#piloup

- Sesh and Piloup:

Hey! The Remi obsesses one back on. Thought I'd do that one thing we thought about and just draw ourselves with Remi and how we are about him!

First up, me! Sesh. As you know, I love love him lots. It did hit me that if Remi is obsessive - so am I? So what does that do??? Probably something not toxic and very wholesome:) I thought to have Piloup here as well as - well, she isn't a big Remi fan. Preferring Rambley.

Ok. Explaining the idea will not sound really bizarre and stupid until it's made. Just know I intend in doing voice acting on top of an animatic. I thought I'd share the silly doodles (totally derailed from the concept) + me (Piloup) getting use to draw myself as our vessel.

HEY! Sophie here. Um - What the fuck happened??? I was there sometime around the beginning of this month, I come back this afternoon and Piloup looks so - happy??????

I know "cured" is not the right word, but - What the hell, she's been dead inside for weeks, months, hell - YEARS! And you mean to tell me that she's so full of life now? Overnight????

Her fronting experience is: Coming on, gradually feeling worse and worse, just hoping that someone else would come on to switch alright. And either she'd switch with someone else during a nap or - worst, she's dissociate so completely, someone else would come on suddenly.

I'm - I'm sure the others are really happy for her, and I am too. But I'm also really stunned??? I really don't think I could put it into perspective. I guess - all she needed was a push to truly and more openly enjoy what she does.

I guess I'll put down the attempt at thinking about it and also say um - Thank you??? It's nice that she embraced herself, but it's also really cool seeing people be there too?

Like, we've been joking about it like:

"I'm being more open about loving cute character. And people are also loving the cute characters??? Insane" "The people who like the same things I do, interacting with me liking the thing I do????" "HUUUUUUUUUUUUUH????"

You - again, I can't convey and - I don't think I should, how far we come from. It feels stupid to say this, but - really, our situation as it comes to - community has been either not good or none existence for a long ... long long time... It's been getting better but - yeah...

Posting it late but still there! Jolyne made reference to it, so may as well.

This is our Halloween costume! Sophie wasn't sure to do it but later that night she was like: "fuck it we ball" and did it too.

Sophie on the left is dressed up has her favorite character: Shiki Ryougi! And me on the right as Rambley the Raccoon! (kind of)

Now - Sophie commented herself that she really only knows Shiki from Melty Blood. But she's SO cool there that it was enough for her. And while she joked about how "like me" she hadn't touched the source material, calling me out for not playing Indigo Park >:) We did try to pick up Kara no Kyoukai since then.

And... the experience of reading Kara no Kyoukai is way different from Behind the screen. <:) We'll hold our thoughts for now, we haven't even got thought the firs chapter. At least I can tell you that we do like it, despite how at time it feels hard to keep track of the conversation or what's happening. Mind you, this really is our second experience reading something in years.

I finally come around to putting my Despair collar back on. It was mainly because I personally thought it fitting me for a few reasons. But in doing that, I finally piece together how the idea came to me in the first place!

We made this collar when making the "Queen's of hell" Character select screen [the Video on Bsky] (It's not here, I need to fix that) [Video on Tumblr] (fixed:))

I did want something ... Well, I don't know how else to put it: Cool with a bit of edge, yet definitely something I would wear. And when I'm see all the thought pressed lay out like this ... Yeah, all the above, yes::)

First, Klonoa. I LOVE him and I NEED to draw him, but not right now. He's first design is the one I love the most, and in part it's because of that huge collar it's just so cute! I already did draw myself with something similar before, but that wasn't King's of Hell just yet.

Then, Guilty Gear. Now that's cool. And the protagonists of the story both wear those big belt with words engraved on them. Ky Kiske, before Guilty Gear Strive, had a belt like the work "hope" on it. Since Klonoa's collar looks like a belt, I could do those concept together!

And then, there was one more connection. I could just let the word hope there like that. It really didn't take much thinking for me to know what else to put on there. Hope? Or despair~ Yep, I'd have enough Dangan Rompa to have this odd duality concept stuck into me forever.

And there you have it! My "Despair" collar! It's just really perfect. I wear if for personal reason, but at the same time it's a reference to a lot of stuff I really love.

Some time after playing the demo, we thought we'd make our own character select screen for Kings of hell. Because it's really cool~

I guess, unlike the boys, we're looking for a different kind of high position in hell. ... Which I guess would be right beside them??? But only because we beat up our way through it. :y I take it hell isn't a typical monarchy? It definitely won't once we're done with it~

Also, something we thought about with this is - look at us. In comparison with the boys, we're not the - "girls"?

Not that we aren't girls, we are. In one way or another. But - not like - girl's girl???

Jolyne is has a huge build body. And while she grins when someone new misgenderes her, ... It gives you the picture...

I, Piloup, am a little gal that - I don't know, even now it doesn't jump out to me that I use she/her when I look at myself...

Kihl, while they've steadily been leaning more and more feminine recently, they still ambiguous and happy to keep fucking around.

Sophie is - probably the most "girl" of us? And even then - It's like it's because it feels like parts of her can be read that way, despite dressing masculine all the time.

Now, I'm absolutely not saying that like - we're not valid or that we ain't girls. Just that, as opposed to the boys that fitting in more well-defined masculine type - we don't.

Unlike the other sites here I can use more than 300 character to explain why being tall is a big deal to me >:)

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So - It's really not a drastic change. It's really - what if I was tall, because it felt better to me now. I guess I'm suprised myself, being able to picutre myself this way and happy.

Drawing and seeing myself as small - it's comforable, it's cute. But also because I want to make myself small metaphoricly, because I felt uncomfortalbe being tall, because - litrally and metaphoricly, it didn't like how I was taking space. I didn't want to look anything close to what we physicly looked like. All despite me being the most intune with our past, I just - didn't like who we were now.

Considering that it felt like we stopped growing for years - yeah, once we realized our pluality and I was drawing myself, I didn't see myself being as old as we actually were. It's actually been a constent all thought our life. Forget how old we were, or not feeling like we were 18, 21, or whatever else. Shit, even last year, we thought we were 27, but no, we were 28, and with our brithday after that, 29. It felt like we missed a year or 2 out of no where.

And it's not like I don't feel our age out of like - hating being old. More so just - it feel like being out of step with what it means to be that age, feeling like we didn't live that time. Like we were on pause for years. Because we were dissociating, because we had no friends and - nothing felt like it really mattered. Not until we got out of the home, met people our age who care about what they are doing here. Making real friends.

Overtime, while I can't say we're just catching up with how old we're suppose to feel, I feel like I'm growing up again, we're on play now.

Piloup and Sesh as fighting game characters

More of us as fighting game character! Sesh as Dead Apostle Noel and me, Piloup, as Arcueid. Both from MeltyBlood. And yes, I prefer the long shirt >:)