#pinotnoirposts

Buddha Mind, Buddha Body: Walking Toward Enlightenment, Thich Nhat Hanh

It turned out that quantum entities are very different from the objects that we can see and touch. . . . [L]eft to their own devices, quantum particles cease to have distinct properties such as location and direction of spin. Instead, they exist solely as an array of probabilities until they interact with something else. . . . It is easy to regard quantum particles as strange. But we need to bear in mind that this is what nature is like. [p. 6-7] [W]ith quantum entanglement, we uncover Einstein's greatest challenge to quantum theory. He was the first to show that the strange quantum effect of entanglement implies that a measurement on one pair of specifically linked quantum particles will be instantly reflected in the other particle, even if it is on the opposite side of the universe. Einstein felt that quantum entanglement proved that quantum theory was irreparably flaws, as this "spooky action at a distance" seemed impossible. [p. 10] ...[I]f quantum physics is correct, then when two particles are produced in a state known as entanglement, observing a property such as the position or momentum of one particle instantly makes the other particle adopt a particular value for the equivalent property. . . . [E]ither quantum quantum theory is incorrect[,] or entanglement makes it necessary to do away with a concept called local reality. [p. 98]

Quantum Theory: A Crash Course, Brian Clegg

The interrelatedness of seemingly isolated organisms has now been discovered even in the lives of trees that form living networks, communicating through electrical impulses akin to animal and human nervous systems, hormones, chemical signals, and scents. . . . That our own individual minds and bodies are intimately linked is fairly simple to grasp. Less obvious but no less true is the fact that those same bodyminds are in many ways shaped, in the first place and throughout our lives, by factors external to us. Although modern medicine's focus on the individual organism and its internal processes isn't wrong as such, it misses something vital: the pivotal influence of the mental, emotional, social, and natural environments in which we live. Our biology itself is interpersonal. [p. 54]

The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in A Toxic Culture, Gabor Maté and Daniel Maté

In the myth of Medusa, anyone who looked directly into her eyes would quickly turn to stone. Such is the case with trauma. If we attempt to confront trauma head on, it will continue to do what it had already done - immobilize us in fear. Before Perseus set out to conquer Medusa, he was warned by Athena not to look directly at the Gorgon. Heeding the Goddess's wisdom, he used his shield to reflect Medusa's image; by doing so, he was able to cut off her head. Likewise, the solution to vanquishing trauma comes not through confronting it directly, but by working with its reflection, mirrored in our instinctual responses. . . . In dreams, mythical stories, and lore, one universal symbol for the human body and its instinctual nature is the horse. Interestingly enough, when Medusa was slain, two things emerged from her body: Pegasus, the winged horse, and Chrysaor, a warrior with a golden sword. We couldn't find a more appropriate metaphor. The sword symbolizes absolute truth, the mythic hero's ultimate weapon of defense. It conveys a sense of clarity and triumph, of rising to meet extraordinary challenges, and of ultimate resourcefulness. The horse symbolizes instinctual grounding, while wings create an image of movement, soaring, and rising above the earth-bound existence. Since the horse represents instinct and body, the winged horse speaks of transformation through embodiment. Together the winged horse and the golden sword are auspicious symbols for the resources traumatized people discover in the process of vanquishing their own Medusas.

Waking The Tiger: Healing Trauma, Peter A. Levine (italics and boldening by me)

So much art is expression of disarray or repressed experiences, and an attempt to reconcile with it or communicate it to ourselves or others. So much science is an attempt to reconnect with the natural world or to mollify the confusion of our minds, having been severed from our bodies.

That self-disconnect and rigidity against the rhythm of healing manifests in such bizarre ways, I'm telling you - and once you start seeing it, you notice it everywhere.

We have a limitless wealth of culture, art, science, and dialogue pertaining; having taken mankind thousands of years to gather and build it all; and that's a beautiful thing, because life is robust, and this gives us much to admire.

But also, at some point, you have to learn how to LIVE the life you're observing.

Until then, we will keep creating branches of change and progress and mistakes, sprouting like fungi and spreading like tendrils; limitless; and what we find is remarkable, but driven by an obsession to break apart, understand, and find a way in; it's not necessarily embodied.

As an animal species, we've probably chased our way out of any chance for total embodiment, just because we've been going this way for too long now. We're not just gonna one day start living like bonobos do. We're too creative and complex (and spiritually driven) for that, anyway.

But I think at the beginning (and still, in several places) we were embodied, in tuned with the world, and speaking the same language as our instincts. Things change, though, and as it turns out, all of our gifts of evolution (our powerful frontal cortex, for one) also make it possible for us to avoid healing from trauma, so we just gather up the dysfunction with the generations.

I'm not asking everyone on the entire planet to drop everything and form matrist cultures or anything. Or for every individual to join a Buddhist monastery. I mean what the hell do I know.

But erasing the mind-body disconnect integral to Western culture would be a great start. It's already kind of going that way, with authors like Peter A. Levine, Gabor Maté, and Bessel van der Kolk leading the West's understanding of trauma healing.

There are other things that maybe CAN be conveyed, but you certainly wouldn't know how. But nonetheless, some of these nag on you; and are, therefore & evidently, important to your health that you succeed in expressing them, at least to yourself in a format that you will accept.

Sometimes it is really just a matter of time. You read enough, you see enough, you think & feel enough - and one day you will just Say It, having been led into it by the set-up of your own conversation. And it may not ring as an epiphany, it may just bubble up like all things - but it's an excitement and a relief when you realize that you just articulated and understood what has been haunting your peripheral.

In the meantime -

It is an important skill to recognize when things are bad or when you feel bad; and when developing it, it is easy to overdue it, and to give objectivity to the badness. Mindset is still a powerful thing, and reality really is as subjective as what you make of it. However, lacking awareness or denying when you do feel bad is not helpful. And neither is deferring absolutely to when you do feel bad.

It is a balancing act that I think comes more naturally with time ... YES there are abysmal things about your past or present situation, YES it is alright to feel all sorts of negative or painful things about it, YES you should develop the patience and security to invite yourself back into yourself.

But also: YES, feelings are as prone to influence as they are innate, and simply moving yourself to a different physical location may make all the difference in your level of optimism and activity today. YES, maintaining a hopeful outlook - even if no action is taken today - is the difference between helping yourself and letting yourself rot.

When you start involving others, it gets tricky: YES, you've been hurt, and YES, it is not unwise to pull back from those whom you cannot trust.

But: and especially in the case of family: YES, you are older than you used to be, and you are much more capable at handling yourself.

Sometimes people who have hurt you try to change, too. This can be entirely vexing, because it is always easy to let things be black and white: either "I suck" or "they suck."

YES, you reserve the full right to offer or withhold your forgiveness. And also, YES, it is entirely possible for you to have a decent interaction with them in current times. You still don't owe them anything, but perhaps you owe it to yourself to keep yourself steady and to keep things feeling alright and in-control.

And if you do have a bad interaction: that is alright. You're older, and you do have power over the things you do and say, and ultimately - they don't have to affect you anymore. You don't have to let them.

And in some situations - it really is a fine route to let yourself turn to stone just to get through it. IT IS NOT THE WAY THAT YOU WANT TO LIVE FOR FOREVER! But if it is not yet safe to thaw, then you can hold onto your ice.

It's complicated, because every situation is unique, isn't it? For example, it can be hard to convince somebody that they have self-control when they just don't feel that way inside. This post may not mean anything to them. There have plenty of times where I am grasping for anything inside that will teach me that I actually do have some sort of stability or that I really am alright in life - but sometimes you just don't yet have that. And I keep asking how to find that, and I haven't found an easy answer yet.

But there are also days where I simply do feel more in-control, and that life is doable after all, and that despite it all I actually AM an adult.

And it's good to be able to track how you feel inside - but again, organisms are one with their environment in the sense that the cause/response event is one action. Your environment affects you, and your response to it defines it and you, and in that way you are your surroundings are functionally one.

Going somewhere nice or having some sort of success can give you heart as if anew. Finding ways to tap into feelings of safety or success can change your mindset which will in turn change your reality today.

To circle back: it's a common pitfall for people who are finally connecting with their pain to damn the whole thing to hellfire. YES, it's vital that people can connect with their natural aggression and find the drive to defend themselves, that they can honor their feelings of violation and indignance; and also, YES, sticking so rigidly to that negativity is a besmirchment to the reality of subjectivity: that life really is what you make of it, and it's not really good for you to commit yourself to pessimism and misery!

You have to let yourself move in and out of that negativity, I think.

Here's the thing: growth and healing is constant learning, unfortunately. Stagnation is a symptom of unresolved pain, and it is a tough habit to break when you try to get the ball rolling. You will stagnate every now and then. But over time you'll gain the grace to recognize when you are stuck in something unhelpful and to be able to see yourself out of it.

It's obviously easier said than done, isn't it?

This post is long enough, but: I guess my point is to remember to never think that the job is done. You'll learn something new and think that this time you know everything. But then later you'll be faced with something contrary and you'll have to navigate the discomfort of being wrong. Work on growing a tolerance to that discomfort - because it is a perfectly fine thing - and allowing it to happen will move you through it; and eventually, you'll grow comfortable with the element of change that is necessary for living.

I guess, don't anticipate or expect something to go bad. Because then it almost certainly will. Be reasonable, and be prepared, but have faith in your ability to be older and more stable than you used to be. Strength comes from flexibility and in being able to feel your feelings as they come and go - and they will go, if you allow them to arrive to begin with.

This next thing is a feeling that is hard to instill when you just don't believe in it inside, so when you do come across it, make sure to take a good long look at it and commit it to memory: it's actually quite fun to be the master of your own fate. To be an adult. You won't always FEEL like you're in control, and you may still feel the victim to circumstance or to helplessness, but I assure, you are still alive and you are still here and things don't really have to be your problem. Other people's feelings are not your problem. Your own problems don't even have to be problems, just events. Your own feelings certainly aren't a problem: when you don't know how to be responsible with yourself and to tolerate your feelings, it can seem like a problem, but that's just your current perspective. Feelings, sensations, opinions, thoughts, intuition, ETC - it's all how you live. They're not the problem. It takes time to integrate into yourself when you've been severed or poorly taught, but that's not a problem either: it's just the way it is right now.

wait I never posted my header image in its native form. This is so funny that when I thought of it on the morning of March 03 2023 (Yes I remember) I drew it out and then never stopped laughing at it for forever until I made it digitially for a header and in fact thats where the URL comes from. I think it's so #FrathouseFunny I could die . It's like sort of disquieting but not enouhg that you'll start to distrust the writers and stop watching. It's razor-specific for no reason? Why is it Dragon Ball Z. Why is it Vegeta and Tarble. Like surely this has to be referencing something (it's not). Your gut impulse is to laugh becasue it is formatted like comedy and it is funny but in the aftershocks of it youre like um... wait. Wtf....?

Like why did he lie to him.................................