#polygamous relationships

views and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of Nemeth Counseling and Consultation staff

***** https://www.counseling.org/docs/default-source/vistas/counseling-the-polyamorous-client-implications.pdf?sfvrsn=9: This article discusses the counseling relationships with Polyamory clients, and notes the reported concerns this community experiences when seeking counseling services. 

Hey, if polygamous or open relationships are your thing and all people involved are aware of and okay with it, then go right ahead.

Personally, I’m more of a fan of monogamy. 

I understand couples in different colleges wanting to do this, but I think if you want to try dating other people then you should either break up with whoever you’re with or at least take a break.  It makes sense to take a break and see if that original person it  someone you would still come back to.  

So, I have a friend who has decided that he wants to be poly-amorous. In an attempt to try and be non-judgmental, I did some research on the subject.

Polyamory, for those who don't know, is the practice of being in love with multiple people, where all those involved are aware of this and agree with it.  What it isn't is "an open relationship" necessarily, nor is it "permission to cheat" meaning being in a committed relationship, but being allowed to have other sexual partners, that is more what I would call "swingers," but that's a whole different topic. 

Now, in theory it seems like polyamory would be the bee's knees. There is more than one person that loves you unconditionally, and you get to love more than one person.  Maybe one person enjoys some of the activities, and the other nicely fills in the gaps.  I don't know, I'm not polyamorous, nor do I ever intend to be.

In my head, legitimate consensual polyamory is about two things, unconditional love and communication.  In order to be in a real polyamorous relationship you would need to make sure that every person in the group knows exactly what is going on with everyone else, and be honest about it.  What if one person in the group doesn't like another? What if your time starts to get spread too thin with everyone involved? What if you start to favor one person over another? What if you want to break up with one person in the group but not everyone agrees? 

It seems like the more people, the more complicated a relationship becomes, rather than the other way around.  

Now I really really don't want to bash this kind of lifestyle, because I'm sure with the right people it works like it's supposed to, but it seems like there is a lot of room for manipulation in this equation.

If you aren't someone who knows how to love someone unconditionally yet than calling yourself "polyamorous" is just a way to say that you don't want to commit to one person.  But if you can't love one person is it really going to be easier to love more than one?

If your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't enjoy one aspect of your life, instead of sacrificing or finding a middle ground it's easy to just say "Hey just go find someone else that can do that with you." But is that anyway to fix a problem? If you love someone shouldn't you want to try and enjoy the things they enjoy?  Why can't that just be a part of your life to have with friends or something to do alone?

It seems like this kind of relationship requires more trust and understanding than the average human is capable of. And besides, so few people are polyamorous anyway, and then you have to find multiple people of that already limited group to be in a relationship.  The statistics of a "perfect group" must be astoundingly low.  And if you do find a couple people to love, you have to all agree on where to live, if you want kids, who will stay home, if you ever want more people to join, etc etc etc.  Normal lifestyle questions suddenly becomes 2 or 3 times as complicated.

Now this friend of mine, he's still young and seems like he has a lot to learn about himself before he can commit and love one person, much less many people.  I don't want him to feel like he's sneaking out of fixing his problems by dubbing himself the almighty polygamist and moving on.

I think two nights ago, I had the best dream of my life.

I was in some kind of huge relationship with HeMo, Naya, Dianna, and Lea. Apparently we were going on some road trip and our destination was some kind of hotel/movie theater. 

In any case, for most of the trip HeMo and I were bothering Naya to let us buy Modern Warfare 3. She kept saying when we get there, so we had to wait. When we get to the hotel/theater, Heather and Naya go to the theater and sit towards the front. Dianna and Lea just leave, like literally dematerialize. So I'm left standing there and I don't remember what I did to keep myself busy but it didn't last long. Because, the next thing I remember is walking into the back of the theater naya and heather were in and sit in a seat in the back. 

I was there for a while when heather turns around and looks back. It looked like she was looking for me anyway so i wave and she smiles and gets up and slowly makes her way to the seat on my left. She's smiling and I'm feeling good. then she turns to say something and her nose brushes against my cheek. Now, when I tell you that her's is the softest skin I've ever felt....it was glorious. Just her nose. people. her nose. 

I'm not even at the best part. So I say "wow, you're skin is so soft" and while I am muttering that, I am nuzzling myself in her neck. like a fucking puppy! It was awesome. Then she gives me like a peck on my forehead. and I was convinced that everything on the woman's body was so soft. It was unbelievable. Then we start holding hands....I would say the other events that happened, but they are either irrelevant, or too embarrassing for me to darken my blog with.

Trust, when I woke up, I was the happiest I have ever been after a dream. I reflected on it all day and it just kept getting better and better. Alright, I guess I'm done. I just wanted to post this so I don't forget it anytime soon.