#porschay

People not replying to your texts immediately (see his messages to Porsche), leaving notes when they leave (see Porsche on the day he starts working for Kinn) and being out of reach for literal months (once again Porsche once he moves in with the main family) is the norm.

As far as Porschay can tell, none of it is a red flag because the person that loves him the most in the whole world treats him that way. His emotional needs might not be met, at least not all the time, and it’s definitely unhealthy, but it’s the next best thing, making the most of the situation they find themselves in.

Now, if we apply this to his relationship with Kim…

Upon realizing he can’t give Porschay what he wants (guitar lessons), WIK finds the next best thing and signs Porschay’s shirt. In Porschay’s world, it’s exactly the same as Porsche being away from home a lot, but coming back with food and making sure they can afford Porschay’s education.

It’s a compromise, and something that can last. Porschay keeps the shirt and can look at it whenever he needs something to cheer him up, it gives him motivation for the same exam he wanted guitar lessons to prepare for.

What next? Well would you believe it, WIK ends up offering to tutor him.

Good things come to those who wait, or so the saying goes. Porschay’s patience and understanding are rewarded, like they always are (in a similar fashion, Porsche comes back to him after spending a month at Kinn’s).

So Porschay let’s it play out, he follows every step from the book. He reached out to WIK on a personal level, and he gets to know Kim. He writes the song about Porsche, and Kim joins him on the piano. How best to connect with Porschay, whose favorite person in the whole world is his brother, the very one the song was written about?

Porschay’s emotional needs are just within reach.

Hell, Kim visits him in his home next! Much like Porsche, he drops by unannounced, and comes with a gift, one that suits Porschay and meets some of his self-fulfillment needs (a better instrument to become a better musician, to get into the music faculty). Looks a lot like someone who wants to get to know you as well, enjoys hanging out with you and intends to become part of your daily life, doesn’t it?

The next interaction, from Porschay’s point of view, looks even more like a plot point from a rom-com.

Kim asks about Porschay’s crush and why would you do that if you’re not interested? You could even assume Kim dismisses Porschay’s feelings because he doesn’t realize Porschay means Kim and thus, Kim is jealous. Mixed signals. Even if Kim had an inkling that Porschay means him, the fact that he suggests writing a love song seems to lead straight towards the love confession, and Porschay can only see it as a green light. I know I would.

When Porschay shows up at Kim’s later and insists to play the song, it’s much like his interactions with Porsche. Both Kim and Porsche are busy, but they make some time for Porschay because he matters to them, and doing so puts a smile on their faces.

It plays out as usual for Porschay, the people he loved are distant, unavailable, but they do care about him else they’d tell him to get lost, wouldn’t they?

I’m sure to Porschay, love and hate are very much black and white. He’s seen Porsche’s unconditional love, and thugs breaking into his house to collect money. I don’t think Porschay gets confused with outward hostility or bullies, and I strongly believe he can stand up for himself.

Kim exhibits no sign of hostility. His whole demeanor is similar to Porsche’s, albeit with less warmth because they’re mostly strangers instead of, you know, siblings who have shared the same space for their whole lives.

Which brings us to the confession. I am unsure what Porschay expected there. From his dialogue lines and the gift, I’d say he didn’t have any hope and just meant to move on, but from a rom-com point of view, you would think he at least wishes for his feelings to be reciprocated (moreover, we mentioned Kim’s mixed signals above with the whole love song thing).

Of course, in Porschay’s rom-com storyline, Kim kisses him on the cheek and they spend the rest of the day together. Everything played out as it should have, and it seems that each of Porschay’s needs have been met (basic, emotional, self-fulfillment), so it’s no surprise he rushes into a proper love confession soon after. It’s cringe, it’s hasty, it’s a beginner's mistake, but last time he told Kim how he felt (the song, then the first confession), Porschay was rewarded for putting himself out there.

Obviously, the rom-com kind of goes off-script from then on. Porschay doesn’t really notice, or at least he shrugs it off and moves on to providing for Kim in a different manner, if words make Kim uncomfortable surely food won’t.

Once again it’s much like his dynamic with Porsche, although the brothers don’t have any issue verbalizing their love for each other (also, you know, there is none of the romantic tension Porschay feels with Kim). Porsche and Porschay do have practice and no reason to be shy about it, quite the contrary as Porsche is often unavailable / could get hurt in the underground fighting scenes so it's important to verbalize their love for each other on a regular basis "just in case". Porschay can express his love in many ways, and one of those is caring for his loved ones (stitching their wounds, making food…).

If he meets their basic needs the way they do for him, it means just as much as meeting emotional needs, doesn’t it?

Not quite, and this is the reason Porschay self-sabotages after Kim rejected him (more or less). His emotional needs got him in his mess, so he doesn’t take the second part of the exam, doesn’t follow the path to self-fulfillment (the very reason Porsche joined the mafia and Porschay met Kim, eventually getting brokenhearted).

All his life, Porschay was taught (not on purpose, but it’s still there) that his emotional needs come second. They’ll be met when he and Porsche are in a better place and their basic needs are met (economically, physically, socially…).

The one time Porschay tries to go around this “rule”, he crashes and burns. He got ahead of himself, maybe he doesn’t even deserve to fulfill his emotional needs. Music, other than being the epitome of expressing one’s emotions, is worthless if it doesn’t meet any of Porschay’s basic needs, much less Porsche’s, so of course he’d give up on music first and foremost.

I’m getting ahead of myself though, so let’s stop to consider the confrontation with Kim.

Porschay asks two questions: 1) you knew I was Porsche’s brother all along 2) did you ever love me? and I find it extremely symbolic. 1) so it was all about a basic need (safety), 2) the emotional aspect was fake(d). He confirms that Kim was operating out of necessity, to secure his basic needs and that once again, the emotional needs come second, and that you can go on about your life without fulfilling them or worse, you can do so while faking it.

Isn’t it heartbreaking that this is what Porschay learns from his encounter with Kim?

All this time, he worked so hard to meet basic and self-fulfillment needs in order to finally fulfill his emotional needs, only to find out that this can be used against him and that most people don’t have the chance to experience what it’s like when your emotional needs are met.

What a miserable way to live.

So Porschay gave up on his emotional and self-fulfillment needs, which leaves only one thing: his basic needs. Guess what? He throws them out the window as well when he goes clubbing, engaging in risky activities because he has no reason to care anymore (let’s not forget that Porsche also dropped a bomb on him regarding his involvement with Kinn and the mafia as a whole).

Suddenly, Porsche doesn’t quite ensure that Porschay’s basic needs are met either (Porschay was in danger), and now it’s up to Kim to try and make sure Porschay is safe and meeting his self-fulfillment needs (dragging him out of the club and scolding him for skipping the second part of the exam).

Kim finally goes out of his way to meet Porschay’s emotional needs as well but the foundations of Porschay’s life are too shaky to deal with that. He’s still finding his footing, trying to re-establish his basic and self-fulfillment needs (what is safety? what can he do if not music?) and define his life according to his new reality.

Once again, it’s about learning and growing, taking control of your life and responsibility for your actions. It teaches them both a lesson (you can’t go about life without meeting your emotional needs, it’s a necessary step in your hierarchy of needs).