Me: I guess we’re like, the bird guards? Sort of?

Based coworker: Nah I think we’re the birds actually. Maybe people who are birds gravitate towards these kinds of jobs.

I also didn't go through all the exercises and steps for dissasociation and association, but I tried a bit of meditating/grounding and I think managed to get Cyan to front for a bit. I was aiming for Magenta but when I "asked" for them they weren't there, and I heard Cy's voice super clearly instead, so he switched in instead, and "I" (I've started thinking of myself as J. Prime lol) became a voice inside "my" head, and also sort of a physical prescence in the top right of my head? Cy's the only one so far I've had deliberately 'front' in the past, since I ask him to help us do important things or self-care tasks, so I guess it makes sense it's easier to get him to front than the others.

Some things I've noticed about 'being' Cy so far:

Feels like I should be taller

I talk out loud a lot more- in a slightly lower voice, or when I slip up and talk in my usualy higher voice it feels more wrong than usual (Not in a british accent btw, that seems to just be an inside the head thing)

Way better executive functioning

I don't feel as much of a need/want to listen to music or podcasts while doing things

for the record, i get why we're doing the blog rebrand thing, but also i think it's dumb and we should keep the old theme, even if we do make a separate nsfw side-blog. it looks better, it fits us better, i think we were making good progress past infantalizing ourself when we came up with my sona, now it's kinda like we're back to square one, like who tf is this cutsey blobby rainbow ghost-amoeba-alien thing? yes it's a cute design and looks nice but that's not us, ok maybe it's kind of some of us, but i don't want to be represented by that. i thought the ghost idea was fine at first but I thought it'd be cooler. Maybe if i take the little uwu :3 mouth off again. I know they added it to make the pfp look less sad or whatever but like :/ come on...

It's already hard enough being a chubby 5'3'' trans guy with long hair and a somewhat higher voice (in most social situations). I hate when people see us as cute or innocent or whatever. Like the person in our ornithology class a couple years ago who was surprised we smoked weed (we don't smoke often but even at that point we'd smoked more than them).

Ok slight side-tangent, we've been on T for 2 years now and even with visible facial hair, pronouns on our nametag, and absolutely nothing about our appearance being fem (accept maybe just having medium-long hair? and having tits? bc we do too much physical work to safely bind + it's too hot for that shit anyway), we're constantly misgendered. Even by volunteers who i've been working with for like 3 months now (though to be fair they misgender my nb coworkers a lot too :/ ). I'm tired of it. top surgery can't come soon enough. and hopefully oneday speaking in our new natural lower register will come more naturally. I think i'm better at it when i'm fronting, the others aren't. Esp at work talking to the guests and stuff, our default is to go higher, "customer service voice" and all that, because we don't want to sound "rude" by not having enough inflection or sounding unenthusiastic or whatever.

ok back to the original topic- haunted-hoard was the one blog name I kinda liked because at least it's partly dragon related. I get that it doesn't match the new sona as well, and paranormal-petridish is a good name, it's winning on the poll for a reason, and the mad science fucker loves it ofc 🙄, i just wanted one thing on the blog tied to me (and AJ! not that he's been any help.. 😑)