#points too

i don’t think the book explicitly said it wasn’t his kid, but it’s kind of implied? it’s been a hot minute since i read the book, and im not sure what the exact wording was—i just know it’s a popular headcanon that the kid was soda’s.

i don’t think he would want to speculate on it—he thinks the result would hurt him way too much either way. either she really did cheat on him and left without a word or without explaining why or what he did wrong, or the kid was his and she didn’t tell him. he thinks that would hurt ten times more than knowing that she cheated. he wants to have a kid more than anything, and her just leaving with their kid and without any communication as to why breaks his heart. but honestly, i don’t think he would want to know. he can’t handle the truth, even when he grows older. i think he’d be really angry and confused at first—and he has a right to be angry. but as the shock fades away, he feels close to nothing. he’s just numb to it. he knows he should be hurt—he should be cursing her name and never thinking about her again. but he can’t bring himself to care after some point. no matter what her real reason was to leave, all he knows is that she left him. he knows he wasn’t a perfect boyfriend, and he reflects on that a lot after their breakup. but i think that there’s part of him that’s absolutely heartbroken, yet there’s part of him that’s apathetic to it all.