#pmddsucks

I haven’t written in a while. It’s been a difficult few weeks and when my anxiety feels overwhelming it’s hard to write. I have PMDD, Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder. Basically it means that about 3 weeks before my period begins my anxiety gets a lot worse and I feel like a failure and find everyday difficult. There is an overwhelming feeling that my life is over and I am going to die because I am worthless. Put that on top of the PTSD and GAD and you understand how I feel most of the month.  Sometimes I just sleep all day. It’s like having an angel and a devil on each respective shoulder. One tells you that this is just my brain overwhelming itself with hormones, the other tells me that I fucking suck and it’s all real. Obviously I now know this isn’t the case, that it’s PMDD. It is still difficult to handle .It’s a constant battle, but I am winning. In the past, I didn’t know this was happening to me, I just thought I was fucking crazy. It’s good to know that I’m going to be ok. I wish that I could find a way to avoid this all together, but the medications that I’ve tried have all been unsuccessful. I do get about one good week out of the month, and hope that eventually I will have all good weeks. My husband is very supportive and that makes things feel better.