#planet explorers

1 Hour on Planet Explorers

You are in a lush green forest. Some of the trees look like bunches of green balloons. Others look like slender fingers reaching up to the sun. You notice some of the trees are the exact same shape, just stretched out a bit wider or taller. The skinny ones take twelve seconds to chop down.

David Sly has gone missing. You've never heard of David Sly, but you know you need to find him. You find a backpack. David Sly's backpack. How do you know that the backpack is David Sly's? That's a very good question.

You dig up some sand on the beach and watch the water flow slowly into the hole. It moves like glistening blue treacle, expanding one voxel at a time. You jump in. The water feels like water, nothing more.

Adisa Mostafa desires a car. You spend five minutes chopping down a tree, which you turn into a rectangle of wood voxels with four wooden wheels, a hi-tech pilot's chair and steering wheel, and a cheap stone passenger seat. Adisa sits motionlessly in the back seat, not even blinking as you go bumping over the grasslands and tumble off a cliff.

Dr Carter has a camp up near the hill. He sounds so urgent when he asks you to cut some Euphorbia for medicine, and again when he asks you to build turrets. When you come back three days later, Dr Carter is standing in the exact same place. The campfire doesn't look as though it's been used.

You find another camp out in the woods. They've been attacked by aliens calling themselves the Puja (or was it Paja). The survivors do nothing but stand on the smooth forest floor, and occasionally walk a short distance in a random direction. They're all terrified. You ask about David Sly, but no-one seems to recognise the name.

When you set out to hunt the Testudo Mariturtle, you had 12,870 bullets. You have been shooting the giant six-legged creature, which is wedged in a hoop-shaped tree, for half an hour. You have six bullets left. The Mariturtle is just staring at you, completely unperturbed.

Rol Olympus has an Australian accent. She asks you to take her looking for signals, and you agree. You drive her for three hours over the plains and the bumpy desert hills. Rol thanks you in a cheerful American accent.

Hitomi is kidnapped by terrifying, chitinous Andhera, and dragged off to their underground lair! You and your friends barely manage to slay the Andhera queen, and somehow lead Hitomi to safety. Those glowing yellow eyes haunt your dreams. You stock up on grenades and sleep in your armour with the light on, but you never see a single Andhera ever again.

The Martian colonists have founded their own, Martian-only colony, where Earth colonists aren't welcome. You ask about David Sly, but the survivors shrug and tell you to try the phone book. You don't remember whether you're from Mars or Earth, but Hyun-Su is a wanker, so you decide to stick with the Earth gang.

You return to Dr Carter's camp and see your old friends, Tobey Winters and Andrewandy Zheng. You know nothing about them. Tobey asks you to make bandages for her knee. Andrewandy asks you to make a campfire, so he can get over his pyrophobia. You realise that their mouths don't make any sound when they talk, and you decide to leave.

There's a herd of Coelodonta Maristags grazing next to the forest. You drive past them and head south. Another herd of Coelodonta Maristags is grazing in the shadow of a mushroom-shaped mountain. The cuddly red stegosaurus-like creatures look exactly like the last batch. You wonder whether the same Coelodonta Maristags are repeating themselves.

You get tired, so you place a wooden bed among some flowers. None of the animals move while you lie there until the morning. You wonder briefly whether this is what David Sly sees at night, wherever he is. Didn't he go north?

A giant robot left by the ancient Paja (or was it Puja) is guarding a stone monolith, which is important due to reasons. You spend a couple of minutes building a stone platform and setting up five missile turrets. You wolf-whistle at the giant robot, retreat to a safe distance, and then just... watch.

You spend some time making a castle at the Earth colony, with twenty beds, a training centre, a vegetable garden and even more turrets. No-one ever uses it. The colonists stand around on the grass outside until it's time for bed, when they all mysteriously vanish into their bunks.

You need to build an airship. Ataro Baatar gives you a pile of airship parts - five rotors, a cockpit, some wings and stuff - which you put in your pocket. You whack the ground with your solid gold shovel, making a hole big enough for a swimming pool, until your handbag is lined with 500 cubic metres of solid aluminium. It's thirsty work. You eat a mixed salad and some smoked sausage, your favourite.

The airship takes five minutes to take off. It accelerates like a turtle sliding in honey, turns like a rusty excavator, crashes into a mountain, is attacked by some sort of dragon you've never seen before, and explodes.

You return to Dr Carter's camp, long-abandoned in favour of the Earth colony. The tent, the lights, the pristine fireplace, the crashed ship and Gerdy Hooke are all still there. Apparently she won't leave until you've placed two gatling turrets.