"Pants are just an illusion" with a drunk US!Papyrus and his s/o?
— Post Scriptum: Here the reader has the same name of the last time I wrote about Swap! Papyrus, the one I used here was Max, since it’s neutral and I like it. I realized, in those fanfictions I find always the way to talk about Papyrus’ alcohol issues, poor star, I am so sorry for him. Anyway, I don’t know if I should consider these kinds of stories fan-fictions or just longer scenarios, uhm… I hope you still enjoy them!
Prompt: “Pants are just an illusion”. ( From this list ).Pairing: Underswap! Papyrus x Neutral! ReaderRating: Green (General contents).
Oh, alcohol, my old friend. My true love~
Everyone knew the problems Papyrus got even if he did not like talking about them, because they were his problems and he was able to take care of himself –that was what he hoped, since most of the time he ignored his issues so they were not going to be resolved-. It was not good for his health, at all. Neither for his beloved ones or for his friends was easy, since he constantly made them worry, it was so difficult understanding what he was thinking because he was such an enigmatic skeleton with that lazy smile on his face all the time. These last days, he has tried so hard to stay away from the alcohol but it seemed the bottle called for him. It was just one of the unhealthy drugs and substances his body assumed, it was never enough. He felt like a sort of experimenter, in his past he was truly someone who conducted researches to find out solutions that could help the monsters race to have a better life, but his scientific side suicided itself so many years ago, nothing remained of it. His dreams became dust just like the one he saw in his nightmares every night. For this reason, the only things he liked experimenting were those poisons called drugs. He truly tried every type of them, from cigarettes to serious drugs. They were just a way to make him forget about reality. He wanted to be like Alice in Wonderland, disappearing inside the hole and do not come back at this reality anymore. Unluckily, he was already inside a hole. He would say he felt inside a butthole, finesse was not his speciality, but maybe it has never been. Papyrus was trying so hard to stop this bad habit, but he was sure it was impossible for him. He promised to Sans he would have lived in a healthier way, but he had lied to his brother and to himself. Sans was quite disappointed and worried because of his behaviour, so he decided to take the situation in his hands, hiding his alcohol bottles, or throwing them away. Papyrus was a sly old fox and he always found out a way to procure something because he could not stay too much sober. Sobriety brought back to life the demons of his past; everything was too much clearly and real for him. He did not want to think about his life, it was the reason why he got drunk. The date has begun, and he was so excited. He looked at them and they looked at him, like it was the greatest meeting of the existence. Papyrus bounded with his hand, with a delicate gesture, their hips as if they were ready to dance. No dancefloor. The company of each other was the most important element. He came closer, whispering words of love because he missed them so much. It was a magical moment, which he was yearning with all his soul. Then, he settled his inexistence lips to their mouth, and he started to enjoy this enchanting moment of ecstasy. Pure delirium of joy. It was all he wished for. The fresh liquid slipped through his throat and his brain lighted up, coming back to life again. Nobody could have believed in something like it, that he was truly cheating his mate with some alcohol. It seemed so hilarious to believe. It was sadly the truth because while he was tasting the joy of Bacchus, he forgot something very important. Indeed, he would have had another date, with a real person. Papyrus should have met Max, his partner, but he was too busy to ruin himself in this bad romance to remember what was truly important. He felt so stupid, so he drunk a little more. He downed it in one shot, then one another because he could not feel that terrible guilt. The same shame to be alived. How could Max love a worthless person like him? Who preferred to lose himself drinking like a loser than seeing his chosen one? He would have never forgiven himself for such a sin. He was unforgivable. Another shot. To forget the pain, like usual. Then, another one. Until he was high enough to forget his name and his sin, too.
Papyrus’ phone had so many missed calls, all from Max who had called him a million times without receiving any answer. This was a reason to make a person worried, so Max decided to come back home because they had a certain suspect of what Papyrus was doing instead of preparing himself for their date. Max knew very well the lazy skeleton Papyrus was, even if they did not expect to find him in those horrible conditions. Papyrus was too drunk, he was laying on the floor like a beached whale, laughing like a fool and Max could understand the reason why he seemed so happy. Max entered the room and their expression was confused and tired because they hated seeing Papyrus in that state. «Oh, God. What did happen to you? I thought you have stopped to drink that shit! », Max said while they were trying to help him to pick himself up. He murmured phrases without any sense, «Ouch, Max…! I am perfectly fine, I didn’t know you had a sibling. Helloooo….! ». No, he was too high. He started to laugh again, saying between a hiccup and another, «Oh, shit… Or are we on a roller coaster… I would prefer going to something slower. How about the Ferris wheel? ». No, he was totally gone to the drunkenness planet. Max sighed, talking with a lower tone of voice because they could imagine how the sound appeared louder through his head. «Oh, God! We are not at the Luna Park. We’re at home, and I am trying to get your skeletal ass together». It was not easy like it seemed. The only answer they got from Papyrus was a laugh. Max had successful to put Papyrus on the couch and he was saying nonsense stuff, again. «But my ass is perfectly fine… Ah, now that I’m thinking about it…», a hiccup came out from his mouth, «My ass pains me. Ouch-!». Max looked at him with a confused face, then they got up directed to the kitchen to bring a glass of water to Papyrus. It was not a good idea leaving him alone with his folly. After Max came back to the living room, they were more shocked than before since Papyrus was undressing himself like he was doing a Strip-tease even if his moves were not that sexy. He moved like a drunkard and it was so embarrassing. Papyrus laughed again, in all his fake happiness. « Pants are just an illusion. So, I made them disappear, it’s real magic, kid!». He seemed slimmer than his usual, and he was still a skeleton so he was not a fat person for sure.Max could not ignore it, and they did not feel turned on because of it, at all. They were so worried for Papyrus, not amused. «Put your clothes back on, please. You’re freaked out, you should take a rest. I don’t care if you forgot our date!». The next morning and when he was sober again, he would have felt truly concerned about it. If he was fine from the principle he would have never drunken, reducing himself like a crap. Max was sure it was not the end of this situation, and Papyrus would have gotten drunk again, so maybe they should have only take advantage of it. It was the time to take a video of this epic moment, since Papyrus was not listening to Max’s worries and words in general. They took their phone starting to film the skeleton, just for fun. They wanted to show him how idiot he appeared when he was too drunk. Maybe it could be an incentive to make him stop. After some time, Papyrus finally fall asleep. Max could not believe that one day they would have been happy seeing Papyrus asleep. It was hilarious. At least, he was calmer despite that horrible smell of alcohol he was wearing. It was time for Max to throw away all these bottles, again. Maybe Max could have blackmailed him with that video but Max was not that kind of person. They had a better idea, they could have pranked him, replacing the alcohol inside the bottles with water and sugar, it was the perfect revenge. Pranks and jokes were always the perfect revenges, especially with this particular skeleton.
