#possibly possibly

Lucas is surprised the first time he notices it – that the time he used to need by himself in his room with the door shut without anyone bothering him, doesn’t seem to include Eliott. With Eliott, he always feels recharged and happy, like his body physically craves to be near him. And who is Lucas to fight that.

And as that feeling continues to settle, as Eliott’s presence becomes the fuel for his body, for his heart, Lucas relaxes into it. It was Eliott’s mom after all who told them she knew she would marry Eliott’s dad because he was the only person she could stand to be around all the time. Lucas thinks she was on to something.

Already the comforting promise of Eliott’s presence washes over Lucas, calming him as he wades through the crowded metro, gently pushing his body into the next train to arrive. Normally, the packed cars would overwhelm him, stress him out, but Lucas knows that in 20 short minutes, he’ll be wrapped in Eliott’s arms and his shoulders instantly relax.

He has to fight a bit to get off the train, struggling through a whispered string of pardon, excuse-moi, pardon, excuse-moi until he finally reaches the doors and pushes the button to get them to slide open. But as he steps out on the platform, his smile is still there, wide on his face. A few people give him slightly strange looks because, yes, Lucas will admit that looking that pleased after work during rush hour probably is not normal behavior. But, oh, if these people only knew Eliott, knew who Lucas had waiting for him (sometimes he still quite can’t believe it), they’d be smiling just as big.

He breaks out onto the sidewalk, the sun still fighting to stay up above the horizon and Lucas breathes in deep. It’s his favorite time of day, when the sun is almost setting and everything is encased in its golden tendrils, setting the city on fire. It reminds him of Eliott, of the way Eliott makes him feel every time he looks at him.

Lucas lets out a little laugh to himself, because god, he can’t believe he just formed that thought it’s so goddamn cheesy, but he can’t help that Eliott makes him think things like that. A vestige, probably, of all the pretty words and promises Eliott has lavished on Lucas every opportunity he can. Lucas was bad at first, at taking those pretty compliments, too delicate for how he saw himself. But the more Eliott kept saying them anyway, the more Lucas started to let himself enjoy them, and maybe, believe them – just a little.

He practically bouncing as he makes his way up to his apartment. Eliott had texted him that he was already there – gone straight from his class, using the spare key Lucas had given him as part of his one-year anniversary present. (Because at some point it was stupid to make Eliott go all the way home and wait for Lucas when he was just going to come over right away anyway.)

It’s been two whole days since he’s seen his boyfriend, which, sure, doesn’t seem like a lot at first glance, but for them, it’s an eternity. Eliott had a huge project he had to finish for one of his classes, and Lucas had been balancing a test and extra shifts he had picked up to save a little money, so they’d spent two long nights apart, making this weekend that much sweeter.

He puts his key into the lock and barely starts to turn it before the door is being whipped open and Lucas is pulled into a bone-crushing hug. Lucas’ arms immediately encircle Eliott’s waist and he feels Eliott’s arms around his neck pull him closer. Eliott presses his face into Lucas’ hair and they sway, just a little, in the entryway.

“Welcome home,” Eliott whispers against his temple, and Lucas turns his face to meet Eliott’s in a gentle kiss.

“I missed you,” Lucas says and maybe some people would laugh at that, missing each other after only two days, but Eliott only hums and squeezes him tighter.

“I missed you too.”

Lucas extracts himself from Eliott’s grasp as gently as possible so that they can actually make it through the front door. He sets his bags down heavily in the hallway and kicks off his shoes. He picks up the groceries and follows Eliott into the kitchen, where Eliott jumps up lightly to sit on the counter, looking expectantly at Lucas.

“Yes, I brought food for dinner,” Lucas sighs, feigning annoyance but not bothering to mask the smile that spreads over his face as Eliott grins over at him.

“Good, because you have no food in the fridge,” Eliott says, laughing.

“You already checked then?”

“Oh yeah, as soon as I got here.”

It’s Lucas’ turn to laugh then, and he sets about unpacking the groceries and pulling out a pan to cook. Eliott simply watches from his perch on the counter, but it doesn’t bother Lucas. He likes having Eliott there with him. And it’s probably best for the both of them if Eliott stays away from the stove.

“I wish you would let me help,” Eliott says then as Lucas chops up some vegetables. “I always feel bad just watching you do all the hard work.”

“Don’t feel bad,” Lucas responds, not looking up from the food in front of him. “I don’t mind. I like cooking. Especially if it’s for you.”

Lucas doesn’t hear him but suddenly Eliott’s arms are encircling his waist and Eliott’s chin comes to rest on Lucas’ shoulder and Lucas feels his warmth radiating all across his body.

“Please let me do something,” Eliott whispers into Lucas’ neck making him shiver. He gently presses a kiss into the space where Lucas’ neck meets his shoulder.

Lucas whirls around in Eliott’s arms, grabs his face and kisses him forcefully on the mouth. Strong and eager, the kiss is white-hot fire and then it’s over as Lucas turns around again to keep chopping the veggies. Eliott staggers back slightly, and swallows, taking a few seconds to regain control of his thoughts.

“What was that for?” Eliott asks weakly, reaching out and running his hand down Lucas’ arm.

“I just really love you,” Lucas says, quickly. “Now, if you really want to help me you can turn on some music and set the table.”

Half an hour later and they’re sitting across from each other, dinner spread out in front of them. It’s simple really, just some meat and vegetables Lucas had picked up at the farmer’s market (mostly because Eliott kept insisting that those were so much better than the produce at the grocery store), but Eliott is smiling into every bite like it’s some kind of nectar from the gods.

“What?” Lucas asks laughing, trying to decipher exactly what has Eliott in such a good mood.

Eliott looks up at him (and it’s enough, really, to make Lucas’ legs go weak). “I just really love you,” he responds, teasing him.

Lucas rolls his eyes, but feels a traitorous blush spread across his cheeks.

“And,” Eliott pauses, “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Lucas feels his heart stop briefly. It’s stupid, he thinks, that his default reaction is always panic. But as those words come out of Eliott’s mouth, Lucas’ thoughts immediately go to Eliott wanting to break up. Which is stupid, as he’s literally just said that he loves him, but Lucas can’t help the first thoughts that cross his mind. He swallows.

“Calm down,” Eliott says gently, reaching across the table to grab Lucas’ hand in his own. Lucas forgets sometimes how much Eliott knows him. “It’s nothing bad. At least, I don’t think so.”

Lucas smiles back at him. “Okay…”

“It’s just that,” Eliott starts, and then he stops, taking a breath and looking at Lucas the way he sometimes looks at the night sky. Full of admiration and wonder and love. “It’s just that I know your lease is up in a few months, and I know our schedules will be busier next semester, and we always talk about wanting to spend more time together. And I was just thinking that maybe we should move in together.”

It all comes out in a rush, but each word rings in Lucas’ ear and his breath catches in his throat as he plays them over again in his mind, turning over each word, making sure he heard Eliott right.

“You want to move in together?” Lucas asks, and this time it’s his voice that sounds weak, like the air has been knocked out of him. Because it has, in a way – like it does every time Eliott finds a new way to tell Lucas he loves him.

“You’ve always felt like home,” Eliott says shrugging, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Lucas feels his heart clench and then soar. He’s not sure he’s ever had a home like that – not really. And now Eliott wants one. With him. And Lucas doesn’t know how to say that this will be the moment he goes back to when things get hard. The gentle way Eliott talks about them, together, like they were inevitable, like he can’t imagine a life without the “us” he now uses regularly. Like Lucas is the thing that both keeps him tethered to Earth but also makes him feel alive.

“It just feels like the right next step, to make it official,” Eliott is saying, looking back down at his food. “With our schedules this year not lining up and with everything picking up I want to be able to spend as much time with you as I can.”

Lucas simultaneously wants to scream yes and tackle Eliott to the ground and kiss him all over. Instead, the only thing that makes its way out of his mouth is a small whimper.

Eliott looks back up at him, trying to read his expression. “But only, you know, if you want.”

Lucas stands up quickly and moves around the table with a speed and force that makes Eliott’s eyes go wide. He gestures at Eliott to move his chair back and when Eliott does, he straddles him and sit down gently holding Eliott’s face in his hands.

“Shit, Eliott,” Lucas whispers. “Of course I want to move in with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, god, please,” is all Lucas can say before Eliott is kissing him, soft and feverish all at the same time.

“Can I be honest?” Eliott breathes out between kisses, their dinner laying forgotten behind him.

“Always.”

“I was kind of scared you were going to say no.” Lucas pulls back, giving Eliott a questioning look because in what world would he have said no.

Eliott sighs and looks down at the ground sheepishly. Lucas forgets sometimes how small he can make himself.

“I think it’s just, sometimes I worry I’m a lot to handle,” Eliott says. “And if we live together you’d never get a break.”

Lucas looks at him, really looks at him, and his heart pangs that Eliott has ever had to worry about that. “I don’t want a break. I never want a break.”

And Eliott sighs, the relief flooding over his face as he hugs Lucas tighter.

“How many times do I have to tell you?” Lucas asks, peppering Eliott’s jaw with kisses. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He sits up for a second, thinking.