#possibly pretentious

at the beach

is sit on the balcony

and listen to the waves.

as i sit in my

new apartment,

as cars pass by,

it’s all the same

you’re pretending you feel differently

maybe it’s better i don’t have it

it’ll hurt too much to lose

a flower that should’ve wilted

instead grew roots

~~~

we’re all liars

the worlds gonna end

and it will happen

again again and again

cradled in your hand

i know what true love means

wash away my apathy

i soften at your sympathy

you cry for me

it’s all i ask of you

a sacrifice for me

i don’t even beg you

 a sinking ship

no land in sight

an anchor to hold me

the waves say goodnight

~~~

how long will i have to wait

for just a little taste

of everything ive desired

to be someone admired

electrocute me im wired

set to fire

you’re a fool 

if you’re tired

ready to lay bare

exposure is the dare

i never knew you cared

i’m choking on air

is there something you can say

to make the future okay

or was it all a trail of treats

in the forefront of my mind

thinking stabs my skull

but it’s something i can’t control

sliced in two

unable to undo

the roof caves in

underneath the rubble

my body lay

lost in a haze

the same damn maze

but every night

as i try to sleep

my mind is lost in waves

currents tear away

erosion into nothing

i refuse to obey

validation isn’t something

for wanting to die

as soon as i decide to live

a privilege i never knew maybe

or maybe life is just harder

should i be ashamed

of wanting a happily ever after

an anger consumes me

and it’s all i’ve ever known

born with a spite

and no where to call home

a thirst for suffering

i feel it in my bones

i don’t know how

to make the hurt known

i look away from it

i avoid every sign

my friends, family, and doctors

they didn’t see a reason why

but i am just another to the slaughter

a murder suicide

for i kill myself as i take my life

a theft of everything

you can hear crickets

and when you feel his breath

it is a cool night breeze

his eyes sparkle like a distant star

and his smile is closer to mars

bursts of light

in my chest

make me

lose my breath

but i

don’t know

what to say

next

their eyes upon me

make me hide mine

they all watch

with taught chests

a hunger in them

laying in wait

i want to know

let the bombs rain down

i want to see it burn

i need them to learn

not first or second

not last either

im starting to wonder

why are we still here

a forest on fire

reflected in your eyes

my smile wont reach yours

a purity found in ash

desolation should be imminent

but they hold their fire

a fear of what’s to come