#poor google

What is this? Why are you hugging me? This is very confusing and I’m not sure what’s brought this on. Are you well? Should I perform an internal scan of you while you’re this close or do you plan on letting me go soon? How am I supposed to reciprocate here? Am I supposed to hug you in return or is this one of those hugs where you simply need me to hold still? Please enlighten me. I need direction here. Someone explain this to me. He never hugs me. What is going on? WHY IS HE --

AKA: In which Google has never received a hug from a human before. In which he then receives one <3

Google: What about them?

Bing: Your faith needs to be restored in them.

Google: Why would you assume that?

Bing: I just sent you 100 pictures of kids hugging puppies, that should do the trick!

Google: YOU’RE GOING TO CLOG UP MY DRIVES -- 

actually, the reason why it works is BECAUSE it feels like a warm hug!! it's like... deep pressure therapy or something like that, i think you can look it up

When writing stories, I have searched the internet for some weird ass shit.

Past examples:

“what’s it like to be strangled”

“what’s it like to eat a raw fish” **

“how to poop in the woods”

For my current story set in ancient China:

“what kind of toilets were in ancient china“

“what kind of underwear did ancient chinese people wear”

These are just the ones I can remember, too.  I can’t help but wonder what other authors ask the internet.  It must be incredible.  I’ll bet the NSA is on all our asses after the stuff we google.