#physically ill

daily reminder that lee heran is the only yearner ever.

this maniac composed fate at her grandparents' house in the middle of the damn night. sitting at that piano, detached from reality, belift crumbling beneath the group's feet, feeling utterly hopeless because she lost so much that year—including herself.

all she had left was the feeling of the keys under her fingers. that heavy, gut-wrenching nostalgia. that stupid, painful yearning. that deep-rooted devotion sitting behind her ribs like if she didn’t turn it into sound it would cave her in!

and when it was time for the fate+ tour, and they performed fate she was fighting back tears! why??? because she was overwhelmed. because for the first time in a year she and jungwon properly looked at each other.

why?? because at the end of the song all the boys are on their knees facing the crowd while heran is standing in center. and jungwon?? HE'S THE ONLY MEMBER FACING HER!!! ON HIS FUCKING KNEES!!!

so DON'T you even start with me ❌️

when silco and vander were close (found brothers, brothers in arms, lovers, whatever you want), even though silco didn’t let his emotions take hold of him often, he would occasionally have night terrors. whether it be about his parents, the mines, some kind of revolution, etc. and every time he had one, vander would help him through it, would practice some kind of breathing exercise, and silco would calm down.

after the river, silco often had nightmares, waking up in a pool of sweat that only furthered the dream of drowning. when he awoke from those, he was gasping for air since he had been choked in his nightmare so he needed something to help calm him down. and even though vander wasn’t there anymore, and he couldn’t go to him for help, nor did he want to, the one thing that stuck with him was the breathing exercise.

my body: well shit we gotta fuckin’ self destruct now