#pickupthepieces

I had a moment of clarity. A brief thought that illuminated where I was wrong in my thinking, and then it was gone. It was like a whisper of perspicuity was there and then gone. Just like that. A faint memory. It left as quickly as it came. 

My actions, my steps, my movements for the past several years have been based on an altered reality that my mind made up. Something happens, someone says something and I think that I should be this way and that is how I behave. I think I am trying to control something. Some sort of outcome.  I base many of my decisions on how I think I should be. In reality, sometimes, most of the time, those thoughts cause me to alter my behavior. But, I did not want to behave that way. I think I thought I was being nice, accommodating, generous, giving, but I was not being any of those things. I was not being true to myself. And, I was collecting a heap of bitterness. Each time my effort went unnoticed, unappreciated, taken for granted I was angry. How could they be so selfish...don’t they know that I have given up part of what I want for them. 

I am thankful for the moment of clarity. For the brief yet whole understanding. 

Most of us can identify that a 9-1-1 call means that there is some type of emergency that requires immediate attention. The problem is that many couples don’t seek help at the onset of trouble. Either mate can feel that seeking help opens up their marriage relationship to scrutiny from an outsider. However, an outsider, or what I like to consider someone who can remain neutral without taking either side, actually can see far better than those who are on the inside.

When we say that we love our spouse, we should be willing to take those necessary steps in helping to maintain a healthy marriage relationship. Baring all does mean a level of vulnerability that you may not be accustomed to, but in the long run it will definitely bring about a greater ending than if we just “let the pieces fall as they may”.

It’s important that one or both spouses recognize that there is an emergency. In the natural sense we know that based upon something that needs assistance outside of our realm of expertise. So it’s critical for the survival rate of a marriage relationship that you don’t wait too long before making a call for help. When you see certain symptoms which identify that this is something that it isn’t going to go away on its own, make the call.

Don’t wait until your marriage is on life support before reaching to someone who has the defibrillator or equipment that can give the needed shock back to life. As long as your marriage has a pulse, there is hope. Emergency workers know how to assess your vitals, but they’re checking to see if they can assist you on their level of experience or if you need to be taken in for some further attention.

So don’t neglect to perform a wellness check with your spouse to chart the progress or problems that they may be experiencing. You can ask these questions to give you a feel as to any areas that may appear to have been broken over time that needs immediate attention (don’t be afraid of their honesty, it will help us to grow).

1. Do you feel like you’re still a priority in our marriage relationship?

2. What are some of the things that you need from me to help fulfill your expectations in this marriage relationship?

3. Can you identify the area(s) in our marriage that I need work on. Not necessarily broken, but needs reinforcement?

Questions like these help us to re-evaluate ourselves and make the necessary tuneups to keep our marriage relationship healthy.