tldr; Give Katrina a hug. Give Jayne an Emmy.
(I am going to be crying about this episode for the next year.)
Nine months ago the (ISS) Discovery was destroyed by Klingons.
Kat, barely recovered from a life threatening injury, and the resulting surgery, and having escaped from the Klingons herself like yesterday, goes to see the remains of the Discovery.
Because she can’t accept it unless she sees it with her own eyes.
Her last conversations with Gabriel play over and over in her head as she stares at the space dust out the window.
The Discovery and her secrets were the Federation’s best chance to defeat the Klingons.
Her oldest and best friend has died. Angry with her. Afraid of her. Hurt by her.
There are so many things left unsaid.
And she has exactly zero time to process any of it because they are at war and they are losing.
Nine months of acute trauma go by.
Discovery reappears.
(It’s strange that they assume it’s a trick and a trap and use Vulcan mind tricks to prove Saru is Saru but later Sarek is all ‘Lorca being a double from an AU is not the intuitive response’, but that’s not part of this story.)
Where’s Captain Lorca? Kat demands.
a) She doesn’t trust this ghost ship.
b) When she last saw him she was going to remove him from command, and if he faked his death and stole a ship she was more right than she’s given herself credit for since then, and if it’s something else she needs to know immediately.
She takes command while awaiting answers. See a and b.
c) She thought he was dead, she thought she’d never see him again, she thought that last time would be the last time, and then she got word the Discovery reappeared, imagine the emotions.
But he’s not there. He’s still gone.
Captain Lorca is dead, Sarek says.
He’s still gone.
Actually it’s worse.
The Lorca who captained Discovery was an imposter all along.
An imposter from an Evil Empire.
Her first reaction is rage. She takes it out on the cookies.
She discharges a weapon, on the ship, in the conference room, at a bowl of fortune cookies.
She is not okay.
Her second reaction is self-recrimination. She could spiral through that for days probably.
Sarek stops her.
We were all deceived — he’s speaking to Kat and to Michael. He knows things about both.
(I want to know everything about the relationship between Sarek and Katrina.)
The Discovery that was destroyed was the other Discovery. They switched.
Lorca must have switched, too. But he was alone.
He couldn’t survive the Evil Empire alone.
Alone. Without her.
He’s still gone.
My Gabriel is dead.
MY GABRIEL.
(I’m going to cry about it forever.)
(Because she can’t.)
And she has exactly zero time to process any of it because they are at war and they are losing.
They can’t tell anyone about this other universe or there will be riots.
They are all surrounded by death. Death, loss, destruction. It makes people do crazy things.
Another surprise, they brought Evil Philippa back with them.
(Even if they weren’t the friends I believe them to have been, Captain Philippa served under Admiral Kat. But I believe they were close. And I believe Emperor Philippa recognizes her.)
Philippa’s dark twin. Like Gabriel’s dark twin. The resemblance is remarkable.
Kat is over it. She wants to take all these secrets and and all these criminals to the Starbase, to Command. She has a headache, she needs a break. She’s so tired, she’s been tired for a year, and she can’t let it show. She’s lost so much and everything she gets back is twisted. She wants to cry and she can’t cry and it is all unfair and she is over it. Put Fake Philippa in Not Prison and let someone else be in charge.
But she’s still in charge.
They arrive at Starbase One. It’s a relief.
a) It was a perilous journey but they made it.
b) Maybe, with Discovery’s secrets, they have a chance now.
c) Maybe she can get a moment to relax, to process, to let go, to let someone else makes decisions for half a second.
But the possibility of respite is ripped away. And that’s the least of it.
It isn’t the first Starbase she’s seen destroyed. It might be the biggest, the deepest in.
Three starships gone.
Like the Shenzhou. Like the Buran. Like the Discovery.
No life signs.
A large contingent of our leadership. Starfleet Command. Her colleagues, her friends.
It could have been her. It should have been her.
(All my versions of Kat’s backstory include a life of loss, of being left standing. I recognize it on her. I relate.)
She is shaken. She is spent. She is raw.
And she has exactly zero time to process any of it because they are at war and they are losing.
She grips the chair, she catches her breath.
People start to panic. Kat’s been in a constant state of panic for the past year, she’s just good at hiding it. Until now.
(I will never be over this scene. It is so, so important to me.)
(And it is a Master Class in acting. The body language and facial expression. I can’t.)
Saru steps up.
Kat escapes to her ready room. Which was Evil Lorca’s ready room. I don’t think it helps her relax.
She confronts L’Rell. She is desperate.
L’Rell is surprised she survived. Kat thinks maybe she didn’t.
The Klingons are destroying everything that matters to her. Stripping away her sense of security and identity.
She wants to know why. What is this all for. How does it stop. What is all this hate and loss and fear and suffering and why. Why?!
L’Rell only has her answer. Her truth.
It’s not a good answer. It’s a terrible truth.
But it lets Katrina breathe.
Michael shows up with a plan.
(I think I ship it.)
The plan is bonkers but it’s a plan.
There is hope. Kat is a little giddy.
She is not okay.
Kat convinces Starfleet to plot an all out assault on the Klingons starting with their homeworld.
She hates this plan. She doesn’t see any other choice.
The birth of the mushrooms is pretty.
Sarek shows up with a plan (off-screen).
(I know I ship it.)
The new plan is even more bonkers. They hate it. They don’t see any other choice.
They put their most powerful ship, their bonkers and desperate last ditch plan, their future — in the hands of a conqueror every bit as ruthless as the Klingons.
Kat lies to 99% of the crew and who even knows who else.
She trusts that Saru and Michael won’t say a word. She’s good at reading people. And manipulating them when necessary.
(I’m so proud I sorted her Slytherin, I love being right.)
Kat, Sarek, and Emperor Philippa are playing a dangerous game. They all have reasons to play it.
Nothing good will come of this.
Sarek knows. Kat knows. They think they have no choice. How much loss can one heart take. What would you not do to save your family.
She is not okay. And she has exactly zero time to process any of it.
Someone give Katrina a hug. Someone give Jayne an award.
