#eleknosuke

You couldn’t move. You leaned on the walls because you were trembling and you couldn’t hold yourself up. And then, your breathing cut off entirely for a moment, and you held onto the door frame for dear life. You couldn’t hear anything but your frantic gasps for air. It was so dark you couldn’t see the wall in front of you. You desperately hoped Tsukishima wouldn’t wake up. It was the last thing you needed. What would he be able to do for you? You could almost see his disappointed eyes, seeing you breaking down in the hall outside your bathroom.

It wasn’t stopping. Why wasn’t it stopping?

Your hands wouldn’t stop shaking violently. You felt like you were dying.

“Baby?”

A moment later, you were surrounded by secure arms. You clung to him with everything you had. Still, it wasn’t stopping. You couldn’t breathe.

Tsukishima pressed you close into his chest. You were scared. You were afraid. You pressed your face into him. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “Breathe.”

His smell — home — calmed you down a little. And then your breathing finally reduced its speed.

“Four seconds in, four seconds out,” he whispered.

You didn’t even think about why or how he knew what to say. You just followed his instructions. You counted… one, two, three… four. And then four out. Four in. Four out.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice just above a whisper.

“No.”

He didn’t massage your back, only held you tightly. Eventually, he helped you walk back to the bedroom. Your chest quivered with every breath, and your legs still felt wobbly. You both sat down on the bed.

“I’m okay. I’m okay,” you whispered. “Thank you, Kei.”

“Of course,” he whispered. “Always.”

This would not be your first time seeing the quick reflexes of Tsukishima. You were declining, and it was becoming harder to hold on. But you could trust him — you could always trust him. You didn’t know why, but he’d always be there, holding you in the hardest moments.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*   ᴛᴀɴᴀᴋᴀ  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“Are you sure you’re okay, angel?” he asked, facing you with worry in his eyes. “I’m here if you wanna talk.”

“I’m fine. I think if I get some sleep, I’ll feel much better.” You pulled the blankets up further over your shoulders, wishing the warmth would melt your feelings away.

“Sure thing,” he said, leaning over and giving you a short kiss. Then, he flicked out the lamp.

The darkness and silence you were usually so comfortable in was now overwhelming. You were still thinking about what had happened, and the empty darkness made it easier to picture in your mind. The boss, yelling at you. Pointing at the door.

“You don’t work here anymore.”

You could feel a sob in your throat, but you held it back. You listened to Tanaka’s breathing instead, waiting for it to slow as he drifted off. Usually, the indicator that he was fully asleep was that he had somehow unconsciously managed to wrap his arms entirely around you. You had to wait until he was almost there — asleep enough that he wouldn’t hear you stand up, but not enough that he’d be holding you.

You didn’t want to talk about it. You just wanted to release your frustrations, somehow. Finally, you slipped out from under the sheets, guiding yourself by the wall towards the bathroom. You could close the door — you could hide, there, and maybe deal with this without involving Tanaka.

The tears were falling before you could even get into the bathroom. You put your hands on the counter in front of the sink, smiling pathetically at your reflection. Tears were pouring out of both eyes, your mouth was clenched unflatteringly, your eyebrows were raised.

You failed the company.

You inhaled through your nose, looking away from the mirror. Your throat felt closed off.

You didn’t belong there.

It had been your dream job. Though it hadn’t been as enjoyable as you had first expected.

You were stuck.

Where were you supposed to go now? You were jobless — and you couldn’t just rely on Tanaka to support you. You wanted to work.

Your chest felt tight, and you flexed your hands before squeezing the counter.

You heard his footsteps in the hall. You hadn’t closed the door — you had meant to, but forgotten. He stopped in the doorway, gazing at you with the same concern you had been avoiding.

He didn’t have to say anything. You had forgotten how much you didn’t like crying alone. You walked over to him, and buried your face in his shoulder. He kissed the top of your head and softly massaged your back. 

You sighed. You didn’t know whether it was a sad sigh, a tired sigh, or a relieved sigh.

“I’m sorry, babe,” he said. “We’ll find somewhere just for you.”

“I really thought that would be it,” you said, looking into his eyes with a grimace.

“It’s okay.” He studied you. “You’re so pretty, you know.”

You smiled a bit, wiping a tear from one of your eyes. He stopped your hand on a reflex and slowly swiped your cheek, although it was more like he was tracing the details of your face.

“How did you know I was awake?”

“I couldn’t sleep. I was worrying about you.”

“Ah,” you said. “Sorry.”

“Don’t ever apologize for making me worry, babe. It’s my job.”

He kissed your eyes, forehead, nose, and lips. You were too drowsy to respond, but you smiled gently, a final tear escaping your eyes.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*   ᴋᴜʀᴏᴏ  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You didn’t realize you were crying until you saw your reflection in the mirror. You had left the room and the other team’s managers just to get a drink of water, not to have a mental breakdown, but here you were in the middle of the night, sobbing over your feelings for your team’s captain, Kuroo.

It was simple, really. He wouldn’t love you. Now that you had spent time with other girls, prettier, sweeter girls, you knew you didn’t have a chance.

You splashed your face with water and wiped it with your sleeve. You felt like a mess. You didn’t want to go back into that room with them. You didn’t hate any of them — you just cared so much about what they thought about you. Too much.

You stepped outside the bathrooms to see none other than Kuroo Tetsuro.

“Oh, hi, Y/N. Why are you up?”

You turned to look at him, fighting the strong urge to run away.

“Are you okay? Were you crying?”

You sniffled. “No.”

He gestured to a bench against the wall of the hall. “You want to sit down and talk about it?”

You hesitated, and nodded. You sat next to each other, and you sighed.

“What’s going on?”

You looked up at him, and then away again. “I dunno. It’s stupid.”

“Probably isn’t. Try me.”

Your eyes wandered back to meet his. “It’s just… I have…” You shrugged. “I have feelings for someone, and I just… it makes me feel nasty sometimes.”

“Is it someone on the team?”

You hesitated. “Yeah.”

He pushed his hair out of his eyes. “I see. That must be hard.”

“Mhm. It’s stupid. And very annoying. I can’t relax, because I’m always thinking about it.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier if you… told him?”

You shook your head, taking a shuddering breath. The hall was quiet. You were sure he could hear your racing heart. Your damn racing heart.

“Do you want me to tell him for you?”

“Kuroo, you don’t even know who it is.”

“I have a feeling.”

You blinked at him. “Who do you think it is?”

“Well… you know…”

You both went quiet, staring at each other.

“You know I like you?” you asked.

His eyes widened. “Oh. I thought you liked Kenma…”

Neither of you moved.

“Kenma?”

“Yeah… I dunno, ‘cause you’re always talking to him, and…”

That’s because Kenma knows I like you, idiot.

He flushed slightly, continuing. “Oh. You like me, huh?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I was prepared to be jealous just now.”

“Jealous?”

“Yeah.”

Again you stared at each other. A smile grew on your face despite the tear stains on your cheeks, simultaneous with a grin on Kuroo’s face.

“Are you still upset?” he asked.

You laughed quietly. “No. Not at all.”

AN: sndkfjdslkf I loved this request so much help :( I spent so long just crying in Tsukishima and Tanaka’s LMAO we emotional here 😗✌

“You know what I need?” you prompted him, and inhaled the night air deeply, tipping your face up to the sky.

“Whatever you need, I'll be there,” Tanaka instantly said, reaching for your hand.

You felt the corners of your lips twitch, threatening to turn down. You kept your eyes on the sky so that your expression was less visible to him. His hand was warm. You liked it when he held your hand. But the gesture had the theme of hope that you were about to shut down. “Not this time, Ryuu.”

Silence flooded your ears for a moment. You knew Tanaka was trying to understand. “What is it, then? What do you need?” His voice was soft. He sounded fearful.

“Some good, old-fashioned character development.” You breathed in again, and locked eyes with him this time. “I need to go off and explore. I need to see some new places, try some new things, eat some new foods.” Your voice cracked as you continued, “And meet some new people.”

Your best friend — almost boyfriend, but a bit too almost and not enough potential — stared at you with confused excitement. “You want to travel? I—”

“No. I don’t want to travel. With you.”

He paused. “Oh. I see.” He let go of your hand, bowing his head instantly. “I’m sorry for reading that wrong. I didn’t mean to—”

“Tanaka, this has nothing to do with you. Don’t even worry about it. Don’t worry about yourself through my eyes.”

“Through your eyes?”

You turned away. You could feel Tanaka’s heart breaking beside you but you knew there was nothing you could do. “I can’t stay here. I’m so — so done with myself — I know you’re not, you’ve told me so many times that I matter to you. I know. I know you want me to stay. I might love you too, Ryuu.”

No response came, and you didn’t dare to perceive your damage. Instead, you continued. “I want to be with you but I can’t stand being with myself. So I need… you know. Character development. I need to be that character that goes off and becomes better. Because I’m failing. I’m failing you, I’m failing my family. I don’t even know who I am anymore, but I know I can’t stay here.”

Still, silence, but you could feel his gaze on you.

“Remember how Nishinoya invited me and Asahi along? I’ll go with him. Maybe we’ll go to Rome or India or Nepal or Korea. Maybe we’ll go to — to France—” you were tearing up but you didn’t stop “ — and I’ll meet someone I’ve been meant to meet my whole life. Someone who will allow me to change. Because being here, Ryuu, it makes me feel stuck.”

And that was it. That was the final attack that got right to him.

Of course he wanted you to be happy. He didn’t want you to feel stuck. But he’d reminded you so many times that no matter how much you changed you’d still be—

“I leave tomorrow. It’s all arranged.”

“Tomorrow? Y/N, really?”

You pursed your lips. Tears were clouding your eyes, and you kept your face out of his sight. “Really.”

A car passed on the road beside you, reminding you to keep moving.

To move on.

“Anyways, I can walk myself the rest of the way. It’s not too far.”

“You’re leaving tomorrow morning? And you’re just telling me now?”

Of all the ways you’d expected him to react, you really hadn’t been prepared at all for this. You’d more-or-less run over the situation in which he got upset and yelled at you, or the situation you feared more — where he tried to convince you not to go, and would be likely to succeed. But right now, he just sounded hurt, and it was the worst feeling in the world. Maybe it was worse than how you’d felt about staying.

But no, it wasn’t.

“I’m sorry,” you said. You knew you didn’t sound sorry. You sounded bothered. You weren’t sure whether you were feeling either of these, or anything at all. You began to walk, unable to look him in the eyes again. “Goodbye.”

“Wait— wait, Y/N, one last hug? Please?”

You smiled to yourself, knowing that if you agreed then you would never be able to leave. So instead, you half-turned and raised a hand to his shoulder.

“Chase your dreams, Tanaka. Maybe even go find that Kiyoko girl again, see if she’s up to being with you. She’d be lucky. I’ll be back some day, but please don’t wait for me.”

This time, you walked faster, afraid he’d say anything more.

“I will,” he called after you. “I’ll wait for you ‘till the day I die, Y/N! Good luck!”

You tilted your head up at the stars, willing the tears spilling from your eyes to disappear. You forced a smile upon your face. This was what you needed. It was. Or, it would be.

His words repeated in your mind. ‘I’ll wait for you. ‘till the day I die.’ He was foolish. Despite four years, he barely knew you. You’d had eighteen years and you didn’t know yourself. So you focused on the sound of a plane passing overhead and prayed that it would be you on a plane in the morning.

You couldn’t get weak now. You’d already said goodbye.

He hadn’t, but that was his loss.

—

If Nishinoya had known anything about what was going on between you and Tanaka Ryuunosuke, he wouldn’t have been half as excited about this trip with you. But he had only known the surface details, best friends with Tanaka and Nishinoya for years. He loved you as a sibling, that much was clear. He was very honest with you. He was very honest in general — very easy to read, similar to Tanaka. Sometimes you wondered how it was that you’d fallen for the latter. Nishinoya was very fun to be around. Encouraging. Safe. He quickly calmed your nerves that morning and despite how tired you were, you could feel the thrill creeping into your blood — hope for a new beginning.

You made yourself forget about the night before. You blocked it from your memory, choosing to chat excitedly with Noya and let him tell you about all his plans. It was comforting to be with someone who seemed not to get too caught up in every doubt but instead focus on every new idea and bit of light. It was comforting to be around someone who wasn’t you and had never really, truly taken the time to get to know you.

You knew that was why Tanaka was the one you’d fallen for.

But it was so tiring to be with someone who cared about you like he did. He cared about you more than you did yourself.

Here you were, the plane landing in Mexico City, and you were thinking about the person you’d left behind.

But not for much longer. Because it didn’t take long for it all to start. For you to get distracted by the things that were happening around you, the colours, the people. It did give you a significant amount of joy to be somewhere you’d never been before, among human beings that were no different than the ones back home but were vastly different at the same time. One shared gaze with Noya confirmed that he was getting the same feeling.

You fell in love with different.

The two of you, eventually joined by a third, traveled and saw the world. It wasn’t luxurious, you’d known it wouldn’t be. Your small fellowship got caught up in many situations that although you would look back and smile at, they were more frightening and disorienting than anything you’d experienced before. Getting split up. Nearly missing flights. A week of shared illness. For the most part, horrible sleeping conditions. By the time it was all drawing to a close, Nishinoya was wanted in not one but two countries.

It was wonderful — and disorienting, and scattering, and different. It was two months of finally no longer being tied to trying to figure out your long term, living in the constantly exciting and stress-inducing moment.

You had more energy than you’d had when you started. You didn’t know where it’d come from or how you could possibly be less exhausted, but somehow it was the most lovely thing in the world to be where nobody knew your name.

Nearing the end of your journey, the final city being Seoul, you met someone.

He spoke Japanese, which was the first thing that made it easy to talk to him. But there seemed to be a lot about him that just made you feel comfortable. He seemed to have an interest in you, too.

Sure, he wasn’t nearly as handsome as Tanaka Ryuunosuke. His sense of humour was a little different than you were used to, and sometimes he made comments you couldn’t quite decipher. He was rather mysterious, you thought — but surely that was because you’d only met him within the week. It was too soon to make any decisions about him — but you didn’t want it to become too late to miss your chance.

You almost thought that your trio would become a quartet.

That word again, almost. You were conscious, often, of ways that you were on the verge of being somewhere with someone, doing something. But it was often that your observation of being almost with someone never came true.

As if you yourself always prevented it.

It was the way that you were comparing this guy with Tanaka. In fact, you’d always been comparing people with Tanaka. He’d become — well, he was everything you were looking for, so of course you were hoping to see elements of him around the world. But none of it was him. You should have stopped looking long ago. Why couldn’t you let go?

Nishinoya’s new companion had become a close friend of yours as well, not a surprise after spending several weeks together. She spoke a bit of Japanese, which had improved a ton after being with two natives. She told you all about her life, which you found incredibly fascinating — and in turn, you told her about yours.

She was the one that pointed out how often you spoke of “this Tanaka Ryuunoseka” and asked you whether he was your significant other.

“Almost,” you replied.

You’d been thinking about him absentmindedly the whole trip. He’d never left your mind, not even for a moment. In fact, the days you weren’t sure whether you’d get to ever go home were the days you wanted to see him the most desperately, to give him that hug he’d asked for. You saw many beautiful things and you always just wanted to take a picture to show him. You didn’t almost miss him.

Every part of you missed him. Every part of you wanted to be with the one person you trusted more than yourself — the person that loved you for exactly who you were, not just the outside reflection, not just the spur-of-the-moment version of yourself, not just the wanderlusting person now overflowing with youth. He’d loved you even at your worst moments.

You were here, closer than you’d been to him for weeks and yet still so, so far away.

But now you didn’t desire to get away.

You wanted so badly to be in his arms and tell him about everything that you couldn’t wait a second more.

“I want to go back,” you told Nishinoya. “I’ll get a job. I’ll pay you back for all of those times.”

“Aw, Y/N. No worries. Let’s get you a flight.”

The soonest (and cheapest flight). You didn’t even call Tanaka to say that you were coming home. You didn’t think of anything but being back. You cried on the plane, for many reasons, of course, but the most prominent thought in your mind was that you could barely wait any longer but the ride was so long — how much longer?

The plane landed and as you went looking for your luggage (which was much smaller than it had been) you decided. You’d tell him about everything, about the food and the colours and the people and even the guy in Korea. You’d tell him about Nishinoya’s foreigner girlfriend, and all the horrible days and all the beautiful ones. You’d tell him how much you missed him, how it hurt to even think about how you’d left things. You’d tell him how badly you were ready to be with him again. How happy you were to be going home.

You’d tell him how incredibly much you loved and needed him, now.

Your luggage, looking just that much more pathetic as it inched down the conveyor belt, made you wonder. You picked it up, looking at it.

Maybe you’d changed too much. Or maybe he hadn’t waited at all. Maybe he’d really gone and found Kiyoko again — your heart was hardening already. Why hadn’t you—? But there were too many things you regretted. And yet nothing at all at the same time.

You would have to see him. No matter what, you’d have to see him.

You saw him.

He was right there. You were sure you were hallucinating at first, but he was there in the waiting area, pacing, clearly anxious. You’d just walked through the door. You were here, you were in Japan again. But you didn’t have time to marvel at any of it, because he was right there and you were right here and you were in the same room again and your mind was screaming as his eyes widened. You loved his eyes, you thought, as you ran towards his open arms. You loved his arms, and how strong and unhesitant they were as they pulled you close. You loved his voice as he said, “I missed you so much.”

“Hi,” you replied, burying your face in his chest. And you wouldn’t wait a second more. “Hi, Ryuunosuke. I love you. I love you, I love you.”

He buried his face in your neck, laughing. “I can’t believe you’re— and you’re—”

You laughed too, gripping the fabric of his shirt. “I’m here. I missed you too. I love you.”

“I love you too. I love you.” He kissed your lips over and over, too excited to hesitate. “Are you okay? Did you have fun?”

“Yes, I’m — mmh—” He cut you off, kissing you deeply, and pulled away in the biggest smile. You could feel your entire chest swelling. “I’m happy. I’m so happy.”

“Me too. It’s — so good to see you.”

You smiled at each other, and it was okay. Everything was so okay.

“I told you I’d wait for you,” he said after a pause, his hand cupping your cheek. “I thought you might not come back, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“I — I couldn’t stop thinking about you either. Every day, Ryuu. Every day, when I saw the sunrise or the moon or flew in a plane or saw a new face I thought about you and wondered.”

“You never called.”

“Did I have to?”

He shook his head. “No. I — I knew.”

“But how did you know? I mean— that I was here?”

“Oh. Noya told me.”

“You’ve been keeping in contact with him?”

“Only a little. I had to know how you were doing. I can’t believe you guys got malaria. Let me tell you, I barely slept that week.”

You smiled. “Yeah, we had to give up going to Spain to recover. It’s okay now. Everything is okay. Ryuu.” You wrapped your hands around his neck and pulled his face to yours again. It was so good to be near him. “I’ve never been this happy in my life. Because of the trip, yeah, but — you make me so happy.”

“You have to tell me everything,” he said. “And — what happened to your suitcase? Is that blood?”

You pursed your lips. “Yep. I’ll explain everything that happened later. And you will too. You really waited for me?”

His eyes fell back into yours. He seemed just as happy as you were. “Of course I did. And if I have to, I’ll keep on. ‘Till the day I die.”

an: idk i just. i sat down and my fingers FLEW and thank you 1000000 times to @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner for the idea for the end that made me want to write this. i love u ellie <3

also i love tanaka <3 a lot <3 have i mentioned that?