Alright, look here. I spoke to you, for lack of a better term, a random person, more in the month of November, than either of my best friends. I spoke to you more in November than any and all of my friends, combined. But, the need to respond in a timely manner got to be to much for me. I stopped reading your messages, so I wouldn’t appear as rude for ‘ignoring’ them. I can’t bring myself to sit and talk about the weather, or what I am ‘looking for’ in a type of relationship that, I said right off the bat, that I wasn’t looking for, and even added that I’m not looking for anything at the moment. I can’t bring myself to pretend that I am alright. And you are not close enough to me, for me to disclose what is actually wrong. Other times, I can fake that pretty smile for months on end without wavering. But, this time of year, it’s really, really hard. As I write this out, I’m almost in tears, as I have been most of the last month. It’s rough when such a 'happy’ time of year, is just so rough on you. Because everyone around you wants you to celebrate family and friends, and everything you should be thankful for.
I’m sorry. I just can’t do it. I lost my best friend, 4 years ago. I lost my cousin, last year. Both in terrible ways of their own. I can’t just put on a happy face, when this was the time of year, when my life fell to pieces, multiple times.
I’m a mess, I am well aware. But let me spend my few weeks in the way that works for me. Only talking when I must, only going out when it is good for everyone involved. And spending the rest of my time, locked up in my room, curled up in bed, in my pokefandom, or watching RWBY. It’s how I keep myself from breaking fully. It’s my only safety net.