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Eddie has it in the back of his head to pick up a cake. A bottle or two of bubbly. Matching napkins? If Buck gets reinstated, he wants to be ready to celebrate. Nothing big, not like Buck's ill-fated welcome-back party years ago after his leg injury. Just — little ways to mark the end of a time of uncertainty and heartache.
It feels like a jinx to buy the stuff now, though, when they don't know. Buck is waiting on the phone call. Any day now, but they don't know when. So Eddie pays for his very normal, boring selection of groceries and drives home — only to find Buck's truck already in his driveway.
Eddie's stomach twists with nerves as he makes himself slow down, do a good job parking, carry all of the grocery bags to the porch before letting himself in.
"Buck?"
He finds him sitting at the dining room table, staring into space. He's holding his phone in slack fingers, but the screen is off.
"Buck?" Eddie tries again. "Are you …?"
"They said no," Buck grinds out.
"What?" His heart jumps unpleasantly. "Hang on." He's still holding two stuffed paper bags full of groceries. He strides into the kitchen to put them down on the counter, then returns. The refrigerated items will keep.
Buck's phone is facedown on the table now. He doesn't look up.
"What'd they say exactly?" Eddie asks. He rests his hands on the back of the chair across from Buck, leans down a little.
Buck clears his throat. "They — they acknowledge my years of service and wish me all the best …" He trails off, but not in a way that makes it seem like he's planning to pick the sentence back up.
"And?"
Buck sits up with a dramatic shrug and a head shake. "And I'm not getting my job back."
Fuck.
Eddie pulls the chair out and gingerly takes a seat. "Can't you — appeal or something?"
"Yeah, but …" Buck just shrugs again, gesturing to himself, like he's the prime example of some sad fuck-up rather than a victim to an illness that hides behind the pharmaceutical industry.
"Then let's appeal —"
"Maybe this is a sign," Buck interrupts, waving his hand at Eddie to get him to stop talking.
Eddie just barely contains a scoff, raises an eyebrow instead.
Buck continues, "M-maybe I'm not meant to be a firefighter anymore."
"C'mon —"
"I appreciate everything you've done for me," Buck says. "What all of you have done for me. More than I can say."
"We'd do anything for you," Eddie replies, placing his hand over Buck's forearm.
Buck's face screws up, like it's painful to be treated so gently.
"And I think — I'm mostly better now, y'know."
"Sure," Eddie replies, squeezing Buck's arm.
Buck's been drug-free for just over a month, and it shows. He looks significantly better. Not quite the same as he was before, but this new version of Buck — software update six or seven or whatever he's on — seems healthy. He even smiles and laughs regularly, and the bags under his eyes are less apparent every day.
"So maybe it's time for me to deal with stuff on my own."
That's stupid, Eddie thinks. But if he's learned anything about navigating this type of thing with Buck, it's that he should hear him out to know what he's really dealing with. Get all the facts. Or at least — the things Buck thinks are facts. "Why?"
On the fifth call that went straight to voicemail, Eddie decided to call Maddie.
He was trying not to bother her, as she had a lot going on after her husband almost died inside a fucking lab, but he had been trying to reach Buck all morning and got nothing.
He was worried, is all.
"Hey, Maddie. I, uh, is Buck working?"
"Working? Eddie, Buck is... he's missing."
"What do you mean he's missing? When? H-how? And why didn't anyone call me?"
He heard her sigh on the line. So much for not bothering her.
"I'm sorry," she said. Always so nice. "I... we didn't call because we're sure it's nothing. And, you know, you're in El Paso so it's not like you'd know where he was."
"I... well that's fair. I've called him a few times, but his phone seems to be dead or something."
"Yeah," she sighed again. She sounded so tired. "I talked to him last night. Well, talk is a little strong. I spoke and he listened. He's having a hard time dealing with everything."
And by everything she meant Bobby.
"I know. I've been trying to talk to him about it. Since the funeral, at least. But he keeps repeating that he's fine and he has everything under control."
"Yeah. Same here. I'm a little worried, but I mostly think he needed some time alone. I'm sure he'll turn up later today. I'll let you know as soon as I have him, okay?"
God, Eddie appreciated her so much.
"Yeah. Thank you, Maddie. Take care." Eddie sighed, pocketing his phone once the call disconnected.
He didn't want to freak out about Buck being missing, but he always told Eddie where he was going and when he was coming back.
Eddie had his location turned on too, but with his phone off, he wouldn't be able to have an accurate reading.
All he could do was wait.
He decided to try to work for a bit, see if it would distract him, so he grabbed his keys and his phone and opened his front door.
And there he was, sitting on his porch, shoulders slumped and face buried in his hands.
"Buck?" Eddie said, walking towards him. "What... how are you here?"
Buck looked up at him and his eyes were puffy and red-rimmed as if he had been crying for hours. It twisted at Eddie's heart. He hated to see him like that.
"Eddie. I'm sorry. I... didn't know where else to go."
"Buck..." he said, moving to sit next to him and spotting his truck in the driveway. "Did you drive here?"
Buck looked up at him with a guilty expression.
"I'm sorry," he said again, his eyes welling up. "I just needed a second, so I went for a drive. I drove aimlessly for some time, and the next thing I knew, I was on the freeway, and I realized the only thing I wanted was to see you."
Eddie blinked at him, unsure how to respond.
"You could've called me," he said softly.
"It was late! I didn't want to wake you."
"Then why didn't you ring the bell? How long have you been sitting here?"
Buck sighed, closing his eyes. "I didn't want to bother you."
"Buck," Eddie said, his tone a little stern.
"I'm sorry," he said again, voice wobbly. "I just needed you."
At that, all of Eddie's thoughts flew out of his head. How could he be mad at Buck for needing him so much that he drove 12 hours without telling anyone?
Eddie reached his arm around Buck's shoulders, pulling him in. Buck went easily, hiding his face in the crook of Eddie's neck.
He felt all his worries leaving his body, as if the mere presence of Buck here and not thousand of miles always quietened everything else.
Buck always had that power over him.
"Come on, let's get inside. You're gonna take a nap, and then we can hang out for a bit when you're rested, yeah?" Eddie said, getting up and pulling Buck along.
He went willingly, a small nod the only proof he had heard Eddie.
Eddie showed him the bedroom and helped him get under the covers, and when he moved to leave, he felt Buck wrapping his hand around his wrist.
"Can you stay? Please. I don't want to be alone right now."
Eddie looked down at him, feeling as if someone was squeezing his heart. "Yeah, of course I can stay, Buck." He was planning to call Maddie, but as he joined Buck on the bed and Buck snuggled close to him, burying his face in Eddie's side, he knew there was no chance he was going to disrupt this.
He picked up his phone and shot her a text instead. "Buck's here. He's fine. I'll have him call you later."
"Thank you. And thank you for taking care of him." She wrote back.
"Always. I got him. Don't worry."
"I know you do ;)"
And if Eddie slept better with Buck wrapped around him than he had in months, that was only for him to know.
Hank Voight comes up the stairs into the bullpen. He raises his eyebrow at Kim Burgess sitting at her desk. There is no one else in yet. She looks up from her computer as he walks around. He watches as she takes a deep breath and stands. He smiles as she stands there. He manages to keep the smile on his face, in spite of the stab of memory.
The memory of her standing before him, in the door of his office, as she stands now. Straight, with her arms by her side.
Not knowing what to expect.
He nods, then does as he did when she’d told him that she was pregnant.
Voight takes her in his arms and pulls her tight to him.
They stand there for a moment. He knows that her mind is on two others.
One that she has back.
The other that she doesn’t know if she’s lost.
He releases her, then nods. Without a word, he turns and moves into his office.
