BREAKING: Trump Has Entered His Victorian Chair-Fainting Era
So The New York Times published an article, not even a spicy one.
Just a “hey the president seems a little… sleepy?”
and Trump responded by firing up Truth Social like someone handed a toddler a Red Bull and a flamethrower.
My guy typed a full gospel of unmedicated Shakespeare because someone suggested he might be tired.
He went from 0 to I AM THE MOST ENERGETIC MAN ALIVE, TREMBLE BEFORE MY VIBRANT POWER in under 10 seconds.
He attacked the NYT.
He attacked the reporter.
He attacked election results???
He attacked TIME ITSELF.
This man wrote like the walls were closing in and the WiFi was about to be shut off.
He straight-up said the reporter is “ugly inside and out,” which is the political equivalent of a 6-year-old screaming “WELL YOU’RE MEAN AND YOUR MOM SMELLS” on the playground.
Sir, you are the President of the United States. Why are you fighting like a Roblox player who lost a sword duel?
The NYT: “He seems tired.”
Trump: “TIRED?? I HAVE NEVER BEEN TIRED. I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED FATIGUE. I RUN ON PURE PATRIOTIC RADIATION. GOD HIMSELF HAS TO HOLD ME BACK.”
He’s bragging about his 2018 cognitive test again. Brother. That was the “draw the clock and name the animals” exam. No one in the history of Earth has bragged harder about correctly identifying a rhinoceros.
Meanwhile the vibes of the post are:
CAPS LOCK possessed by a demon
energy levels: “wet pug in a thunderstorm”
emotional tone: “caught shoplifting at Spirit Halloween”
You do NOT write a post that long at that pitch unless
✨ you are very, very, very tired ✨
Anyway, I hope Katie Rogers, the journalist, is having the best day of her life because she made the President of the United States spontaneously combust using nothing but journalism and the power of suggestion.
America is a cartoon. I’m simply reporting it.
