#poly ot8

Every time she tried to take one step forward, something would ultimately knock her back twice as far. Finally having a very generously paid job as an intern at a big company was serving her well, yet with the return of going back to university, finding a work-school balance was becoming difficult.

Truly, that was the hardest thing. She had great people around her, those being her uni friends or her loving boyfriends, the renowned Kpop band, Stray Kids. The way they cared for her and each other with such strong morals and support meant that surely it would be easy to confide in them.

Not always, especially in this case.

Other times she would be thankful for the fact that her partners all had a longer practice at the company, not to their own detriment of course, but because it gave her more time to get herself together and paint on a calm picture of 'I'm definitely not struggling right now and on the brink of my second breakdown of the day'.

However, this time she really needed them. The stress had amounted to such a level that she felt it right through to her bones, and so she found herself crying over the smallest things, which in turn let out the release of her biggest pain.

"Stupid shoes, why aren't they organised, there's too many," she sniffled, sat on her knees by the front door as she began to cry at shoes. Yes, shoes. Her boyfriends' shoes to be specific. She would have thought at least Seungmin would have berated the others for their lack of organisation at this point but even his were out of place.

"They didn't even match them back up," she cried, and more tears spilled out, "oh, why am I even crying right now?"

Sometimes being in such a state meant that it was hard to understand your own feelings, your thoughts far too occupied with the wants of other people to be able to manage the basic needs of your own.

Eventually she gave up on the shoes and wiped her tears, walking slowly over to the sofa and letting her body fall into it with a soft thump. She tugged a soft velvety blanket over herself, one that Felix probably picked out due to it's plush exterior, and instinctively cocooned herself. Her heart felt heavy, her eyes hot and burning as the tears kept falling. All it took was a reminder on her phone for a work assignment, and a uni assignment, to trigger a sob to catch her throat.

"Too much," she sobbed to herself, trying to muffle the sounds even though there was no one else to hear them, "it's too much."

She was wrong. Not about her feelings, gosh, no, but the fact that she thought she was alone.

"Hey, hey, what's going on?" Hyunjin was crouched down right in front of her trembling form, almost hidden if it wasn't for the blanketed lump that had been shaking so much it couldn't have been natural.

His hand brushed her hair back and his thumb rubbed under her eyes, catching the tears that seemed to keep appearing. Hyunjin watched on in deep concern, just like their other boyfriends did the more they realised something was wrong.

"What? When, when did you get back?" she gulped down her sobs, or attempted to, even though her words still came out messily. She sat up, the blanket falling off her shoulders and resting around her hips.

"Don't worry about that, love. Just tell us what's going on, yeah? What's wrong?" Chan held her against him immediately, taking a seat ñext to her. The only time his arm that was wrapped around her moved away, was to let Jeongin lift the blanket back up to keep her warm.

"I don't know," she sniffed indignantly, coughing lightly through her cries when she tried to clear her throat. Her arm pressed against the lower half of her face.

"You're getting yourself in a state now, come on, move your arm, you know you don't have to hold back in front of us," Seungmin sighed sadly, seeing his girlfriend so stressed. He pulled her arm towards her lap which he was sat in front of, holding her hand with one of his own and the other rubbing her knee.

"Thanks," she said sarcastically at first, until hearing the rest of what he had to say and tilting her head up to the ceiling to blink away the rest of her tears.

Chan pressed a kiss against her forehead, and everyone was around her to offer comfort, Felix and Changbin in particular wanting to jump out of their seats on the adjacent sofa to take all the pain away.

"What's got you to upset, jagi?" Jisung pouted, his own eyes glistening as he saw how upset you were.

"It's stupid, really," she began, rubbing at her eyes roughly, Hyunjin subsequently tutting at her and pulling her other hand away that Seungmin wasn't occupying.

"We're not doing that, jagi," Minho shook his head, brows furrowed, looking down at the floor with his hands folded together, "if it's upset you, it's not stupid."

"Exactly, please just tell us, you know we just want to help, that's all," Felix quickly pitched in, face crumpled sadly much like your own.

"There's just too much going on really. You know? Like, oh-" she had to cut herself off when her voice cracked with emotion again.

"You're ok, take your time," Jeongin gave a small smile and nod to reassure her.

"We're listening, baby," Changbin's raspy voice rung out.

"I've got a good job right? Like, it pays so well, but now with going back to uni it's just like I don't have time for anything. I-i'm having to squeeze in hours where I don't have them because my boss won't help me work around my timetable," she explained, the clashing of two parts of her life and time issues being what was clearly causing so much turmoil.

"I'm sorry, darling," Chan tugged her closer to him, a frown on his face.

"Don't be sorry, not your fault, is it? I'm just so tired, I'm exhausted," she admitted, pressing her lips together and taking a deep breath in order to not cry again.

"We'll help you figure this out, ok?" Hyunjin leant his head against her shoulder.

"Ok, ok," she let out a deep breath and nodded.

"I think you need to focus on uni, love. If work can't meet you in the middle then, it's hard," Seungmin trailed off, not wanting to fully leave her in the dark but not wanting to be too blunt.

"What do you think, jagi?" Jisung wondered, curled up against Minho, one leg hanging over the older's lap.

"I don't know. I don't even wanna make any decisions right now," she shook her head tiredly, blinking a couple times.

"That's understandable, baby, how about we just relax for now, ok?" Changbin suggested.

"And if anything else is upsetting you, please tell us," Chan huffed with a knowing smile.

"Ok, promise," she grinned.

₊˚⊹♡

She must have fallen asleep without realising, as she found herself waking up to Jeongin and Felix giggling over something on the latter's phone.

"What's going on?" she murmured tiredly, pressing her face deeper into... Jisung's chest, it took one whiff of his cologne to be able to tell it was him.

"Had a good sleep then, hmm?" Minho poked her forehead, slow blinking at her.

"Mm, yeah," she nodded, "Lixie, Innie, what's funny?"

The two froze, looking at her a bit guiltily.

"Well, umm, you know we have that camera in the hallway, just in case for security, like if someone broke in or-" Jeongin began to ramble awkwardly,

"I know, yeah," she nods, adjusting her head against Jisung's chest as he loosely keeps an arm around her, securing her to him.

"We're actually sorry for laughing, babe, it's just... You were crying over our shoes earlier?" Felix can't even keep eye contact as he explains.

Jisung stifles a laugh and so she slaps his chest playfully through her mild embarrassment, making him yell out dramatically.

"What's Sungie done now?" Hyunjin asks as he flops onto the sofa, entering the room again after leaving Chan, Seungmin and Changbin to managing the cooking.

"It's more about what our jagi did," Minho teases, looking at her with a smug grin.

"Guys, I was stressed, leave me aloneeee," she huffed, but it didn't stop the light laughter that filled the room knowing that she wasn't completely upset about it.

"Sorry, but..." Jeongin chuckles again, "the way you throw the shoes away from you is so funny!"

"What did our shoes do to you?!" Felix laughed again as he watched the video on replay.

"They smelt bad," she grinned happily, teasing them back as revenge, "specifically Ji's."

"Yah!"

Jisung gave her a noogie, keeping her trapped in his arms. He couldn't let her discredit him like that.

"Sorry! Sorry! Hahaha!"

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The sun had recently risen, shining over the industrial buildings and bathing them with its warm light. As soon as that yellow luminescent glow flooded through the curtains of his apartment, Yeosang's eyes fluttered open slowly. The young painter pushed his body up with his palms until he was sat up completely. He rubbed his eyes gently with the sides of his index fingers and yawned quietly.

His small hands gripped the plush duvet carefully as he shifted his body to get out of bed. The loose button-up that hung onto his body covered most of his hands, right up to the knuckles. It was sheer, translucent even, and his soft, tanned skin could be seen from underneath. Not that anybody would be looking, of course, he lived alone. He had been living in the city ever since he was small. His bare feet thumped gently across the floorboards as he tiredly made his way to the small kitchen. His eyes were barely open, but when they had drifted to look at the old calendar that was fixed to the wall he grunted, and then when they gazed at the clock ticking away on the other wall next to his window they widened comically.

"shit! I'm late!" he cursed as he quickly slipped back into the bedroom to change.

Kang Yeosang wasn't somebody who considered himself anything more than "average" person. He was alright-looking, nothing special about his personality or anything like that. It had been his dream to paint beautiful scenes since he was a child, and yet the industrialism that overtook the entire city didn't seem to have any good spots for painting. Thick smog and old, dirty bricked buildings weren't really his taste. And that's exactly why when his uncle had made the offer of giving Yeosang his old home in a port town away from the city; there was no way he could refuse.

He was supposed to take a taxi ride all the way out there, but he must've gotten caught up with quitting his old job, because he hadn't even packed yet! In a quick flurry, he grabbed his clothes and threw them onto the bed. Thoughts of folding them and staying tidy immediately went away after he glanced back at the clock in the kitchen. Two leather brown cases that had golden clasps on the front were filled with clothes, the little self-care products he owned and his art supplies. Yeosang quickly hopped to the door, luggage in hand, before realizing... "aishh, I'm not even dressed!" he gasped, looking down at that flowy sheer shirt and shorts.

This was going to be a long day.

*

Far, far away from the bustling cities and the hassle of factory work, a quiet little port town hid. It was quite the overgrown place, seeming to look abandoned and yet was still full of life. It was a town of peace and tranquility, where everyone knew everyone. Clearbrook Port was one of the lesser known ports on the map. It didn't have those busy markets with exotic products from all around nor did it have any 'one of a kind' services. It attracted sailors not for its popularity, but for its quietness and its friendliness. A place of harmony; that's why it attracted Yeosang so much.

He recalls his uncle describing it as so different from the city he grew up in that it may take him a while to adjust, which was the only part of this experience that really worried Yeosang. He was typically a very shy person and also particularly quiet. He never really got on with any of his coworkers because of it, but he never really let that bother him.

He had been in the taxi for roughly an hour now (after having apologized at least twenty times for being late) and he was still staring longingly out the window. The smaller of the two brown cases he has brought was sat face up on his lap with his hands delicately laid over the top of it. The other case rested in the footwell of the seat next to him. The taxi itself seemed old, as it's colour wasn't a vibrant yellow, but rather a faded one. Despite the car's old appearance, the driver seemed to be quite young yet not chatty. Which was great for Yeosang, because he could just calmly stare out of the window. They had passed the threshold of where industrialism met nature a little while ago, he thought, so now he was merely gazing at old paths that had pretty flowers adorning the boarder. It was clear to him that these paths were still designed for horses and carriages because of how bumpy it had been.

Cars were a recent addition to society, so he assumed that this distant port town wouldn't have any use for them because it was small, right?

His train of thought was interrupted as the vehicle suddenly stopped. Yeosang's eyes flashed towards the driver and then back out of the window. Oh! They had arrived! He was so deep in his thoughts that he must've lost track of time. "ah! Thank you very much, sir," Yeosang thanked the man politely and gave him the money his uncle had provided him for the car ride.

He had just stepped out of the car and already there were people ready to greet him. A few older people, it seemed. Not that he was in a position to judge of course, he was here for the scenery of the town, not to belittle its residents. He glanced at each person briefly, a couple of sweet women with even sweeter smiles on their faces, an older man who seemed to be dressed in a much different manner to the rest of the people, it was.. richer almost? He didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the townspeople, or the whole vibe that the town gave off.

Yeosang may have had his eyes on the man longer than the others, but when his eyes drifted to the boy standing next to him, he let out a small gasp before covering his mouth. A short male, wearing similar clothing to the man he stood next to; it was far too posh. Yeosang could feel his cheeks flaring up just by how gorgeous the boy was. He wore a silk shirt that just so happened to have the top button loose, a pair of tweed trousers and a jacket that looked too big for him that protected him from the slight cold breeze that was drifting from the ocean's direction.

The boy smiled at him politely, his soft brown hair dancing in the gentle breeze. Oh, gosh, that smile. What a beautiful one it was. The way his eyes crinkled up just a little bit made Yeosang's heart flutter. "welcome, sir! I hope you had a safe journey!~" The boy chirped, his voice relatively average in pitch. He stepped forward and held his tiny hands out to hold one of Yeosang's, which caused the other male to press his lips together into a thin line. "My name is Kim Hongjoong, it's a pleasure to have you here in our little town, mister...?" he tilted his head a small amount, waiting for an answer. "Mister K-Kang Yeosang, sir!" The flustered male replied.

At Yeosang's shy tone, Hongjoong's bright smile only seemed to widen "Yeosang.." he hummed quietly, his hands squeezing Yeosang's jittery one. "What a pretty name," he complimented. The man that Hongjoong had once been stood next to cleared his throat obnoxiously to grab the younger man's attention. "Hongjoong, my son, you have other things to be getting up to rather than shamelessly complimenting our new resident, yes?" The man, now identified as Hongjoong's father, said with expectancy. The young man's smile dropped almost instantly and his hands immediately let go of Yeosang's hand. "You're right, father, my apologies," he hummed. "Well, Yeosang, I hope you settle in alright," he said kindly before turning around to leave.

Yeosang looked down at his hand slowly, blinking and replaying the scenario that just happened back in his head. He cupped his own cheek in an attempt to hide the redness that was displayed there. "Welcome, Mister Kang," Hongjoong's father spoke. Yeosang flashed the man an awkward smile. "We were actually expecting you earlier than this and unfortunately there are few people available to show you around, but I can trust that you'll eventually find your way, yes?"

*

It turns out that Yeosang couldn't find his way after all. He had stumbled around the town for an hour now at least. It was a pretty little town with cottages dotted around the area. None of them were too close to each other and none of them were too far. It was gave off a very home-like feel. The scenery was cause him to become very enraptured, it was quite new to him. There were a lot more plants and greenery than there were in the city. A lot of the buildings were made from stone and wood, too, which contrasted to the cities firm brick apartments. The stone itself looked to be quite worn down, especially the walls and some of the archways that lead out of the town and toward the open fields that resided behind. He was definitely going to go out there when he had the chance.

He had reached the far end of the port by this point, and his eyes were set on the cottage that was nestled right in the corner. That was the one, he thought. His uncle had told him that it was the most pretty one, and now that Yeosang's eyes had settled on it, he could easily agree. It was one of the medium sized homes, it wasn't small yet it wasn't excessively large. None of the homes seemed to be very large apart from the one that sat at the top of the hill near the town's entrance. The house was compiled of stone bricks, none of which were the same size and some of then were remarkably bigger than the others. Wooden boards seemed to frame the house in almost a perfect way. The roof had shingles that lead right from the roof's peak down to where it met the stone of the building.

Thin curtains of vines seemed to cover the front of the building, and plants were growing uncontrollably around it. Next to the cosy cottage, a small waterfall flowed into a pond that was surrounded by a few stones and moss.

"excuse me, sir?" a sweet yet deep voice came from the town's west exit. "oh yes? Can I help yo-" Yeosang turned around and his eyes widened softly at the sight before him. Another young male who was quite tall and very handsome. "Heh, my name's Song Mingi and I remembered that we were having someone new move in so I was just wondering if you needed any help at all? I've finished my shift at the general store so I'd be happy to help," Mingi offered, his brown eyes sparkling kindly.

Yeosang blinked a few times before sending the boy a shy smile "A-Ah, would you mind? I didn't bring a lot with me but.." he began "two is company, right?" Mingi offered, his fluffy red hair bouncing as he stepped closer. "R-Right, two is company," Yeosang repeated in a quieter tone.

*

"So you're a painter?" Mingi asked delicately as he watched Yeosang take a wooden easel from the bigger of the two suitcases he had brought with him. Yeosang gave him a quick nod "yes, I've always loved to paint. I used to work as an office worker and I would paint scenes and portraits for people on the side, that's part of the reason why I moved here," he explained to the taller male lightly as he set the easel down in the corner of his new bedroom and turned to his smaller suitcase that held all of his screwed up clothes ("did you pack at the last minute or are you just messy?" Mingi had asked him in a playful tone,) and he took the articles of clothing out, folding them neatly.

"You moved here to paint for someone?" The taller man inquired curiously and Yeosang shook his head "well, not exactly. I wanted to paint some scenes somewhere that wasn't.. In a bustling city. So my uncle offered me this home out here. It's far more scenic.,"

They stayed silent for a moment and Mingi watched as Yeosang sorted his clothing and his other items and smiled warmly. "Well, I think that we're lucky to have you here, if I may be so bold, you are very pretty," he said confidently. The compliment had Yeosang's ears turn red almost instantly. "Do you th-think so, Mister Song?" The stuttered comment caused Mingi to laugh just a little bit. "I do think so, Mister Kang," he replied playfully.

*

After Yeosang had unpacked his belongings, Mingi had offered to take him out for a walk to show him around, which he had graciously accepted. The two walked side-by-side as the afternoon sun shone upon them. Mingi took the time to properly show Yeosang the prettiest parts of the town. The harbor seemed to be newer than the rest of the town, which made the painter wonder if it was a new addition or if it had been destroyed or damaged prior to his arrival. At the docks, a young man who looked small but appeared to be quite muscular caught the young painter's eye. He was carrying a heavy looking barrel by himself. "Yah! Jongho-ah!" Mingi called "be careful! I wouldn't want you to get hurt, you hear?" he scolds the seemingly younger male. The male in question turned to look at Mingi, a cute smile coming over his face "Thanks for your concern, Mingi-hyung, but I'm fine, I promise!"

The tall male quickly became distracted by Jongho and started talking to the younger boy, distracting him from his job. A voice had come from the opposite direction "Mister Kang?" that familiar voice rang. It was the elder man, Hongjoong's father. "ah, I'm glad to find you out here again, have you settled in okay?" The man asked, but he didn't give Yeosang a chance to reply before continuing "I heard from someone that you are a renowned painter, yes?"

"renowned? I.. I don't know about that, sir! I do paint yes.. b-but-" the young male was cut off immediately "perfect! I need somebody to craft a wedding portrait of my son," the man announced. Shocked, the young painter stared at the elder male for a moment. He hadn't been commissioned by anybody in a while, and to make a portrait no less? "w-well... I could.. b-but.." he tried to speak up again, only to be cut off short "wonderful! Please come by to my manor tomorrow,"

As the elder man strode away, Yeosang sighed to himself. If he remembers correctly, that man's son is Hongjoong.. and he isn't sure if he was confident enough to talk to the male properly let alone paint him.

Out of all of the things he was expecting out of this little town, he certainly wasn't expecting that.

------------------------------------------------------

Oh how smug you felt, that a song you had written that was purely dedicated to your boys, could still be released and put onto your latest album, Sonder. Truth be told, it was masked as a song to all your 'girls' out there, about spending time with them being your most favourite thing in the world, and not needing anything else. That was how it actually made it onto the album. But you knew who you really wrote it for.

You wrote the song for Chan, who dedicated his life to protecting each of his partners and prioritising them over himself.

For Minho, who willingly let you read him like a book and get to know him because he wasn't scared of opening up to you.

For Changbin, who often indulged in late night deep conversations with you, whether they were trivial matters that you spiraled deeply into, or more serious ones that helped each of you lift the weight off of your shoulders.

For Hyunjin, whose dramatic antics yet romantic attitude always made you swoon, no matter how goofy he would suddenly become.

You wrote it for Jisung, who always managed to keep you on your toes, whether it be from him bursting into song, his sleep clinginess or his rambles about his new favourite anime that inspired him to write a song or two.

For Felix, who was your constant source of happiness, smiles radiating sunshine and reflecting his light across your shadows, forever brightening your day.

For Seungmin, your cheeky yet very emotionally intelligent partner in crime who helped you stay rational in times when all you could see was doom and gloom.

And finally for Jeongin, who always insisted his admiration for you, was levels above your own for him, because he couldn't believe that it was possible for anyone to be more adored in this world than you.

They were all you needed. And you couldn't wait to show them that, and finally be able to express that to them through the other thing you all loved - music.

-★-★-★-★-★-

Gorgeous yet eery piano notes echoed across the walls of the stadium as you made your entrance, like you were a mystical being that your fans laid their eyes upon.

"She's so hot," Jeongin sighed as he leant across the railings.

"Real," Hyunjin nodded, tongue grazing his upper lip.

"Stop perving on our girlfriend," Seungmin sighed and whacked them on the backs of their heads.

Your boyfriends were sat on an upper tier of the seating in the stadium, safely away from fans and any possible suspicions to why they were there. Luckily, if that case was ever made, fans would be sure to defend you, knowing that you and Jeongin were friends at SOPA.

If only they knew that the two of you were way more than friends. As well as his seven other band members.

Suddenly a new track they hadn't heard started playing, some calming guitar sounding out before a drum track starting kicking in and their girlfriend's poppy voice blended perfectly with the music.

"Come and take a ride with me, I got a credit card and some good company..."

"Wait, that's about us, right?" Chan's eyes widened and a big grin appeared on his face.

"She literally said her girlies," Minho said bluntly, making Chan laugh.

"We're sort of the girlies," Han shrugged.

"Yeah Jisung you do give baby girl energy to be fair," Felix laughed.

"So does Binnie," Jisung added on, smiling as their girl performed.

The fun, light-hearted choreography made you shine with your bright energy.

"I feel so proud, wahhh," Changbin held his hand over his heart, bopping along to the music much like his other boyfriends.

"Quick, let's head backstage!" Felix pushed his other boyfriends forwards down the stairs in pure excitement as the concert came to an end.

-★-★-★-★-★-

Stretched out on the sofa in your dressing room, sipping from some water, you nearly choked on your mouthful as the door burst open with eight men pouring through.

"You were so good!"

"That song was about us right?!"

"Right?!"

You giggled as you were quite literally smothered in their love, kisses being peppered across your face, your neck, your hands, swallowed up in the arms of your boyfriends.

"Yah! What if I was getting changed?" you gasped playfully as you pushed them all away.

"I wouldn't be complaining," Hyunjin smirked before getting a neck slap from Minho.

"Hey!"

And on they went playfully fighting as Chan gave you one of his hoodies he brought with him, just for you.

"Thanks love," you smiled fondly, pulling the fluffy black hoodie over your head as Jeongin tugged you into his arms.

"You really wrote a song about us?" Felix grabbed your hands to gain your attention.

"How could you tell?" you pushed your lips together, trying not to let any words spill out straight away. You'd keep them guessing just that bit longer, that was your game.

"Credit card and some good company? You literally said that to us one time," Seungmin shrugged knowingly, with shake of his head to get the hair out of his face. He had been growing it longer recently - no objections from you.

"That could just be about my friends," you feigned ignorance.

"Nah!"

"No way!"

"Hey I have friends!" you stood up, folding your arms and detesting their claims.

"We know you do, we know love," Changbin back hugged you tightly.

"But you also have us, hmm?" Minho smirked, tickling under your chin like you were one of his cats.

"And we're way better company!" Han declared, from his spot sat on top of Jeongin as he teased the younger and cooed like you all normally did with the maknae.

"I think Jeongin would disagree," you said dryly.

"I would!" the fox boy choked out, nearly sounding suffocated with distraught as he wrestled the older boy off of him.

"But you wouldn't, would you? Don't deny it, that song was for us," Seungmin pointed out.

"Mmm, sure, whatever you want to believe," you looked down at your feet shyly, knowing there was no turning back from here. They had caught you out. But you didn't mind anymore, you were happy because they were too.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Perhaps you had smoked one too many cigarettes last night. Waking up the next morning after battling your stresses with the addictive feed of nicotine, your throat felt dry, hoarse, scratchy even.

"Baby, are you sure you're not sick?" Felix fussed, placing his hand delicately on your forehead to gain an idea of your temperature. "I mean, you don't feel hot, but maybe you're coming down with something?"

"I'm fine, love, just need some water," you kiss his hand that was pulling away from your face, offering a reassuring smile after clearing your throat.

And in your mind, that was enough. You didn't notice the little things that your boyfriends did however.

"Binnie, what are you doing? You look like a perv haha," Hyunjin giggled at the sight of Changbin rummaging through the laundry basket and sniffing your hoodie.

"Ssshhh, keep it down. And plus, it's not being pervy, people in relationships do it all the time. It's comforting smelling each other's clothing," Changbin righteously pointed out to his boyfriend, puffing his chest before adding, "well, normally it is..." he sighed.

"Woah that's mean, you can't say our girlfriend smells," Hyunjin pushed Changbin's shoulder, laughing again but with wide eyes this time round.

"No, no, you've got the wrong idea anyways. I think... I think Y/N's been smoking. I can smell it on her hoodie," Changbin sighed, tossing the white hoodie of yours back into the washing basket that was full to the brim. He was about to continue his spiel of conspiracies until he jumped when your arms wrapped around behind him.

"Aw, babe, are you doing the washing? Thank god for that, I was worried it would never get done," you squeezed him tightly once more before kissing him on the cheek and continuing your venture into the kitchen, Felix trailing behind you.

"I think she's getting sick, I'm gonna see if we have any meds in the cupboard, or some throat sweets at least," Felix pouted as he walked past his two boyfriends, Hyunjin ruffling his hair on the way.

Changbin threw a meaningful look at Hyunjin, alarms going off in his head because it only added more fuel to the blazing fire of thoughts in his head.

"Look, we don't know that she is smoking for sure. Maybe she's just been around some friends that are?" Hyunjin whispers hurriedly, yet this caught Seungmin's attention, and his ears too.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Seungmin casually stood between the two, grabbing laundry detergent and capsules from the cupboard to act natural yet because practical at the same time.

"I'll explain later, to all of you. I'm just a bit concerned," Changbin sighed, rubbing his hand across his face before actually making a start on the chore at hand.

It was an escape for you, much like it was for other people who smoked cigarettes. And plus, you hadn't been doing it for long. You thought what could the harm be when you didn't do it a lot? Plus, it was handy that none of your boyfriends batted an eyelid in the studio when you said you wanted to go outside for some air. In fact, it gave the opportunity for Changbin to lay out his thoughts to the rest of your boyfriends who hadn't yet heard his observations.

"Y/N... I don't think she'd do that, I can't picture it," Jeongin shook his head, shaking his hands in confusion because the picture being painted in front of them seemed very unlikely and it wasn't a nice one to think of.

"And she knows it's too risky. First of all we're idols. I hate to say it but we have to think about that first in situations like these. Even when we're drinking we've got to be careful. If you're right about this, Binnie, then..." Chan groaned, leaning back into his seat with a huff.

"But she did just go out 'for some air'," Han added on, brows furrowed as he thought what Changbin was saying was quite plausible.

"Ok. We'll go check then," Minho shrugged as he stood.

"What?" Felix too stood up.

"We can't sit here and keep worrying. Let's go check and see for ourselves. If we're wrong... And I hope we are... Then it's fine," Minho grabbed his phone and shoved it into his pocket, scanning around the room for his boyfriends' reactions.

"And if we're not wrong, then what?" Hyunjin voiced his concerns.

"Let's just hope we're not," Chan was first to walk out the door, the rest of Stray Kids following along after him like ducklings and their mother. Apart from this time it wasn't the cute, adorable scene you'd hope for, especially because they could smell the smoke and see your lax figure as soon as they rounded the corner to the back of the building.

"No. Y/N you've got to be kidding me!" Chan snatched the cigarette out of your hand and immediately stomped it out.

"Chan I-" you fumbled on your words, eyes wide as you had all eight of your lovers stood in front of you. And the way they looked at you made you stomach twist into knots you were sure you'd never felt.

Disappointment. Anger. Concern. Indifference.

"Let's talk about this inside," Changbin wrapped an arm around your shoulder as he spoke quietly to you.

Your heart was racing faster. They were going to think the worst. But you had a way out of this. It wasn't even that bad. Sure, over the past month maybe you'd have been spending more money on packs of cigarettes, yet on the inside you felt as if there were worse things you could be doing to yourself.

"Sit," Minho bluntly said, face unreadable, tone void of emotion.

And so you did.

"We'll just have a conversation about this, nice and calm, ok?" Felix nudged Chan in particular with his leg.

It seemed however that it wasn't a conversation, but more of an intervention. A heated one, at that.

"I can't be nice and calm, Lix! Our girlfriend is destroying her body, and for what?" Chan's voice rose ever so slightly, hands squeezing the arms of the chair he was tensely sat in.

"It's just a cigarette," you feebly replied. That backbone of yours was slowly wearing away the more and more anger you felt radiating off of your partners.

"Don't be ridiculous," Seungmin scoffed, "think of the damage it's doing. Think about your career."

"It's more than just the odd cigarette, right?" Changbin prodded, wanting answers to the millions of questions he had. After all, he was the first one to notice how you gradually stopped voicing your concerns to him but still sometimes had the habits that showed your anxiety.

"Well, yes, but-" you began but were cut off.

"No buts. That's... It's, you're hurting yourself, hurting your lungs. Why are you doing this, baby?" Jeongin took your hand in his, concern not the only thing glistening in his eyes, which broke your heart.

"It's just a nice distraction, that's all. It won't go on forever, I'll just stop when I want to," you shrug your shoulders, squeezing his hand to show you meant what you said.

"It's not that easy. Nicotine. It's addictive. You think you can just stop like that?" Hyunjin frowned, shaking his head.

"I know I can," you firmly said, urging them with your voice to trust you.

"I don't know what planet you're living on," Chan shook his head.

"Channie..." Felix bit his lip, feeling torn. On one hand he didn't want your boyfriend to be so tough with you, but he also disagreed with the choices you made, the ones you were making.

"No I'm sorry but Y/N, babe, you've made one of the stupidest choices you could make! Seungminnie is right, Jeongin too. It's damaging for your body, let alone your career. You keep this up, you're not going to be able to sing as well as before. And then it'll get to the point where you can't breathe as well anymore," Chan ranted, fiddling with the bracelets adorning his wrist as he didn't take his eyes away from yours, not once.

"I just told you it's not going to go that far!" your face contorted to one of disbelief.

"That's out of your control," Minho sternly redirected your attention to him.

"Wow. It's like you don't even trust me. I'm not some kid. I can make my own decisions. So what if I'm doing this for a little bit of stress relief? For a bit of fun. It helps me," your voice almost turns to pleading, wanting them to hear you out, hear your reasoning.

"It hurts you, baby. And when it hurts you, it hurts us as well," Han bit his lip after shakily speaking up. He didn't like this situation, not one bit.

"I'm not doing it to hurt you. I'd never do that," your voice wobbled, throat feeling as if it was closing up from the sob that was lodged down there.

"Too late. I mean just look," Chan emptied your handbag, empty packets of cigarettes and some not, falling out onto the floor of the studio.

"Y/N, that's a lot," Hyunjin gasped, clutching a hand on his chest.

"It's not. It's not that bad..." you denied as you knelt on the floor and tidied up the mess.

"You're in complete denial," Seungmin rolled his eyes.

"I'm not! I'm well aware of my actions thank you very much!" you shouted suddenly, causing everyone to freeze at the volume you had just reached.

The guilt set in. It was never meant to go this far. It was just meant to be for stress relief. Something to distract you from the aches and pains, physical and mental. It wasn't long until you'd be performing a special fanmeeting and relearning old choreographies and a cover had you feeling like you were being worked down to the bone. Even iconic dances like God's Menu were hard to remember, and you felt like you had no chance. No choice. It was like it fell into your lap so easily.

The first time you had stood outside to catch some air, it was for that genuine reason. And you weren't alone. You didn't know if the person worked at your company, if you knew them, whatever. But their hand offering you something that could bring you temporary bliss was a solution you were grateful for. Only now, you were seeing that it was short term.

"You need help. Seriously..." Chan spat, grabbing his backpack and storming out of the studio.

"Find a way to end this, Y/Nnie," Felix mumbled, stroking your hair gently before following Chan out with a rush.

"You're all just going to go?" your voice cracked. Were they leaving you now?

"We just need some time," Changbin sighed. And then he was gone too.

"You're leaving me?" you sniffled, standing up to face your boyfriends that were still in the room.

"Not like that, baby. We're just giving you time to think about how you can stop this, ok?" Han stroked your face as he made sure you knew this wasn't the end. And then he left too, Minho, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jeongin leaving too.

All alone. Perhaps it was what you deserved. You relied on the cigarettes more than your boyfriends. And they were all you had left for the moment. That was when it sank in. You had to make a change. You had to stop this habit form taking over your life, from pushing away the people you love most, and from taking your life away.

•••

"She's sorting herself out at least... that's got to be commendable."

"I guess so. Let's just hope it doesn't get out that a JYP idol is at rehab for smoking."

"It won't. And she's doing well from what I've heard..."

This was the only time Han was grateful for the staff gossiping. Immediately, he felt calmer. Considering the boys had spent the last few days blowing up your phone and worrying where you went, it was an oddly relieving feeling hearing you were at rehab. They had tried asking JYP himself, asking the manager of the company where you were but all they said was that you were safe.

"I know where she is!" Han bursted through the apartment door, slamming it shut behind him as he panted out of breath.

"Woah, woah, ok, deep breaths, let's sit down," Chan, with the darkest circles around his eyes yet, gently sat Han down on the sofa. He felt awful. He thought he had driven you away from them all. From the group. From the relationship. And that had been eating him up inside. It was a wonder he could act so calm with the news of you going into rehab.

"Rehab? For smoking? I didn't even know that was a thing," Seungmin hummed in thought, his arms crossed.

"I didn't either, but I overheard the staff. They say she's doing well. It's a good thing, right?" Han's eyes stared through the souls of everyone gathered in the lounge, begging for some sort of confirmation that things would get better.

"I mean, at least we're a bit more in the know then our own fans about why our girlfriend is on hiatus," Changbin brushed his fluffy, dark hair out of his eye.

"Can't we go and see her?" Felix wondered, lifting his head up from where it rested on Minho's shoulder.

"We shouldn't," Minho quietly sighed.

"Why not?" Jeongin quickly turned to him, mouth parted in shock that he didn't want to see Y/N.

"No, he's right. She's gone there for a reason. To get better. It's what we all said to her, isn't it? We'll see her soon. And when we do... It'll all be better," Chan helped everyone see sense. He was right. You had listened to them. You went and got help and were solving the problem. If they suddenly ambushed you and got in the way of that... You'd be back to square one.

•••

Today was the day, you were finally going back to the boys. You spent a good 3 weeks at rehab, and had been advised on some good coping mechanisms to take your mind off of smoking and how to create some healthier habits. You had shown good progress and it was deemed acceptable for you to leave and spend time back with your loved ones. And you couldn't lie, you were incredibly nervous. You had dropped a text without reading the spam that littered the groupchat, notifying your boyfriends what time you'd be returning, but after that you once again did not read anything else that was sent.

"Oh my baby, I've missed you so much," Han was the first one at the door, pressing kisses all over your face as he took you into his arms, holding you lightly.

"I've missed you too," you cried immediately, despite the weight off your shoulders.

"You're good now, right, darling?" Seungmin softly tugged you away from Han, both of his hands cupping your face whilst his thumbs wiped away your tears.

"I'm better," you nod through tears, Seungmin pressing a kiss to your head and giving space for your other boyfriends to soothe you and reunite with you. It had only been three weeks, yes, but 21 days had never felt so long.

"I'm proud of you, come here," Changbin scooped you into his arms and lifted you slightly, making you giggle before your feet touched the ground once more.

"Thank you... I'm sorry. I didn't realise what I had done... How far it went, you know?" you began, looking down at the floor as Hyunjin came and wrapped his arms around you from behind, his long arms securing you to him.

"We're just happy to see you here, honey, healthier," he whispered into your ear soothingly.

"And please talk to us in future. We had time to think after that, moment, and we know you were doing it as an escape. But we're here for you," Jeongin pecked you on the lips, your heads pressed against each other for a moment before he too moved away.

"Always, we're always here," Felix reiterated what Jeongin preached, and kisses you as well, noses rubbing against each other as he moved away, a cute expression on his face.

"Come here," Minho opened his arms, and you reluctantly left Hyunjin's arms only to be happy again in the warmth of your other boyfriend's embrace.

"Thank you for waiting, all of you," you swayed with him in his hug, until you pulled away and it was only Chan left.

He stood a few metres away, back to you, shoulders shaking ever so slightly.

"Channie... babe," you sighed, tugging his hand to turn him and face you. His words had hurt you the most but it was also a huge wake up call. "Please, look at me, I'm not mad. I'm so grateful."

"I was too harsh with you," he bit his lip, hard, not wanting to let any tears escape.

"I needed it. Look at me now, I'm here, I'm better, and I've got habits I can stick to instead. Ones that won't hurt me. And they won't hurt you guys either," you looked up at him, one hand running through the hair at the nape of his neck and the other cupping his face.

"I'm so glad you're back... We were worried... Lost without you," Chan admitted, staring up at the ceiling before kissing you deeply, expressing all the emotions he had held back whilst you were gone.

"It's all good now. Plus, you should all be proud of me-"

"We are proud of you, baby," Jeongin cut you off stroking your hair.

"Well, be even prouder because I know how to bake an amazing carrot cake if I say so myself," you laughed, sharing a new skill that had occupied your stress and been taught whilst you were away.

"You can bake with me now! Oh my gosh! It's a miracle!" Felix cheered, tugging you into the kitchen as the other boys chuckled from behind you both.

"I didn't think you meant this very second!"

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