#piraterey

I love you. 

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you-- I love you harder than this heart of mine can beat. I love you farther than these hands of mine can reach. I love you longer than these bones of mine will last.

Perhaps, in some other world,      where the horizons are wider than ours,      where the oceans are deeper and the stars are brighter, Perhaps this other world can encompass this love of mine,  but dear heart, all I have here are       five inadequate fingers to caress you with and      four inadequate limbs to hold you with and      three inadequate words to comfort you with and      two inadequate lips to kiss you with and      one inadequate life to love you with.

They say, dear heart, that Love is an unstoppable force,      and I believe them.           I do. It’s just that I’m also learning, day by slow day, that there are more immovable objects than I ever thought existed. 

I cannot love you into safety.  I cannot love away the nightmares that haunt your midnight sleep. I cannot love together the pieces of you that they broke apart. I cannot love us back to the past where the skies were rosier and your smiles were brighter. I cannot love us into a future where I can promise you you will never be hurt again.  I cannot love you back from Misery’s grasping fingers and Death’s cold hands.

I cannot even, dear heart,      no matter how hard my heart longs and my breath shudders,  I cannot love us into a quiet grave where we can rest,       side by side      at last at peace      together

But dear heart, I promise you this: I will try. I will try until my last gasping breath      and my last pounding heartbeat      and my last trembling step      and my last whimpering prayer.

I will try, dear heart,      until we reach a quiet grave where we can rest,            side by side           at last at peace           together.

I like to imagine--     sometimes, in the dead of night     with only the stars left to act as witness I like to imagine a kinder world where we have never learned to swallow blood in our sleep. I know that they say make-believe is a game for children, but darling,                     lover,                             half of my heart,  none of us ever got to be children, really,  so play along with me for a little while.