#picking me

if a pattern doesn't immediately appear, try logging when & where you find yourself picking, what happened beforehand, and how you feel while doing so.

part of dermatillomania I don't always see discussed is the satisfaction of seeing your body's landscape change; picking as a control tactic, a means of self-soothing and reaffirming your autonomy and power. or it may be an expression of perfectionism, or anxiety, or beyond. pay close attention to yourself. look for the overlap. what is picking doing for you?

once you recognize the mechanisms of picking, what needs it's fulfilling, and when, and how; then you can provide new pathways for your habits to flow down; I realized I tended to pluck my brows (and beyond...) in the bathroom, so boom: stim toy in the bathroom. figure out your unique physical locations and cues and give yourself new options

also, hide or obstruct the ease of access to former habits. acrylic nails are a great personal block; I put my sharp tweezers in a wildly inconvenient place, not out in the open, so it's harder for me to casually grab them. if you bite your nails or cuticles, buy the nail polish that makes it taste gross. if you pick at inflamed pores, use zit stickers (I prefer the cheap and plentiful OG brand, COSRX, which are barely-visible circles, but you can make it fun with any of the 10 zillion novelty shape brands now available at Sephora, Target, Marshalls/T.J. Maxx & most drugstores) make picking difficult, and give yourself other options

similarly, you can challenge yourself to lovingly make growth your focus. smooth cuticle oil into your skin; use growth serums & your favorite-colored polish on your nails; for facial picking, give yourself spa days of clay masks (fun to pick off as they dry!), pore strips (SO satisfying), and scar-reducing facial oils like rosehip; for bodily picking, moisturize with lovely non-comedogenic oils and smooth Mederma or natural scar-reducing remedies to help your skin heal. put all that time and focused attention + love and gratitude into increasing, not reducing, your body (+ self)

re: gratitude, I swear to god Jessica Defino had a post about gratitude as a skincare routine; thanking your skin everyday for its work as a barrier, for it's countless built-in systems that self-exfoliate, self-moisturize, self-heal and grow, all while keeping a harmful world at bay. the skin is our largest living organ, and it is here to keep you warm and safe. your skin is built to touch and hold, to hug and be hugged. you can learn to love it the way it loves you. you can touch yourself as gently, as kindly as you deserve to be touched. this, too, is a kind of growing.

(Also to my facial & pore-picking beauties: just read any and all of Defino's articles about simplifying [like, soap water and moisturizer simplifying] your skincare, skin-fasting, the joys of touching your face gently, and more<333)

figure out what actions and textures you've become accustomed to, and, whether you have the benefit of a pack of stim toys like Pick Me's or just certain blankets, jackets, fidget jewelry, or one Really Good Rock, try to find stims that mimic, replace or even subvert the textures you've been drawn to. you want something satisfying and engaging to play with while still feeling meditative to you.

or if stim toys aren't your thing, (and even if they are!) try tactile pastimes that lead to obvious visual progress: painting, drawing, knitting, woodworking, cooking/baking!, cleaning [dishes, sheets, etc.] gardening, so on & so forth. things that prove your control & show the mark of your will wrought upon the world

the next time you find yourself wanting to pick (hopefully waylaid by an alternate hand function and/or strategic obstructions) take a mental step back. carve out that space between impulse & action. pool the feeling into your palms and examine it, tilt it around to see it catch a different light. how are you feeling right now? what's causing you to feel this way? what else could help you alleviate or accept that feeling?

if it's stress, anxiety, anger or other strong negative emotions, rest one hand over your heart, one over your lovely stomach, and take several deep yoga breaths. Long inhale through the nose, hold for a few seconds, longer exhale out. Let your throat make noise. After a few minutes, make a list of what’s worrying you and help yourself rationalize what tiny steps will help lessen their effects on you.

(Deep breaths, longer exhales and putting a hand over your heart have each individually been shown to alleviate your body's stress response, an immediate way to gift yourself some calm and a sense of safety)

if it's boredom; again, new textures and pasttimes are your friend. try going for a walk or other physical action of your choice (does not need to be long or challenging to be good for you!), listen to a podcast or new music, challenge yourself to try something new you've been wanting to explore, but can never find the time. a desire to pick can indicate you are suffering from a lack of enrichment: so yes, now is the time to try to learn the kalimba.

so, yes, it turns out i do indeed have many answers, but my initial scorn comes from any suggestion i might be above my bad habits; I've picked at my skin several times today. and that's okay. try to recognize and subvert your impulses when they happen, but also acknowledge and accept that they will happen. that's just how it goes babey. progress, not perfection.