#pinksprinkles

Take nudes of yourself FOR YOURSELF!

Until quarantine happened, I had never taken a nude photograph of myself, accept for that one time I had to check on something and only a camera could help. Lol. That is a whole another story. Hahahah. 

Seriously though, I had never taken a nude photograph of my body just because I could. 

So when I was asked to send a nude to someone that I was involved with, my first thought was “hell no!” My thinking was there was no way I was going to send another person a photograph of my naked body to land somewhere in the ethernet in the near future. 

I didn’t actually think the person would share my body in that way, but it was a HARD NO for me.

Until one day I was laying in bed reflecting on why I felt so uncomfortable photographing my body. I realized that I didn’t feel uncomfortable with sending the picture as much as I had been taught that photographs of naked bodies are inappropriate (how Adam and Eve of our society). 

For a week straight, I took photographs of my body. What started out as sexy poses for the viewer, slowly turned into poses that made me feel powerful, strong, sexy and beautiful. 

I was enamored by body. By my shape, by my curves, and the contours that my body made. I was overwhelmed by the beauty of my body. I had never been more in love with myself and thought myself more beautiful than after taking those photographs. In times when I feel low, I look back on them. 

Your body is not inappropriate. Taking pictures of your body is not inappropriate. It’s not naughty. It’s not dirty. It’s an act of self love.  If you choose to share it with another or others, know that is your choice to make. If the person you share with doesn’t appreciate that you are sharing your body with them, call them out or cut them off. But if you take photographs and they just sit in your device because you just wanted to photograph your body in all its glory that’s beautiful as well. 

On February 23rd, my 20-year orange Ford Explorer Sport’s engine gave out while I was driving on the highway. I’d just come from seeing a few of my students perform at dance recital. I was 8-minutes away from home when my car starting slowing down as I was trying REALLY hard to accelerate. Fortunately, I made it just in time to get to the shoulder. 

I reached for my phone to call AAA when I noticed I had 10% battery and a broken car charger. I was terrified. There was no way I could get out and walk to the nearby gas station to get a charger (it was 10pm and I wasn’t walking off that shoulder). In my time of need like this, I would usually have called my ex-boyfriend, but we just had broken up and I knew that wasn’t a good idea. 

I pressed my luck and hoped that I could get a AAA agent on the phone in time to put in a request. I got them on the phone. 

Battery now on 6%. 

But midway through the call, the call dropped. Really?!

Now, I’m panicking a bit. How the hell am I supposed to make a request to AAA with 6% left. I almost started crying. In that moment, I really wished I could have called my ex-boyfriend. 

I didn’t. And then one of my student’s parent texted me and said let me know when you make it in. 

I never typed so fast in my life.

I told her that I was stuck on the road with 6% left and a broken car charger. 

She’s said I’m coming to get you. Let me know where you are. 

BOOM! Just like that. 

I almost cried. Her willingness to come get overwhelmed me.

And then...my phone died. 

But I wasn’t giving up. My intuition told me to try using the broken car charger again. I wiggled that cord SO HARD, and started to work. WHEW!

Once my phone was back on, I told my student’s mom she didn’t need to get me. I called AAA and put in my service request. I sat on the side of the road, 8-minutes driving distance from my home, for hour. 

That entire time I meditated. It was one of the most beautiful things that I experienced. Here I was, the last time I would be in my car (I didn’t know it then) that carried me through 5 moves in 7-years, held my tears for every panic attack, offered me independence and freedom at time when I felt trapped and stuck, and always stood out in the car (it was a bright orange truck. hahaha). My hooptie was not without its issues, but meditating in my precious hooptie that night helped me embrace the shift. 

Now, as I mentioned before, I had panic attacks in that car before. And sitting in a car on the side of the road with a dead phone definitely would have been a justified time to have one. But it was my breathe that anchored me. My breathe in my body that I use everyday helped me keep my focus.