ohhhhhhhh dear... So I took a memory walk for my newly-discovered Mindfang timeline, today, and boy, was it something....
(tw for death and violence and manipulation)
-the memories started off with me entering the hold of my ship below deck, where Dolorosa was sitting, in a far corner of the space. She was dressed in rags and looked worse for the wear. I approached her, coated in violet blood, and I remember gently holding her and saying something along the lines of “I’m sorry he did this to you, he won’t be able to hurt you anymore.”
I was of course referring to Dualscar, I’m not sure if I just chased him off and beat him up badly or if I straight up killed him. But I do know it was in response to his treatment of Rosa.
-A later memory was of Rosa and I above deck, I was standing staring out at the sea when she approached me, looking much better and also wearing better quality clothing than before (I kept seeing the standard dolorosa outfit but that might just be bc it’s hard to picture her in anything else rip). I remember thinking how gorgeous she looked and being so happy she was with me.
-I tried hard to remember if I was using my mind control powers on her during these points in time, but I don’t think so? It didn’t feel like it. I do know I genuinely loved her and was happy with her at least, as opposed to the feelings of wanting an object my canon half seemed to have.
-from this next memory onward are when things took a twist into a downwards spiral. I was on land, and my boat was engulfed with flames. Someone was holding me back and I fought and struggled to get out of their grasp, because she was still on the boat. My Dolorosa. She hadn’t made it out. I was so distraught and screaming to be let go, to have someone save her, to hear her call out and tell me she was ok, something, anything. There was nothing. The fire burned regardless, and I have the feeling that Pyralspite and Redglare were just a ways away, looking on. It was their fault.
-Dolorosa had died in that fire. Someone had approached me after, when I was numb and exhausted, sitting somewhere nearby, empty. They told me she hadn’t made it, and I broke down. I’m not sure if they found her remains but I think they did.
-I was a wreck after that, broken from grief and loss. my actions driven by these emotions were... not good. I met the Summoner at some point in time, and used him to ease my loneliness. I manipulated him. I used him solely to distract myself from my heartbreak and pain. When I wasn’t using my mind powers on him to have my way with him, I feel like I used them to make him go along with whatever I wanted, or if he disliked something I wanted to do I’d shut him up. I feel like I still went along with his plans to create a rebellion, but I was not entirely enthusiastic or in agreement with all of it.
-My interactions with Redglare were not little ‘games’ from my viewpoint the way my canon self viewed them. Each run in was personal, it was a battle in a bigger war I’d sworn upon her. When we had our final encounter, where I’d forced others to hang her, never had I been more filled with heart-blackening fury and hate of the most platonic and acidic kind, I wanted her dead for what she had done. I wanted to make her pay.
I don’t remember much more beyond these, but something had broken inside me when I lost Dolorosa, and the individual I became was vile, unhinged. I’m not sure if Summoner had to kill me like in canon, or if perhaps he instead did so on his own volition, after all I’d done to him. I briefly had an image of running through Redglare with my sword but I don’t know if I did that instead of the hanging, or if she’d simply survived that. When I tried to picture what I’d done to Dualscar, I’d seen myself practically splitting him in half vertically with that sword.I’d also tried to fit Darkleer into the picture, but anything I got on him was unclear.
