#pocsys

I as a part hold a lot of internalized Model Minority shit and used to literally struggle to convince myself I am Asian despite being half Asian, having been raised in a moderately heavy Asian environment, and having the majority of my friends be Asian while ALSO being VP of the Asian Club in highschool, while being told by everyone I am "just asian" growing up and getting all the usual stigma and judgement, while being "definitely not white" looking.

Identifying as "basically white" kept me safe and palatable to white people which helped us maintain the Model Minority pressure we had which played into a lot of the generational cultural trauma and even a partial role in some of the Actual Trauma stuff.

I felt I was unclean and appropriative and cringe and weird to use names from my own culture because I was "basically white" - I was "just like all those cringe weebs, koreaboos, and sinoboos that just take the name and make me feel violated and uncomfortable and I didn't want to do what they are doing." Little did I know, the reason I felt that way was BECAUSE it felt like it was violating Asian cultures, which is something that - even in my Asian-denial phase - inherently knew was something I deeply identified with and treasured.

If not for a lot of the rhetoric around transfolk and DID parts taking up names of cultures they dont belong to did I realize where it stemmed from and why it was weird and uncomfortable.

Even more so, its only when I started realizing that those names are not for people out of the culture, did I realize that the fact that I CAN use it, that people of the culture don't think it is WRONG for me to use those names, did I realize really that

Hold on, I AM actually Asian. I AM NOT white. (And if you want to tell me "You ARE half white" there is a difference between White in blood and White™. No I will not explain it.)

The whole Asian-denial phase of my life (which was literally until the last two years or so) was EXTREMELY detrimental to my mental health and was an EXTREMELY healing thing to break down to actually let myself live AS my self and live in full acceptance of myself

So even if "its just a name, its harmless" is your stance, please consider that some people who have gone through their whole life with generational and cultural trauma - that respecting the sacred nature of the names from their culture can be extremely supportive, healing, and helpful to supporting them in thriving past surviving what they've gone through.