#pixerative

Right now I’m hurting, from a relationship that’s gone sour. I’m not hurting because of the breakup. I’m hurting because it seemed like it meant nothing. I’ve got this thing in my head that makes me still cherish her. God I want it gone, but I keep doing things I knew at the time I shouldn’t have done. Small things, but it’s these small things that lands myself into trouble.  What I don’t get is the way things went. Right now we’re still living together. It’s taken me a few weeks to realise that I was foolish for still having her in my life. I guess how I played in the relationship, I tried to revolve my life around her and I’m only learning that it wasn’t the way to go. I’ve learnt that I wasn’t to try and fight for a relationship if the other person wasn’t. Yes, that’s fair on her part but for the 6 months that went between us, I was hoping that she showed that it wasn’t just a few months of nothingness. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I wish I did. My relationship with her was wonderful, but it’s helped me realise that I want someone to want me. For all the walls I take down, I want someone to make me feel safe. For all the dark secrets I let out, I want someone to make me feel loved. I just want someone to love me for being me. I’m one hell of a shitty person and I know it’s a lot to ask, but I just wish that someone’s out there for me that wouldn’t mind.