#poly wedding

this is what it looks like when three people get married.

“You’re the color of my blood,” a Grindelgradence New Year’s oneshot - COMPLETE

On a snowy New Year's Eve, Credence Barebone sheds the last restraints of his past and becomes Credence Graves Grindelwald.

(Companion piece/prequel to "See the world you've brought to life.")

Today seem the perfect day to announce that WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

As some of you know, I’m in a poly triad with my hubby and our sweet girlfriend, @ouroboros64. (Hubby is not on tumblr, cuz he’s sane.) Well, the three of us have decided that we truly want to spend the rest of our lives together, and we’re going to have a ceremony celebrating just that! It won’t be legal, unfortunately, but there will be an officiant, a ceremony, and one hell of a party! 

It’ll be our Getting As Married As We Can Party!

But then I had a thought.

Weddings are just ceremonies. They aren't always legally binding. Some couples even remarry each other without ever breaking up, AKA: "renewing your vows." So, with that in mind I present...

My idea of a poly wedding!!

Set the chairs up in sections.

Set the "isle" as a long carpets that run in between each section and intersect in the middle like a star. There should be one "isle" for each person.

The sections of chairs can also double as sections for guests, divided up by who invited them. Much like monogamous weddings, where each side is usually for one of the partners. Of course, this isn't law, but people who know each other tend to group together.

Each person stands at the edge of the isle wearing a blindfold and whatever wedding attire they are comfortable in and that fits their gender identity.

The music starts.

Each person is walked down the isle by someone dear to them, maybe multiple people, depending on if the guider is a father-and-bride situation or a bridesmaids/maid of honor/groomsmen/best man sort of thing.

When they meet in the middle, the blindfolds are removed and they all see each other for the first time. This is sort of like a veil/"don't see the bride before the wedding" thing, but works for any gender.

Each person has vows.

Matching/correlating rings.

If everyone involved wants to, maybe a tiny dance? Something choreographed and possibly resembling ballroom dancing. Watch Barbie and the Twelve Dancing Princesses for inspiration, idk.

how do you handle having two partners and wanting to marry both of them?

If you’re in America, plural marriage is still illegal, but that doesn’t mean you can’t address that desire in other ways.

What is it that you want, specifically? Do you want your union and commitment to be recognized by your friends and family? Do you want to live together, sharing a home and finances and domestic duties? Do you want to throw a big party celebrating your relationship?

The thing about forging a new and mostly untrodden path is that you get to forge the path yourself! That can be simultaneously liberating and terrifying. 

Take a step back and identify what you’re looking for resources in. If it’s general event planning, lots of resources for wedding planning should be easy to tweak. Things like invitations, budgeting, venue, food, decorations, etc. for your event can be as traditional as you want.

If you mean planning the content of the ceremony itself, you may have to patch together things from your life that you find meaningful. If you’re having an officiant or someone with a similar role, hopefully you chose them because you respect their perspective on life in general and their insight into your relationship. Talk to them about what they recommend!

Is there anything from your partner’s and your marriage that you’d like to bring back in? A renewal of your vows? A family tradition you want to welcome your lifemate into? Think about ways to include that.

Is there a book excerpt, a poem, song lyrics, or something else that you and your partners find especially moving, or that you feel strongly reflects your relationship? You can read something in unison or have each person share something important to them.

Are there people in your life who provide support and guidance for your relationship? Consider asking them to share a short reflection or choose a reading to share.

If any of you belong to any spiritual or cultural traditions that have wedding practices, think about including those. Candle lighting, hand-fasting, prayer, sand pouring - anything that speaks to you. You can also make up your own symbolic ritual with anything from water to crystals to ribbons to paint.

Is there a way you want to include all the guests, or engage with the wedding party? You could do a shared dance in a circle, a guided meditation together, a ring-warming, 

This ceremony is truly yours to create. You can stick to the traditional “wedding” script of an officiant’s blessing, exchanged vows, some recitations, and a kiss, and just make each section yours with your own content. You can add anything else that works for who you are - art, dancing, silence, primal screaming - whatever feels right to you!

Some other resources:

Offbeat Bride (try searching for polyamory - there’s tons of stuff there, like this great resource)

Commitment Ceremonies section in Unmarried Equality

Polyamorous Wedding Ceremony

The sweetest Triad wedding ❤