#piemaggedon... two

Mercedes had heard about the event from Edelgard as her partner sternly warned her against participating, due to her injury the last time it occurred, and Mercedes agreed, so here she was, sitting in the infirmary, waiting for the inevitable students and teachers alike wandered in with bruises and scrapes and any other possible injuries.

She was getting worried as she looked out at the pie-covered campus, eyes darting around to spot the players and try to assess any potential injuries from afar. Her lips pushed into a small pout as she came to the conclusion that she couldn’t make any real diagnoses from her spot on the second floor.

She wonders idly how the plucky groundskeeper was going to react, considering her seething anger last time.

...

Mozu stands at the front of a classroom, looking as blindingly angry as a normally jovial 5′2″ woman can be. This effect is likely enhanced by the tall, intimidating blonde at the blackboard.

“Y’all,” she begins, accent thickened in her anger, “are here t’day cuz you participated in-” she makes air-quotes with her hands, “Piemaggedon,” her hands drop. “Now, I don’t give rat’s ass ‘bout yer social position, ‘r yer standin’ here at the monastery, like if yer a noble ‘r an heir ‘r a gods-damned professor- All y’all should be f-” Xander clears his throat, in a very loud, very dad-like manner at just the right moment to drown out the curse. “-in’ ashamed ‘a yerselves- How many ‘a yah have starved durin’ the winter? How many ‘a yah have seen folks starve to death ‘r get damn near close?” She glowers at the crowd of pie-criminals. “D’you know how much gods-damn food y’all just wasted? D’you know how many gods-damned people those ingredients and pies coulda fed?! Y’all should be gods-damned ashamed!” Xander by the chalkboard looks entirely too enamored with his rage-filled wife, which she doesn’t notice. She stops herself, visibly takes a deep, deep breath, and lets it out. It does not seem to quell her rage, but she seems less likely to surge forward to throttle someone after doing so. She looks down at the array of pie-criminals again.

“Now, y’all ‘r gonna get a lesson ‘bout how things are fer folks who ain’t noble, an’ I will stop yah if yah try an’ leave, cuz clearly y’all never learned this before. Any questions?”

...................................................................................................

Niles sighs softly, "I am so sorry that these kids did this. I am sure all of them will spend time cleaning it up. Xander and you, my stunning lady should go relax." He was trying to compliment her, so incase if she new about the shower room he would go easy on him. Most of what he said was just to piss off other students. Niles attempts to hold back a smug grin. He is sure Mozu knows most of what he said is sarcasm and him being his usual self, but still it would never hurt to try.

She was heading to her quarters, still seething when Niles called out. She half relaxed at his words, but snorted. “Yeah, yeah, thanks-” Her eyes narrow. “But if I find out you done went an’ lied tah me just now yer gonna have a big storm comin’, buckeroo.” Then she sighs in reply.

“I know they will- hell, some’a ‘em are already tidyin’, but I’m-” her voice hardens. “I’m more mad at the gods damned waste! That- that had t’have been so much food, Niles.” Another sigh. “I remember starvin’ half ta death a few winters, so it just- it ruffles my feathers.” She breathes out through her nose. “But I’ve got somethin’ in mind, so I don’t need tah be this... Well, I don’t need tah madder than a hornet’s nest in hell. An’ you don’t gotta apologize for ‘em- they’re kids, so I expect some foolin’ about- and before you say nothin’ funny you know what I meant-” 

a moment of silence, “cynthia and caspar should be the main ones punished, too. a lot of us were unwillingly pulled into the war, since they trapped the grounds back to the dorms. we had no choice but to defend ourselves.” [2/2]

She took one damn look at this kid and knew he would be miserable to deal with- he looked like Setsuna what with the tired eyes and bored voice, except he also looked smart in a calculated way like Nyx was, which was not a combination that seemed smart in any sense, but he was here. Then he spoke and she was certain her assessment had been right. Her glower darkens.

“So, yer argument is that they were gonna be trashed at some point. If that’s the case, why don’t’chu take ‘em ‘fore they trash ‘em an’ pass ‘em out to the less fortunate? An’ from what all I saw, y’all had way more pies than what all the merchants ‘round here whip on up.” She crosses her arms to stop the temptation of reaching for her damn hunting knife. 

“A handful bein’ almost expired don’t mean nothin’- yall had a damn cart-full worth ‘a pies. Havin’ three pies outta one hundred be almost-bad don’t make it f-” Xander again seems to have perfectly timed a deafening sneeze to drown out the curse. “-in’ okay. An’ it ain’t the merchant’s fault neither- they didn’t decide to make a sugary mess ‘a the campus- hell, they prob’ly didn’t know y’all were gonna have a damn food fight like a bunch ‘a toddlers! They ain’t to blame, they’re prob’ly hard workin’ folks tryin’ to make due fer their fam’lies. Y’all, however-” She pulls out her hunting knife, driving it into the table in a spot that just so happened to have multiple stab marks- Shamir probably taught in here as well. The knife settles impressively deep in the wood. She almost growls.

“Y’all decided tah go on and participate! An’ you weren’t unwillin’ly pulled in- just cuz you got hit by one pie don’t mean you gotta suddenly go on a pie-rampage tah get revenge! Defendin’ yerself from a violent attack is different from ‘defendin’ yerself’ from gettin’ involved in a gods-damned disaster uv’a childish game! One is gods-damned optional, an’ y’all sure as hell weren’t coerced at knifepoint tah join in yer little play-war. An’ there’s more than one way tah get on over to the dorms, and two folks like them ain’t known fer tactical genius in settin’ up bottlenecks ‘r nothin’. None ‘a y’all were trapped, you just didn’t wanna go through the effort ‘a goin’ the long way ‘round!” She is clearly seething, and Xander gives a concerned glance, but says nothing. 

She should have known something was up when the over-excited pegasus rider girl asked her to go grab some more meat for the kitchens, but, unfortunately, she’d just assumed the girl had been on inventory duty and noticed a shortage.

This was her first mistake, clearly.

Her second mistake, she realized, was asking her husband to join her for a hunting trip, just the two of them. He’d readily agreed, of course- they’d had precious little time together at Garreg Mach, what with all the missions and lesson plans Xander insisted on perfecting and her farming and tending all the grounds- a trip together was welcome.

This, unfortunately, meant her rule-loving husband was not on campus to stop the event by existing with his cute-intimidating face. More intimidating for students who didn’t know him, more cute to her after years of marriage.

Mistake number three, however, was the most damning. She insisted on hunting til dusk to get more than enough for the monastery, and Xander, ever indulgent, agreed. She was fairly certain he’d enjoyed just watching her work, though he did startle when she shot off a volley of arrows before jumping from her perch in a tree, followed by the sound of a large animal crying out. He always got a starry look in his eyes when he saw her carrying bears around- it made her snort and tease him, at which he stiffened back up and pretended it hadn’t happened despite his little smiles- she was getting off track.

She looked out over the carnage, seeing a team of students already working to clear it, thank the gods, otherwise she might have had to be stopped from harming students physically.

But damn if she wasn’t close now.

“Darling,” Xander called as he hopped off his horse, walking up beside her. “Breathe.” She let out a breath through clenched teeth. He breathed out through his nose beside her, staying silent for a few moments. “...Please do not murder the students. They are children- children are not known for wise behavior.” She let out another breath through her teeth.

“I. Won’t.” His hand fell on her shoulder. She unclenched her teeth. “I won’t.” She stared at the students’ frantic cleaning. She was silent. “Xannie?”

“Yes, love?”

“...How d’yah plan a lecture? I... I clearly need tah give these kids a goddamned talkin’ to ‘fore they-” she clenched her teeth again, taking a deep breath. He gave a sympathetic hum.

“I’ll meet you in your quarters in an hour to assist you in making one. In the meantime, I’ll drop off the supplies. You just... Relax.” She breathed out.