Welcome to the Poké Project
I would like to welcome the Normies, Perverts, and Nonbelievers alike to the, if I can be a little narcissistic, single greatest thought experiment: “Which Pokémon is the most fuckable?” And I’ll give a little spoiler, the answer is most of them.
In this LONG series of text based blog posts I will systematically go through the Pokédex and give you the pros and cons of each Pokémon and give my rating, x/10, on their fuckability; but I would greatly appreciate you giving your ratings as well.
You, Pokémon, and the Harkness Test
Now the lynchpin to this whole thought experiment is the hypothetical morality test known as the Harkness Test. Now all the Chads and Stacy’s in the audience will already know about this test, but to the Normies I shall explain to you the parameters of this test. The Harkness Test is split into 3 questions, you will need to answer “Yes” to all 3 to proceed with the fucking. The questions are as follows; 1) Does it have Human (or “greater”) intelligence?, 2) Can it talk or otherwise communicate with language?, and 3) Is it of sexual maturity for its species?
Question 1 is a definitive yes; There are many examples of this, the main one is Alakazam which is stated to have an IQ of 5000, with the average IQ of people being 100 in this case it would most likely be Alakazam committing beastiality and not you. Oranguru is another great example of Pokémon intelligence because it acts like a Pokémon trainer with many of its dex entries talking about how it commands other Pokémon and in Ultra Sun even uses Poké Balls. Slowking is just as intelligent as Oranguru with its Moon design stating that they’ll meet up at beaches to match wits with each other.
Question 2 is also a yes; The whole Pokémon series is about human and Pokémon communication, now this is mostly Pokémon understanding human commands, but there are also humans understanding Pokémon, like the many times where Pikachu tries to tell Ash something through charades. But if you want complete spoken consent then there is an entire list of Talking Pokémon across the franchise on Bulbapedia. But the main spokesperson for Pokémon to human communication is Meowth, because in nearly every episode of the anime has Meowth speaking, and the reason he can speak is shown in “Go West Young Meowth” where he taught himself how to speak like a person because another Meowth, which he had a crush on, preferred humans.
Question 3 is the only one with a “No” answer. The aptly named Baby Pokémon aren’t sexually mature for its species, because they themselves cannot breed but a future evolution being able to. The list of baby pokemon goes as follows: Pichu, Cleffa, Igglybuff, Togepi, Tyrogue, Smoochum, Elekid, Magby, Azurill, Wynaut, Budew, Chingling, Bonsly, Mime Jr., Happiny, Munchlax, Riolu, Mantyke and Toxel.
