#poem3

I didn’t expect to love you but I was brought in your presents you are a beauty beyond my wildest dreams you shocked me I paused in the awe of your being One soul refined for another aware of each other lost in the mystery of this planet called earth. 

The feeling of an embrace is the physical equivalent of a caramel latte; it dominates the senses and leaves only the feeling of want.

The heaviness against your chest signals that you’ve been missing a part of you for your entire life until that moment. The warmth, shared heat joining the two of you together.

But beyond the sensory completeness, a hug is a union of souls.

In that small time frame, you exchange a look. A short statement of intention. You move close, conveying every thought through movement and body language. You see the meaning in the eyes. You smell the day and all it brought. You feel the desperation in the pacing.

And the embrace itself says everything on your mind. Sadness, anger, happiness, sympathy. It is all there in length and strength and small body movements.

Do you ever feel trapped? Trapped in a situation that feels unable to escape. Trapped in a body that you feel isn’t completely yours? Yes, it is yours but you feel outside of it. Watching your days play out the same.

 Your mind wonders, You dream big, You want to be free, Free from meaningless pain.

You want to stand on the cliff and shout, But who will hear you besides the humming birds?

 Leave this place. But where would you go. You lose control of your body, At what cost?

You are asked if you are okay, But are you really? What is okay defined as? Physically… Mentally… Personally Or all of the above.

Mind scattered. Heart on the mend. My darling, I really am fine. Every day I get one step closer to my freedom Every day, The flowers are blossoming in my soul. Let my garden have water. Give it the strength it needs. Give me the strength.

There’s a certain pain behind the words

That goes unheard

Just more words, falling with ease

A happy tone, a gentle tease

The pain is still there

If you look close enough, if you really care

There’s tears beyond the smile

That go unfiled

For me,

It’s like a thick fog comes up from my gut

And smothers all my words.

I cannot say what I mean and I cannot express my emotion

All I know is there is a cloud of uncertainty, a mist of confusion

And a frustrated pain, working together to wrap their fingers around my throat and squeeze

Until all the air is gone.

And all I can do is stand there.

Salty.

I know I’m smart—I tell myself.

Given the opportunity I could wreck anyone down to their most basic demons.

But for the life of me, I cannot get out what I need to say when I need to say it.

You’re not as smart as you think you are – I tell myself.  

Stand up for yourself—I tell myself.

Elwood P. Dowd told me I could quote him.

“For years I was smart…I recommend pleasant”. –It was advice from his Mama.

Sometimes, being pleasant is the hardest when you want to put someone in their place.

But, I guess…that is when it counts.

“How has your morning been?” I ask. -- “Fine.”  That’s all she replies.

I feel that cloud come over me again. What did I do? What can I do?

Be Pleasant

Be Pleasant

Be Pleasant

“Oh, that’s good!” –It’s all I can come up with.

We gazed at the sunset,

her orange hue tempting us.

We couldn’t withstand her glowing warmth,

so we went.

We took the motorcycle,

heading west with the sun.

No concerns

just him and I

looking to escape reality.

We found our hiding place