#poor salsa

Alayne's got the Eyrie under control, poor Sweetrobin included. Lothar x Mya 5Eva and Sansa x Littlefinger NEVA! Myranda Royce is angling for her next husband and everyone in the Vale is probably already looking forward to next spring's big thawed oxen feast. Join us as we head back down the mountain in another of our favorite chapters.

We're calling this a siege even if Petyr isn't. Why aren't there any chickens in the Eyrie? And why is Petyr so gross? No one wants to see Littlefinger die more than we do. 

If you’ve lost your fingers, how can you play the harp 24/7? Who does Petyr love? Whatever is going on at the Eyrie, #itscomplicated and we are here for Sansa.

It's murder in a winter wonderland! But oh what a wonderland it is. We want to linger in the beauty of a snowy Winterfell, but the Moon Door beckons. Lysa deserves our sympathy, and she also deserves to binge watch a few shows on the Westerosi version of OWN. Oh, and stop trying to make Hot Hyle happen.

It's time for Joffrey's wedding breakfast, but where are the Bloody Marys and cheesy hashbrowns, George? Who needs fantasy football when you can have fantasy Kingsguards? Did Robert have a subscription to Melees Monthly? Tyrion is...problematic and no matter what tidbits GRRM give us, we're just not here for your Targ BS. 

It's time to get your PEEEETYR on, as Littlefinger moves from his Tiny House in the Fingers to a deluxe apartment in the sky. Will Sansa move from pawn to player? Could GRRM possibly have more SanSan foreshadowing in this chapter?

Sansa turns from porcelain, to ivory, to steel, but finds herself fleeing from one terrible situation to another. Littlefinger's plots make almost as much sense as his ways of wooing women. We mourn the lack of SanSan in the show, and wonder if Sansa will ever get to actually kiss a half decent man.

Welcome to only the third worst wedding in ASoS! Misery loves company - and so does Cersei. Sansa still wants Willas, the puppies, and the barge. We just want GRRM to get his timelines straight and quit with the inaccurate nipple references. Let's shut the door and go there as Sansa's personal nightmare continues. #NotAllOccasionalGents