single thought. 

It isn’t some big secret, or hushed story to tell. Leo is just glad that he asked in private. Because to Casey this is just another fact of life. 

His mom is Cassandra Jones. He grew up in a Krang invasion. He went back to the past and changed the future. His Sensei, whose younger self is sitting right next to him, is a gay mutant turtle. And pizza tastes better than rats. 

They’re not up for debate, they’re just things he knows, and he doesn’t think twice about. 

But Casey has noticed Leo is no longer paying attention, figuring as much when he doesn’t make a snide quip over something Casey finds incredibly funny, but at the expense of his Sensei’s pride. 

“Are you okay?” 

Leo is giving him a funny look and Casey isn’t sure what he’s said to warrant it but it’s sending him spiraling trying to figure out where he went wrong. 

“You know?” 

Leo’s question shines exactly zero light on what he’s talking about, and Casey just stares him in the eye, waiting for some sort of explanation. 

“You know I’m gay.” 

It’s less of a question and more of a statement as the turtle straightens up, waiting. 

“Everyone does. Or did?” It finally dawns on him what the issue might be. “Wait, do they not know here?” 

Leo glances to the curtain that hangs over his door, as if he expects someone to pop out from behind it at any moment. Finally, he looks back to Casey. 

“Most of them, and if you know then that just leaves Raph.” 

“Oh.” he sits, brows furrowed as that information sinks in. “Should I not have said anything?” 

Leo laughs at that. “I’m glad you did – I had no idea how to tell you. I was considering just letting you figure it out when I showed up with a boyfriend.” 

“Just not a raccoon Yokai” Casey blurts. 

Leo is giving him a strange look in return, a silent request for context. 

It takes everything in Casey not to roll his eyes – Leo really hadn’t been listening. He’d need to start the story over again. Before Leo falls into a wishing fountain trying to impress a Yokai only to get his wallet stolen. 

Leo is almost tempted to ask if it bothers Casey, but the way that he’s looking at the turtle right now says if he asks then he’ll never hear the end of it. 

Leo’s gay. Splinter is a rat. And Mikey has a tooth gap. That’s just how things are. 

Leo couldn’t be happier about it either, leaning back and getting comfortable. “So, why do I need to avoid cute raccoon Yokai?” 

At the mention of the story once more, Casey settles opposite Leo, starting back from the beginning and readying himself for Leo’s affronted quips and defenses. 

After the conversation with Casey, Leo knew that left only one person to tell: Raph. And for some reason, the idea of Raphael finding out set him on edge more than anyone. Leo just could not pinpoint why. 

Sure, Raph was bigger than him, and older, and they had had their fair share of fights and sibling squabbles. But he had always been there for Leo. There was no reason now that he should be so worried about telling him. 

After Mikey, Raph was probably the next person Leo would have clocked as the most accepting. He was so sure that he would be. And yet, for some reason, for the last 3 weeks that Leo had been trying to work up the nerve to talk to him about it, his body would betray him. Every. Time. 

The worst part of it all was the pitying looks from his brothers who had realized what he was trying to do. Dr. Feelings had even tried to make an appearance and Leo had never gotten out of the lair so fast in his life. 

Yet time and time again something was there to mess him up – tongue tied mumblings that nobody could understand, nausea that threatened to make him lose a weeks' worth of food or getting so scared he just turned around and walked away – or ran, depending on who you asked. 

Raphael had noticed almost immediately, and as his brother continued to ignore him, he grew increasingly concerned. Until finally it happened. An entire week had gone by, and he hadn’t seen sword or shell of Leo. 

Not at dinner, not at training. His younger brother, their leader, had all but vanished. At least from Raph’s view. 

The others had seen and spoken to him, so he was still in the lair. 

And for the life of him, Raphael could not figure out what he had done. He had tried talking to his brothers, and almost got an answer out of Mikey before April had slapped her hand over his mouth, pulling him away with an apologetic smile and telling Raph that he just needed to hear it from Leo. 

Easier said than done, he had grumbled under his breath before leaving. From the corner of his eye, he could have sworn he caught a flash of blue retreating around the bend. 

But it had been 3 days since he had almost gotten an answer to his younger brother’s flakiness. And he was fed up. 

The worst-case scenario was that it had something to do with the Krang and Leo’s guilt. After all, Raph’s eye still hadn’t healed, and they were unsure that it would ever be as strong as it once was. Leo was the one who had told him that, and Raphael had been able to see the way his shoulders bunched, and he refused to meet his gaze. But a leader didn’t let guilt cause him to avoid his team, his brother. So it had to end. 

Armed to the teeth with blankets, an extra pillow, and a handful of his stuffed animals, Raph found himself marching to Leo’s room – the alligator snapping turtle on a mission. And if he had to borrow Mikey’s nunchakus to tie Leo up and make him listen then he would. 

Raph hesitated when he came into view of Leo’s room. There was a soft light lining the curtain, but the snapper had already figured that Leo’s insomnia would be keeping him up for the night. Sleep had been a fleeting luxury before the world had almost ended, but the bags that had remained barely hidden by Leo’s mask said that a good sleep had been even more rare since the nightmares had made a home with him. 

As quietly as he could, he approached the subway car, not bothering to knock and give Leo time to make an escape. Instead, Raph poked his head in, making eye contact with his younger brother who looked surprised to see him. 

Surprised and guilty, at least. 

“Leo.” 

Raph could see the way his brother was chewing at the inside of his cheek, eyes looking for the nearest escape route – a line of thought that needed to be cut off immediately. 

“We need to talk.” 

“Come on, big brother, this late in the night? I need my beauty sleep.” 

His words were lacking, strained even to his ears, and it caused Leo to flinch. So much for selling the performance. 

Raph ignored the bland excuse, stepping forward and dropping his pile of blankets and plushies directly onto Leo, who found himself sputtering as he batted them away from his face. 

It was a standoff – Leo angled just right to take off running, and Raph ready, arms crossed, to grab him the moment he tried. 

But the moment never came, because he was tired. Tired of his brother running away from him and not knowing why, and tired of tracking him down. Instead, he speaks. “What did I do?” Arms uncross, dropping to his sides and expression solemn. 

Leo can feel his heart in his throat the moment he sees the hurt look on his older brother’s face. And for the first time in over a month his body seems to stop, lacking the drive to run away and save himself from any possibility of this conversation going bad. Because this is already his worst-case scenario – hurting his family. 

Raph takes it as his cue, sitting down beside him and pulling Leo into his side, content when his little brother doesn’t hesitate to curl against his spikey shell, blanket thrown haphazardly across his body, hiding the bottom of his face in its edges. 

Leo’s mask is tossed near the door, and Raph can see the dark bags that sit under his eyes, but it isn't the time to mention them. At least not yet. 

“You didn’t do anything, you dum-dum.” Leo’s voice is twisted, like he’s fighting back tears, and maybe he is. But Raph figures the moment he looks down at him this is all going to come apart. 

His grip on Leo tightens just a fraction of a second. Just to make sure he really is there. 

“Then why have you been avoiding me?” 

Leo stops breathing for a moment, shifting to bury his face against Raph’s plastron – like he would do when they were little. When everything was just a bit too much to handle and his best line of defense was hiding as close to his big brother as he could manage. 

It’s been years since he’s done it, save for right after the Krang invasion. But Raph is wrapping his arms around Leo all the same, knowing he needs that pressure to feel secure. 

“Is it my eye?” 

Leo flinches at the question but Raph can still feel the way he shakes his head, a small wave of relief coming over him, followed by more confusion. “What is it?” 

There’s a deep breath, and finally Leo pulls back, not enough to look at Raph, or even move away – his forehead still resting against his brother, but his mouth uncovered so he can actually be heard. 

“There’s something I’ve been trying to tell everyone – and I have! Mostly. You’re the only one I have left to tell now.” 

There’s a part of his heart that hurts when he hears he’s the last one, but Raph says nothing, nudging at his brother’s shell to signal that he’s still listening.  

“I’ve been trying to tell you for a while, but every time I get close, I back out at the last minute.” 

“Why?” The question slips out before Raph has a chance to stop it and he barely stifles a groan in response. He hadn’t meant for it to sound like that. 

Leo shrugs at first, but there’s more to it. Raphael knows that much. So he waits. 

“I guess I was scared.” 

“Weren’t you scared of telling the others?” 

“I mean, yeah, but I guess it was different?” Leo is faltering with his words, trying desperately to find a way to make Raph understand. “It’s just that you’re our big brother, and you were the leader for so long. We always went to you when we were upset or scared. Or if something was on our minds.” 

There’s a pause and Leo is shifting, cheek now flat against his brother’s plastron but when Raph dares a glance down, he finds his eyes are shut tight. 

“And now I’m supposed to be leader, and I know you have a lot of faith in me, so it seemed kind of dumb that this was stressing me out so badly. And I know that it’s gonna be fine, but at the same time, what if it isn’t? You’re my big brother, I don’t want to let you down. Again.” 

The final word is bitter dripping from Leo’s tongue and Raph taps at his shell, a silent reminder of their conversations regarding this before. “So it’s - is it about you not wanting to be the leader?” 

He’s trying. Bless him, he really is. And Leo knows he is. Between cryptic answers and a week of total avoidance, the blue terrapin certainly hasn’t made it easy to figure out. 

“I’m gay, Raph.” 

It’s quiet for a moment and Leo can’t help but attempt to sink deeper into his brother's side, fully intending to disappear. Or try his hardest. 

“That’s it?” 

Leo furrows his brow, head shooting up to actually see Raph’s face. “I’m having a moment of vulnerability here,” he squawks, sitting up to look Raphael in the eye. 

The elder raises one hand, the other still wrapped around Leo’s side, pulling him back into a resting position – Leo will never admit he went down without a fight. 

“Leo, when we were younger, I'm pretty sure I heard you say you wanted to marry Jupiter Jim like, seven times, at least, it wasn’t that hard to figure out. Also, you’re really bad at discreetly checking guys out.” 

Leo says nothing, opting to pout as he turns his face away from the room and the dim lights. It causes Raph to laugh, giving his brother another quick squeeze. 

“I’m sorry – I'm not trying to be a jerk. I just didn’t know it was supposed to be a secret, little brother.” 

Leo sighs, glancing up with a critical look on his face. “So, you don’t mind?” 

“I don’t mind – but I do mind you ignoring me for the last month.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine, I get it, I think. Just promise me you’ll try to come talk to me next time?” 

“Well, I don’t think I’ll need to come out again.” His sentence is broken off by a yelp when Raph smacks at his side. “But I promise,” Leo hisses up, though he fails to keep the smile from his voice. 

Neither of them move once they’ve finished talking. At least not for a few minutes. But then it’s Leo breaking the silence. 

“You thought I was ignoring you because of the invasion, after all this time?” 

“You started acting weird around the last check-up, when you mentioned my eye – so I thought it was that or when you were looking at me you were just seeing Krang possessed Raph. I don’t know, maybe the nightmares had gotten worse.” 

Leo hums in acknowledgement, letting the words sink in. “No, no, nothing like that.” 

Raph looks down at his brother, studying the tired lines and the drop of his eyes. “But the nightmares haven’t let up.” 

It’s a fact, not a question, but Leo finds himself nodding along anyways. 

Raph purses his lips, shifting to lay down and get comfortable, dragging Leo into a similar position next to him. “You don’t have to do this alone you know.” 

“But I’m the leader I -” 

Raphael cuts him off, “you’re still my little brother.” Shifting his weight – really Leo’s bed isn’t big enough, but he’ll make the sacrifice for tonight – Raph uses one hand to pull the covers up around them. “Tomorrow we’ll all have a sleepover in the projector room, I already asked Casey and April and they’re gonna stay the night.” 

Leo isn’t sure what to say, so he says nothing. Tightening his hold around his brother and burying his face back into his side, not bothering to fight off the tears this time. 

Raph makes no comment about it, staying where he is and keeping a secure grip while Leo’s dam breaks. And he finds, in what can’t be more than 3 minutes later, Leo’s breathing is coming out in shallow even breaths and the crying has stopped. His body too tired to keep up and feeling too secure knowing one of his brothers was there with him, he’s out like a light.